Author Allirian Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 (edited) Update: Today is day 20 of NC, I have to say the last 3 days have been rough, I have not broken NC yet but I am nearing it. I don't want to text her as I have nothing to say to her, but I want to check her Whatsapp and her Facebook although I know I am going to see something that I don't want to. I have always had a very good relationship with her parents and I also would like to text her mother just to ask how things are, but I know I should not. I really have no idea if the relationship with the new guy is going good or if its still going, but I guess if it failed one of my friends would have told me by now, I also know that it has nothing to do with me, but I'm sure you all know what this feels like and that it is not that easy to just move on and not let it bother you. Edited June 10, 2015 by Allirian Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Hang in there buddy. I broke 3 weeks NC the other day by stalking her Facebook, I saw something that really hurt me, it set me back. I finally deleted & blocked her on FB and removed her from my phone. NC and healing starting again... Don't break NC, it's not worth it, will only hurt you more, there is NOTHING you will gain from it. Keep reminding yourself when you get the urges that you know all you will do is hurt after breaking NC. Stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allirian Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 Update: So I did a bad thing today and broke NC, I did not actually contact her in any shape or form but I put her number back on my phone and checked Whatsapp. I have to say I was expecting worse, it did sting a little seeing her again and her status also hurt a little, but I thought it would hit me a lot harder than it did. So anyway I thought that by now she definitely would've had a photo of the 2 of them on but she only had a selfie of her, I also noticed that she is no longer wearing any of the jewelry I had bought her. Her status read "If you love someone love them completely, cherish them but most importantly, show them" so yeah that kinda hurt as she barely knows the dude a month, but I just thought I should share this, starting my NC at day 1 again hopefully I can keep it up permanently this time... Link to post Share on other sites
aandy23 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Hi, Allirian. I´ve been reading all your posts. It somehow feels better to know you are not the only one who is hurting, because sometimes you feel like no one in this world has ever felt the way you do... don`t you? After two months of back and forth, of "no`s" and "maybe's" and "I need time to think", my ex (auch) boyfriend broke up with me yesterday,after a 2 year relationship, it is SO raw, I know, but I feel like i've been through hell these past two months... I barely survived the night, like really I understand fully what you are feeling. These months i have done EVERYTHING to get him back, but nothing has helped. I think the key in this process, when you can say that you are finally "getting over it" is when you lose every inch of HOPE. I respect everything I read in this post, yes, you have to give up on her, to lose hope, but you also have to TAKE YOUR TIME, to be gentle with yourself. You have to breathe, to let all this new information settle down. I don't like to think of myself as a victim, I think everyone is were he has to be, everything happens for a reason, even if we don't get it right now... I still don't lose hope, but if things continue like this, eventually I will. Just don't try to hurry, or to be hard on yourself, or to do EVERYTHING they tell you to... take YOUR time to heal. It will get better, we will make it through it, (i hope haha) You are not alone with this feeling, stay strong )) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allirian Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 Hi, Allirian. I´ve been reading all your posts. It somehow feels better to know you are not the only one who is hurting, because sometimes you feel like no one in this world has ever felt the way you do... don`t you? After two months of back and forth, of "no`s" and "maybe's" and "I need time to think", my ex (auch) boyfriend broke up with me yesterday,after a 2 year relationship, it is SO raw, I know, but I feel like i've been through hell these past two months... I barely survived the night, like really I understand fully what you are feeling. These months i have done EVERYTHING to get him back, but nothing has helped. I think the key in this process, when you can say that you are finally "getting over it" is when you lose every inch of HOPE. I respect everything I read in this post, yes, you have to give up on her, to lose hope, but you also have to TAKE YOUR TIME, to be gentle with yourself. You have to breathe, to let all this new information settle down. I don't like to think of myself as a victim, I think everyone is were he has to be, everything happens for a reason, even if we don't get it right now... I still don't lose hope, but if things continue like this, eventually I will. Just don't try to hurry, or to be hard on yourself, or to do EVERYTHING they tell you to... take YOUR time to heal. It will get better, we will make it through it, (i hope haha) You are not alone with this feeling, stay strong )) Hi aandy23, Thanks for reading my posts and taking the time to reply. It does make me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one, misery loves company I guess. The only thing that really really still hurts is the fact that this girl I loved with my entire heart and soul and who I thought felt the same about me for 5 years, could just forget about me in such a short time... at the end of the day I suppose I should be grateful as I very nearly proposed to her and it would've had terrible repercussions in the long run, might even have had children involved, so rather now than in 2 or 3 years time. Doesn't make it hurt any less though. Link to post Share on other sites
DexterLS Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I'm in the same boat as you. Well quite. GF of 6 years cheated and left me for someone else. First love as well and first breakup too. It's been hard. We have cut contact for 20 days now, but today is the first day of stick NC (I checked her Whatsapp & Facebook too yesterday) Hang in there, buddy! NC is the way to go whether we like it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allirian Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 I'm in the same boat as you. Well quite. GF of 6 years cheated and left me for someone else. First love as well and first breakup too. It's been hard. We have cut contact for 20 days now, but today is the first day of stick NC (I checked her Whatsapp & Facebook too yesterday) Hang in there, buddy! NC is the way to go whether we like it or not. Thanks man I am trying, I would really love to get into another relationship but I'm so far from over my ex it would just be unfair towards the other girl. I am just taking it day by day crawling out of hell one inch at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
imbax Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Thanks man I am trying, I would really love to get into another relationship but I'm so far from over my ex it would just be unfair towards the other girl. I am just taking it day by day crawling out of hell one inch at a time. Hey Allirian, do you feel like you cannot trust another girl ever again? This is the way I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allirian Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 Hey Allirian, do you feel like you cannot trust another girl ever again? This is the way I feel. Hi Imbax, I would not say that no, I have always been a very trusting person, and the most important thing in a relationship to me is absolute trust. When I do get into another relationship I don't think the main issue from my side would be trust, it would be getting invested and committed too quickly. This was my 1st real relationship and my 1st love so I poured everything I had into it, I invested so much time and effort and money and for what ? To be dumped for some random nobody... so yeah that is the only issue I have currently I guess you could link it to trust in a way. Link to post Share on other sites
DexterLS Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Do not get into a relationship now. Clearly you are not over your ex yet and it will be really unfair to the other girl. Give it a few more weeks so you're stable enough to get back out there. @imbax: I know how you feel. I feel exactly the same way but I also realise that this is just temporary. This is how we're supposed to feel but I do know that a few months down the line, we will all be okay. We will learn to love again, I am very positive about that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allirian Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 Do not get into a relationship now. Clearly you are not over your ex yet and it will be really unfair to the other girl. Give it a few more weeks so you're stable enough to get back out there. @imbax: I know how you feel. I feel exactly the same way but I also realise that this is just temporary. This is how we're supposed to feel but I do know that a few months down the line, we will all be okay. We will learn to love again, I am very positive about that! I have been single for so long I have no idea where to start looking for a new girl, or how to act when I see one haha I never thought I would have to go through this again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allirian Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 Just wanted to share this with you guys, since the breakup I joined a gym, I signed up for another degree and I used to be a avid cyclist but I sort of lost touch with it, and today I signed up for my 1st race in years and training begins tomorrow. So what I am getting at is since the breakup I have been bettering myself in all aspects of life, and hopefully I will meet the girl of my dreams along the way. If my ex and I stayed together none of these things would ever have happened. Like I said previously, I have always believed that everything in life happens for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allirian Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, Haven't posted here in a while, just wanted to share some of the things that has happened since. So last week Monday I was with a couple of friends and we were playing some board games, I was out for the round so I decided to scavenge for some music on one buddies phone, I came across a open Whatsapp tab on her name. As it turns out she openly started to discuss our sex life with him, just randomly out of the blue, so I told my best friend and he sent her a message on Facebook the next day asking her what she is trying to achieve by slandering my name, her replies were basically all lies she denied ever having discussed our sex life with anyone, she lied about when and how she met her new boyfriend, she told my friend that I treated her very badly during the relationship and that I verbally abused her continuously, ect. basically a bunch of blatant lies. So the day after that I decided to break NC and sent her a very very long text confronting her about all the lies she is spreading and detailing that I know about everything, the sex stories, when and how she met the guy, that she has been saying all these bad things about me that are not even remotely true,that she has been lying to my friends and a bunch of other stuff. She did reply and she said that "We both know that she lost the most here" and she is basically pissed that I left her and told her I don't want to be friends after she and the new guy started dating, she feels like I abandoned her. So after this whole exchange I just wished her well and I have been back to strict NC. To tell you the truth knowing what I now know, about the lies and the slandering and her entire mindset about the whole thing, I feel a lot better, I haven't been thinking about her as much, I have no urge to snoop or contact her, I still feel pretty lonely though but that will pass as well, I still don't think I am ready for a new relationship and I don't want a rebound. Would be interesting to hear your opinions on the matter. Edited June 23, 2015 by Allirian Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allirian Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Today would have been our 5 year anniversary, feeling a bit down again today as is expected I suppose. Cant help but wonder what she is thinking about on this day, the day that used to be our day... Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I know it hurts, but you just have to try think of it as another normal day. Your 'anniversary' thoughts will appear alot today, but don't dwell on them, distract yourself and put them to the back of your head. Don't over-analyse, make this day about you and let them thoughts pass in the background! Stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allirian Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 I know it hurts, but you just have to try think of it as another normal day. Your 'anniversary' thoughts will appear alot today, but don't dwell on them, distract yourself and put them to the back of your head. Don't over-analyse, make this day about you and let them thoughts pass in the background! Stay strong Thanks Yummm, I will keep busy for the rest of the day, and try not to think about it as much. Link to post Share on other sites
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