Wife has been having a LTA for 15 years

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

Friend,

 

I'm very sorry this is happening to you. This is dreadful.

 

May I ask how are you confident that you know this particular man is the father of two of your wife's children? A DNA test can confirm you are the father or rule you out as the father, but without his DNA sample you can't be sure he's the father.

 

Second, if they are another man's children, he has a right to know (maybe he does, maybe he doesn't). He also has the obligation to support his children. These are things you can pursue legally.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

How did you manage to ask the kids for DNA samples? How did you get that information if you just found out about all this a month ago?

 

Yes, I'm interested in that, too.

 

I'm also wondering how he could establish this man as the father of these two children without a sample from him.

 

If you somehow got a DNA sample from him, kudos, you are a far more clever and better man than I.

[SammySammy]

Friend,

 

I'm very sorry this is happening to you. This is dreadful.

 

May I ask how are you confident that you know this particular man is the father of two of your wife's children? A DNA test can confirm you are the father or rule you out as the father, but without his DNA sample you can't be sure he's the father.

 

Second, if they are another man's children, he has a right to know (maybe he does, maybe he doesn't). He also has the obligation to support his children. These are things you can pursue legally.

 

Good question.

 

It would be very interesting if this other man is not the father.

[spanz1]

Good question.

 

It would be very interesting if this other man is not the father.

 

unfortunately THAT would not be good news. It would mean his wife had multiple affairs. I think I would rather hear about one long EA/PA...than find out she cruises bars picking up guys every time I left on a trip

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

From that day everything changed, I didn't mention anythjng to her and went into investigation mode. I found and read emails upon emails of evidence showing that these guys have been having an affair for well over a decade. Our first born looks exactly like me so I had no doubt he was mine, but the other 2 do look a lot more like their mother with a little bit of OM there too if you look hard enough, but I didn't think much of it until I did the DNA test on all of them and found out that the last 2 are in fact not mine. Because of the kids ages (17 14 10), I was able to deduce that the affair has been going on for at least 15 years.

This is a dubious conclusion.

 

Some other guy (or two other guys) could be the father of the two children.

 

All you know is that you aren't the father. You don't know this woman's husband is the father. Even if they are involved now, that doesn't make him the father of these two children, necessarily.

 

Be mindful of this as you talk with the guy's wife.

[minimariah]

It would appear your wife was ready to be caught. Having your text messages show up on the lockscreen is against rule number 1 of any seasoned cheater. And keeping emails is rule 2. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you find a really good lawyer.

 

not necessarily.

 

she's been having an A for 15 YEARS without getting caught - this is a classic case of getting too comfortable. it takes one moment of slipping up & that's it.

 

OP - divorce. i think this is beyond any repair. also i'd suggest you & your W tell your children the truth about their true identity when the time is right simply because you don't want to have one of those "half brother & half sister fell in love because they didn't know they were related" cases. it's super important to know who your parents are, siblings and at least 1st cousins if that info is available to you... just to know their identity. this is also important for medical reasons & possible medical issues (transplantations, for example).

 

hugs to you, i'm sorry for what you're going through. the fact that this woman made such a mess out of her children lives is unexcusable & extremely irresponsible.

[EverySunset]

I am so sorry to hear about what's happening to you...

 

It struck me from your very first post (I had to read the rest of the thread, to be sure) that you felt so blindsided because you're marriage was so blissful.

 

Having been there, I can tell you that your relationship never had a real shot at being authentic. It probably was blissful! She was patching holes in your relationship with another man. It was cruel. Unfair. I've been there, and when your shock wears off you will feel it.

 

Be good to yourself. Focus on your feelings, don't push them away. Experience them all and find someone to help you more forward. One step at a time, you will make progress. You will be OK.

 

Hugs. And good luck.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

not necessarily.

 

she's been having an A for 15 YEARS without getting caught - this is a classic case of getting too comfortable. it takes one moment of slipping up & that's it.

Look, we're basing the length of her relationship with this coworker on the age of one of the children that the OP didn't father.

 

As I said above, that's dubious without more evidence.

 

This guy can be in an all new relationship, or at least relatively new. Without more proof, we don't know that this relationship has been going on that long.

 

All we know is that he isn't the father of two of the children. We can't speculate on what's happened in the fifteen years between one child's conception and today.

 

There could be another guy fifteen years ago.

 

There could be two guys fifteen years ago.

 

The DNA tests could be a mistake, and he's in fact the father of all his children. Or none of them, for that matter (mistakes go both ways).

 

She could have had sex with another man or other men years ago and had no extended relationship with the guy or guys. She could have taken up with the new guy fairly recently.

 

We just don't know.

 

I'd really be careful of what you tell the other guy's wife. A lot of this is speculative. You could be talking out of your hat.

 

Just cross the t's, dot the i's, and investigate.

[lifedestroyed]

I know without a shadow of a doubt it's the OM's children as I have reviewed the thousand odd emails between them dating back at least 10 years. It's apparent that they both know it's his children, and he has asked her on numerous emails "how are my girls doing?" etc. sorry I missed mentioning that before, and I did mention the other 2 look a little like the OM if you look hard enough but mostly their mother.

 

It makes me literally throw up when I read their emails, I don't even know why I re-read them in my spare time. I'm seeing the full picture of their deception and how they laughed at both myself and the other BS all this time. I am going to send a usb with all the emails to OM wife asap. At lunch I only showed her the key emails that showed obvious infidelity plus the DNA test results. She didn't doubt my evidence, she was upset and didn't say much mostly cried. As I said before we are now both working together lining our ducks in a row and having a confrontation at the same time at their work place.

 

I spoke with my lawyer and wow it is a sticky legal situation as many of you have mentioned. As for me getting the DNA samples of my kids it wasn't that hard while they were asleep.

 

I'm so furious at all this, I really want to have full custody of the kids and take them away from both of them! I will do whatever it takes to get my revenge, I assure you LS, justice is absolute I will no longer be a cuckhold provider to this manipulative whore. Before anyone says anything about using kids as revenge, please spare me, they were both happy to use their kids to get money off me it's only fair that I have legal custody over them I don't care if they give me money from OM to compensate for it, I don't need their money, I want my kids..... they are all I have

[drifter777]

This is your answer for how to best live a life?

In this case, yes.

[minimariah]

We just don't know.

 

 

well, WE don't know - but the OP clearly does.

 

he says that the A lasted for YEARS & that the kids are the OM's -- i'm pretty sure those aren't just empty assumptions & they don't seem like speculations to me. like, i'm sure he has a good reason for thinking that... it is his life, his M & his W so we really have no reason to doubt any of that informations. the OP clearly put two and two together and if it makes sense to him... i'm pretty sure he knows better than we do.

 

i don't think he should talk with the other dude's W. he should focus on his family & himself.

 

at the end of the day -- the current OM & the length of the As... the number of As... none of that ish really matters anyway, i'd strongly recommend divorce either way. the kids aren't his & the real father should be found, the kids should at least know the identity of their parent WHEN the time is right... meaning, not now.

[81West]

I know without a shadow of a doubt it's the OM's children as I have reviewed the thousand odd emails between them dating back at least 10 years. It's apparent that they both know it's his children, and he has asked her on numerous emails "how are my girls doing?" etc. sorry I missed mentioning that before, and I did mention the other 2 look a little like the OM if you look hard enough but mostly their mother.

 

It makes me literally throw up when I read their emails, I don't even know why I re-read them in my spare time. I'm seeing the full picture of their deception and how they laughed at both myself and the other BS all this time. I am going to send a usb with all the emails to OM wife asap. At lunch I only showed her the key emails that showed obvious infidelity plus the DNA test results. She didn't doubt my evidence, she was upset and didn't say much mostly cried. As I said before we are now both working together lining our ducks in a row and having a confrontation at the same time at their work place.

 

I spoke with my lawyer and wow it is a sticky legal situation as many of you have mentioned. As for me getting the DNA samples of my kids it wasn't that hard while they were asleep.

 

I'm so furious at all this, I really want to have full custody of the kids and take them away from both of them! I will do whatever it takes to get my revenge, I assure you LS, justice is absolute I will no longer be a cuckhold provider to this manipulative whore. Before anyone says anything about using kids as revenge, please spare me, they were both happy to use their kids to get money off me it's only fair that I have legal custody over them I don't care if they give me money from OM to compensate for it, I don't need their money, I want my kids..... they are all I have

 

It's so, so, so hard to have a cool head in a situation like this, but you have to do your very best. You need a cool head and just as importantly your kids need you to have a cool head. Your emotions are reeling all over the place and nobody would expect anything less right now, but reeling emotions aren't wise or strategic decision makers. Lifedestroyed, you HAVE the high road. Don't give it away. Looking back on this from some future vantage point you won't be proud of your vengeance, you'll be proud of the strength and dignity and example you provided to your children.

 

The reality almost certainly is that the courts will not give you sole custody of your kids because your wife was unfaithful and callous and mind numbingly dishonest. Their best interests will trump everything else, and a relationship as unchanged as possible with both parents in terms of time and access and involvement may be judged to be in their best interests despite your awful, unjust pain. Their world is going to be absolutely shaken to its foundations, and your job as a father is to shield them from as much of the storm as you can.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

OP, I'd advise you & the OM wife to hire the same attorney. Could save some money & be more effective as the attorney will have everything that many don't in divorce cases. It would be awesome to have both of the cheaters served by the same firm at the same time.

[cozycottagelg]

I know without a shadow of a doubt it's the OM's children as I have reviewed the thousand odd emails between them dating back at least 10 years. It's apparent that they both know it's his children, and he has asked her on numerous emails "how are my girls doing?" etc. sorry I missed mentioning that before, and I did mention the other 2 look a little like the OM if you look hard enough but mostly their mother.

 

It makes me literally throw up when I read their emails, I don't even know why I re-read them in my spare time. I'm seeing the full picture of their deception and how they laughed at both myself and the other BS all this time. I am going to send a usb with all the emails to OM wife asap. At lunch I only showed her the key emails that showed obvious infidelity plus the DNA test results. She didn't doubt my evidence, she was upset and didn't say much mostly cried. As I said before we are now both working together lining our ducks in a row and having a confrontation at the same time at their work place.

 

I spoke with my lawyer and wow it is a sticky legal situation as many of you have mentioned. As for me getting the DNA samples of my kids it wasn't that hard while they were asleep.

 

I'm so furious at all this, I really want to have full custody of the kids and take them away from both of them! I will do whatever it takes to get my revenge, I assure you LS, justice is absolute I will no longer be a cuckhold provider to this manipulative whore. Before anyone says anything about using kids as revenge, please spare me, they were both happy to use their kids to get money off me it's only fair that I have legal custody over them I don't care if they give me money from OM to compensate for it, I don't need their money, I want my kids..... they are all I have

 

He knew they were his kids and was fine with not raising them. What a serious POS. Hang in there...keep posting. This is heartbreaking.

[Morbius]

He knew they were his kids and was fine with not raising them. What a serious POS. Hang in there...keep posting. This is heartbreaking.

 

I can't add anymore, OP I am glad the fire head been lit, and you know what must be done.

 

I am so very sorry for you, and your children. All of them.

 

I hope you burn them both beyond recognition. What a POS those two are. And they knew it and laughed at both of you. Pathetic is not the word, but so angry at this deliberate willful deception.

 

Time to go nuclear, but not until you and the other BS and children are safe in the bomb shelter.

 

NO PRISONERS, and please keep posting. A lot of caring and concerned people are here for you.

 

Beyond heartbreaking

[fellini]

She didn't doubt my evidence, she was upset and didn't say much mostly cried. As I said before we are now both working together lining our ducks in a row and having a confrontation at the same time at their work place.

(

 

I recommend you move quickly. You cannot know how she is going to react hour after hour as the truth of her husband's 15 year affair begins to dawn on her, just as it is for you: first talking about possible R, then calling her "manipulative whore". It is very possible either of you will burst with a single unexpected passing with either of your spouses.

 

You may very well not be able to plan your expose in the workplace, as fitting as it might well be. Emotions are raw is an understatement. You need to be ready for an explosion any moment now.

[oldshirt]

I recommend you move quickly. You cannot know how she is going to react hour after hour as the truth of her husband's 15 year affair begins to dawn on her, just as it is for you: first talking about possible R, then calling her "manipulative whore". It is very possible either of you will burst with a single unexpected passing with either of your spouses.

 

You may very well not be able to plan your expose in the workplace, as fitting as it might well be. Emotions are raw is an understatement. You need to be ready for an explosion any moment now.

 

 

This is true.

 

The OM' s wife is a wild card and can blow everything wide open at any moment.

 

I'm not sure how much damage that will really cause however. He has over a decades worth of emails and DNA evidence. There's not much the WW and OM can say or do about the affair.

 

This is more an issue of child custody, child support and parental rights now.

 

The OP has already secured a lawyer so even if the story breaks today the judge is going to blow a gasket and have a field day with everyone involved.

[Mr. Lucky]

Anyway, today I did something I never thought I would do amidst all of this mess. I contacted the OM's wife and asked her out to lunch. During lunch I told her everything. She had no idea either as she thought she was in a great marriage too. She cried for a little while and I didn't know what to do, I felt so bad for being a messenger of such bad news. Now the other BS and I are sort of working together on a game plan. We agreed that we will not confront our spouses just yet, we are lining our ducks in a row and we will confront them both at the same time at their work place when we're both ready with everything.

 

With this being the case, I'd be very concerned about disclosure. The other BS could easily crack for her own reasons and confront her WS - and by proxy your W - before you're ready for the sh*t to hit the fan. Get your legal game plan together quickly, might only have a day or two - or less...

 

Mr. Lucky

[aliveagain]

The other man and your wife knowing your daughters are O/M's children all these years without supporting them or bringing it to your attention will help you in Court when you go for custody. Separate your finances immediately.

[oldshirt]

The other man and your wife knowing your daughters are O/M's children all these years without supporting them or bringing it to your attention will help you in Court when you go for custody. Separate your finances immediately.

 

It is also valuable information when requesting back child support.

 

That will show that both were willfully deceiving and defrauding you to keep him from financially supporting his biological children.

 

Make sure you are getting all of the emails and texts and everything to your lawyer so it can be preserved and filed away as evidence.

 

You don't want her and the OM to start destroying evidence.

[Furious]

I know without a shadow of a doubt it's the OM's children as I have reviewed the thousand odd emails between them dating back at least 10 years. It's apparent that they both know it's his children, and he has asked her on numerous emails "how are my girls doing?" etc. sorry I missed mentioning that before, and I did mention the other 2 look a little like the OM if you look hard enough but mostly their mother.

 

It makes me literally throw up when I read their emails, I don't even know why I re-read them in my spare time. I'm seeing the full picture of their deception and how they laughed at both myself and the other BS all this time. I am going to send a usb with all the emails to OM wife asap. At lunch I only showed her the key emails that showed obvious infidelity plus the DNA test results. She didn't doubt my evidence, she was upset and didn't say much mostly cried. As I said before we are now both working together lining our ducks in a row and having a confrontation at the same time at their work place.

 

I spoke with my lawyer and wow it is a sticky legal situation as many of you have mentioned. As for me getting the DNA samples of my kids it wasn't that hard while they were asleep.

 

I'm so furious at all this, I really want to have full custody of the kids and take them away from both of them! I will do whatever it takes to get my revenge, I assure you LS, justice is absolute I will no longer be a cuckhold provider to this manipulative whore. Before anyone says anything about using kids as revenge, please spare me, they were both happy to use their kids to get money off me it's only fair that I have legal custody over them I don't care if they give me money from OM to compensate for it, I don't need their money, I want my kids..... they are all I have

 

 

I think confronting your wife and OM at their work place is a recipe for disaster.

 

At this time let logic rule over emotions.

 

I suggest you put into place that both you and the other betrayed spouse make arrangements that all your children go to a close relative or good friend's place so that they are not involved in confrontation.

 

I urge you to think ahead and do this with as much dignity and calm as possible when you and the other betrayed spouse expose their deceit.

 

Please, do not let your emotions rule over your common sense.

 

I know this will hugely difficult. Let out your steam, punch a pillow, go somewhere you can vent and yell, then pick yourself up and have the courage to deal with the pain later in private.

[eric1]

I am comfortable discussing and/or referring forensic recovery options.

 

Please discuss this with a lawyer within the next 24 hours. You will not only want printouts of the emails, but you may need to supply evidence that this information is real. Google "evidence continuity"

 

So, with a video camera on you in your lawyers offices print out the emails onto physical pieces of paper - WITH THE HEADERS INCLUDED. (example). It will take you a long time. Then video you copying the entirety of them into three bundles - one for you, one for the lawyer and one to get submitted into evidence. Obviously scan them to PDF or whatever too.

 

Back child support is can be hundreds of thousands of dollars.

 

By the way, OMW will eventually figure this out and may rat you out as this money is likely technically half hers now too (or will be if she isn't an epic doormat).

 

You WILL need a VAR on your person at all times.

[cozycottagelg]

I would have to agree with not exposing at work. That might be something to do if you found out about a ONS, or a short affair, but something like this, you won't get the reaction you're hoping for. They've probably had the "if we get caught" talk a million times in the decade they've been doing this.

 

If you go there and expose, you leave them in the arms of each other, "them against the world" mentality.

 

If it were me, I'd expose at home and let me spouse stew and worry how the other confrontation is going.

 

I don't know...the whole thing/lifestyle/crap is such a mind bleep.

[ladydesigner]

I say expose the heck out of them! Only way for them to suffer consequences and that's a start!

[understand50]

I know without a shadow of a doubt it's the OM's children as I have reviewed the thousand odd emails between them dating back at least 10 years. It's apparent that they both know it's his children, and he has asked her on numerous emails "how are my girls doing?" etc. sorry I missed mentioning that before, and I did mention the other 2 look a little like the OM if you look hard enough but mostly their mother.

 

It makes me literally throw up when I read their emails, I don't even know why I re-read them in my spare time. I'm seeing the full picture of their deception and how they laughed at both myself and the other BS all this time. I am going to send a usb with all the emails to OM wife asap. At lunch I only showed her the key emails that showed obvious infidelity plus the DNA test results. She didn't doubt my evidence, she was upset and didn't say much mostly cried. As I said before we are now both working together lining our ducks in a row and having a confrontation at the same time at their work place.

 

I spoke with my lawyer and wow it is a sticky legal situation as many of you have mentioned. As for me getting the DNA samples of my kids it wasn't that hard while they were asleep.

 

I'm so furious at all this, I really want to have full custody of the kids and take them away from both of them! I will do whatever it takes to get my revenge, I assure you LS, justice is absolute I will no longer be a cuckhold provider to this manipulative whore. Before anyone says anything about using kids as revenge, please spare me, they were both happy to use their kids to get money off me it's only fair that I have legal custody over them I don't care if they give me money from OM to compensate for it, I don't need their money, I want my kids..... they are all I have

 

 

Ok,

 

Now is the time to have a cool head. You can be mad later, but the future of YOUR children is at stake. Go to a lawyer, I think you will find that under the law you are the father, and will be able to get full custody. The idea of getting back child support, may have to go to the way side, as that may lessen your parental rights. Ask the Lawyer.

 

My only advise now is to think of yourself, and then of your children. Only that. What is the out come you want? Decide and figure it out, and move towards it. Make a plan and work towards it. This is a case, where revenge is a dish best eaten cold.

 

I wish you luck 1906