My 1st love and 1st breakup

[Allirian]

Sorry, but you won't love this girl until the day you die.

 

Go ahead and block her on Facebook! Very important. It will greatly delay your healing if you don't block her -- and all mutual friends, for now.

 

You're not "shutting her out" or "denying her existence".... you're looking after yourself. You need to limit exposure right now so you can heal.

 

Go ahead and do it! It really helps.

 

I know I'm going to get flack for this, but I'm not ready for that yet. I feel like I have really made progress since last week, the constant urge I had to text her is gone, and I owe that mostly to you guys. I still miss her to death, and I wish that she would come back, but those feelings are starting to subside and I am thinking about myself and focusing on myself. As I said I don't check her Facebook and the only time I go on Whatsapp is when I get a text from a friend and even then I only answer them back and then I'm off again. I guess I still have that lingering hope that she will come back within the next few weeks or months, but I am sure that in time that feeling will also pass and I will accept what has happened and be able to move on completely.

Edited May 13, 2015 by Allirian

[geronimo]

I'm just gonna give you my two cents from my experience bro. Like I said I'm in almost exactly the same situation as you except almost 6 months post breakup now. Trust me I felt the same way about fb and other social media blocking that u do but in the end it's not even worth it. My ex broke up with me near the end of October, we still kept in contact and saw eachother and kissed and everything until Nov 21 (I'm prolly never gonna forget that day) she told me she loved me but not even a single tear or sign of remorse came from her while I was a mess. I guess that's why they say actions speak louder than words. I even ended up calling her after she left cuz I had left something in her car by accident and told her to just throw it out if she's not gonna use it and even then on the phone she told me she loved me and will love me forever and that its just a ****ty situation and she'll always care about me blah blah blah, but we have to break up and we have to stop talking to eachother so she can get over it.

 

I respected her wish and kept NC after that but I stalked, I didn't block nothing. Little did I know that my stalking (intense stalking - something no one should or should have to do) led me to find out she was interested in another guy and that guy had recently told her that he liked her. So all her bs didn't mean **** cuz she clearly left me to be with him. Trust me you don't want to find that out and that feeling is the absolute worst feeling in the world and it kicks u down hard! Your ego, pride and everything will be shattered and it's not an easy thing to build up.

 

I never thought this girl was the kind to do this, my friends were all shocked as well they all thought of her and I were to ever break up it would be me pulling the trigger not her. She seemed a lot more invested and dependant on me but clearly she fooled us all. I still love her and if she is happy in her new relationship, so be it, nothing I can do about it anyways.

 

6 months later I do believe I deserve a lot better than her and someone that is willing to do for me the same as I am for them. I always felt my relationship was very one sided where I was giving it my all while she wasn't. And I'm sure it's the same case for you. We will both love these girls for a while but you gotta know your worth and what you deserve. That's what will ultimately help you move on and realize that she deserves no place in your life, not even something stupid as Facebook.

[Allirian]

Update: So day 6 of NC, luckily no nightmares last night and I actually managed to sleep through an entire night without waking up. I'm also going to a friends house party tomorrow, hopefully that will also help clear my head.

[Allirian]

Update: Today marks my 1 week NC point, and to be honest I did not think I would make it this far but I have! I guess from here its just one foot in front of the other and taking it day by day, I can feel myself becoming happier again and returning to my old self. I still have a immense pain and longing inside of me, and I cant help but wonder what she is thinking about and whether or not she has replaced me already. I think for now this will be my last post until something drastically changes or until I feel I really need some support again, all I can say is thanks to everyone for helping me through this, and I hope you all get through your pain and suffering and make it out whole on the other side.

[Allirian]

So I know I said that the previous post would be my last, but I feel that I need to share the event that transpired last night. So I have said before that I have not deleted het from Facebook or deleted her number, however last night when I went to look up a contact in whatsapp, I saw her status (<3 a perfect new beginning <3) now that to me means that there is already someone else after just 3 weeks, and I know that you guys are going to tell me that she probably met this guy long ago and got interested in him and now that im out of the way she can do what she wants, but it just really hurts alot to think that she can just throw away the 5 years we had together and jump into another relationship straight away. Anyway at this point Im filled with more rage than sadness, and I have now completely removed her from my life, deleted her number, removed her from my facebook and deleted all our pictures. I am now really trying to forget that she ever existed, and all the hope I had that she would maybe be back is gone, and even is she does come back I doubt I will take her back because in my eyes if she needs to go out and date and sleep with other guys for her to realize that im the right guy for her, she is definitely not the right girl for me.

[imbax]

I am sorry you had to experience this. I made it recently to 1 month post BU not a single whisper from her. I have decided that today is the day I delete her whatsapp from my list. I am so sick and tired of missing her. I am cut so deep I am in tears. She doesn't care about me and never will. I keep dreaming about her, maybe we can be together in another life. It's all my fault for the failure, I was expecting too much from her. I am a failure.

 

I suggest you also block her on FB and delete her whatsapp too. It only raises questions and causes you to over think / analyse things. I don't think I will ever be happy again, she was truly the one that got away. I am going to end up like one of those creepy old men who are not married and are still in love with their ex who left them 50 years ago.

 

Stay strong buddy, we are going through the same stuff.

[Thecondor1991]

Well I cant give you advice as I am almost in the exact same position. My girlfriend and I were friends for 2 years and romantically involved for over two years, so four years of seeing her everyday, four years of fun, love, and hard times. I am on day 3 of Nc and this **** hurts. I mean, I have literally been stabbed before, punched, had a broken arm, and a concussion, and would rather have all that happen to me than this.I want to text her to tell her about my day, I want to text her to tell her good night, but I know that would be a huge mistake. If you need to talk though, I'm here for you because I know exactly what your going through.

Edited May 16, 2015 by Thecondor1991

[Allirian]

I really have never felt any pain or sorrow like this before in my life, I do not wish this feeling unto my biggest enemy. I made a mistake yesterday and broke NC as I just could not anymore. I texted her that I miss her. Her reply was yet another rejection, I dont know why I did it but I feel that was the final closure I needed to try and begin moving on, but im just not sure how, every thought I have is of her, everything reminds me of her. No matter what I do to try and keep myself busy I cant stop thinking of her and how seemingly easily she has been able to move on and and forget about me, I feel misused and I feel betrayed. There was nothing I would not have done for that girl and I feel like she just sucked what she could from me and now that shes done with me just discards my hollow empty shell. I am considering going to see a professional so that he/she can help me start to work through this because I am not strong enough to do it on my own, I feel broken and worthless, this girl was my everything she was all i ever wanted out of life and she could just throw me away...

[imbax]

hey man i feel your pain, it is hard and gets harder as time goes by. How long has it been since your BU? I don't know what to say anymore. We give our girls everything, and in return they pull away and dump us.

 

I don't even know what to do....I can't trust another person...I think I will become a robot from now on.

 

This dull ache is seriously getting comforting. Is that weird? To feel the dull ache so much that it becomes normal for you? And you go into zombie mode with no emotions for anything you do pretending to be happy and have a joke but inside you are dying in pain.

[Allirian]

Today will be 3 weeks, I hit the gym earlier today and i feel slightly better after that, Im just going to take it as it comes it has to get better at some point.

[imbax]

Today will be 3 weeks, I hit the gym earlier today and i feel slightly better after that, Im just going to take it as it comes it has to get better at some point.

 

good luck man, stay strong and know that we are with you and going through the same **** as you are. hopefully we can make it to the end in one piece.

[Thecondor1991]

I really have never felt any pain or sorrow like this before in my life, I do not wish this feeling unto my biggest enemy. I made a mistake yesterday and broke NC as I just could not anymore. I texted her that I miss her. Her reply was yet another rejection, I dont know why I did it but I feel that was the final closure I needed to try and begin moving on, but im just not sure how, every thought I have is of her, everything reminds me of her. No matter what I do to try and keep myself busy I cant stop thinking of her and how seemingly easily she has been able to move on and and forget about me, I feel misused and I feel betrayed. There was nothing I would not have done for that girl and I feel like she just sucked what she could from me and now that shes done with me just discards my hollow empty shell. I am considering going to see a professional so that he/she can help me start to work through this because I am not strong enough to do it on my own, I feel broken and worthless, this girl was my everything she was all i ever wanted out of life and she could just throw me away...

Man I feel you...I have literally been stabbed, had broken bones and a concussion and would still rather feel all that at once than feel the pain of this BU. Its enough to make you want to just close yourself off from the world and never try again, but please know, that I am going through it too. Its only been 4 days since my BU and its still so fresh. And I going to keep moving. I'm going to keep working on becoming a better me and I'm going to keep hoping for things to get better. My dad told me something that has been helping a bit, he said to me "Look at it like this, when you get your heart broken, all those awful feelings, the not knowing what to do, the confusion, the pain, the regret, and the sadness, those awful feelings let you know that you've hit rock bottom. Want to know why its a good thing that you hit rock bottom? Because you cant go any lower and now you have to climb up."

[Allirian]

Man I feel you...I have literally been stabbed, had broken bones and a concussion and would still rather feel all that at once than feel the pain of this BU. Its enough to make you want to just close yourself off from the world and never try again, but please know, that I am going through it too. Its only been 4 days since my BU and its still so fresh. And I going to keep moving. I'm going to keep working on becoming a better me and I'm going to keep hoping for things to get better. My dad told me something that has been helping a bit, he said to me "Look at it like this, when you get your heart broken, all those awful feelings, the not knowing what to do, the confusion, the pain, the regret, and the sadness, those awful feelings let you know that you've hit rock bottom. Want to know why its a good thing that you hit rock bottom? Because you cant go any lower and now you have to climb up."

 

Those are some wise words from your dad, but I dont think ive hit my rock bottom yet, that day will come when i see she really is in another relationship, but yes after that it really cant get any worse.

[Allirian]

So my words werent even cold yet, just saw she is in antoher relationship with a guy she met on facebook the day after we broke up. So this is it, it cant get any worse and now my healing process can begin. I hope she enjoys her rebound.

[Thecondor1991]

So my words werent even cold yet, just saw she is in antoher relationship with a guy she met on facebook the day after we broke up. So this is it, it cant get any worse and now my healing process can begin. I hope she enjoys her rebound.

It'll be ok. Im sure I'll see my ex today too.

[Allirian]

In your opinion do rebound relationships last ?

Im beyond the point of wanting her back I will never be able to trust or love her like I did after what she did to me, but I want her to learn her lesson and realize what she has lost, I know this isnt really the right mentality but I am too angry to be rational right now.

[Allirian]

Update: So I said she was in a relationship with another guy within 3 weeks of us breaking up, but it was driving me mad where she met this guy and how they got together because I needed to know if she cheated on me. I work as a Network Security Engineer so I know my way around hacking stuff, so I hacked her Facebook and Gmail and read her messages after we broke up ( I know this is extremely childish and low and should never be done, but I needed answers for my own sanity sake) Turns out that she was lying to all her friends about why she left me making me out as the bad guy stating things that werent true and she started flirting with 3 other guys the same day we broke up, so long story short is, I am hurting now more than ever because I realized how little our 5 year relationship actually meant to her, but at the same time I am relieved as I feel that I have dodged a bullet by not asking her to marry me. I always believe things happen for a reason and I think this happened to show me her true colors.

Edited May 21, 2015 by Allirian

[imbax]

Update: So I said she was in a relationship with another guy within 3 weeks of us breaking up, but it was driving me mad where she met this guy and how they got together because I needed to know if she cheated on me. I work as a Network Security Engineer so I know my way around hacking stuff, so I hacked her Facebook and Gmail and read her messages after we broke up ( I know this is extremely childish and low and should never be done, but I needed answers for my own sanity sake) Turns out that she was lying to all her friends about why she left me making me out as the bad guy stating things that werent true and she started flirting with 3 other guys the same day we broke up, so long story short is, I am hurting now more than ever because I realized how little our 5 year relationship actually meant to her, but at the same time I am relieved as I feel that I have dodged a bullet by not asking her to marry me. I always believe things happen for a reason and I think this happened to show me her true colors.

 

Wow Allirian, I am jealous of your computer hacking skills. I've always wanted to find out the real reason why my girlfriend broke up with me too. If there is another guy involved etc. That would really suck to see it in truth and in person though but it does confirm that she wasn't the one and she has definitely moved on. Girls get so damn slutty when they break up, it really sucks for us ex-boyfriends. You must feel like crap at the moment. I guess just take it as a form of closure and start your journey to moving on.

[Allirian]

Wow Allirian, I am jealous of your computer hacking skills. I've always wanted to find out the real reason why my girlfriend broke up with me too. If there is another guy involved etc. That would really suck to see it in truth and in person though but it does confirm that she wasn't the one and she has definitely moved on. Girls get so damn slutty when they break up, it really sucks for us ex-boyfriends. You must feel like crap at the moment. I guess just take it as a form of closure and start your journey to moving on.

 

Yes I now know without a doubt that she was never the girl for me, it just really hurts having had thought so for the last 5 years, it feels unreal seeing her with someone else, and reading stuff she sends a guy she knows for 3 weeks that she didnt even send me in 5 years. But one thing is for sure, this is one girl I never want in my life again.

[imbax]

Yes I now know without a doubt that she was never the girl for me, it just really hurts having had thought so for the last 5 years, it feels unreal seeing her with someone else, and reading stuff she sends a guy she knows for 3 weeks that she didnt even send me in 5 years. But one thing is for sure, this is one girl I never want in my life again.

 

Good. Now time to go full NC and move on with your own life. Yes it will be hard at times (you have to try not to use your computer hacking skills to stalk her). Block and remove her from everything you can. Then let time do its trick. Post here on LS whenever you are feeling you need to vent or are hurting. I'll get back to you for as long as I am still in love and hurting about my ex.

 

Lets do this!

[Allirian]

Good. Now time to go full NC and move on with your own life. Yes it will be hard at times (you have to try not to use your computer hacking skills to stalk her). Block and remove her from everything you can. Then let time do its trick. Post here on LS whenever you are feeling you need to vent or are hurting. I'll get back to you for as long as I am still in love and hurting about my ex.

 

Lets do this!

 

Haha sounds like a plan, I never though a little sweet innocent girl would get me down this much... But yes lets get through this together.

[SankeCoffee]

Kinda of in the same boat, She broke up with me 4 weeks ago, been in NC for the past 20 days of so. First week was the hardest, its getting better tho. I still feel the ache in my stomach. She is the first thing I think of when I wake up, and when I get home from work it hits me pretty hard, I hit the gym then and funnel that pain into an intense workout. I had hope she would reach out to me at some point during the past days of NC, but that is a false hope, she is gone. Look at your relationship and learn some lessons about what you want in a future one, and how to better yourself from your experience. A lot of guys lose themselves in a first relationship by always trying to please there girlfriends, and in turn these girls get bored and start to detach. I would recommend you read "The way of the superior man" by David Deida, its a good read all men should read. Learn from your failures, and grow, that is what life is about, always moving forward!!

!

Edited May 21, 2015 by SankeCoffee

[imbax]

Kinda of in the same boat, She broke up with me 4 weeks ago, been in NC for the past 20 days of so. First week was the hardest, its getting better tho. I still feel the ache in my stomach. She is the first thing I think of when I wake up, and when I get home from work it hits me pretty hard, I hit the gym then and funnel that pain into an intense workout. I had hope she would reach out to me at some point during the past days of NC, but that is a false hope, she is gone. Look at your relationship and learn some lessons about what you want in a future one, and how to better yourself from your experience. A lot of guys lose themselves in a first relationship by always trying to please there girlfriends, and in turn these girls get bored and start to detach. I would recommend you read "The way of the superior man" by David Deida, its a good read all men should read. Learn from your failures, and grow, that is what life is about, always moving forward!!

!

 

Thought my ex was different that's why I continued treating her like a princess

[Allirian]

Kinda of in the same boat, She broke up with me 4 weeks ago, been in NC for the past 20 days of so. First week was the hardest, its getting better tho. I still feel the ache in my stomach. She is the first thing I think of when I wake up, and when I get home from work it hits me pretty hard, I hit the gym then and funnel that pain into an intense workout. I had hope she would reach out to me at some point during the past days of NC, but that is a false hope, she is gone. Look at your relationship and learn some lessons about what you want in a future one, and how to better yourself from your experience. A lot of guys lose themselves in a first relationship by always trying to please there girlfriends, and in turn these girls get bored and start to detach. I would recommend you read "The way of the superior man" by David Deida, its a good read all men should read. Learn from your failures, and grow, that is what life is about, always moving forward!!

!

 

I just had a look at the book, and I will definitely get it. I have to say that in my 2 weeks of NC I broke it 3 times of which today was the last, as I have nothing more to gain and no more answers to get, but to be perfectly honest there is so much more I would want to say to her out of anger, but I know that wont get me anywhere. From here on full on NC starts as I really dont want her back and I have all the closure I need to know she never was the right girl for me and I can move on.

[Allirian]

Thought my ex was different that's why I continued treating her like a princess

 

I know how you feel, I also thought my Ex was different...