My 1st love and 1st breakup

[SankeCoffee]

I just had a look at the book, and I will definitely get it. I have to say that in my 2 weeks of NC I broke it 3 times of which today was the last, as I have nothing more to gain and no more answers to get, but to be perfectly honest there is so much more I would want to say to her out of anger, but I know that wont get me anywhere. From here on full on NC starts as I really dont want her back and I have all the closure I need to know she never was the right girl for me and I can move on.

 

Read the book, there is free ebook versions all over the internet. Just spend this time working on yourself and become the best version of yourself. Stay strong with the NC, its gonna be hard, I know I have hard times ahead still, but I take comfort in knowing that my girl quit on me, if she would do it once, then it was bound to happen again. I'm lucky it ended when it did before I became more invested in her and things like buying a house and marriage can into the picture.

[SankeCoffee]

I know how you feel, I also thought my Ex was different...

 

I thought so too, cold hard truth is they are all the same.

[LakersFan81]

Hi,

 

I feel like I just need to vent somewhere and hopefully get some advice.

 

So this is my sad story.

 

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me 2 and a half weeks ago, her reason was "she feels like the romance is gone" which I don't completely agree with as I feel she just has the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. We have always had our fights as all couples do, but I always loved her from the bottom of my heart and I know for a fact that she loved me just as much if not more, currently she is 21 and I am 24. after the breakup we agreed to stay friends, which I found extremely difficult to do as I couldn't imagine just being friends with the girl I loved and shared everything with for 5 years.

 

After the 1st week I reached my breaking point and went begging for her to take me back, which I know realize was a big mistake and if anything just pushed her away further. She kept saying stuff like she hasn't given up on us but I should move on.

 

At the 2 week mark we ended up discussing the relationship again and she said she feels very guilty for causing me so much pain, I told her i'm not mad at her I cant force her to be in a relationship with me if she doesn't want to, and that I have said and done what I could to get her back. She then proceeded to ask if I had moved on, which I replied to that it wast easy but I was trying. She then asked if it was ok if she moved on, and I said yes, her reply kind of shocked me as she said that she was still hoping and clinging on to us, yet in the previous 2 weeks any attempt I made to get us back together she rejected.

 

So the next day I told her I had to speak with her and said that I could never only be her friend as I would always want more. So today is day 3 of no contact, but i miss her so much and her friends tell me that she is constantly looking at her phone and saying she misses me as well. I really love this girl and I really want her back but I don't know how to approach the situation as any attempt I have made to save the relationship has been met with rejection.

 

I constantly want to text her that I miss her but I know that would be the wrong thing to do, I know I should probably move on but this is the girl of my dreams, she is perfect in my eyes and I want to marry her one day. I cant imagine my life without her and I cant imagine anyone else ever taking her place.

 

What should I do ?

 

I went through the same thing last summer. I was 24, and my first serious relationship/first girl I actually loved dumped me after 5 years together. We will both get through it. I am better than I was last summer, but I still think about her every day.

 

Best thing to do is focus on yourself and goals, and forget about her and go NC. I know that's much easier said than done. I have been good on focusing on my goals part, but contacted her all the time the first month after the breakup, and have had a couple slip ups since then that have just put me back into deep depression.

 

Like everyone else says on here, do your best to not contact her. Delete her off social media, etc. She will talk to/sleep with other guys. I found out the other day my ex has been sleeping with another guy, and things are getting pretty serious between them, and in a weird way, it helped me some. It made me a little depressed when I first heard about it, but it also helped me finally accept the fact that it's time to move on with my life.

[Allirian]

Update: So the weekend went ok, I was mostly out with friends for the duration of the weekend, but today at work I saw a photo of her, and it reminded me of how beautiful she is, and all the good times we shared. I tried looking at my list of all the bad things and all the things that annoyed me about her, but that did not help at all. I really still miss her and I doubt I will take her back even if she does come back, but im now at that stage where im afraid I will never find someone as beautiful as her or someone that I loved as much or could share so many things with. I dont consider myself unattractive but I am quite short at 170m and I consider that my biggest let down when it comes to girls, my ex was 158 and we fit each other like gloves. I am by far the shortest of my friends and it really bothers me that I may never meet anyone again. I know this might be an irrational fear but I guess im at that stage of this entire process.

[Allirian]

Just here to vent a bit, I managed to come across a photo of her and her new bf yesterday, don't really know how as I wasn't looking for anything, but that set me back a bit and I had a terrible night. Bad dream after bad dream, some where she was with the other guy, some where we were still together ect. I have been talking to some girls that have shown interest but I just cant get myself to flirt back or ask them out on a date, I don't think I am ready for that yet, however she looks as happy as can be with her rebound and that really hurts. I think at this point the only thing that could make this whole situation worse would be if their relationship actually succeeded. I want it to crash and burn so much because this is the guy she left me for, I don't care what happens in her relationships after that, but this one cant succeed.

[DexterLS]

Just here to vent a bit, I managed to come across a photo of her and her new bf yesterday, don't really know how as I wasn't looking for anything, but that set me back a bit and I had a terrible night. Bad dream after bad dream, some where she was with the other guy, some where we were still together ect. I have been talking to some girls that have shown interest but I just cant get myself to flirt back or ask them out on a date, I don't think I am ready for that yet, however she looks as happy as can be with her rebound and that really hurts. I think at this point the only thing that could make this whole situation worse would be if their relationship actually succeeded. I want it to crash and burn so much because this is the guy she left me for, I don't care what happens in her relationships after that, but this one cant succeed.

 

I know how you feel bro. Girlfriend of 6 years cheated and dumped me for another one. I so want their relationship to fail although it's looking increasingly unlikely.

 

I guess it still hurts.

[Allirian]

I know how you feel bro. Girlfriend of 6 years cheated and dumped me for another one. I so want their relationship to fail although it's looking increasingly unlikely.

 

I guess it still hurts.

 

It hurts like hell yes, but the thing is mine did not cheat, this is just a rebound. She even admitted to it being a rebound when I last spoke to her about a week ago, so I really do hope this fails...

[tangotango]

I'm going through a break or break up now... has been nearly 3 weeks now.

 

I am only on day two of NC. We have had the odd texts back and forth, all light hearted.

 

However when I have called her for a chat and to see if she wants to have a face to face catch up either the calls have gone down hill i.e. I get emotional and spill my guts or she puts her guard up and doesn't give me anything.

 

It is tearing my heart out - resisting the urge to pick up the phone and send a text or call...

 

She was sending the odd 'hope your ok' message.... the last one was late Wednesday - I finished off by wishing her a good night... Had nothing yesterday when we were both off, obviously she didn't feel the desire to want to meet or do anything.

 

I did not bother texting her yesterday or today and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done.

 

I would love to know if she is ok... I would love to know how she is feeling...

 

Damn I want her back so much

[Allirian]

I'm going through a break or break up now... has been nearly 3 weeks now.

 

I am only on day two of NC. We have had the odd texts back and forth, all light hearted.

 

However when I have called her for a chat and to see if she wants to have a face to face catch up either the calls have gone down hill i.e. I get emotional and spill my guts or she puts her guard up and doesn't give me anything.

 

It is tearing my heart out - resisting the urge to pick up the phone and send a text or call...

 

She was sending the odd 'hope your ok' message.... the last one was late Wednesday - I finished off by wishing her a good night... Had nothing yesterday when we were both off, obviously she didn't feel the desire to want to meet or do anything.

 

I did not bother texting her yesterday or today and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done.

 

I would love to know if she is ok... I would love to know how she is feeling...

 

Damn I want her back so much

 

I was also at that stage not to long ago, wanting to constantly call or text her, but the reality that she really is gone and the situation is out of your hands will set in soon enough, and when that happens you will realize that you don't really want her back anymore, at least that was my case. Believe me you will still be miserable and you will miss her, but that will also pass in time i am sure. The thing I have come to realize about love and relationships is that if it really was meant to be you would have stayed together no matter what, there are couples that go through stuff a lot worse than we went through and still they support each other and love each other no matter what and those are the couples that are meant to be together. I thought I had that with my ex but I was wrong which means that my "The One" is still out there the one that will love me and stay with me no matter what, and I will do the same for her. So don't lose hope see this as a lesson and learn from it, It will get easier but its going to get a lot harder first. I know I have changed in this past month since my Ex left me and it was for the better I am a better person for it, and that means that the next girl that I give my heart to will get the new and better me and that makes me glad.

[Allirian]

Update: So I haven't posted anything in a while, not much has changed in my situation to be perfectly honest, I'm still NC, not stalking her in any form, In fact I have no idea whats going on in her life. I have to say that I do feel better, my birthday was a few days ago and I sort of expected her to at least send me a Happy Birthday out of respect and decency I mean we did spend 5 years together, but that did not happen.

 

I still miss her a lot and I still think of her all the time. Our anniversary is also coming up in a few days. I have no idea how she will react, and I also have no idea how the relationship with the new guy is going. I keep telling myself I don't care but deep down I know I do.

 

I am still not myself by a long shot and I cant see myself dating or committing to anyone anytime soon. As I have said in previous posts I would never take her back, but I like the idea of her rebound failing and her coming back to me for some sort of reconciliation after she has seen that indeed the grass is not greener on the other side. The thing that would be the worst thing in the world is if this relationship with this random Facebook fling actually succeeds.

 

I often find myself wondering is she still thinks about me and misses me and is wondering what I am doing and how I am, but I cant imagine that being the case while she is with this new guy.

 

So yeah that's it just wanted to vent a bit and maybe get some input again, the LS community has really helped me during this time.

[imbax]

Update: So I haven't posted anything in a while, not much has changed in my situation to be perfectly honest, I'm still NC, not stalking her in any form, In fact I have no idea whats going on in her life. I have to say that I do feel better, my birthday was a few days ago and I sort of expected her to at least send me a Happy Birthday out of respect and decency I mean we did spend 5 years together, but that did not happen.

 

I still miss her a lot and I still think of her all the time. Our anniversary is also coming up in a few days. I have no idea how she will react, and I also have no idea how the relationship with the new guy is going. I keep telling myself I don't care but deep down I know I do.

 

I am still not myself by a long shot and I cant see myself dating or committing to anyone anytime soon. As I have said in previous posts I would never take her back, but I like the idea of her rebound failing and her coming back to me for some sort of reconciliation after she has seen that indeed the grass is not greener on the other side. The thing that would be the worst thing in the world is if this relationship with this random Facebook fling actually succeeds.

 

I often find myself wondering is she still thinks about me and misses me and is wondering what I am doing and how I am, but I cant imagine that being the case while she is with this new guy.

 

So yeah that's it just wanted to vent a bit and maybe get some input again, the LS community has really helped me during this time.

 

hey mate you're going strong! Stronger than me this week as I have officially broken NC a few days earlier this week and got my heart ripped out a second time, made myself look pathetic and a weak fool. I am back to NC on day 0. I am with you all the way, don't make the same mistake I did. Keep your head up and think positive. Keep trying and we will get there. I am willing to fail a million times until I am happy.

[Shandaar]

hey mate you're going strong! Stronger than me this week as I have officially broken NC a few days earlier this week and got my heart ripped out a second time, made myself look pathetic and a weak fool. I am back to NC on day 0. I am with you all the way, don't make the same mistake I did. Keep your head up and think positive. Keep trying and we will get there. I am willing to fail a million times until I am happy.

 

I hope you feel better soon man, We are both going through a tough time.

Edited June 4, 2015 by Shandaar

[Allirian]

hey mate you're going strong! Stronger than me this week as I have officially broken NC a few days earlier this week and got my heart ripped out a second time, made myself look pathetic and a weak fool. I am back to NC on day 0. I am with you all the way, don't make the same mistake I did. Keep your head up and think positive. Keep trying and we will get there. I am willing to fail a million times until I am happy.

 

Hi Imbax,

 

You will also get there man, I really do consider this the toughest thing I have had to endure my entire life.

 

Some days are better than others, today is turning out to be one of those days again, I really really miss her, and am still constantly thinking about her, I would love to hear some stories of ex girlfriends that came back after being in a rebound relationship even if you guys did not take them back ?

[imbax]

Hi Imbax,

 

You will also get there man, I really do consider this the toughest thing I have had to endure my entire life.

 

Some days are better than others, today is turning out to be one of those days again, I really really miss her, and am still constantly thinking about her, I would love to hear some stories of ex girlfriends that came back after being in a rebound relationship even if you guys did not take them back ?

 

 

Hey buddy two people I know of on this forum. One of them has been around a while, and the other has his recent success story. You may know the two blokes: aloneinaz and hunk.

 

This is aloneinaz's story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/444849-dumper-came-back-2nd-time-dumpers-remorse

 

His dumper came back after about 6 months, he had truly moved on and is still in a happy relationship with a better girlfriend.

 

 

This is hunk's success story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/531826-nc-success-story-ex-came-back

 

Hunk made a 4 year recovery before his ex-girlfriend came back. By then he had already moved on and did not want to go back. His story is quite recent so have a read!

 

Enjoy!

[Allirian]

Hey buddy two people I know of on this forum. One of them has been around a while, and the other has his recent success story. You may know the two blokes: aloneinaz and hunk.

 

This is aloneinaz's story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/444849-dumper-came-back-2nd-time-dumpers-remorse

 

His dumper came back after about 6 months, he had truly moved on and is still in a happy relationship with a better girlfriend.

 

 

This is hunk's success story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/531826-nc-success-story-ex-came-back

 

Hunk made a 4 year recovery before his ex-girlfriend came back. By then he had already moved on and did not want to go back. His story is quite recent so have a read!

 

Enjoy!

 

Thanks Imbax,

 

I feel like I am going through a backslide, had the worst night last night since the start of the BU, I had 4 back to back nightmares all with different scenarios all ending badly for me. Nothing in my situation has changed nor did I go looking for any trouble, I guess that's just how it goes.

 

I am also constantly having arguments in my head with my ex, most notably what I am going to say when she comes back, if she comes back, and I know that this is wrong I need to get those thoughts out of my head, I need to completely forget about her, but as you guys know that is way easier said than done.

[imbax]

I get you man. I am feeling really lonely and empty inside today too.

[Allirian]

I would really love to get into another relationship right now because I know it will make me feel better but I know its gonna be a rebound and Im just going to hurt the other girl, So yeah I am also pretty lonely and feeling empty.

[Allirian]

Update: So I'm just sitting here at work today, wondering if she will ever realize that she might have made a mistake.

[imbax]

Update: So I'm just sitting here at work today, wondering if she will ever realize that she might have made a mistake.

 

hey man not sure if its me or the pain meds talking and numbing my emotions down but don't worry about what she thinks. just focus on yourself and forgetting about her. the rest will come in time. It doesn't even matter anymore right?

 

If she thought she made a mistake she would obviously contact you and let you know. But believe me, NOONE on planet earth or even the universe thinks that they are wrong or made a mistake. Every individual will justify their choice based on their own arguments in their own head. They might however be influenced by others, but ultimately deep down they have self-justification on the decision. (Which is why evil people don't see themselves as evil etc.)

 

What you can do now is FORGET her, just live in the present and enjoy yourself. Plan things that you like doing whether she is there or not, in the end, you are the one enjoying it. As selfish as this sounds, that is exactly what you need.

 

In fact, it is what I need too. I am planning to go on a long backpacking journey once I settle my job and entry into medical school here in my country. I need to get away from the emotional ties I have with this place. I suggest you plan something too to get your mind off stuff. Good luck buddy and let me know how you are!

[Allirian]

hey man not sure if its me or the pain meds talking and numbing my emotions down but don't worry about what she thinks. just focus on yourself and forgetting about her. the rest will come in time. It doesn't even matter anymore right?

 

If she thought she made a mistake she would obviously contact you and let you know. But believe me, NOONE on planet earth or even the universe thinks that they are wrong or made a mistake. Every individual will justify their choice based on their own arguments in their own head. They might however be influenced by others, but ultimately deep down they have self-justification on the decision. (Which is why evil people don't see themselves as evil etc.)

 

What you can do now is FORGET her, just live in the present and enjoy yourself. Plan things that you like doing whether she is there or not, in the end, you are the one enjoying it. As selfish as this sounds, that is exactly what you need.

 

In fact, it is what I need too. I am planning to go on a long backpacking journey once I settle my job and entry into medical school here in my country. I need to get away from the emotional ties I have with this place. I suggest you plan something too to get your mind off stuff. Good luck buddy and let me know how you are!

 

I suppose you are right Imbax, It does not matter, but wouldn't you agree that if your ex came back and said "Hey I made a mistake I am sorry" you would feel better, I know I would.

 

I guess I still need that validation, because I never in a million years thought that she would break up with me, so I guess at the moment its more of a bruised ego thing. The fact that she left me for another guy.

 

I am a very very competitive person and I hate losing, and at this point I am losing. Although I guess you could argue that I am the winner because she was not the right girl for me and I got out of a doomed relationship without any real issues such as marriage or kids, but at the moment I feel like I am losing because she is happy with another guy after 2 weeks of our relationship ending and I am still miserable and not able to forget about her or move on or get over her.

[imbax]

I suppose you are right Imbax, It does not matter, but wouldn't you agree that if your ex came back and said "Hey I made a mistake I am sorry" you would feel better, I know I would.

 

I guess I still need that validation, because I never in a million years thought that she would break up with me, so I guess at the moment its more of a bruised ego thing. The fact that she left me for another guy.

 

I am a very very competitive person and I hate losing, and at this point I am losing. Although I guess you could argue that I am the winner because she was not the right girl for me and I got out of a doomed relationship without any real issues such as marriage or kids, but at the moment I feel like I am losing because she is happy with another guy after 2 weeks of our relationship ending and I am still miserable and not able to forget about her or move on or get over her.

 

 

This just proves how much of a real winner you are because you don't actually need anyone but yourself to make you happy.

 

You are right, things could have gone south a lot more before kids and marriage were involved. Consider yourself lucky and a step towards meeting your soulmate. She is out there somewhere

[Yummm]

Chin up guys, we're all going through a rough patch, but the longer you enforce NC the better you feel, really.

 

You want validation from her, as do I, but staying NC gives you that validation, you get your power back.

 

I've been in NC for 3 weeks and have had 2 'breadcrumb' initiations from my ex, not responding has been SO HARD yet SO EMPOWERING afterwards.

 

Keep up

[Allirian]

Chin up guys, we're all going through a rough patch, but the longer you enforce NC the better you feel, really.

 

You want validation from her, as do I, but staying NC gives you that validation, you get your power back.

 

I've been in NC for 3 weeks and have had 2 'breadcrumb' initiations from my ex, not responding has been SO HARD yet SO EMPOWERING afterwards.

 

Keep up

 

I would actually love a breadcrumb just as some form of validation from her side, even though I would never respond to it, but just the fact that she is still thinking of me for whatever reason will make me feel better, and after that I will feel like I have all the power again, as in my current state I feel pretty much powerless.

[Yummm]

So continue with NC, but not in hope of her missing you and messaging you.

 

I know it's easier said than done mate, because deep down I feel the same way, but you have to start thinking logically.

 

EMOTIONS will always make you feel otherwise, but aslong as you know that DEEP DOWN you'll be okay and you don't want her back, following through with NC will allow you to start thinking more logically.

 

You will have blips, heck, I had a terrible blip the other day, check my thread! But I came out stronger and more empowered, you will too.

[Allirian]

So continue with NC, but not in hope of her missing you and messaging you.

 

I know it's easier said than done mate, because deep down I feel the same way, but you have to start thinking logically.

 

EMOTIONS will always make you feel otherwise, but aslong as you know that DEEP DOWN you'll be okay and you don't want her back, following through with NC will allow you to start thinking more logically.

 

You will have blips, heck, I had a terrible blip the other day, check my thread! But I came out stronger and more empowered, you will too.

 

I am looking forward to that day, today marks 2 weeks NC, and I have to say I don't have any urge to break it. I don't want to contact her I just want my vengeance! Sorry had a moment there.

 

But I will keep you updated, thanks for all the support.