He called me FAT and I ended things

[caringsister]

Why is the word commitment popping up at 3 months?

 

 

The men you date will always be having honest conversations with the close people in their lives. It appears they need to have it with them because if they had an honest conversation with you, you'd get mad like this.

 

That is not fair. You don't know how she would have responded if he had just communicated with her. Instead he said one thing to her and a whole different story to his sister.

 

His rude, deceitful, arrogant, dishonest, two faced behavior is not her fault. It is his baggage.

 

He never gave her the opportunity to get mad. He was on a date with her texting his sister mocking her body while in the next breath complimenting her body to her face.

 

I think anyone in her situation would be taken aback. In her post she clearly conveys hurt not mad.

 

You're turning it around to her ... ugh seriously!

[katiegrl]

If, at 3 months in, he is feeling critical about your body and wishing it were different, he should do you a favor and break up.

 

Your body is FINE. You are FINE. You are not everyone's ideal; no one is.

 

**You just had the misfortune of dating someone who prefers a different body type, and is immature enough to think that the solution is changing you, rather than accepting you or breaking up with you***.

 

^^This......and bitching to his sis about it rather than talk to her about it..

[Yookie]

You don't think this guy did anything wrong? I've read enough of your threads to believe that you would kick this guys behind if this happened to you. Why are you defending him? Serious question.

 

Telling your best friends about your dating worries is completely different than flat-out insulting the person.

 

This is where people are disagreeing. I'm in the camp that doesn't see what he said as an insult. He was making and observation about her body composition to his sister in a private conversation. He's a bodybuilder so that would be something that stands out to a person like him. And for him it's a relevant factor to consider in deciding if he wants to continue dating her.

[rester]

That is not fair. You don't know how she would have responded if he had just communicated with her. Instead he said one thing to her and a whole different story to his sister.

 

His rude, deceitful, arrogant, dishonest, two faced behavior is not her fault. It is his baggage.

 

He never gave her the opportunity to get mad. He was on a date with her texting his sister mocking her body while in the next breath complimenting her body to her face.

 

I think anyone in her situation would be taken aback. In her post she clearly conveys hurt not mad.

 

You're turning it around to her ... ugh seriously!

 

Exactly. This guy isn't even man enough to tell her he doesn't like the pizza place they go to. Who wants to be with someone like that?! Someone that smiles to your face and then runs to their sister about how your taste in pizza is crap? This guy would be a nightmare to be around.

[sandylee1]

Janey

 

You are better off without him. Now he's got time to go and find himself a supermodel. What a fool he is.

[Gaeta]

it's wrong to gossip & talk sh*t about your SO

 

That's the thing, she is not his SO. She let this go on and on without defining their relationship, saying in her threads she did not require exclusivity from him but then would act entitled to it when he acted like a single man. She has been wanting to end this for 2 months. Maybe she thought she was the only one with issues in this? Apparently he was having issues with her too.

 

I would feel different about this if they were in a real relationship. They were not. She was simply a girl he was seeing, among other girls. He can blab all he wants about her to his sister.

[katiegrl]

This is where people are disagreeing. I'm in the camp that doesn't see what he said as an insult. He was making and observation about her body composition to his sister in a private conversation. He's a bodybuilder so that would be something that stands out to a person like him. And for him it's a relevant factor to consider in deciding if he wants to continue dating her.

 

What about ALL the rest of his comments??? You are so focused on that *one* skinny-fat comment....you have disregarded the rest of his comments.....which *were* insulting.

 

Look at the totality of his comments...they tell a story. That story being he is not happy with her.....as is.....wants to change who she is...not to mention he is shallow....and dishonest.... by leading her to think everything was hunky-dory....all the whole criticizing her behind her back.

[Emilia]

The guy is a d**k for sure but people do b**ch and moan. Precisely the reason not to go through someone's phone.

[Gaeta]

Just avoid dating bodybuilders,

 

I have dated my share of body builders who favored my body shape and I am no skinny gym rat. The trick is to date a man that's into you, what ever you are, skinny, fat or skinny-fat.

[Popsicle]

I have dated my share of body builders who favored my body shape and I am no skinny gym rat. The trick is to date a man that's into you, what ever you are, skinny, fat or skinny-fat.

 

Well, I do agree with that.

 

(and you left out the rest of my message in the quote)

[preraph]

You know what? You are so lucky you found out what an a-hole this guy is before it went any further. He obviously thinks he's God's gift to women and none of them are good enough for him (at least that he can get) and he'll get worse, not better as you stay with him and grow older. He's a shallow jerk. I think rather than confess you read his phone, it would be more fun just to block him all the way around permanently and let him wonder why you lost interest.

[katiegrl]

I have dated my share of body builders who favored my body shape and I am no skinny gym rat. The trick is to date a man that's into you, what ever you are, skinny, fat or skinny-fat.

 

I do agree with this as well......

[katiegrl]

You know what? You are so lucky you found out what an a-hole this guy is before it went any further. He obviously thinks he's God's gift to women and none of them are good enough for him (at least that he can get) and he'll get worse, not better as you stay with him and grow older. He's a shallow jerk. I think rather than confess you read his phone, it would be more fun just to block him all the way around permanently and let him wonder why you lost interest.

 

Lol...sounds like something I would do......:bunny:

[Gaeta]

She needs to *step it up" before he will commit to her? Which means, according to him....getting a tan and wearing more makeup?

 

I don't think the 2 comments were related.

 

I am still waiting to hear from Janey if it's true they had a conversation about her stepping it up and what did he mean by that. Apparently she was ok to do what ever stepping it up meant cause she kept seeing him after that conversation.

[katiegrl]

I don't think the 2 comments were related.

 

I am still waiting to hear from Janey if it's true they had a conversation about her stepping it up and what did he mean by that. Apparently she was ok to do what ever stepping it up meant cause she kept seeing him after that conversation.

 

Fair enough....and agree what happened to Janey?????

[Yookie]

OP contradicts herself. She says, "It would be one thing if he had this problem with my body, he could have told me and suggested working out together."

 

But she also quotes him as saying, "Alll she wants to do is run. Like 5 miles every day. I told her if she'd start to LIFT she'd be in better shape."

 

So he apparently DID try to talk to her about lifting. What did you say to him during that conversation OP?

[Yookie]

What about ALL the rest of his comments??? You are so focused on that *one* skinny-fat comment....you have disregarded the rest of his comments.....which *were* insulting.

 

Look at the totality of his comments...they tell a story. That story being he is not happy with her.....as is.....wants to change who she is...not to mention he is shallow....and dishonest.... by leading her to think everything was hunky-dory....all the whole criticizing her behind her back.

 

I disagree that he was making her think things were hunky-dory because she apparently made another thread about him. She KNEW he didn't want to commit to her and was trying to figure out why. Also, there have been conversations between the two and she did try to "step up her game" according to her story.

 

So looking at this objectively I'd say he was lukewarm about having a relationship with her and told her why so verbally and non-verbally... she was in the process of changing some things when she found the UN-censored version of how he feels about her.

[minimariah]

He's a bodybuilder so that would be something that stands out to a person like him.

 

but he didn't talk JUST about her body, he talked about her getting tan & makeup in a mocking way.

 

it has nothing to do with him being a bodybuilder and being "worried" and making observations, like... come on. i think it's super obvious what the convo was really about ESPECIALLY when you read about the way he reacted after he got confronted.

[katiegrl]

but he didn't talk JUST about her body, he talked about her getting tan & makeup in a mocking way.

 

it has nothing to do with him being a bodybuilder and being "worried" and making observations, like... come on. i think it's super obvious what the convo was really about ESPECIALLY when you read about the way he reacted after he got confronted.

 

Exactly....5th paragraph of her initial post is especially significant IMO.

 

I do agree with Yookie though....clearly he was lukewarm about having a relationship with her.....as she was as well.....

 

...so in the long run her ending it was for the best.....****ty way to go out though.

[minimariah]

I don't think the 2 comments were related.

 

they are -- go back to the 1st post & see how he tells her sister that the OP had been "trying lately & even putting on makeup" - so the comment about "stepping it up" most definitely IS about her phsyical appearance.

 

He can blab all he wants about her to his sister.

 

he can, for sure. he can do whatever he wants -- the fact that they weren't exclusive won't make his petty gossip any less pathetic and it won't make him any less of a f&ckboy.

 

you having sex with someone, you KEEP having sex with someone & trashing that person's appearance to someone else in a humiliting way will never NOT be a ****ty thing to do.

 

not to mention how ridiculous it sounds... it's even worse that the OP wasn't his SO. like, if you don't like someone's body -- why on Earth do you keep having sex with that person?

[Yookie]

but he didn't talk JUST about her body, he talked about her getting tan & makeup in a mocking way.

 

Mocking??? You are adding emotion to a text that wasn't there. He wasn't mocking her. He was telling his sister his observation about the OP's change in behavior.

 

...it has nothing to do with him being a bodybuilder and being "worried" and making observations, like... come on. i think it's super obvious what the convo was really about ESPECIALLY when you read about the way he reacted after he got confronted.

 

The only thing that is obvious to me is that the man apparently LIKED how the OP looks on the outside. He didn't want a relationship with her because he doesn't think her cardio lifestyle and eating habits are healthy for the long run... and he wants her to put some effort into her appearance (tan, makeup).

 

They weren't in a relationship so yes the OP should just bail if she likes the way she is now and doesn't want to change.

[katiegrl]

they are -- go back to the 1st post & see how he tells her sister that the OP had been "trying lately & even putting on makeup" - so the comment about "stepping it up" most definitely IS about her phsyical appearance.

 

 

 

he can, for sure. he can do whatever he wants -- the fact that they weren't exclusive won't make his petty gossip any less pathetic and it won't make him any less of a f&ckboy.

 

you having sex with someone, you KEEP having sex with someone & trashing that person's appearance to someone else in a humiliting way will never NOT be a ****ty thing to do.

 

not to mention how ridiculous it sounds... it's even worse that the OP wasn't his SO. like, if you don't like someone's body -- why on Earth do you keep having sex with that person?

 

Agree with you..... but to be fair.....don't believe they have had actual sex....phone sex, yes....but not physical sex.

 

Which is strange in and of itself....after two months dating...IMO.

[minimariah]

Mocking??? You are adding emotion to a text that wasn't there. He wasn't mocking her. He was telling his sister his observation about the OP's change in behavior.

 

errrmmmm, yes - he was. THIS is mockery, whether you're able to recognize it or not --

 

"Well she has seemingly been trying lately. She's been getting a tan and putting makeup on these days."

 

"she was over last night. She wanted to get pizza at (insert local place here we both go to together and he OFTEN SUGGESTS HIMSELF). Thank god they were closed."

 

the mocking tone is so obvious that i'm baffled that you're able to deny it.

 

The only thing that is obvious to me is that the man apparently LIKED how the OP looks on the outside. He didn't want a relationship with her because he doesn't think her cardio lifestyle and eating habits are healthy for the long run...

 

you can't be serious... right?

 

no, the dude DID NOT like how the OP looks on the outside - that much we can all agree on. she's like a doll he tried to model & "fix" her with his own ideas so... she can "deserve" his commitment? because a dude who has a gossip party with his sister and "kinda falls in love" in 4 days is just such a great catch.

 

even if you ignore that last part of the OP's post, you STILL won't convince anyone that the dude was some kind of saint who was just worried about the OP's well being. please.

Edited June 27, 2015 by minimariah

[Yookie]

you can't be serious.

 

no, the dude DID NOT like how the OP looks on the outside - that much we can all agree on.

 

Again this is the disconnect. Yes I am serious. Yes, he obviously liked her outward appearance or he would not even try to date her. There is a world of difference between not liking someone's appearance and not liking someone's state of health or lifestyle. He was not mocking her, he was explaining to his sister why he did not see a future relationship with her.

 

Try to take the emotional reaction out and you can see it for what it is.

[Yookie]

even if you ignore that last part of the OP's post, you STILL won't convince anyone that the dude was some kind of saint who was just worried about the OP's well being. please.

 

I'm not trying to convince anyone that dude is a saint who was just worried about the OP's well being. My argument is that dude was just talking to his sister about why his did not see a future with OP and she uncovered the conversation by snooping. He did not say those things to insult her or mock her.