He called me FAT and I ended things

[RedRobin]

I'm a runner, and have never been 'skinny fat'.

 

That said, the world is full of people (men and women) who feel the need to nitpick. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

 

At some point in your life, you will discover what works for you and what diet/exercise regimen feels good for you.

 

Tanning isn't healthy, btw. Short term looks for long term skin damage. If you do it for yourself and accept the consequences, fine. Don't do it for any guy. ****heads abound, but you only have one body.

 

Anyway, don't internalize this. Learn how to read the signals earlier and cut the cord at so - so interest.

 

Something else... People who trash talk like him do it to other people too. How often were you complicit in his trash talking of others and laughing about it? Or if not laughing about it... Looking the other way. People are amazingly consistent. If they will trash talk others, they will trash talk you too. It was your turn this time. Avoid mean people.

 

Edited: I rarely wear makeup. I choose men who prefer women who wear little to none. It's not that hard. You don't need to twist yourself into a pretzel to attract a man. Seriously.

 

I agree with you that he is deceptive. If he felt differently, he could have said so to your face or break up with you. The guy is a spineless ahole. Good riddance.

 

Oh, one last thing... I won't have sex with a guy without STD tests. Two to three months is very normal getting to know period for me... Partly for the reasons you have now discovered. No true a hole can hide it for long, and he didn't. Sounds like you are the real winner here. Sussed him out just fine. Good job, girlfriend.

Edited June 27, 2015 by RedRobin

[eleve82]

Also, he compliments my body all the time. "You're so sexy" and "you have nice legs" were frequent comments. Yesterday's was, "I do like that bikini. It was a great choice!" Meanwhile he was apparently texting his sister I look fat.

 

As far as the pizza night comment. That was Tuesday night. I'd come over to pick up my sunglasses, after just finishing a 3 mile run. He saw me in a sports bra and his comment was "you look really sexy". He didn't want me to leave (and I wanted to, because I was hot and tired), and he asked if I was hungry. Then HE IS THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED WE GO GET PIZZA. TOGETHER.

 

It's funny because last night, while I was fighting back tears driving up the bumpy dirt road from the creek and he didn't know I KNEW yet, he was commenting on how hungry he was. His suggestion, "Can we get burgers when we get back? I feel like a cheeseburger. Or a blizzard. Maybe a frosty." I said no to all of these. I don't even really like hamburgers.

 

 

For everyone who's wondering what I look like and maybe if he's right: Ironically, my best friend and I dared each other to take body fat tests earlier this week. Turns out..I'm at 11% body fat. I run right now, but I was a swimmer until college ended. I would like to start swimming again. And I was at a bbq last weekend, where a friend (who I think was kind of hitting on me) asked if I swim because I quote "have a swimmers body". So I don't think I'm all cellulite and loose skin. I also don't wear makeup daily, but I have worn it at least once a week the whole time he's known me. Lately it's been more frequent. My diet: It's not perfect, for sure. But lately it's been a lot of grilled chicken with veggies, and spinach. I went through 16 ounces of raw spinach last week alone. Yes. I do love pizza. Probably more than I should.

 

 

I take the most offense to the fact if he'd had a problem with any of me, he could have brought it to my face. If he'd offered to take me to the gym with him (hint: he never did), I would have gone to make him happy.

 

You put in much more effort exercising than I do - your discipline is commendable. 11% fat is almost too low. This guy sounds pretentious and self obsessed- you are better off without him!

[xxoo]

Janey, you dumped him. Rightly so. His opinion of your body is irrelevant.

 

You are FINE. Don't allow this guy's comments to replace your own good sense.

[JaneyJ1991]

Tanning isn't healthy, btw. Short term looks for long term skin damage. If you do it for yourself and accept the consequences, fine. Don't do it for any guy. ****heads abound, but you only have one body.

 

Something else... People who trash talk like him do it to other people too. How often were you complicit in his trash talking of others and laughing about it? Or if not laughing about it... Looking the other way. People are amazingly consistent. If they will trash talk others, they will trash talk you too. It was your turn this time. Avoid mean people.

 

Oh, one last thing... I won't have sex with a guy without STD tests. Two to three months is very normal getting to know period for me... Partly for the reasons you have now discovered. No true a hole can hide it for long, and he didn't. Sounds like you are the real winner here. Sussed him out just fine. Good job, girlfriend.

 

I don't tan--But I do work outside in a very physically intensive job right now. Even with sunscreen...I'm getting really tan! I guess he just thinks I was doing it for him!

 

 

I definitely hear ya about the trash talking--and yes. I was just thinking of that. Example: as we were driving into the creek yesterday, he made fun of some lady driving out. He said she should quote, "Lay off the mcdonalds." I told him that was hateful, and that some people have thyroid disorders, or other reasons they CANT lose weight. And that he shouldn't judge (all the while trying to reach over and playfully grab him). But that's one of the rare fat jokes I've heard from him. It seems his trash talking was nonexistent in the beginning, and is probably becoming more common now. Especially because according to him he's "trying to eat clean" and "lose some weight so his abs show up more".

 

 

 

 

Lastly--he's never had the HSV confirmation testing. Never even asked his doctor yet if it could be ordered/covered by insurance. Nor has he gone on anti virals. Based on that, sex was out of the question until one or the other happened.

[guest569]

WOW.. Janey, congratulations on dodging a bullet. No excuses for this guy. He is a prick and I would be completely shattered if I had read these things about me.

 

From your measurements you are NOT FAT in any way. You are not skinny fat. 11% is low and you ran 10km, that is great! thats my goal at the moment. From your measurements you have a great body that I wish I had.

 

If he thinks that intelligence is the most important thing, he has to step up HIS game and get some smarts about him. You're very smart to drop this loser.

[Phoe]

Not to be a nitpicker, but if you were at 11% body fat, you'd either be absolutely ripped, or with no muscle, nearly bare bones.

 

Where did you have this body fat test?

 

What is a Healthy Body Fat Percentage for Men and Women, Video

 

There's an example of what 11% may look like. Keep in mind that body fat percentages vary between men and women. I personally am at 19% as a female. I lift weights and eat well, so 19% is by no means a lot. But 11% is VERY low, and is almost impossible to maintain regularly.

 

Now, you do exercise and eat well, so I'm positive the nitpicking this man is doing about you is absolutely ridiculous.

[JaneyJ1991]

Not to be a nitpicker, but if you were at 11% body fat, you'd either be absolutely ripped, or with no muscle, nearly bare bones.

 

Where did you have this body fat test?

 

What is a Healthy Body Fat Percentage for Men and Women, Video

 

There's an example of what 11% may look like. Keep in mind that body fat percentages vary between men and women. I personally am at 19% as a female. I lift weights and eat well, so 19% is by no means a lot. But 11% is VERY low, and is almost impossible to maintain regularly.

 

Now, you do exercise and eat well, so I'm positive the nitpicking this man is doing about you is absolutely ridiculous.

Phoe you are right--I must have it screwed up and done it wrong (these were those stupid "how to" at home do it myself). If those pics are any indication. Despite my cluelessness, and im orobably fatter than you if you "lift"...I don't look much worse than the 18. Let's say im at 21-22. That's still in the healthy range.

[fitnessfan365]

Janey, I've brought this up in several of your threads including this one. Have yet to get a response.

 

I'm still confused as to how you continue to complain about his "low sex drive" when you're the one who didn't want to have sex. Speaking as a guy, I can say that I'd lose patience and be frustrated after weeks and weeks of a woman only wanting to have phone sex and mutual masturbation.

 

Also, you've told him repeatedly that you were fine with him seeing other women and never wanted to define what you two were. So I think the combo of his sexual frustration and some resentment over your luke warm attitude the whole time may have resulted in his rant. Don't get me wrong. I'm not excusing what he said. I think he was overly harsh and sounds conceited. But you haven't exactly been innocent in all this either. Just saying..

[Phoe]

Phoe you are right--I must have it screwed up and done it wrong (these were those stupid "how to" at home do it myself). If those pics are any indication. Despite my cluelessness, and im orobably fatter than you if you "lift"...I don't look much worse than the 18. Let's say im at 21-22. That's still in the healthy range.

 

21-22 is definitely nothing to scoff at

[JaneyJ1991]

Janey, I've brought this up in several of your threads including this one. Have yet to get a response.

 

I'm still confused as to how you continue to complain about his "low sex drive" when you're the one who didn't want to have sex. Speaking as a guy, I can say that I'd lose patience and be frustrated after weeks and weeks of a woman only wanting to have phone sex and mutual masturbation.

 

Also, you've told him repeatedly that you were fine with him seeing other women and never wanted to define what you two were. So I think the combo of his sexual frustration and some resentment over your luke warm attitude the whole time may have resulted in his rant. Don't get me wrong. I'm not excusing what he said. I think he was overly harsh and sounds conceited. But you haven't exactly been innocent in all this either. Just saying..

 

Fitness--HSV. HSV test. Antivirals. None of these were addressed. He is at the point where he could have had confirmation testing to find out if he really has it, or gone on anti-virals. I'm at the point where if he would have gone on anti-virals, I would have had sex with him. I need sex, and intimacy, too.

 

 

Secondly--I asked him last week about commitment. Exclusivity. Find the thread. I WANTED to see if he wanted to define it. And he didn't.

 

 

He told me last night quote "Since I met you, I haven't been on any more dates. For the last 2 months, I haven't even gone out to the bars and done the "looking for girls thing"."

[Leigh 87]

Quote in asterisk...are you kidding me? Do you know how many threads there are...just on this board alone, created by guys who have absolutely ZERO physical attraction to their girlfriends?

 

In real life too....it's a freaking epidemic it seems like!

 

Okay exaggerating about epidemic lol...but it happens more than you might otherwise think..

 

No offense....but you need to get real dude...it is not uncommon for a guy (or girl) to continue dating someone they either had no attraction to from the beginning...or lost it.

 

I get YOU wouldn't....but it happens.

 

 

I lived it for three years nearly.

 

I just assumed he wasn't into making out. Turns out, he just didnt feel like kissing ME.

[Phoe]

^^^Agreed with leigh and katie.

 

I've dated men who were not attracted to me. Men who have whined and complained and nitpicked about my body parts and features.

 

Heck, one called me chunky and proceeded to tell me how I look awful in skinny jeans and need to stop wearing them -___-

[Ninjainpajamas]

*lands on planet LS from spaceship*

 

Once again, another fairly common real world scenario demonstrated by men, especially young men gets blown into the 4th dimension and is somehow "shocking".

 

The reality is, everyone has critiques about the other person whether they are to admit it or not, whether it's in their head or in a text...certain "imperfections" if you will are noted, i mean we can sugar-coat this all day but the boys just being honest, albeit and honest jerk.

 

This is what he thinks and what he feels, and aren't women always saying how they wish they knew that? well there you go, you know exactly how this guy TRULY feels, like it or not is not the point.

 

Secondly, this is why women cannot handle total honesty and transparency, because contrary to popular belief anything less than a positive is typically frowned upon...the reality is you never know what the other person is actually thinking in their head and to go into his private conversations and find out anything he says in private is a pretty clear violation of privacy...and yes, a lot of people are capable of talking crap and saying things that the other person would find distasteful because it is said in private.

 

It could be in the moment, it could be because he's just trying to break up with you and exaggerating negatives and reasons he's too good for you or doesn't want to be with you anymore...it could be because he was never really attracted to you all that much, but if you were able to go through peoples minds or private messages, I can guarantee that 100 percent of SO's would be surprised and their faces would melt over some of the things said about them to someone else in "secrecy" if you will...albeit POSSIBLY not so critical of one's body, which this guy clearly is critical of his own and therefore not very surprising his is critical of yours.

 

He's obviously somewhat close to his sister, but you didn't see his sister try and deter him from saying what he is saying or put him down for it, and that's because this is somewhat "normal"...because contrary to popular belief, this kind of shock isn't all that shocking for people who have lived on planet reality.

 

The positive things you hear from men are actually what you call "flattery" and earning "brownie points"...every man over the age of 18 has likely figured out that saying nice things is actually good, women like positivity and compliments..in particular from men they are with or like, it earns men a lot of "brownie points"...men know this or at least the ones that have figured it out, and therefore compliment in order to gain favor or more access to your vagina...I'm not sure what is surprising about that, by now it's been happening for thousands of years...it's no surprise the sweet talk comes out for Valentines Day or other holidays to butter you up but not necessarily throughout the year.

 

Very rarely would a man feel on his own to shower his woman with compliments, that is not very natural that is more of a learned "skill" and one exploited easily by the men who are manipulative and/or clever enough to take advantage of this opportunity, it really just comes down to how effective and believable a man is with those words and behavior, but for the most part is not often taken negatively. For men in general however, you don't necessarily see them in a group flowering each other in lovely positive reinforcement...that's mostly a woman thing women provide to each other to build up self-esteem and confidence, as well as offer support.

 

Compliments are 90 percent part of the "courting" process for men, and thereafter typically delivered in bi-annual doses...unless he's really thinking out of the box and providing them on a regular basis as a "good guy", because I'm sure that comes totally natural to him. Very few guys are genuine about what they say.

 

This has been your common sense lecture of the day, enjoy your idealistic and fabricated realities that often shatter like glass on the rocks of reality...till next time...

 

btw YOU'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL!

 

*boards spaceship and flies away*

[PogoStick]

The OP really needs to get over the HSV thing. His test was 75% negative and she's pushing for anti-virals! No symptoms and negative tests but she's wants his non-existent STD to be medicated. That is unattractive, forget skinny-fat.

 

And this guy sucks too. I have an exercise science degree but bodybuilders drive me crazy. Guys talk about "eating clean" and end up with triple the protein they need, stuffing down 6+ eggs and several grilled chicken breasts. Throw in some sweet potatoes because regular ones are "sooo bad" Meanwhile they wouldn't know an apple even if you smashed their face with it.

 

The guy lifts 6 days a week? Yeah he might not have a sex drive. Could be too exhausted, or have a fked up diet that he thinks is super healthy because it has just the magic number of carbs and grams of protein.

 

You know what else goes with bodybuilding and 6 days of lifting? Steroids! Tren, Deca, Nandro....Does he have testicles?

 

Dudes like that are so one dimensional. All he thinks about is the gym and getting "swole" while checking out hotties at the gym and using words like "bro and no-homo". He can't even get a full word out of his neanderthal brain.

[Gaeta]

Also, he compliments my body all the time. "You're so sexy" and "you have nice legs" were frequent comments. Yesterday's was, "I do like that bikini. It was a great choice!" Meanwhile he was apparently texting his sister I look fat.

 

As far as the pizza night comment. That was Tuesday night. I'd come over to pick up my sunglasses, after just finishing a 3 mile run. He saw me in a sports bra and his comment was "you look really sexy". He didn't want me to leave (and I wanted to, because I was hot and tired), and he asked if I was hungry. Then HE IS THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED WE GO GET PIZZA. TOGETHER.

 

It's funny because last night, while I was fighting back tears driving up the bumpy dirt road from the creek and he didn't know I KNEW yet, he was commenting on how hungry he was. His suggestion, "Can we get burgers when we get back? I feel like a cheeseburger. Or a blizzard. Maybe a frosty." I said no to all of these. I don't even really like hamburgers.

 

 

For everyone who's wondering what I look like and maybe if he's right: Ironically, my best friend and I dared each other to take body fat tests earlier this week. Turns out..I'm at 11% body fat. I run right now, but I was a swimmer until college ended. I would like to start swimming again. And I was at a bbq last weekend, where a friend (who I think was kind of hitting on me) asked if I swim because I quote "have a swimmers body". So I don't think I'm all cellulite and loose skin. I also don't wear makeup daily, but I have worn it at least once a week the whole time he's known me. Lately it's been more frequent. My diet: It's not perfect, for sure. But lately it's been a lot of grilled chicken with veggies, and spinach. I went through 16 ounces of raw spinach last week alone. Yes. I do love pizza. Probably more than I should.

 

 

I take the most offense to the fact if he'd had a problem with any of me, he could have brought it to my face. If he'd offered to take me to the gym with him (hint: he never did), I would have gone to make him happy.

 

I'm speechless at your update. He seems to be so shallow, 2 faces, and self-serving I wonder what attracted you to him in the first place.

 

Now I understand better why it was a shock to read these texts.

 

I hope it's the end of it. You've been unhappy in this semi-relationship for a long time. It's really time to put it to rest.

[ascendotum]

I'm speechless at your update. He seems to be so shallow, 2 faces, and self-serving I wonder what attracted you to him in the first place.

He was a body builder

[JaneyJ1991]

He just sent me a text. Which I will copy and paste here:

 

"Hi Janey, if you haven't already blocked me- I hope you can at least take the time to read what I have to say:

 

I want to hug you and hold you and wipes away your tears because I know that I've hurt you deeply with my words and I am so incredibly sorry. I feel like words cannot mend the wound, but I will try with them anyway.

 

Our relationship has been a struggle at times due to trust issues and insecurities... Reading someone else's private conversations is never appropriate, and I have always afforded you your privacy, I wish the same could be said for me and my privacy. I do not believe or mean any of the words I said about you, it was simply a stupid, although private, conversation. Clearly that's not truly how I feel about you because I've spent three months next to you having a great time.... And if I had truly wanted to be with someone else, I would have been-but I chose you, Janey.

 

I have chosen to be next to you because I have learned and have been show what a truly amazing person you are, and how you are breathtaking in so many beautiful ways. You have a great sense of humor, you are responsible, are very honest and a completely pure person. You make me better in more ways than I can tell and are the last person deserving of irrational banter. I feel like I have lost any potential future with you as friend or more... Which is gut wrenching because I have felt close to and deeply care about you.

 

I hope that you can someday accept my apology.

 

Yours,

[his name]"

[Leigh 87]

Janey,

 

I don't believe him to be a total sociopath. He wouldn't bother apologising if he flat out didn't care.

 

Ninjainpajamas is spot on as usual. It's an awful shame he's boarded a spaceship and no longer resides on planet earth lol.

 

However, truly in love men don't talk smack about their girlfriends to people. Being truly and madly in love is when a man feels the intense chemistry and attraction, COUPLED with mutual admiration respect and all that jazz. Your guy confessed that he felt the intense attraction and infatuation for the girl he hooked up with fou times...that's why he used the term " kinda in love "... It's all about the intensity of chemistry and a spark. With you, he found you to be a better person than the girl and prior girls before her he was enamoured with is he wanted to give you a chance because he basically thinks you're such an upstanding person. But he lacks the " head over heels" and " smitten " feelings for you

 

He likes you.. I'm sure there are moments where he is genuinely into you. But he isnt falling hard for you. He isnt crazy about you. He lacked the Omg wow factor type sparks of attraction. Every man I've known that felt the intense chemistry and attraction for a woman who was also a good woman on all levels to them, married the woman and didn't have a bad thing to say.

 

It's in human nature to nit pick and gossip. Bodies aren't all sunshine and roses. They can look outright ugly and unpleasant in certain angles. So that's why, from my own observations, a man needs to be infatuated and to have that stellar attraction and chemistry towards a future partner....they tend to be more satisfied when their sexual attraction is through the roof.

 

Just look at all the threads of men who wonder whether they should settle for a woman who they aren't WILDLY attracted to.

 

Your boyfriend or ex boyfriend us very similar to most men. When most men met their wives, they don't marry the girl they are enamoured with. They marry the girl who's marriage material and overlook the women they truly deem gorgeous. Because such women won't pay then attention or because the women they truly " felt it " for were crazy or dumb.

 

Many men accept reality that most people don't end up with the person who makes their heart slip a beat or who they feel wild attraction for.

 

Your boyfriend longed for the intensity he felt for * HER* for you.

 

It sounds to me like the chick he fell for after four dates, got him feeling the infatuation.. The 10/10 chemistry and attraction yet he said he had little in common with her and it never paid have worked.. With you, I think he didn't feel enamoured nor did he feel the same intensity and " in love " type feelings with you, however, he thought you were such an amazing time person. He was smitten with her ; with you it sounds like he liked and admired you is much and he wishes he felt the lust and infatuation he felt for the other girl.

 

Now, I've sort of been in his position. I've not gotten the men that made me heart skip a beat and I settled for men who were into me and felt the butterflies over me. I thought my attraction would grow. I ended up feeling angry towards said men because while I LOVED being treated so well for a change and it was SO amazing having men who were actually into me without me having to second guess. However, to my friends I would be super frustrated with these nice men because I lacked the raw animal urge to jump them to rip their clothes off and to blindly make out with them.

 

Most people are very content with mediocre sexual chemistry providing the partner is AMAZING. I am not one of them. I need fierce sparks of attraction from BOTH ends. It sounds like this man thinks you're a really wonderful woman and he DOES obviously harbour SOME attraction towards you, it you don't make.his heart slip a beat and he isn't as attracted to you as he has been with other girls. He sounds like he said those words about you because hr was frustrated that the nice girls who are good wife material aren't the girls like his ex, who stole his heart despite having nothing in common with her.

 

I believe he's he sorry. He knows what be said was very hurtful. He was just torn between not having the girl he felt intense emotions and infatuation for, and his own reality that he has the " wife material " type of girl and he's having trouble accepting that he won't likely felt the intensity he felt with his ex, for a long term partner.

Edited June 28, 2015 by Leigh 87

[WomenWubber]

I confronted him on the drive home, told him what I saw, told him I was dropping him off at his house and was never going to see him again. When we got to his house, I told him I hope he finds EXACTLY what he's looking for, in the right size shape and color, and told him to have a great life.

 

Well done.

 

Turns out..I'm at 11% body fat

 

I have found that anything higher than 8% is considered fat according to bodybuilding internet communities (don't ever go lurking there unless you want to be utterly disgusted, I'm serious).

 

Your life should improve greatly now that you're rid of that as$.

 

Once again, well done

[Pillow]

Girl, he'll regret it. I already called the apology text.

 

That 4-day girl he fell in love with= he doesn't know wtf he's talking about. Don't worry about that. We've all fallen "in love" with someone and then 6 months later be like... wtf? You're the better choice because he actually spent time with you. There's no comparison.

 

Even if you take him back, then how would you ever know when he's truly complimenting you? How would you ever trust him?

 

I can't stand a two-face. I would never say something negative about the person I'm banging... I mean, dogs sleep with dogs. Roaches with roaches. Like sleeps with like. How would it look if I sleep with a beer belly and then talk bad about it with my friends? He's a hypocrit.

 

Also girl you sound hot to me.

 

Also, girl, give yourself about 6 mos. I think you need a breather if you find bodybuilders attractive lol... Just give yourself 6 months and you'll be like... wtf was i thinking?

 

My friend is not skinny at all. She is a curvy as hell woman (she'd laugh if someone called her skinny in any way) and she's married to a body builder. That man will try to climb to the moon if she asked him for a piece of it.

 

Six months... that's all you need. And some better dack.

[katiegrl]

Janey,

 

I don't believe him to be a total sociopath. He wouldn't bother apologising if he flat out didn't care.

 

Ninjainpajamas is spot on as usual. It's an awful shame he's boarded a spaceship and no longer resides on planet earth lol.

 

However, truly in love men don't talk smack about their girlfriends to people. Being truly and madly in love is when a man feels the intense chemistry and attraction, COUPLED with mutual admiration respect and all that jazz. Your guy confessed that he felt the intense attraction and infatuation for the girl he hooked up with fou times...that's why he used the term " kinda in love "... It's all about the intensity of chemistry and a spark. With you, he found you to be a better person than the girl and prior girls before her he was enamoured with is he wanted to give you a chance because he basically thinks you're such an upstanding person. But he lacks the " head over heels" and " smitten " feelings for you

 

He likes you.. I'm sure there are moments where he is genuinely into you. But he isnt falling hard for you. He isnt crazy about you. He lacked the Omg wow factor type sparks of attraction. Every man I've known that felt the intense chemistry and attraction for a woman who was also a good woman on all levels to them, married the woman and didn't have a bad thing to say.

 

It's in human nature to nit pick and gossip. Bodies aren't all sunshine and roses. They can look outright ugly and unpleasant in certain angles. So that's why, from my own observations, a man needs to be infatuated and to have that stellar attraction and chemistry towards a future partner....they tend to be more satisfied when their sexual attraction is through the roof.

 

Just look at all the threads of men who wonder whether they should settle for a woman who they aren't WILDLY attracted to.

 

Your boyfriend or ex boyfriend us very similar to most men. When most men met their wives, they don't marry the girl they are enamoured with. They marry the girl who's marriage material and overlook the women they truly deem gorgeous. Because such women won't pay then attention or because the women they truly " felt it " for were crazy or dumb.

 

Many men accept reality that most people don't end up with the person who makes their heart slip a beat or who they feel wild attraction for.

 

Your boyfriend longed for the intensity he felt for * HER* for you.

 

It sounds to me like the chick he fell for after four dates, got him feeling the infatuation.. The 10/10 chemistry and attraction yet he said he had little in common with her and it never paid have worked.. With you, I think he didn't feel enamoured nor did he feel the same intensity and " in love " type feelings with you, however, he thought you were such an amazing time person. He was smitten with her ; with you it sounds like he liked and admired you is much and he wishes he felt the lust and infatuation he felt for the other girl.

 

Now, I've sort of been in his position. I've not gotten the men that made me heart skip a beat and I settled for men who were into me and felt the butterflies over me. I thought my attraction would grow. I ended up feeling angry towards said men because while I LOVED being treated so well for a change and it was SO amazing having men who were actually into me without me having to second guess. However, to my friends I would be super frustrated with these nice men because I lacked the raw animal urge to jump them to rip their clothes off and to blindly make out with them.

 

Most people are very content with mediocre sexual chemistry providing the partner is AMAZING. I am not one of them. I need fierce sparks of attraction from BOTH ends. It sounds like this man thinks you're a really wonderful woman and he DOES obviously harbour SOME attraction towards you, it you don't make.his heart slip a beat and he isn't as attracted to you as he has been with other girls. He sounds like he said those words about you because hr was frustrated that the nice girls who are good wife material aren't the girls like his ex, who stole his heart despite having nothing in common with her.

 

I believe he's he sorry. He knows what be said was very hurtful. He was just torn between not having the girl he felt intense emotions and infatuation for, and his own reality that he has the " wife material " type of girl and he's having trouble accepting that he won't likely felt the intensity he felt with his ex, for a long term partner.

 

^^Wow Leigh this post is truly amazing....

 

I will admit, I've had a few drinks....so feeling a bit more sensitive than usual, but I'm nearly in tears right now reading it.....so thoughtful.. so insightful. And so true!

 

I have been so impressed with your posts lately... hard to believe you are the same Leigh who was posting here when I first joined the board just a few months ago....you have certainly come a long way since then.

 

Anyhoo, apologies for the hijack....just wanted to compliment Leigh on a very thoughtful and insightful post...and to say I 100% agree with her.

 

But to Janey...never mind how we feel.....how do YOU feel after reading your boyfrriend's text?

[Emilia]

11% body fat? A woman can't survive on that physically. Where did you get that?

[Pillow]

If he is willing to re-text his sister about how much he loves your body, I would be willing to accept his apology. It could be something like, "I shouldn't have called her fat. She's beautiful just the way she is. I'm growing and learning."

 

Then, I'll forgive.

[trippi1432]

He just sent me a text. Which I will copy and paste here:

 

"Hi Janey, if you haven't already blocked me- I hope you can at least take the time to read what I have to say:

 

I want to hug you and hold you and wipes away your tears because I know that I've hurt you deeply with my words and I am so incredibly sorry. I feel like words cannot mend the wound, but I will try with them anyway.

 

Our relationship has been a struggle at times due to trust issues and insecurities... Reading someone else's private conversations is never appropriate, and I have always afforded you your privacy, I wish the same could be said for me and my privacy. I do not believe or mean any of the words I said about you, it was simply a stupid, although private, conversation. Clearly that's not truly how I feel about you because I've spent three months next to you having a great time.... And if I had truly wanted to be with someone else, I would have been-but I chose you, Janey.

 

^^^^ This is really the paragraph you should note...notice the "I" statements and not the "I feel" statements. Who's struggle over this "relationship" was it? I mean, honestly, who had the trust issues and insecurities?? Perhaps you on the HSV thing with good reason, but he also brings up another girl to blame it on. Guess what, to the next girl, you will be his insecurity. That is 100% on him and not you.

 

Now let's get past that first sentence....you do realize he was reprimanding you? Don't confuse this manipulative BS for anything other than what is was, he stated privacy 4 times. Think about that for a minute. He has always afforded you your privacy, if people who are a couple need to have their "privacy", he was telling you something about himself right there.

 

And lastly in this paragraph, HE gave the time and effort to YOU, his last "guilt punch" to get you to see things from HIS perspective, never forget yours. There is just waaayyyy too much underlying manipulative context in his apology to be a LTR or even marriage material on that guy.

 

I have chosen to be next to you because I have learned and have been show what a truly amazing person you are, and how you are breathtaking in so many beautiful ways. You have a great sense of humor, you are responsible, are very honest and a completely pure person. You make me better in more ways than I can tell and are the last person deserving of irrational banter. I feel like I have lost any potential future with you as friend or more... Which is gut wrenching because I have felt close to and deeply care about you.

 

I hope that you can someday accept my apology.

 

Yours,

[his name]"

 

You may be the girl he will always wished to be with now that he dug his head out of the sand for a bit, but he's not the right man, he's only seen a glimpse of what he wishes he could be good for. Shows in that last paragraph. You ARE amazing, thank him for that, accept the apology....but move on. YOU don't make him better, he has to do that for himself, and until then, he will never be the right man.

[katiegrl]

If he is willing to re-text his sister about how much he loves your body, I would be willing to accept his apology. It could be something like, "I shouldn't have called her fat. She's beautiful just the way she is. I'm growing and learning."

 

Then, I'll forgive.

 

Perhaps...but the text should be HIS idea....and come from his heart.

 

If Janey has to ask him to send it....it defeats the purpose. He'll do it if it means getting her back....NOT because it comes from his heart.

 

You know....given his texts to his sister and all he said....one has to wonder if he had some *help* drafting his apology text to Janey...it sounds almost too "perfect.* It does sound sincere though.....albeit a bit out of character given his previous texts.

 

JMO