Alphamale's guide to keeping women around

[morrigan]

I agree with Brother Aaron. Some of those rules sound like a typical romance novel-- an emotionally distant, pseudo-dominant man manipulating superficially strong willed women to be pliant and cling around craving more hot and cold treatment. It makes women seem like needy emotional masochists--who wants to date any man or woman like that?

 

My bf doesn't act like this at all--he doesn't place me on a pedestal or keep the reigns on me like I'm some sort of horse that needs guidance. Maybe some people plot like this naturally, it probably only works for fwb or brief relationships.

[moimeme]

who wants to date any man or woman like that?

 

Alphamale and a few others, apparently. They're welcome to them. Leaves the decent sorts for the rest of us!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by morrigan

It makes women seem like needy emotional masochists

on the planet I live on many people of both sexes are emotional masochists.

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by BrotherAaron

Why is it that I have a feeling that my grandfather, happily married for 60 years, would give me an entirely different list? I'm sorry alpha, but it's hard to take relationship advice seriously from a single 40 year old male. Breaking up seems to be your specialty, not keeping women around.

 

Women look for a macho man initially, but want to end up with somebody who's more than just a walking male ego. A true lover will never place you as "a close second", but an even first. You're not talking about falling in love here. What girl wants a man too insecure to allow himself to fall in love, and too afraid of looking weak to show emotion? You don't have to avoid emotions, you just have to be in control of them. That's what strength is. Women - all people - are attracted to a person who is strong, confident, and independent, but still caring and willing to put other people first.

 

WELL SAID Brother Aaron! I couldn't agree more.

 

I am currently dating this absolutely totally sweet funny guy who doesn't play games. He has a life but so do I, so I see nothing wrong with just being honest and straight up.

 

At first, I wanted to play hard to get......the games, etc...... but then I realized that by doing that, I wouldn't be opening myself up to love. Instead, I would be just creating more defense mechanisms...... NOT something I want to do.

 

While Alphamale, your list seems impressive, in my opinion, it's not something that sustains a long relationship. The happiest couples I know treat each other with UTMOST RESPECT and for me, that has been an eyeopener to the potentials of REAL intimacy. Then again, maybe your goal isn't exactly marriage??

[alphamale]

Originally posted by SummerRae

While Alphamale, your list seems impressive, in my opinion, it's not something that sustains a long relationship. The happiest couples I know treat each other with UTMOST RESPECT

interesting viewpoint SUMMERRAE. but what you are forgetting is that you cannot respect other until you respect yourself first. and also that other won't respect you until u respect yourself.

 

and that is what my list is all about.

[shamen]

Originally posted by moimeme

I'm not much fond of anyone who uses people for their own amusement. There is already too much pain on the planet - what can be the justification for adding to it?

 

Good point, Moi. Sometimes though, I don't think that people are always aware that they are even doing it... I know that I didn't know that I was doing many of the things that I was doing until now, after about 7 months of regular therapy.

 

Maybe I should clarify that I am not proud of what I've done in terms of the way that I've treated people...

 

 

 

ALPHA,

 

What is your goal? To get married, or are you the non-marrying type?

[moimeme]

I don't think that people are always aware that they are even doing it...

 

True enough.

 

until you respect yourself first

 

Well some people seem to think that being 'aggressive' , obnoxious, and just a plain boor is the same as 'respecting themselves'. It's not. It's being too immature to deal with relationships in a reasonable way.

 

This, for instance,

be mean and nasty when she does not treat you well

 

and this

 

be the leader at all times and dominate when you have to

 

are clearly signs of insecurity; when the bested combatant understands he's bested, he turns to aggression. Secure people negotiate situations reasonably rather than behave like morons.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by shamen

Good point, Moi. ...

 

ALPHA,

 

What is your goal? To get married, or are you the non-marrying type?

 

Her liberal canadian bra-burning feminazi pseudo-lesbian rhetoric is really pissing me off!!!!

 

As for myself, SHAMEN, if I find the right woman for marriage again I will be the first one in line. Until then I'll just enjoy as many women as I can.

[moimeme]

Like I just said;

 

when the bested combatant understands he's bested, he turns to aggression

 

Read your thread, [color=violet]ALPHAMALE[/color] You'll see that it wasn't only me who disagreed with you.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by moimeme

Like I just said;

 

 

 

Read your thread, [color=violet]ALPHAMALE[/color] You'll see that it wasn't only me who disagreed with you.

yeah, unfortunately you don't point out the 90% that did agree, both men and women. and you still say I am wrong. so much for democracy.

[moimeme]

Not too good at math, either, eh?

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by alphamale

Her liberal canadian bra-burning feminazi pseudo-lesbian rhetoric is really pissing me off!!!!

 

WOW, Alphamale, as much as I find your MALE BRAVADO amusing (for the most part), it appears to be a double edged sword. If you're trying to make a return of the "cave man mentality" that is actually appealing to the other sex (as I write these words I can hear you saying "I don't care who finds it appealing" or something along those lines), you might want to come up with some points to justify how being "mean and nasty" warrants YOUR VERSION OF RESPECT.

 

Call me Aretha all you want to, but don't insult my fellow LIBERAL CANADIAN feminazi, at least not by calling her "pseudo-lesbian". I, for one, take offense to that.

 

And I also happen to think that perhaps it's not MOIMEME that is full of bravado (or in your words "shyt"). We rarely see any vulnerability of your own, so you might want to take a look at that.

 

With love and kindness, (and respect so long as said respect is returned)

 

ARETHA

[whichwayisup]

We rarely see any vulnerability of your own, so you might want to take a look at that.

 

Actually many of his posts show this...You just gotta be able to see it. Trust me, it's there alright.

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Actually many of his posts show this...You just gotta be able to see it. Trust me, it's there alright.

 

Thanks, whichwayisup, I appreciate you pointing that out.

 

Just can't help but become MEAN AND NASTY when someone insults my Canadian-ism.

 

Cheers, (blood is now returning to a soft boil instead of a full one)

 

Aretha :-)

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Pocky

It's not a bad list, but you know I disagree with some parts of it. However, I won't bore you with my opinion. I'm sure I've communicated it enough times as it is.

 

Humour us, Pocky, with a concise repetition

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by moimeme

This would be the 'embittered single cynic's guide to getting young, inexperienced chickies'.

 

Could you give the refences for this, moi? My library can't find it...

 

Real women would have nothing to do with that bullshyt.

 

Sadly, I think lots of real women do. Especially ReluctantJuliette. I'm still trying to get my head around this...

[moimeme]

RR, if you are thoughtful, kind, considerate, and loving but still able to retain your own character and ideas without being obnoxious about it, then it's not and never was you. Sometimes people dump people because the dumped had serious flaws, but being a decent partner is never a serious flaw. If you're a good guy and she still dumped you, then it's about her, not about you.

 

People always take the blame for breakups on themselves. And folks like Alph, who never learned that it's not always about you, try to suck nice guys into turning into jerks as though that would solve the problem. It's based on a superficial and fallacious assumption about what goes on in the subsequent relationships the dumpers have. And of course a jaundiced man will see his rival as some sort of 'jerk'. But it is not being a jerk that will get you a lasting relationship. It's finding the right person to have that relationship with, and as long as you are a good and kind and loving human, then someone who fails to appreciate that about you is clearly not the right person. Your error is not in being a nice man, but in thinking she was the right woman. Clearly she's not.

 

I have two wonderful quotes that I love but regret that I didn't keep track of the sources of either. They are not mine however. The first is 'she had to shrink herself to fit into his small world'. It's reversed in genders, but you should never have to shrink yourself to fit into someone's world. The second - and write this down and keep it someplace - is 'if you're too dumb to understand how wonderful I am, then you don't deserve me'. This never means that one is satisfied that one is the epitome of perfection, but if you strive to be a decent human and get dumped anyway, then the dumper is the one with the problem and should not be mourned.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by moimeme

RR, if you are thoughtful, kind, considerate, and loving but still able to retain your own character and ideas without being obnoxious about it, then it's not and never was you. Sometimes people dump people because the dumped had serious flaws, but being a decent partner is never a serious flaw. If you're a good guy and she still dumped you, then it's about her, not about you.

well MOIMEME, why don't you step out our your nice little perfect and ideal world and live in reality for a few weeks. then maybe you could give advice to people that would apply in the flawed and imperfect and illogical world we actually live in.

[Lil Honey]

Originally posted by SummerRae

when someone insults my Canadian-ism.

 

Canadian or no, the remark was uncalled for . . .

[tiki]

I printed it and framed it in a gold frame and put it in my foyer. I want everyone to see it and live by it.

 

I passed it out at work with the memos for the week. Alpha, I gave credit where credit was due - of course.

 

I printed it out in small font and taped it to my rearview mirror. I also taped it to my mirror where I get ready every morning. I want to be able to read it at any given moment when I feel that urge.

 

Hail to the almighty alphamale.

 

alpha4prez2008

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by moimeme

RR, if you are thoughtful, kind, considerate, and loving but still able to retain your own character and ideas without being obnoxious about it, then it's not and never was you. Sometimes people dump people because the dumped had serious flaws, but being a decent partner is never a serious flaw. If you're a good guy and she still dumped you, then it's about her, not about you.

 

People always take the blame for breakups on themselves. And folks like Alph, who never learned that it's not always about you, try to suck nice guys into turning into jerks as though that would solve the problem. It's based on a superficial and fallacious assumption about what goes on in the subsequent relationships the dumpers have. And of course a jaundiced man will see his rival as some sort of 'jerk'. But it is not being a jerk that will get you a lasting relationship. It's finding the right person to have that relationship with, and as long as you are a good and kind and loving human, then someone who fails to appreciate that about you is clearly not the right person. Your error is not in being a nice man, but in thinking she was the right woman. Clearly she's not.

 

I have two wonderful quotes that I love but regret that I didn't keep track of the sources of either. They are not mine however. The first is 'she had to shrink herself to fit into his small world'. It's reversed in genders, but you should never have to shrink yourself to fit into someone's world. The second - and write this down and keep it someplace - is 'if you're too dumb to understand how wonderful I am, then you don't deserve me'. This never means that one is satisfied that one is the epitome of perfection, but if you strive to be a decent human and get dumped anyway, then the dumper is the one with the problem and should not be mourned.

 

Well said Moiemme....... your words are thoughtful.

 

Alpha, as much as I love your male cockiness (it always makes me laugh and of course I can see where the Detroit women could find it sexy...!!), I also think that Moiemme has some valid points that still hold up in today's cynical world.

 

If I hadn't have kept my idealism (at least partially intact) and had believed every guy who's slighted me or made me feel unattractive, I would not have met someone wonderful who is really showing me what friendship and love and respect and laughter is all about.

 

In other words: YOU GET WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR. And if I hadn't of kept on going despite my inevidable falls, I would have turned callous, bitchie, etc......... What it did teach me though is some of your points (which reworded could definitely be very satisfying to follow):

 

~ to not put up with someone taking advantage of me

 

~ to keep my life and not be available all the time (therefore keep my life!)

 

~ to be honest about what I think and feel even if he doesn't agree with it

 

~ to learn to just shut-up and listen once in a while and not feel like I have to fill the silent air (this has helped me tremendously because I don't feel rushed to prove anything)

 

~ to just be ME-----let it all hang out. Usually, this never fails. If they're FOR ME, they should be able to SEE ME. And vice versa.

 

OHHHH, AREN'T RELATIONSHIPS FUN?!

[Moose]

Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo

Humour us, Pocky, with a concise repetition

I wouldn't look for it RR.......isn't worth her time. Or mine......barbaric nonsense.....I'm still reeling that people are framing it and passing it out......you know how people judge your intelligence from your vocabulary.....I wonder how many points got knocked off of people showing this ridiculous list.

[tiki]

Originally posted by Moose

I'm still reeling that people are framing it and passing it out......you know how people judge your intelligence from your vocabulary.....I wonder how many points got knocked off of people showing this ridiculous list.

 

Surely to God you saw through the rubbish and heard the sarcasm in my writing.

[Moose]

Originally posted by tiki

Surely to God you saw through the rubbish and heard the sarcasm in my writing.

SHOOOOT! You got me.......really, I didn't think you were being sarcastic.......I'm soooooo sorry Tiki........the last couple of weeks have been ALL business around here......hard to decipher who's being what......sorry again!

[mental_traveller]

This is like having a guide to keeping your rust-ridden 50s yank tank jalopy on the road - why not just get a good car in the first place? Good women don't require much effort IMHO.