Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Go for a run or do yoga to alleviate your anxiety. Under no circumstances should you text him, call him or god forbid send another apology. Leave him ALONE.. It's Saturday night, do you have friends? Call one of them. Go out and try to stop thinking/obsessing about it. Don't drink! It will weaken you tempting you to contact him. Don't do it!!!!! I went for a run earlier and hung out with a friend too. Of course I have friends lol, unfortunately my closest friends are working in the morning or at the lake, so it's a night in for me. I can't help but think about it, but I won't contact him. I should've given things more time before responding to him the night I went to see him, note to self: always, always, ALWAYS think before speaking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Go for a run or do yoga to alleviate your anxiety. Under no circumstances should you text him, call him or god forbid send another apology. Leave him ALONE.. It's Saturday night, do you have friends? Call one of them. Go out and try to stop thinking/obsessing about it. Don't drink! It will weaken you tempting you to contact him. Don't do it!!!!! I haven't said anything, but it's still silence from him since Thursday night around 10pm. We've never gone more than two days without contact, it's driving me nuts. Of course I'm thinking the worst possible stuff right now... Isn't prolonged no-contact going to make things worse? If this goes on much longer I'm going to start resenting him. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I'd consider myself broken up at that point and start moving on. This much game-playing in a relationship does not bode well. OP, why would you want to continue with someone that does this sort of thing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 "Okay so the guy I'm dating pursued me for over a year" He knows how to contact you and apparently isn't shy about pursuit so IMO leave it be. Sure, you can resent him if you want. Free will. Up to you. Things work out or they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 I'd consider myself broken up at that point and start moving on. This much game-playing in a relationship does not bode well. OP, why would you want to continue with someone that does this sort of thing? Yeah I'm not sure if I should consider myself broken up with or not. There typically isn't any game playing in this relationship, we usually talk all day everyday and have a lot of fun, but these last few days have not been fun per se. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 "Okay so the guy I'm dating pursued me for over a year" He knows how to contact you and apparently isn't shy about pursuit so IMO leave it be. Sure, you can resent him if you want. Free will. Up to you. Things work out or they don't. Oh yes he knows how to get ahold of me. I don't know what exactly is going through his head but clearly he's mad/wanting space and I'm giving him the space. He has to know this doesn't make me feel very good though yet he isn't concerned with that or he'd be texting, and that bothers me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I'd consider myself broken up at that point and start moving on. This much game-playing in a relationship does not bode well. OP, why would you want to continue with someone that does this sort of thing? If it were a short term relationship yes but they've been dating for months. When in a relationship for a while you expect some security out of it meaning you know deep down your boyfriend-girlfriend isn't gonna go sleep around just cause you had a fight and you haven't talked in a few days. I agree it's a poor treatment but I disagree to just up and leave the relationship without a word. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I haven't said anything, but it's still silence from him since Thursday night around 10pm. We've never gone more than two days without contact, it's driving me nuts. Of course I'm thinking the worst possible stuff right now... Isn't prolonged no-contact going to make things worse? If this goes on much longer I'm going to start resenting him. Thursday night to now is only 2,5 days now. No reason to panic yet. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 "Cool down time" is a few hours to a day, tops. And yes, there's nothing wrong with telling your significant other you need a little time-out to process your feelings but will be ready to talk soon. That doesn't seem to be what the OP is describing and I strongly disagree with everyone telling her this is normal and/or reasonable. It's not. If he ignores you for three days then it's either not a serious relationship or he has the coping skills of a child. This is no catch, OP. Throw him back. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Oh yes he knows how to get ahold of me. I don't know what exactly is going through his head but clearly he's mad/wanting space and I'm giving him the space. He has to know this doesn't make me feel very good though yet he isn't concerned with that or he'd be texting, and that bothers me too. GreenEyes, agree with Lana. For me, it's two days TOPS, and I'm lenient about that stuff! how long have you been dating him? If it's around three months, then OMG, not another guy pulling the fade after three months consistent dating. There have been at least 3-4 other threads created recently about boyfriends fading around the three month mark. Fingers crossed that's NOT what he's doing too!!!!! Jeez. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 If it were a short term relationship yes but they've been dating for months. When in a relationship for a while you expect some security out of it meaning you know deep down your boyfriend-girlfriend isn't gonna go sleep around just cause you had a fight and you haven't talked in a few days. I agree it's a poor treatment but I disagree to just up and leave the relationship without a word. Yeah, I do feel secure in things still and although I disagree with his way of handling his emotions or whatever I know he'll reappear. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I know he'll reappear. Then the question is Why Do You Want This? If this is the way he handles conflict, this sort of disappearing act will be a recurring act on his part and is this an acceptable thing for you? Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who treats me this way... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Yeah, I do feel secure in things still and although I disagree with his way of handling his emotions or whatever I know he'll reappear. Sweetie, it's been three days including the weekend, this is not him "caving" dealing with emotions. I'm sorry. Something is up, and probably has been for awhile. His annoyance with you on Thursday was a cumulation of negative feelings brewing for awhile IMO. You said he chased you for a year? Who does that? A guy who enjoys THE CHASE. Now that he's got you ...after the initial excitement of *winning* you, perhaps things changed for him. And he doesn't find you quite as intriguing as he did when he was chasing you and you were a challenge. That's the risk you take when you get involved with men who thrive on the chase. I hope I am wrong, but that is what it sounds like to me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 GreenEyes, agree with Lana. For me, it's two days TOPS, and I'm lenient about that stuff! how long have you been dating him? If it's around three months, then OMG, not another guy pulling the fade after three months consistent dating. There have been at least 3-4 other threads created recently about boyfriends fading around the three month mark. Fingers crossed that's NOT what he's doing too!!!!! Jeez. I've known him over a year, but we've been dating since around March or so. After Valentine's Day but there was no real "defining day". It's gone well aside from this. As I said in an earlier post there was a death in his family in June/July where he went MIA for two days, then popped back up like nothing happened. We talked and I told him that he needs to communicate better and he has done that up until Thursday. This shouldn't have turned into such a big ordeal. I showed up at a bad time, he took his anger out on me, snarky remarks were exchanged, and now he's MIA. There's nothing I can really do aside from wait it out and see what happens but for him to be so "mad" or need 2.5+ days of space seems silly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Sweetie, it's been three days including the weekend, this is not him "caving" dealing with emotions. I'm sorry. Something is up, and probably has been for awhile. His annoyance with you on Thursday was a cumulation of negative feelings brewing for awhile IMO. You said he chased you for a year? Who does that? A guy who enjoys THE CHASE. Now that he's got you ...after the initial excitement of *winning* you, perhaps things changed for him. And he doesn't find you quite as intriguing as he did when he was chasing you and you were a challenge. That's the risk you take when you get involved with men who thrive on the chase. I hope I am wrong, but that is what it sounds like to me.... I've thought about this, but things haven't indicated any negativity brewing. He's always texting me bright and early in the morning, making time for me even though he's busy and has had his sister/her kids in town from out of state, and is playful and whatnot so it just doesn't make sense. Just this past week he was specifying how good I am to him and talking about how he's so glad I'm "his". It just doesn't add up for him to be THIS "mad" or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thursday night to now is only 2,5 days now. No reason to panic yet. You don't think 2.5 days is too soon to get anxious? I'm trying not to, but I don't know... I'm a bit shocked that Thursday's events escalated like this. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I've known him over a year, but we've been dating since around March or so. After Valentine's Day but there was no real "defining day". It's gone well aside from this. As I said in an earlier post there was a death in his family in June/July where he went MIA for two days, then popped back up like nothing happened. We talked and I told him that he needs to communicate better and he has done that up until Thursday. This shouldn't have turned into such a big ordeal. I showed up at a bad time, he took his anger out on me, snarky remarks were exchanged, and now he's MIA. There's nothing I can really do aside from wait it out and see what happens ***but for him to be so "mad" or need 2.5+ days of space seems silly***. That's precisely my point (and others). There is more to him disappearing than him simply being mad because you showed up at his work. I think you should start emotionally preparing yourself for the possibility he may be fading. Jmo. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I've thought about this, but things haven't indicated any negativity brewing. He's always texting me bright and early in the morning, making time for me even though he's busy and has had his sister/her kids in town from out of state, and is playful and whatnot so it just doesn't make sense. Just this past week he was specifying how good I am to him and talking about how he's so glad I'm "his". It just doesn't add up for him to be THIS "mad" or whatever. Okay hon, I hope you're right and I'm wrong. But if he is fading, it would not be the first time a man faded suddenly, without warning, when everything seemed to be going so well. I hope I am wrong!!!! Pls keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 That's precisely my point (and others). There is more to him disappearing than him simply being mad because you showed up at his work. I think you should start emotionally preparing yourself for the possibility he may be fading. Jmo. Yeah there has to be more, I just wish I knew what was up. Trust me I am definitely preparing myself for the possibility of him fading or whatever, but based on his past behavior I think he'll pop up again and act as if nothing happened and that'll be up to me to decide how to handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyes1005 Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Okay hon, I hope you're right and I'm wrong. But if he is fading, it would not be the first time a man faded suddenly, without warning, when everything seemed to be going so well. I hope I am wrong!!!! Pls keep us posted. I hope you're wrong too lol. But then again, if this is simply how he handles stress or conflict then I'm not so sure I want to continue dating him ya know? The longer he's MIA the more time I'm given to think about all of this and that won't work in his favor. And if he never pops up again this wouldn't even be a fade lol, it'd just be a disappearing act. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I think he told himself he was gonna devote his weekend to his family on visit and let things cool before talking to you again. I expect him to contact you tonight or tomorrow. From there you have to discuss how conflicts between you 2 should be solved. If he needs time out than he needs to say so and not let you guess what is going on. If you don't hear from him by tomorrow night then call him and give him the dreaded 'we need to talk'. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 it's his business when he contacts you. Some men do this, disappear, to test the craziness level of their date. Really, do not contact him. Not at all. If he's doing the fade, good on him. Really, that dude did not chase you for one year to do the fade. Be strong, keep you nerves under control and relax. He'll call when he'll call, ok ? And if you're smart, you're not gonna have a fit, either, ok? You're gonna be calm and casual and listen to what he has to say. Then leave and take your time. Just absolutely do NOT act like a crazy person, do not give him a call and do not tell bully him into talking to you. You catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar, ok ?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 You catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar, ok ?!? I would not serve honey to a man that ignored me for days. He'd get a good dosage of tabasco. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I would not serve honey to a man that ignored me for days. He'd get a good dosage of tabasco. obviously, my dear ! But there are other ways of serving it than by trying to aggressively trying to shove it down his throat . OP, don't tie your knickers in a knot just yet. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Keep your cool and add another layer of lipstick. That motherf*cker will make contact one way or another and you need to be ready. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Okay so the guy I'm dating pursued me for over a year and I finally woke up, and now we've been dating several months. We don't fight often at all, but there (of course) are days when one or both of us are in bad moods, and through communication he has gotten better about telling me what's on his mind and I've gotten better about showing him more appreciation. Things have been really good... He's been very stressed lately with work and family stuff, but I've tried my best to cheer him up here and there. On Thursday night he was working late, and since I was meeting up with friends for dinner near his work, I went by to say hello. I have done that before and generally he looks at my impromptu visits as a little break from work craziness. This time however, he was pissy, told me he was swamped with work and I left feeling like crap. He texted me a couple hours later to say that in case I hadn't figured it out, surprise visits when he's super busy or in a bad mood don't always work well. I said I'd noticed and not to worry because I wouldn't be doing that again anytime soon, and told him that make me feel like crap. He then texted back to say I also smelled like smoke (I recently quit smoking but have been around friends who do... He hates smoking). I told him I wasn't smoking again, told him thanks for making me feel like crap, and said goodnight. Yesterday I left him alone all day, but before going to a baseball game with friends I put a card under his windshield wiper basically saying sorry for my poorly timed surprise visit, and that I hope he had a better day. I haven't heard a word from him since Thursday night. I don't think I did anything wrong here, so why am I feeling like I'm being shut out? He has gone MIA for a couple days once before, but that hasn't happened in a long time. Is he feeling guilty for taking his bad mood out on me or something or does he just want space? I don't get it. Any advice would be appreciated!! He's a jerk. Sorry to be blunt. Wouldn't waste any more energy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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