Ladies, this is how you write a bad dating profile.

[BluEyeL]

No you are right sending a rude message back certainly does not indicate interest.

 

But the OP did not send a rude response back....he took the time to craft a thoughtful and articulate response.

 

And I did NOT say he was *interested*.....I said her profile must have "intrigued" him.....two different things.

 

Not to mention, he continued communicating with her!!!! Which "does* indicate interest.

 

Anyhoo, it's been great chatting but gotta run....off to work.

 

Ciao!

Perhaps she's attractive enough. That usually weighs in more than the text. I know you have a long term boyfriend but I don't know if you ever did OLD for any significant amount of time. People look at pictures. IF and only IF they see you are attractive enough, they'll read the profile and then they'll decide to message you or not.I'm thinking OP said "too bad, she seems pretty/nice, it's a shame she has such a bad profile". And tried to help her. But he was attracted to her picture first.

 

I do agree with you though that it's good to stand out from the crowd, you just have to do it in a much better way than that. I did have dramatically better results with a more personalized profile than with a more generic one indeed.

 

Now, it would be interesting to have an experiment and see if one of us had such a profile like that woman, what would the results be say, over 6 months. I venture to say that, despite connecting with the OP, she didn't have very good results since she did change her profile at OPs suggestion. If she did have great results she would have continued that road. I also think that probably OP sent her the critique and BECAUSE she responded to him in a way that shows that she is actually nice and flexible and took the feedback without reacting rudely. I think this may be why he continued to connect with her, i.e. because of her POSITIVE attitdue, so despite her profile. But we can of course hear from him on that.

 

Again, this type of profile is not original, not just women have this type and I think it's not a good strategy in general, while standing out in a positive way is best, compared to being generic.

[Keenly]

Some guys get female attention by being sexist and misogynistic. Does that mean it's a good route for successfully getting their attention?

 

 

If I kick a basketball enough times, I might be able to get it into the basket.

 

 

This girl put up a negative profile, and the OP messaged her. Does that mean it's really a good way to go about it? I don't think so.

 

You can find a way to stand out without coming across as abrasive.

[Woggle]

I am glad when people show their true colors. It's the women who put up a false image then when you meet them you have all these nasty surprised that dating men should be worried about. Let the men with a masochistic streak message her and just click next. That is what I would do if I were single.

[katiegrl]

Some guys get female attention by being sexist and misogynistic. Does that mean it's a good route for successfully getting their attention?

 

 

If I kick a basketball enough times, I might be able to get it into the basket.

 

This girl put up a negative profile, and the OP messaged her. Does that mean it's really a good way to go about it? I don't think so.

 

You can find a way to stand out without coming across as abrasive.

 

Well maybe we should ask the OP? Would he have taken the time and energy to craft such a thoughtful response back had her profile been ANY DIFFERENT from what it was originally?

 

I dunno perhaps he would have.... perhaps not.

 

If he did, they're communique certainly would not have garnered the same dynamic though.

 

And the bottom line is.... his responding back resulted in their developing a communication....to the point that he got to know her and thinks she a very nice and cool lady.

 

Which may have been her point for posting it...

 

BluE, no doubt your profile would NOT have been anything close to hers...because it's NOT who YOU are.

 

And you would have received responses based on your profile...based on who YOU are.

 

This woman posted a profile based on who SHE is. Which resulted in men, like the OP, taking the time to respond (okay critiquing her but responding nevertheless)....which resulted in him continuing to communicate with her and get to know her, and LIKING HER....and vice versa.

 

Isn't that the point?

 

Okie, back to work...

[elaine567]

I think most people who do OLD with a sincere desire for a LTR aren't looking for more responses but for better responses.

 

Exactly, and whether 99.9% of the male population is turned off, angry, annoyed, offended etc. then so be it.

It is the 0.1% attracted that are important.

 

If a woman is fascinated by slugs, then the 99.9% of guys, whose only interest in slugs is putting down slug pellets, are not the guys she wants to talk to and hang about with. She wants to find the one guy whose interest in slugs matches hers.

 

That is what is so phenomenal about the potential power of OLD, reaching out to people we would never have had the opportunity to meet IRL.

But so many see it merely as an opportunity to amass huge numbers of responses, by posting non-offensive, bland and populist profiles.

 

Huge numbers that are difficult to manage and sort out effectively.

[BluEyeL]

Well, yes, the OP emailed her because she was pretty and then she wasn't negative in her response, otherwise, if she responded "sarcastically", he wouldn't have continued.

 

And my point is, if she was so successful with that profile, she wouldn't have taken it down.

 

And I don't think that's who she is, because she comes across as abrasive, insecure, and just not very smart. Only the piece that says "i have two masters degrees.." is a reason to not contact her. She is not funny at all either!! Just not funny.

[katiegrl]

Well, yes, the OP emailed her because she was pretty and then she wasn't negative in her response, otherwise, if she responded "sarcastically", he wouldn't have continued.

 

And my point is, if she was so successful with that profile, she wouldn't have taken it down.

 

And I don't think that's who she is, because she comes across as abrasive, insecure, and just not very smart. Only the piece that says "i have two masters degrees.." is a reason to not contact her. She is not funny at all either!! Just not funny.

 

Fair enough....except I found it hilarious and so did my boyfriend.... as we enjoy good banter and sarcasm, and "got it."

 

However, I agree not everyone will..... to each his own, and there is someone for everyone.

 

As I said before, one man's trash is another man's treasure....it's all very subjective.

 

Good point though about if the profile had been successful, she would not have changed it.... UNLESS she was extremely attracted to the OP and changed it for HIM.

 

Which is possible. I mean, they are still communicating so that says something ... not to mention she even referenced his thoughtful response back to her in her updated profile.

Edited July 7, 2015 by katiegrl

[jay1983]

You are missing the point.

 

It's not like the woman came here and said, I've put up my profiie and no one is messaging me, what am I doing wrong? Or, Where are all the good guys? Or some variation on those themes.

 

Instead, someone else from the same site stumbled on her profile and decided to post it here as an example of an ineffective profile. But we have no way of judging whether it is effective or ineffective because we have no way of knowing what the woman's inbox looks like. Or, even more important, whether she's met someone with whom she clicks.

 

It's pretty telling that the majority of people opposed to her profile are giving suggestions for ways to attract more responses. I think most people who do OLD with a sincere desire for a LTR aren't looking for more responses but for better responses. And, for all we know, that's exactly what she's getting. Or not.

 

We don't care. He found it, he posted, so what?

 

and the only thing funny was all these women's reaction.

[smackie9]

Exactly...and apparently her "bitter" and "negative" profile resulted in the OP responding (even if it was under the guise of criticism) and continuing to respond....to the point that NOW he thinks she a very nice and cool lady!

 

 

So there ya go.....

Yes but it wasn't because he saw something that was appealing to him or attracted him because of compatibility.

[katiegrl]

Yes but it wasn't because he saw something that was appealing to him or attracted him because of compatibility.

 

 

Who knows...maybe it was (on a subconscious level)....but he just wasn't aware of it.

 

I dunno....something must've have "intrigued" him enough to spend time and energy crafting his thoughtful response....because human nature is such that you just would NOT spend the time doing that...if you were completely turned off and NOT at least a little intrigued.

 

BUT even if he wasn't initially attracted, "something" about it caused him to respond....and NOW that he's gotten to know her, he likes her.

 

So who cares if he wasn't initially attracted.... her profile (as offensive and negative as he thought it was) got him to respond and get to know her....which again is precisely the point of her posting it in the first place.

 

As I said, had her profile been bland like it is now..... chances are he would NOT have responded...and thus would NOT have had the chance to get to know her.

 

Sort of like reverse psychology....

Edited July 7, 2015 by katiegrl

[Keenly]

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overthinking it.

[wb1988]

Just because a person seems like a bitch/******* at first doesn't mean that they really are, it could just be a defence mechanism or their natural behaviour towards acquaintances.

 

If a girl has a really negative profile it's probably because of all the bad replies she's got. Most people know that you need to keep your head high no matter what you get (i.e. keep your profile positive despite the creeps) but some prefer to have a profile that reflects their current emotional mood.

 

I hate the "don't judge me" trend, but judging too soon is a bad thing.

[toscaroscura]

The point isn't whether her profile was negative or sarcastic and whether men would like it or not. I don't begrudge anyone's opinions about her.

 

My beef was that this woman did not ASK for "help".

 

I certainly agree that, if she had come here saying, "Hey, I'm having terrible luck, what am I doing wrong?" that the guys here could help her with their opinions. She could take all of our opinions on the matter and weigh them to figure out what might work for her.

 

It has nothing to do with me being a woman defending another woman no matter what. It was the unsolicited nature of the advice. The sense of arrogance or entitlement that some people must have to just horn in on someone's profile unbidden and meddle with it. We have no idea whether she was having luck dating or not. Now, we have no idea if this "new and improved" profile is actually going to get her men who would be compatible with her.

 

She's a prickly lady, and I feel like now it's only going to delay the inevitable when a man takes her out only to balk later at her real personality, when he could have known up front what she was all about.

 

And I think that's a possible shame.

[LookAtThisPOst]

We don't care. He found it, he posted, so what?

 

and the only thing funny was all these women's reaction.

 

That's because some of said women don't see it as coming off as bitter, bitter and/or ranting in a profile. They are actually part of the problem when it comes to online dating. This is probably why you see a lot of men coming on her to this board talking about how they've seen tons of emails out, only to not receive a response. And the emails they are sending aren't "Hey" or "Hi" or "Hey Sexy"....these are fully well put together emails, articulate in fashion.

 

I recall one woman she kept going on and on about online pals catfishing her, misrepresenting themselves, wanting to sleep with her on the first date and lecturing "How a man should date the right way." and then some IN her profile.

 

Funny, I kind of knew this woman from Meetup few years ago and now OK Cupid. I didn't let her rants affect me initially as I kind of already knew her from Meetup...but without having gotten a response from her trying to prove "I'm not like the others." I felt less sorry for her.

 

What was even more funny was the fact she'd preface a NEWLY updated "Blog" in her profile. (Yes, she was treating her "About Me" section as a Blog with the words *Update*)

 

Lastly she had a recent entry , "*Newer update** - and continued to rant even more about her misfortune at online dating and saying she'll be not signing into the site anymore.

 

 

Women I've met in Meetup would actually admit to not really intending on meeting men in person as they were too nervous to do so or were doing it to make them feel better about themselves.

[guest569]

When i see long rants in a profile "me, me, me, look how opinionated i am" i guess i dont find the person very approachable.

[LookAtThisPOst]

When i see long rants in a profile "me, me, me, look how opinionated i am" i guess i dont find the person very approachable.

 

Yeah, they are pretty much shooting themselves in the foot and not even realize it.

 

Funny, if a man had a dating profile like that, people would say, "He's being negative."

 

If a woman has a dating profile like that, judging from the responses made here, it's "She's stating what she wants and won't settle....you GO girl!" *Snap fingers*

[katiegrl]

I wish the OP would return and update.

 

Hell, he is probably dating her now, and feels like crap for ever starting this thread in the first place .......

[Popsicle]

The OP complained but still messaged her. Do all men who complain about this/say they don't like it, still message the woman anyway?

[katiegrl]

The OP complained but still messaged her. Do all men who complain about this/say they don't like it, still message the woman anyway?

 

Well....apparently he messaged her, critiquing her profile, under the guise of wanting to "help" her. You know the *savior* type.

 

Obviously she liked this and did, in fact, change her profile, even referring to him in her updated profile!

 

They continued communicating and he even admitted to being wrong about her...that she is actually very nice and NOT bitter.

 

Moral of the story.....don't judge a book by its cover.

 

Yeah....would not be surprised one bit if they are dating now........

 

OP? Come on, what's the skinny?

[autumnnight]

The OP complained but still messaged her. Do all men who complain about this/say they don't like it, still message the woman anyway?

 

Well yeah...I mean, like, she still has a vagina and stuff...

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow.

 

Kaylan is sure getting some battle scars from this thread.

I don't think they are well-deserved either.

This is a discussion forum. He brought a topic to discuss.

If I take about Bill Cosby, it doesn't mean I am "interested" in him or make me a rape apologist. It means I found a topic of discussion.Even if I sentCosby a note saying "Bill, it Would be best for everyone if you pulled your own pants up" it doesn't mean that I want to date him or hold him in special regard. At all. It would mean that I was surfing the web and threw a comment at a location, as meant people everyday do. Most people don't gettoo attached to the comments or threads. Seriously.

 

I wish I could read the original profile.