He called me FAT and I ended things

[katiegrl]

Again this is the disconnect. Yes I am serious.

 

 

**Yes, he obviously liked her outward appearance or he would not even try to date her. **

 

 

There is a world of difference between not liking someone's appearance and not liking someone's state of health or lifestyle. He was not mocking her, he was explaining to his sister why he did not see a future relationship with her.

 

Try to take the emotional reaction out and you can see it for what it is.

 

Quote in asterisk...are you kidding me? Do you know how many threads there are...just on this board alone, created by guys who have absolutely ZERO physical attraction to their girlfriends?

 

In real life too....it's a freaking epidemic it seems like!

 

Okay exaggerating about epidemic lol...but it happens more than you might otherwise think..

 

No offense....but you need to get real dude...it is not uncommon for a guy (or girl) to continue dating someone they either had no attraction to from the beginning...or lost it.

 

I get YOU wouldn't....but it happens.

Edited June 27, 2015 by katiegrl

[Josmatjes]

He sounds extremely shallow..... To speak to his sister about your physical attributes is immature.....gee I don't know maybe he should focus on if your a nice person??? A good, kind considerate person?!?

 

What a jerk! Do not under any circumstances get ack together with him!!

[Gaeta]

He sounds extremely shallow..... To speak to his sister about your physical attributes is immature.....gee I don't know maybe he should focus on if your a nice person??? A good, kind considerate person?!?

 

What a jerk! Do not under any circumstances get ack together with him!!

 

OH Please lol, let's not be more catholic than the pope here. WE all do it !!

 

I had a date last Tuesday and first thing I said to my daughter was how he was too tall and I don't like too tall men cause it's awkward to hug and kiss. It doesn't mean I don't like him or respect him ! I was just thinking out loud with someone I am very close to.

[BlueIris]

So the most important thing is smarts, huh? Right.

 

Oh, man… I can’t wait for the day that LS is saturated with posts about that guy who’s all judgey about his date’s or GF’s not reading a newspaper in 6 months or not knowing who John Steinbeck, Aung San Suu Kyi, or Peter Higgs is.

 

OP, don’t be hurt by this guy. He’s not worth any more effort.

[Josmatjes]

OH Please lol, let's not be more catholic than the pope here. WE all do it !!

 

I had a date last Tuesday and first thing I said to my daughter was how he was too tall and I don't like too tall men cause it's awkward to hug and kiss. It doesn't mean I don't like him or respect him ! I was just thinking out loud with someone I am very close to.

 

What's inside a person is more important....beauty is in the eye of the beholder! People become more attractive as you get to know them.... And that's what I teach MY daughter!! Sorry your so shallow!!

[kendahke]

People have conversations about their dating life with people they are close with whether it's a sister or a friend. I am 49 and I tell my best friends about my dating worries and seek their opinion and advice. Nothing wrong with it, it's just meant to be personal.

 

are you running the dude down to your friends and then getting in his face and telling him the complete opposite? I think that is what OP's issue is here.

[newmoon]

i'm 5'10 and 137 and i would think anyone who called me fat was stir crazy. you have to know you're not fat, or even skinny fat. you're just not his version of what he wants. good for you for confronting him with it and walking. any compliments were obviously lies - so you know he's a liar now, and why would you want to continue having sex with anyone with thinks your body is less than perfect. this has always been a dealbreaker for me too - if a guy comments negatively on any part of my body, it's over. that's disrespect, you're not his "ideal," and he shouldn't be allowed to see your body anymore. good decision to let him move on.

[Gaeta]

Sorry your so shallow!!

 

I'm shallow now...

 

I am simply saying out loud what we all do. We all have close friends, or forums, where we talk about our dates. We share the big things and the little things. It's not meant to hurt, it's not being shallow, it's being human. If I dumped a man for being 6'2'' I would be shallow but sharing with my adult daughter that it's awkward to kiss a man 6'2'' from my 5'3'' frame is not being shallow. It's just having a private conversation.

[Josmatjes]

And also..... He was saying way more than the skinny fat comment!! He mentioned her finally wearing makeup and getting a tan.....wtf did he even go out with her to begin with? I mean he must be just so wonderful and gorgeous that he can have his pick of anyone! He picked her apart and that is a red flag for her because eventually he would say those things to her and she would lose all her confidence..... I wouldn't want my daughter dating a jackass like that!!

[Josmatjes]

I'm shallow now...

 

I am simply saying out loud what we all do. We all have close friends, or forums, where we talk about our dates. We share the big things and the little things. It's not meant to hurt, it's not being shallow, it's being human. If I dumped a man for being 6'2'' I would be shallow but sharing with my adult daughter that it's awkward to kiss a man 6'2'' from my 5'3'' frame is not being shallow. It's just having a private conversation.

 

I agree with you. But you must realize that ths guy is different because he tore her apart.... What if it was your daughter? And she came home after reading what this guy wrote about her? I think he is shallow, yes we all think these things...but he is dating her for three months, I mean move on already if there is that much to complain about.....

[Gaeta]

And also..... He was saying way more than the skinny fat comment!! He mentioned her finally wearing makeup and getting a tan.....wtf did he even go out with her to begin with?!

 

No difference than a woman reporting to her female friends that her boyfriend is starting to make efforts and he's picking up his dirty socks. Why the heck was she dating a slob to start with eh? Well I guess because she liked him, and I guess this guy liked Janey even though he would have liked her to be a little more girly.

[Gaeta]

I think he is shallow, yes we all think these things...but he is dating her for three months, I mean move on already if there is that much to complain about.....

 

We've been telling her for 2 months to drop him. She's been complaining about him for that long so I don't think she should be so horrified to find out he was not that pleased with their relationship either.

[katiegrl]

I'm shallow now...

 

I am simply saying out loud what we all do. We all have close friends, or forums, where we talk about our dates. We share the big things and the little things. It's not meant to hurt, it's not being shallow, it's being human. If I dumped a man for being 6'2'' I would be shallow

 

 

***but sharing with my adult daughter that it's awkward to kiss a man 6'2'' from my 5'3'' frame is not being shallow. It's just having a private conversation***.

 

Gaeta, no you were not being shallow there^^....but HE was being shallow..... by stating that in order for her to get commitment from him...she would have to *step it up*....which included getting a tan and wearing more makeup.

 

How can you not think that is shallow? No matter who he said it to....that is how he feels, and it's shallow!

[smackie9]

From my observation, it's not what he said, it's his attitude/point of view, that even myself wouldn't feel comfortable with. I wouldn't be angry, more disappointed/gutted. Someone that truly cared about you, wouldn't talk like that. In no way in those conversations was anything constructive or of shared concern. It was more like, "she's wasting her time if she thinks this is working for her....it's like a joke."

 

I agree it's a good move to move on from Mr. Superficial.

[Yookie]

Quote in asterisk...are you kidding me? Do you know how many threads there are...just on this board alone, created by guys who have absolutely ZERO physical attraction to their girlfriends?

 

In real life too....it's a freaking epidemic it seems like!

 

Okay exaggerating about epidemic lol...but it happens more than you might otherwise think..

 

No offense....but you need to get real dude...it is not uncommon for a guy (or girl) to continue dating someone they either had no attraction to from the beginning...or lost it.

 

I get YOU wouldn't....but it happens.

 

First of all, I'm not a dude. Second I have been on this board for a while and I have read some post from guys who nitpick how MUCH they are attracted to the women they are dating but all of them admit to liking SOMETHING about the girl.

 

I do not recall one single post where anyone male or female has posted about dating someone that they have ZERO attraction to. Please provide links cause I must have missed those.

[salparadise]

You just had the misfortune of dating someone who prefers a different body type, and is immature narcissistic enough to think that the solution is changing you.

 

There fix'd that for ya...

 

You NEVER wanted to have sex with him. All you wanted to do was phone sex and mutual masturbation. So why in the hell do you keep complaining about his "low sex drive" when you didn't want to have sex?

 

Whaaaaat? No actual sex, just phone sex, mutual masturbation... found condoms in his bed... and she's bitching about him being a body builder with low sex drive...

 

Guess I need to look up OPs other threads... preparing popcorn and snacks now.

[Yookie]

From my observation, it's not what he said, it's his attitude/point of view, that even myself wouldn't feel comfortable with. I wouldn't be angry, more disappointed/gutted. Someone that truly cared about you, wouldn't talk like that. In no way in those conversations was anything constructive or of shared concern. It was more like, "she's wasting her time if she thinks this is working for her....it's like a joke."

 

I agree it's a good move to move on from Mr. Superficial.

 

I agree with you that he doesn't sound optimistic which is why the OP an d many in this thread are upset by what he said. Also agree that it wasn't constructive. It wasn't meant to be. He was just talking to his sister about how he felt.

[katiegrl]

First of all, I'm not a dude. Second I have been on this board for a while and I have read some post from guys who nitpick how MUCH they are attracted to the women they are dating but all of them admit to liking SOMETHING about the girl.

 

I do not recall one single post where anyone male or female has posted about dating someone that they have ZERO attraction to. Please provide links cause I must have missed those.

 

Well I can't attach links from my tablet, but check out the thread "Should I ask her out again" created by Eagkestar83 on page two.

 

Created a thread because he met and had a date with a girl who looked good "on paper" but he was not at all attracted to her physically. Was considering still dating her, despite this...hence his thread. Fortunately he was talked out if it.

 

There are many other such threads re same thing.....

 

Frankly, it doesn't matter to me whether or not you wish to acknowledge this...you are free to believe or not believe whatever you want.

 

I do apologize for referring to you as a dude though....I should not have assumed.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, no you were not being shallow there^^....but HE was being shallow..... by stating that in order for her to get commitment from him...she would have to *step it up*....which included getting a tan and wearing more makeup.!

 

We're gonna have to wait for Janey to come back on that one. I don't think those 2 comments were related.

 

I am SO convinced these comments aren't related I am ready to bet big on it! If I am wrong I am not logging on here for 48 hours lol

[katiegrl]

We're gonna have to wait for Janey to come back on that one. I don't think those 2 comments were related.

 

I am SO convinced these comments aren't related I am ready to bet big on it! If I am wrong I am not logging on here for 48 hours lol

 

Fair enough!!!! :bunny:

 

Janey? I know she must be reading....weird.

[Tayla]

editing and taking things out of context.

 

Op made it clear she only gave us (the readers)snippets of her snooping memory. As such she deliberately conveyed her interpretation of perceived negative commentary. And folks have chimed in without enough sensibility to simply state, we don't know the full facts or the inflection of the guys views.

 

Yookie seemed to carry some sensibility on the not knowing enough to jump to conclusions.

 

OP , when you get back, we look forward to your recollection which may fill in some of the blanks.

[minimariah]

I am simply saying out loud what we all do.

 

speak for yourself - me and my folks keep our business OURS. we discuss dating in general and ask each other for an advice, sometimes tell each other adorable or funny stories... but in no way do we ever comment our dates in a mocking tone or gossip for an eternity. when you gossip about someone you keep seeing and dating - you're spitting in your own face because you KEEP dating that person and because it's your choice.

 

and by the way, your example and your comment is completely different from the OP's comments. entirely different context, too.

 

anywho, i took we can all agree that the OP and this dude just don't go together and breaking up was a clever choice. life goes on.

[elaine567]

Face it you were never comfortable with the fact he was HSV-2 positive and you were both waiting for the Western blot at the end of June, hence the mutual masturbation and phone sex.

 

This event today puts the lid on it. Just walk away.

[JaneyJ1991]

Hey guys! Sorry--I just got back from running a 10k (my first ever!) and a bunch of errands and grocery shopping. I'm sorry I left the thread for so long. Wasn't intentional.

 

 

Gaeta: His comment about me needing to "step it up" and the "well she seems to be trying these days. She's tanning, started wearing makeup" were sequential. They were connected, from what I read as I shook and my head spun. My "stepping it up" apparently meant in terms of physical appearance? Which doesn't make much sense, because he's told me likes the "natural look" when girls don't wear makeup.

[JaneyJ1991]

Also, he compliments my body all the time. "You're so sexy" and "you have nice legs" were frequent comments. Yesterday's was, "I do like that bikini. It was a great choice!" Meanwhile he was apparently texting his sister I look fat.

 

As far as the pizza night comment. That was Tuesday night. I'd come over to pick up my sunglasses, after just finishing a 3 mile run. He saw me in a sports bra and his comment was "you look really sexy". He didn't want me to leave (and I wanted to, because I was hot and tired), and he asked if I was hungry. Then HE IS THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED WE GO GET PIZZA. TOGETHER.

 

It's funny because last night, while I was fighting back tears driving up the bumpy dirt road from the creek and he didn't know I KNEW yet, he was commenting on how hungry he was. His suggestion, "Can we get burgers when we get back? I feel like a cheeseburger. Or a blizzard. Maybe a frosty." I said no to all of these. I don't even really like hamburgers.

 

 

For everyone who's wondering what I look like and maybe if he's right: Ironically, my best friend and I dared each other to take body fat tests earlier this week. Turns out..I'm at 11% body fat. I run right now, but I was a swimmer until college ended. I would like to start swimming again. And I was at a bbq last weekend, where a friend (who I think was kind of hitting on me) asked if I swim because I quote "have a swimmers body". So I don't think I'm all cellulite and loose skin. I also don't wear makeup daily, but I have worn it at least once a week the whole time he's known me. Lately it's been more frequent. My diet: It's not perfect, for sure. But lately it's been a lot of grilled chicken with veggies, and spinach. I went through 16 ounces of raw spinach last week alone. Yes. I do love pizza. Probably more than I should.

 

 

I take the most offense to the fact if he'd had a problem with any of me, he could have brought it to my face. If he'd offered to take me to the gym with him (hint: he never did), I would have gone to make him happy.

Edited June 27, 2015 by JaneyJ1991