beach Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 The guy has his own style... And he is only offering you what he warned you about... No expectations. I give him that - he offers nothing. He probably thought you were ok with that. Since you're not, and you do expect a real date, then just tell him your expectations are different than his... Which is true. Then don't waste anymore time on mr no date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Quote in asterisk... Well then you should not have contacted him again in the first place, let alone made a date with him. What's the deal with that? do I need to be invested in a man to contact him and get on a date? You make no sense. You get what you give! You don't give two shyts about any of these guys, including the one who stood you up last night. So why do you expect *them* to give two shyts about you? That's all I do give give give. I am talking about this guy HERE, I spent too little time with him to connect so yes I don't give shyt about him. The guy who stood me up last night is an entire different story!! I repeated many times in the other thread I liked him, I grew into him, and I wished he was not the @ss he is SO WHY do you put them in the same basket? I gave too much shyt about last night man that I waited up till midnight like an idiot for him, so don't tell me I don't give of myself !! Come on Gaeta. Grow up you are 49 years old not some teenager. STOP referring to my age !!! You only do that to be nasty and it hurts my feelings. You know I am sensitive about my age and you keep on digging your finger in that sensitive spot. STOP !! Exercise some discretion here. Wait for that guy you feel a real mutual connection with What to you think I have been doing ??? I need at least 3 dates to feel a connection with someone!! I am not Leigh to fall in love-connection after 1 date! (sorry leigh I meant no disrespect) Love yourself, respect yourself and don't settle for men you don't give a crap about and who don't give a crap about you. They will use you for sex. Don't allow it. Value yourself!. Settle?? when did I settle??? I don't have time to settle!!! nothing ever last past 3-4 dates how can I settle???? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) Sorry you took offense to my post...... you are the one who makes reference to your age, quite often in fact. I am only reiterating to make a point. In any event, unfortunately and obviously, despite ALL our advice, Versacehottie's especially, you still just don't get it. Sad. I don't know what to tell you anymore. So yes okay I will STOP responding. Good luck. Edited July 23, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 In any event, unfortunately and obviously, despite ALL our advice, Versacehottie's especially, you still just don't get it. Sad. Let Versacehottie speak for herself. I doubt she feels I don't get her because I do and I have followed everyone of her advice on this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I am not invested in that guy, I don't care if he disappears this instant. I am fed up, bitter and out of patience with my dating life. I am tired of being seen as a vagina on 2 legs and nothing more. Then end it with this guy. Don’t be passive. Just text, “It’s been nice meeting you but I don’t think we’re a good match. Good luck.” Done. Ignore and delete all communications from him after that. You seem like such a sweet person but I think you’re causing much of your frustration and upset because you don’t decide and then politely and firmly speak up. So you end up in entanglements (not relationships) with cat and mouse, push and pull dynamics as you get more upset and fed up. For instance, if you’d responded to his late-night offer with “It’s been nice meeting you, but I don’t think we’re a good match, good luck” none of this power-struggle thinking would have happened: I think he needs to be told exactly where he's failing. Now he knows to be ahead of time and I won't get out of my way for a late night date on a week day. I think I am going to ignore his last comment about a kiss before bed. Notice how he brushed off my suggestion of organizing a real date ahead of time and he just stick to what he wants out of me today. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 OK oufff ! I told him it was too last minute and too limited in time. I have free time coming up in the next few days to plan an outing ahead of time if he wishes. He replied: Ok but I really would like to kiss you before going to bed tonight. My blood pressure is rising. Ewww.... I'd be turned off and wouldn't at ALL be bothered with this guy. Practice over. I'd let this one go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Oh dear! This guy really is pushing his luck! My plan would have been not to accept any date that wasn't suggested beyond midnight last night - whether or not I had replied (and if I am out I don't reply to texts and would have replied in the morning. However, a last minute drive by type request followed up by the 'kiss you before going to bed' . It wasn't kiss you before I go home so he was edging his bets by just saying 'before going to bed' location of bed unspecified. I wouldn't respond to that and wouldn't respond to him again from here on in. I wouldn't say anything to him about what he is doing and just go radio silent permanently. I don't accept a date with less than 24 hours notice with someone I am not seeing on a serious basis (it can be a lot more spontaneous when you're in a relationship). I also ask a new date to just whizz me a quick text a few hours before the date so we know we're still on and I say 'the last tjing I'd want is to get all spruced up, arrive at the venue and you were stuck in a meeting and unable to come out' and I say it with a smile and a laugh. I've never been stood up by anyone. I have had the odd one or two not send me that 'checking we're on text' so if I don't get it I do something else that night. I have never once had a text or call or any kind of follow up from a guy asking where I was. Not once. It's pretty obvious to me that I could have turned up and they would have stood me up. I also make a point to ask them to send that text so the ball is with them and they know what they have to do. If I don't hear from them I do not text them or contact them in any way I just leave it be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Let Versacehottie speak for herself. I doubt she feels I don't get her because I do and I have followed everyone of her advice on this thread. Not really. You're getting worked up, you're not telling him what she says you should, you've giving this guy more and more rope... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 I did exactly as she suggested. * I did not remind him to tell me about his free time yesterday when he was suppose to get back to me. * When he invited me out this morning I declined I may not have used her word for word but the message is the same. I can't always wait for you guys to get online and dictate word for word what I should say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Not really. You're getting worked up, you're not telling him what she says you should, you've giving this guy more and more rope... Gaeta has been following advice - she had a new situation and treated it the best way she knew. New boundary setting and changing how you react and behave can take a bit of practice and each and every interaction is different. Hey Gaeta, you're doing OK..it's just a mindset change and wording - wording can be really important - which is why if ever you get a text which rubs you the wrong way, wait and think first. In fact re-read any text that is not just a 'I'll be there in five' It's one of the reasons I read back mail and text exchanges - to learn whether I missed a trick or a test at some point. Also, it becomes a habit to set boundaries and think before replying - you will get the habit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Thank you all for your time and patience. It's time to stop this thread as I am getting repeated hurtful nasty private messages from one poster. See you guys around the forum. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 As an aside - guys, this is a textbook example of how not to woo a woman. If he had pulled the following he might have gotten somewhere: Dude: Hey you! I just got out of seminar and for some reason can't stop thinking of you. Something in the seminar totally reminded me of something you said. You sure you can't make time for me tonight? Not even for a cocktail? I'll drive your way... Gaeta: Ugh. It is late on a school night. But I'm free on Tuesday night. Dude: Done! Absolutely - next Tuesday it is. You sure I can't tempt you? Tuesday is just so far away... I wanted to hear about [that thing you talked about at our last date]. I love how your eyes light up when you get passionate about something. It is really cool. Gaeta: I dunno... it is late. Just a single cocktail? Dude: Absolutely. Let me buy you a glass of wine and we can devise our plan of attack for next Tuesday. Just name the place and I'll be there in 20. Gaeta: You are persistent aren't you. Ok, I'll meet you at Luigi's on 34th and Elm at 8:30pm. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Thank you all for your time and patience. It's time to stop this thread as I am getting repeated hurtful nasty private messages from one poster. See you guys around the forum. Not meant to be hurtful or nasty Gaeta, sorry to hear you interpret them that way. Just the truth as I see it. Tough love as they say. My mom gave me the same tough love. I listened and it helped me tremendously! Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Thank you all for your time and patience. It's time to stop this thread as I am getting repeated hurtful nasty private messages from one poster. Wow, why?? That's not cool. You can add them to your ignore list. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Not meant to be hurtful or nasty Gaeta, sorry to hear you interpret them that way. Just the truth as I see it. Tough love as they say. My mom gave me the same tough love. I listened and it helped me tremendously! She's getting there now. And, this is what happens when there's a break through coming, there is resistance and hurt feelings for a little bit when the light is flickering and then the bulb comes on 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) Wow, why?? That's not cool. You can add them to your ignore list. Rose, they were from me and I will own them. One short one which was in no way nasty, even wished her the best at the end ..... and the second in response to hers back to me, which was blunt and somewhat harsh, but certainly not nasty. Or meant to be. She is free to block me. Edited July 23, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Moderation chiming in here to advise members that 'tough love' is bound by our guidelines of interaction and, if a member is getting responses, either on-forum or via private message that they feel are abusive, we want to know about that. What members do away from LoveShack.org is their business but, here, it's our business and members are bound by their user agreement to post within our guidelines or be excluded from membership. I hope that is unambiguous enough. Since the member has indicated they wish to stop this thread, I'll close this up. Thanks for your participation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Rose, they were from me and I will own them. One short one which was in no way nasty, even wished her the best at the end and the second in response to hers back .... to me, which was blunt and somewhat harsh, but certainly not nasty. Or meant to be. She is free to block me. As an outsider I think perhaps a mail was too far a step. Respectfully to you you quit the thread and it should have been left there. There was no need to mail. As it is Gaeta can request her thread be closed if she wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 As an outsider I think perhaps a mail was too far a step. Respectfully to you you quit the thread and it should have been left there. There was no need to mail. As it is Gaeta can request her thread be closed if she wishes. Yes I realize that now, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Heh, got sidetracked and forgot to hit the 'close' button. Sorry about that! I'll leave the subsequent posts alone for future review. Link to post Share on other sites
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