regine_phalange Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 But beauty is not what guarantees the spark. It is the connection, the chemistry. Attraction is not a math problem No, I didn't mention anything about a spark. But since you mentioned it, I think that in order to feel the spark you have to have a certain mindset about someone. At least 99% of the times. This mindset is either coming from someone's proportions or mannerisms or body language... Things you can see directly, I consider them all as parts of someone's external appearance. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Haven't read the whole thread but the only downside I see to being beautiful is, IMO, to have yourself convinced that you either are or you aren't. We're all beautiful to someone, and nothing raises your self-esteem more than your loved one looking you straight in the eyes and telling you just that. All I need to know is that my man finds me beautiful - whether I feel that I am or not - at least some of the time . We all have our 'beautiful' dauys, often linked with how confident we are feeling - we should make the most of them when they happen . Also beautiful =/= physically good looking, IMO. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I think the premise that less than beautiful ppl never feel a 'spark' is really inaccurate. First of all I think it's pretty clear that a 'spark' - what excites one person about another person - actually influences their feelings about how beautiful that person is. And I've seen plenty of ppl fall head over heels for what would by objective standards be a middle of the road person in terms of beauty and find that they're gorgeous after or as they're falling in love with them. I really think that's actually quite common, and it leads me to believe that what's really required for this to happen are reasonably nice looks, not straight up beauty, altho I suspect it might be quite difficult for an objectively unattractive person or require much more time for another to see them as beautiful. As far as the OT goes, it occurs to me that the money corollary actually works well here. Beautiful ppl have it good much like rich ppl have it good - fewer difficulties in general, etc. But being beautiful guarantees success and happiness no more than being rich does. Money can't buy happiness and neither can beauty, and in fact the rich and beautiful often crash and burn more dramatically than others. There's virtue to a lifestyle of moderation that those who live it can rarely appreciate in the present tense as they struggle gain wealth and envy/resent those who have it, and similarly there are intrinsic advantages to average looks in terms of living a normal life that average looking ppl probably never understand, all the while trying to up their looks and envying beautiful ppl. Unprivileged, average people probably ultimately live happier lives than privileged ones in many cases. Lastly - ppl seem to keep returning to the contest format here and asserting that unattractive ppl are actually the 'victors' when it comes to life's struggles. It's not a contest. OP essentially said "beautiful ppl can struggle," not "beautiful ppl struggle more than unattractive ppl" or "unattractive ppl don't struggle." If you can't allow that life may not be all wine and roses for attractive ppl will still asserting it isn't all wine and roses for you either, then you're mainly just looking at it as a suffering contest and grinding an ax. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Haven't read the whole thread but the only downside I see to being beautiful is, IMO, to have yourself convinced that you either are or you aren't. We're all beautiful to someone, and nothing raises your self-esteem more than your loved one looking you straight in the eyes and telling you just that. All I need to know is that my man finds me beautiful - whether I feel that I am or not - at least some of the time . We all have our 'beautiful' dauys, often linked with how confident we are feeling - we should make the most of them when they happen . Also beautiful =/= physically good looking, IMO. 100% agree. My wife finds me attractive despite my shortcomings and vice versa. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 If an ugly woman has a problem with an attractive woman people automatically assume it's because the ugly girl is jealous. Like it's completely out of the realm of possibility Sara just might be an ******* 4 Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 How did I miss this? Let me tell you all something. I am not a female, but I am a man that most women find attractive. Let me rephrase... I am a man that most women find attractive TODAY. This was not the case for most of my life. I am the definition of late bloomer. Up until the age of 23 I couldn't even get a female to sneeze on me let alone want to date me. It took some hard work to get to where I am as well, but that's details. Because of this, from a man's perspective, I think it's safe to say I can expertly express my opinion on the 'downsides of being attractive. Simple: there are few. To quote (with some changes) The Wolf of Wall Street. I've been an ugly man. And I've been an attractive man. And I'll pick attractive every ****ing time. Yes, there are some issues. But you learn to appreciate it. Looking in the mirror and liking what you see as opposed to avoiding reflective surfaces...is something I hope for every person. Being attractive is cake compared to hating the way you look and constantly feeling judged by those around you. So the downsides? I take them gladly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 That's confidence speaking, though. Some physically good looking ppl don't rate themselves at all, some think they're God's gift to mankind, some think their looks bring them good luck, some think it brings them bad luck, but really most of the truly good looking ppl I have met either don't that they are or they know it but they just don't care. Like any attribute, it is whatever you make of it. Everything tends to level out in in the end anyway; life can suck for any of us at any given time, and very often it hasn't got a whole lot to do with what we look like on the outside. How did I miss this? Let me tell you all something. I am not a female, but I am a man that most women find attractive. Let me rephrase... I am a man that most women find attractive TODAY. This was not the case for most of my life. I am the definition of late bloomer. Up until the age of 23 I couldn't even get a female to sneeze on me let alone want to date me. It took some hard work to get to where I am as well, but that's details. Because of this, from a man's perspective, I think it's safe to say I can expertly express my opinion on the 'downsides of being attractive. Simple: there are few. To quote (with some changes) The Wolf of Wall Street. I've been an ugly man. And I've been an attractive man. And I'll pick attractive every ****ing time. Yes, there are some issues. But you learn to appreciate it. Looking in the mirror and liking what you see as opposed to avoiding reflective surfaces...is something I hope for every person. Being attractive is cake compared to hating the way you look and constantly feeling judged by those around you. So the downsides? I take them gladly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 That's confidence speaking, though. Some physically good looking ppl don't rate themselves at all, some think they're God's gift to mankind, some think their looks bring them good luck, some think it brings them bad luck, but really most of the truly good looking ppl I have met either don't that they are or they know it but they just don't care. Like any attribute, it is whatever you make of it. Everything tends to level out in in the end anyway; life can suck for any of us at any given time, and very often it hasn't got a whole lot to do with what we look like on the outside. I agree with your last point the most. Isn't it odd that no matter who we are, we all have extremely significant problems (to ourselves, at least). I wonder what piece of genetic code implores humans to HAVE to worry about something? Whether it's worrying about your next meal, or worrying about saying something stupid to a cute love interest...we are programmed to stress out. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Yes, I have witnessed this too. And I also prefer to be single a thousand times than feel like a second citizen within a relationship. Maybe it's correlated with the fact that my father figure was very generous (with affection, quality time, resources). So I'm uneasy if I don't feel like "the best". Call me spoiled, I don't mind. But that's how it is. I also think men usually have a bias that a plain looking woman will be low maintenance and easy to keep around because she won't have many options. I know, I've been there. But you don't have to give a free ride to anybody because you're less beautiful. Yes, you'll have less options than the gorgeous woman, but who said that her options are all interesting or fun? I want a special kind of man with a unique taste in beauty, things and life. Don't you think that a man who is genuinely attracted and enamoured with a plain woman is more interesting? His thought processes must have something unique. Because his taste is out of the box and surprising... Isn't that fascinating? I'm not plain nor beautiful. I don't think men assume I have no options. Most men I date seem to think I am hot. Some worry that men will hit on me regularly. I just want a man to be able to feel the lust and attraction for me without having to get to know me for three months and think I am nothing special and only the feel attraction after he gets to know me. I do want that initial spark factor. Not a lukewarm thing and oh but she had a wonderful personality and only NOW do I find her attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I'm not plain nor beautiful. I don't think men assume I have no options. Most men I date seem to think I am hot. Some worry that men will hit on me regularly. I just want a man to be able to feel the lust and attraction for me without having to get to know me for three months and think I am nothing special and only the feel attraction after he gets to know me. I do want that initial spark factor. Not a lukewarm thing and oh but she had a wonderful personality and only NOW do I find her attractive. But there is no reason why you can't have that. By your own admission men find you very attractive Link to post Share on other sites
cessna Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Leigh, you're starting to sound like a broken record. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Well, I guess if you're really looking for a reason to pity yourself. Personally I'd rather get too much attention from the opposite sex than none. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 (edited) I agree with your last point the most. Isn't it odd that no matter who we are, we all have extremely significant problems (to ourselves, at least). I wonder what piece of genetic code implores humans to HAVE to worry about something? Whether it's worrying about your next meal, or worrying about saying something stupid to a cute love interest...we are programmed to stress out. Yep. Lack of confidence/self esteem can be crippling to some ppl for sure, even if it seems unimportant to others, whether they are good looking or not. One of my friends is absolutely stunning both inside and out but some strange reason she doesn't think that she isand refuses to believe anyone who says she is - and that's a lot of ppl. Not sure what has happened to her for her to think that but you can tell it's a struggle. Op, the only way to get the magic spark you're looking for is to believe it can happen to you. And to meet the right guy, obvs. Edited August 21, 2015 by PrettyEmily77 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Leigh, you're starting to sound like a broken record. Beautiful people are much much more likely to find the fairytale romance where their partner falls hard for them than plain or average people. Because they have more options. And 100 times more attention drawn to them to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Beautiful people are much much more likely to find the fairytale romance where their partner falls hard for them than plain or average people. Well most grown up people are not even remotely interested in "fairytale romance," sheesh! Also, NO, beautiful people are NOT more likely to fall madly deeply in love than regular looking people. You are wrong about that, super wrong. Truly gorgeous people have to worry about whether people are just responding to the way they look rather than the rest of who they are. It's ironic Leigh 87 that you ONLY want people to respond to the way you look! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Beautiful people are much much more likely to find the fairytale romance where their partner falls hard for them than plain or average people. Because they have more options. And 100 times more attention drawn to them to begin with. So, more attractive people have more options from which to select, and therefore better likelihood of attracting someone as much as they are attracted to them in turn, and so better chance of 'success?' That sounds like a rational point, and therefore clearly has no place in these parts! Now, back to sunshine and rainbows and chi and unicorn farts. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 In my experience, all the women that were proposed to in under 6 months were widly beautiful. They may have been of diffferent race or hair color but there is a certain instant intensity that makes a man go "love crazy" and commit for life that early. That intensity doesn't come from gentle build up based on intelligence or personality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Ok. So what do we make of beautiful people (Tuxedo Cat being one) who still struggle to find a relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Just gotta say, if it was so bad we'd see just as much plastic surgery going the other direction. Fact. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Just gotta say, if it was so bad we'd see just as much plastic surgery going the other direction. Fact. Good point. Link to post Share on other sites
Heatherknows Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 In my experience, all the women that were proposed to in under 6 months were widly beautiful. They may have been of diffferent race or hair color but there is a certain instant intensity that makes a man go "love crazy" and commit for life that early. That intensity doesn't come from gentle build up based on intelligence or personality. My husband proposed to me in under 10 months. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 In my experience, all the women that were proposed to in under 6 months were widly beautiful. They may have been of diffferent race or hair color but there is a certain instant intensity that makes a man go "love crazy" and commit for life that early. That intensity doesn't come from gentle build up based on intelligence or personality. Yeah but whether they stay committed to them is another story... Good looking ppl get cheated on / abused too, their looks don't give them special immunity against bad stuff, in general. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 My experience? Guys thought I was too expensive looking. They thought I would only date wealthy men, that drove Porsches, and had a body builder body. When I was told this I was like WTF?? And I thought putting the extra effort into look good, and dressing nice all the time would get me more dates. I get that you get more attention BUT it seems to intimidates a lot of guys apparently. Link to post Share on other sites
cessna Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 My experience? Guys thought I was too expensive looking. They thought I would only date wealthy men, that drove Porsches, and had a body builder body. When I was told this I was like WTF?? And I thought putting the extra effort into look good, and dressing nice all the time would get me more dates. I get that you get more attention BUT it seems to intimidates a lot of guys apparently. I understand where they are coming from. A beautiful woman has so many more options, why would she pick me in all seriousness? I judge beautiful girls as being high maintenance and unapproachable, I'll admit it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Those who DO approach you notice nothing but your looks Of course an approach is based on looks..initially I mean last time I checked, none of us could read minds or had Cliff Notes into complete strangers' personalities and lifestyles. These are things you find out after you meet someone. But no one wants to invest time in getting to know someone romantically they're not physically attracted to. So whenever someone says "I'm always approached based on my looks" my response is "Duh..they have nothing else to go on at first". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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