Wife has been having a LTA for 15 years

[elaine567]

The OM's wife made the suggestion of setting them up to look like drug addicts or alcoholics...

 

...don't do anything illegal.

 

x1000

 

Unless the OP and the OM's wife are familiar with drugs and dealers, then getting drugs to plant on the WSs is going to be a risky business.

Naïveté may get the BSs arrested, or even worse...

[lifedestroyed]

@OP: With a 15 year affair where they spent daily time together at work (maybe more time than with their spouses) and 2 children together, there is a very good chance that your wife and the OM will end up publicly together after you confront. They may already see their relationship as the primary relationship, and after you confront may move in together. My concern is that after you get divorced and claim his 2 biological children as your own, your 2 daughters will have the opportunity to bond with their biological father and their 1/2 siblings (his other children) when they stay with their mother, and he becomes their step-father. Long term you will be paying big time child support and he will have them as his daughters, where they view the OM as their real father, and you as the nice guy that sends the court mandated checks. This is a very real possible outcome. Also, know that courts often require the legal father to pay support for college. Before deciding on making the big claim in court that they are your children, talk to your attorney about this and think through how you will feel about pay child support in that situation. Not what you want to hear, but it may be your reality. Your story is one of the saddest stories in the history of this site.

 

I know my girls, they wouldn't want anything to do with that POS OM. He has deliberately not been in their lives while knowing he is their biological father. Understandable if he didn't know, but he did and refused to be any part of their lives, all for the sake of deception. How do you think they will view the OM after the fact? Surely they will not be interested in "bonding" with him while i'm "some nice guy paying mandated court checks", no, my girls love their daddy very much and I love my girls to bits, and my son too. I am 100% certain they would choose me over the OM.

 

And in response to other posters I wouldn't care about paying spousal support if it came to it. My wife and OM can easily find jobs anyway if they were to be fired from their jobs. This is more so revenge to take them off their high horses as they are highly regarded within their company. It is a very morally based company, no doubt they will lose their jobs or get demoted at the very least. I also doubt they have accomplices at work or outside of work. They work alone quite often and go on business trips alone together so it's no surprise this has been easily kept underground from everyone at their work place. All the better to humiliate them on Monday.

[beach]

What is your counselor working with you on?

 

 

Looking back over the years - do you think the business trips were suspicious? Any other little signs that you may have missed?

Edited June 10, 2015 by beach

[Morro72]

All the better to humiliate them on Monday.

If you are able to hang on until Monday I admire you.

[lifedestroyed]

What is your counselor working with you on?

 

 

Looking back over the years - do you think the business trips were suspicious? Any other little signs that you may have missed?

 

For now we are working on helping me understand why she would do this. My counselor would rather talk about other things first but I am insisting on getting the why why whys first (since I have not confronted my WW). The problem is I keep subconciously thinking that somehow it's my fault and that I failed somehow as a husband or something, and my counselor is working with me on that. It's a working progress I have only had one session so far.

 

Of course now I do! There was one time when I called my WW hotel room because her phone was going straight to VM and OM picked up. It was during the afternoon and they said that they were discussing things for their presentation. Stupid me ate up that BS like a fool, they were probably having their 3rd round of sex

 

If you are able to hang on until Monday I admire you.

 

OBS and I are ticking time bombs I tell you! So fingers crossed none of us snap before Monday!

 

 

And i'll also add that it really hurts thinking that my WW and OM may end up being together after all this . It hurts thinking that their affair could be their primary relationship . It hurts thinking of all the things they do at their work place and on business trips .... more things to discuss in IC

[understand50]

For now we are working on helping me understand why she would do this. My counselor would rather talk about other things first but I am insisting on getting the why why whys first (since I have not confronted my WW). The problem is I keep subconciously thinking that somehow it's my fault and that I failed somehow as a husband or something, and my counselor is working with me on that. It's a working progress I have only had one session so far.

 

Of course now I do! There was one time when I called my WW hotel room because her phone was going straight to VM and OM picked up. It was during the afternoon and they said that they were discussing things for their presentation. Stupid me ate up that BS like a fool, they were probably having their 3rd round of sex

 

 

 

OBS and I are ticking time bombs I tell you! So fingers crossed none of us snap before Monday!

 

 

And i'll also add that it really hurts thinking that my WW and OM may end up being together after all this . It hurts thinking that their affair could be their primary relationship . It hurts thinking of all the things they do at their work place and on business trips .... more things to discuss in IC

 

LS,

 

Thank you are handling this well. Cool heads work. I like that you are putting your kids first.

 

Hang in there, wish you the best of luck.

993

[Spectre]

My condolences, you married a disrespectful whore. I guess just be glad you got this terrible wife and mother out of your life now instead of being stuck with her forever.

 

I feel sorry for you and for any kids unlucky enough to belong to her.

[cozycottagelg]

Hang in there. I'm sure you are now questioning everything. I wonder how many of those "business trips" were actually company funded... if money isn't an issue, they could use that excuse as much as they needed to.

[Spectre]

I also have to say unfortunately they probably will end up together after all this. Terrible people with no morals probably have a lot of in common. People say opposites attract, but trash also seems to be attracted to other trash like a magnet.

[beach]

It's normal to want to know "why" - but with most - that answer is because they could - or because that they are just plain selfish.

 

The better question is "how can I make this different"? That question helps you to move forward so that it never looks like this again. But I think you are doing a good job of implementing the action part that drives things forward.

 

It's not your fault. She did this. That is on her - not you. There may never be a sufficient answer to explain just how selfish some cheaters can be. But know it's not your fault. It only shows evidence of what a liar she has been.

 

Trying to find answers to things that will never make sense is futile. Best to keep your best interest in mind as well as your kids.

 

 

Does OM have any kids?

Edited June 10, 2015 by beach

[bubbaganoosh]

Just my 2 cents but I don't think it's a good idea to confront them at work. Now you said your well off and could handle the hit but what about the OM wife? If he lost his job then how can he pay support for her kids? It can put her in a fiscal bind.

 

Maybe you should just have them served at work by a processor and hand them the divorce papers.

 

Having them lose their jobs only puts more of a strain on you and the OM wife.

 

You do what you feel is best but just think about it because it can cause more problems and that's something neither of you want.

[velvette]

For now we are working on helping me understand why she would do this. My counselor would rather talk about other things first but I am insisting on getting the why why whys first (since I have not confronted my WW). The problem is I keep subconciously thinking that somehow it's my fault and that I failed somehow as a husband or something, and my counselor is working with me on that. It's a working progress I have only had one session so far.

 

Of course now I do! There was one time when I called my WW hotel room because her phone was going straight to VM and OM picked up. It was during the afternoon and they said that they were discussing things for their presentation. Stupid me ate up that BS like a fool, they were probably having their 3rd round of sex

 

OBS and I are ticking time bombs I tell you! So fingers crossed none of us snap before Monday!

 

 

And i'll also add that it really hurts thinking that my WW and OM may end up being together after all this . It hurts thinking that their affair could be their primary relationship . It hurts thinking of all the things they do at their work place and on business trips .... more things to discuss in IC

 

While I certainly understand wanting to know the why, I doubt you will ever get an answer that makes sense to a normal person.

 

 

As to it being your fault, nah, not this level of deception. But, don't be surprised if your W tries to spin it that way once she knows she's caught.

 

 

They may not end up together. When the crap hits the fan, the weight of their lives falling down around them, may be more than their relationship can take.

[autumnnight]

I echo beach's words about whys. There will never be an understandable or acceptable "why" because there IS no understandable or acceptable why for something like this.

 

Before you take any action, ask yourself this:

 

How will this affect my children

 

How will this affect my settlement

 

How will I feel about it in 5 years

 

What am I teaching my children

[aliveagain]

Of course now I do! There was one time when I called my WW hotel room because her phone was going straight to VM and OM picked up. It was during the afternoon and they said that they were discussing things for their presentation. Stupid me ate up that BS like a fool, they were probably having their 3rd round of sex

 

See if you can find Sofie's post's(it might have been titled something like "Husband knows but hasn't confronted" or like that, perhaps others may know the link and post the link on here for you. She and O/M were on a business trip, they worked together , she and he were in bed together when her husband called her room early one morning.

 

Her O/M answered her hotel room phone without thinking, the husband asked to speak to his wife and O/M passed the phone to her. When she returned home she acted like nothing happened. She never confessed until her husband served her with divorce papers I think at work.

Edited June 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote and remove bolding

[beach]

Have you considered moving/separating your assets so that your wife can't move things into her own name once she knows you are aware of her infidelity?

 

I would suggest getting anything you can into your name only before she is served or becomes aware of you knowing.

 

The money you do have - is she a joint owner? If there is any way to protect yourself then now is the time to take precautions to do that.

 

Once she finds out - she will scramble to move assets...

[Cephalopod]

See if you can find Sofie's post's(it might have been titled something like "Husband knows but hasn't confronted" or like that, perhaps others may know the link and post the link on here for you. She and O/M were on a business trip, they worked together , she and he were in bed together when her husband called her room early one morning. Her O/M answered her hotel room phone without thinking, the husband asked to speak to his wife and O/M passed the phone to her. When she returned home she acted like nothing happened. She never confessed until her husband served her with divorce papers I think at work.

 

I tried finding this thread and could not.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

I'm trying to give benefit of the doubt to this thread, but with the above it's hard.

 

Those paternity DNA tests require multiple cheek swabs and they require the person's participation in getting it. The company makes strong statements saying they are not accurate when done without participation and they even mention not doing them on a sleeping person. They further claim that if you do you will get an inadequate result and when they go to process the test their quality control will catch this.

 

Even if that were not an issue, I can't imagine how you would get cheek swab DNA samples from sleeping children, especially older children, without waking them up.

 

I agree. There's so much speculation on the part of the OP, and his "proof," while evidence of some sexual shenanigans between his wife and her coworker, isn't really proof of a fifteen year relationship or that this guy in particular is the father of two of her children.

 

He originally stated that two of his wife's children were fathered by a man in particular. He has some emails, no DNA proof this guy is the father, and really a lot of circumstantial evidence (for example, "his girls" in the email could be a reference to her bosom, and not the two daughters).

 

The OP really doesn't "know" some of the things he claims to "know." It's a lot of speculation. That's why I suggested caution, especially when talking to this other guy's wife.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

I kind of assumed he took a sample of their hair while they were sleeping. I just read that hair can be used, but requires the follicle to be attached. I suppose he could of yanked one while they were sleeping. FYI, you can also have DNA testing done on chewing gum (sugar-free is preferred) or from a toothbrush.

 

Why are you doubting this thread Hope? I don't think anyone can make this story up.

I for one am doubting some of the OP's conclusions. That's not to say he is not telling a true story (though the story may be untrue, I don't know). I do think some of his conclusions are premature and dubious.

[elaine567]

I tried finding this thread and could not.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/426582-he-knows-about-my-affair-but-hasn-t-said-anything-update-disclosed

 

"It was on the last business trip I took to Florida it was with the om. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning the om answers the phone to both of our surprise it was my husband. My husband was calling to let me know my sister was just in a really bad car accident. I came back from the trip and he acted like nothing change this was on the last week of august" #5

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

The OM's wife and I decided to join forces legally, we both have the same lawyer now although it was not easy convincing him to agree to this. Yes it could have been a conflict of interest between OMW and I if money were an issue, thankfully it's not and i'm not interested in money anyways. Not to brag or anything, but my WS can do her worst to me in settlement and I would still be well off. OM's wife and I both have the same interests here at the end of the day and that's our children, so we have each others best interests and each others backs.

She's not very bright, is she?

 

This is a terrible idea.

 

I have no idea how a real life, competent lawyer would agree to this.

 

This is crossing over into strange territory.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

cut down to highlight the important parts.

 

The first post was 24 hours ago. The OP has been a busy man. He is falling in love, seen a lawyer and almost has a finalized divorce and In IC.

Yeah, this is unbelievable!

 

I'm a lawyer and am having a hard time accepting that a competent attorney would agree representing them both, since they can very easily wind up against each other in this or a related case.

 

Undeliverable. I mean literally, unbelievable.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

I know my girls, they wouldn't want anything to do with that POS OM.

Again, it's the lawyer in me, but you keep saying you "know" things that you really don't know. This is a bad habit. Strive for clarity. It will help things along.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

 

See if you can find Sofie's post's(it might have been titled something like "Husband knows but hasn't confronted" or like that, perhaps others may know the link and post the link on here for you. She and O/M were on a business trip, they worked together , she and he were in bed together when her husband called her room early one morning. Her O/M answered her hotel room phone without thinking, the husband asked to speak to his wife and O/M passed the phone to her. When she returned home she acted like nothing happened. She never confessed until her husband served her with divorce papers I think at work.

This detail reminded me of Sophie, too.

[drifter777]

Yes the timeline you wrote is almost correct!

 

I'll tweak and add a few more details on top of the timeline you just wrote to clarify:

 

- found text a month ago

 

- digging and DNA test sent in

 

- early last week the results of DNA test came in

 

- found the first email of OM mentioning my daughters as his children just before the weekend last week (I read them backwards not from the first one) which was after the DNA test (a very astute observation on your part, good work).

 

- finished reading all the emails a day before I made my first post here, now I am re-reading them to see if I missed any crucial details.

 

- the day I first posted I met with the OBS for lunch AFTER I had met my own lawyer in the morning.

 

- OBS and I spoke on the phone about having the same lawyer late afternoon, then by that very same evening we had arranged that with our lawyer and I organised IC for the next day.

 

- had my first IC session then went to meet with OBS and our lawyer, then had brunch with OBS afterwards.

 

It appears as though i've been busy but honestly I haven't at all. I have a very flexible job which gives me a lot of off days, for obvious reasons I will not divulge it here for the sake of anonymity. I am currently on my off days for the past week and a half so i'm not short of time to take care of things while WW is working and kids are at school. As I said before I don't want to boast, but money is not an issue for me so getting things done while having lots of time off is very easy. Perhaps this is not always the case for other BS's, i'm fortunate in this regard.

 

As for the "divorce close to being finalised", I think I worded it wrongly and you also assumed wrongly. I meant the things we wanted to sort out pre-confrontation are almost finalised; should actually be finalised in the next couple of days and definitely ready to confront first thing Monday morning next week (that's when OBS and I plan on executing our dual confrontation). OBS and I are trying our best to speed things up believe me we are both aching desperately to confront those two scums. The longer we wait for confrontation, the harder it is to hold everything in and act normal at home. We are both ticking time bombs.

 

As for OBS and I bonding "quickly" yes that is of course true because it's not like I met her for the first time recently. I have known OBS and her family for at least as long as the affair. Remember my WW has been working with the OM for longer than 15 years so I see OBS regularly at their many social work functions plus around the place on family outings. Of course our families are not close or anything, but going through this with OBS has made us very close instantly, it definitely feels like I have been close friends with her for a very long time even though our "new friendship" just developed overnight. I'm sure a few other people can attest to that? I don't know.

 

Again I apologise for not being entirely clear in my posts. If there are anymore things I can clarify please ask ahead. I will keep updating as our sad saga continues. Please keep me in your prayers LS, I appreciate your love and care from the bottom of my heart.

 

LD

 

 

How could you possibly get cheek swabs from sleeping teenagers? How could you have had the courage to do such a thing knowing that there was a decent chance you would wake them and then have zero chance of giving them an answer to why that didn't include "to find out if you are my biological child"?

 

 

Beyond that, exactly what are you waiting for that will help support your already air-tight case? I don't think waiting is doing anything but eating a hole in your stomach.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

How could you possibly get cheek swabs from sleeping teenagers? How could you have had the courage to do such a thing knowing that there was a decent chance you would wake them and then have zero chance of giving them an answer to why that didn't include "to find out if you are my biological child"?

 

 

Beyond that, exactly what are you waiting for that will help support your already air-tight case? I don't think waiting is doing anything but eating a hole in your stomach.

I think I know. I think you know too, Drifter.