Top tier men are hoarding all the women

[elaine567]

It will happen most of the time.

Well, that is a pretty negative way of looking at things. I guess your attitude there, is not going to help you gain success.

[I_Squared_R]

Reality check - if you read between the lines in most threads like these, you clearly see cries for help or acting out from a butthurt guy who's chosen to blame the world for his failures and disadvantages rather than pick himself back up when he gets knocked down like everyone else has to. No offense to anyone, but that's pretty much all it is.

 

Yeah I am boo-hooing a little bit. What sets me apart from myself and others is that I only work harder when I am set back. I don't deal well with denial - I end up putting more energy into things that aren't dating. I come here and transfer my emotions into intellectual conversation in which I can further understand. Writing has always allowed me to put things into perspective for others and myself.

 

Being physically attractive is the most important quality that someone can have while dating. I have met women who weren't interested in me so I had disconnected from them for some time.

 

Consider this.. Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to remember how someone looks? Try and make an image in your mind of even people close to you. You can only figure out distinguishing features that made an impression on you. Most people have a difficult time to imagine the details.

 

So I won't talk to someone for a few months and they can no longer recall my physical appearance. I can easily reconnect with them via phone/text and spark interest by using clever flirtation and intellect. It is easier because they already had established comfort with me. However, it is difficult to uphold that attraction when it is time for physically meeting them.

 

So it is my opinion that physical attraction trumps any other quality someone can have. Tinder, PoF, Match, OLD etc. are all "Hot or Not" applications.

Edited May 9, 2015 by I_Squared_R

[empresario]

Nah, I did just as well with women when I had no money. Actually, time is more important than money when trying to attract women for the average guy.

 

Also, I don't live like I have money. Most of my money is tied up in investments. I drive a 10 year old car and live in a small apartment. I don't dress in a flashy way and don't spend a lot of money. So, to the outside observer, it doesn't seem like I have a lot of money.

 

 

 

This is not what I've seen.

 

I work in a field where there are a significant amount of high earning women. Many of them make financial compromises in their partners, but they rarely (if ever) date anyone that doesn't look exactly like their type (and most women have a similar "type"). And if they do date outside of that type, they act as if they're doing the guy a favor.

 

This begins to change though when a woman hits her 30s and her clock starts ticking (if she wants children).

 

You are correct about money. Money never attracts women. Confidence does. That can result from money. I am a paper millionaire, but women always like more that I get to go the places I do and meet the people I drink with...even though those are my experiences, never theirs.

 

It all results with confidence. It makes you more of a man. It makes you more attractive. It makes you more powerful. It makes her feel small next to you. most women like to feel small. Either size or by personality. It's biological to want to feel protected.

[Necris]

I think what people are forgetting is that the OP has 3 categories of men.

 

The Chads, the Johns, and the Billy.

 

Chad representing the alpha male, the johns beta male, and billy i guess is an omega or something.

 

Chads get any girl they desire really and have to juggle having many girls on the side.

 

Johns are the average guy these are the guys people in this thread are talking about when they say "but I saw a not so good looking guy and he gets girls", of course they've seen guys like this he's the average guy.

 

But everybody is forgetting the Billys, these guys are below average and are the loners that can't get any girl to feel attracted to them no matter how hard they try. They make up a small percent of the population but they are the ones OP identifies with and says no matter what he does it never pans out.

[calvincline47]

Well, that is a pretty negative way of looking at things. I guess your attitude there, is not going to help you gain success.

 

My attitude is based on my experiences. The experiences came first.

 

Again, I never said that I can't get the girl. I said that the girl wants me to put in too much work and, even then, is likely to bail out for little to no reason. This has been my experience.

[calvincline47]

You are correct about money. Money never attracts women. Confidence does. That can result from money. I am a paper millionaire, but women always like more that I get to go the places I do and meet the people I drink with...even though those are my experiences, never theirs.

 

It all results with confidence. It makes you more of a man. It makes you more attractive. It makes you more powerful. It makes her feel small next to you. most women like to feel small. Either size or by personality. It's biological to want to feel protected.

 

Women go primarily for looks and social status (which is basically what you are describing here).

 

Confidence will help you in your continued pursuit of a girl, but won't do much as far as general attraction goes.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Nobody can "hoard women" because we are not a commodity or a thing!! All of us choose who we want to be with at least I hope we all do!! Nobody is Hoarding us! I mean this might be harsh and if it is I'm sorry but if nobody wants to go out with a guy the reason is NOT that the other guys have hoarded all the women, it is probably because the guy is not desirable. Sorry guys but its true.

[calvincline47]

Hah. I've said it before. I was billy my whole life and worked my way up. You don't have to stay at the level you're currently at. I even had the WoW and porn addiction!

 

Why did you have to change yourself to get girls? Wouldn't you rather have girls like you for who you really are? Do you think your attitude is part of the problem or part of the solution (in society as a whole)?

 

I would say it sucks it took until after college...but not really. Since then I've been doing pretty well. And in school it allowed me to focus on my education since I knew women hated me anyways.

 

Personally, I peaked in college. I got a ton of girls then. But I was also bending over backwards to be the kind of guy that I knew women liked (as opposed to being myself). So I was interesting, fun, stayed in shape, dressed well, etc, but it wasn't who I really was. Then, I came to the conclusion that women really don't have much to offer me and I dropped all of that.

 

I could re-engage that side of myself if I ever find a woman worth doing it for.

[ltjg45]

if nobody wants to go out with a guy the reason is NOT that the other guys have hoarded all the women, it is probably because the guy is not desirable. Sorry guys but its true.

 

And that is understandable. I am sure I am undesirable to American women. If there was female interest in me, it is so subtle that I couldn't read it.

 

However, I can also tell I have a lot of interest from foreign ladies so I simply focus over there now.

 

What's the point of trying harder and harder in a sexual market if no one wants you there? I could improve my education and social standing but if all that gets me is 1-2 dates with women that I am "so-so" on, then I might as well look elsewhere. That doesn't sound like a good use of time.

[Weezy1973]

The vast, vast, majority of men and women are in relationships. Like 80% plus.

 

Of the remaining minority of people looking for a relationship but failing to do so there are a plethora of reasons. "All women" going for the same men is not one of those reasons. At all. It is a myth perpetrated online and has absolutely no basis on reality, facts, evidence, logic, etc.

[calvincline47]

And that is understandable. I am sure I am undesirable to American women. If there was female interest in me, it is so subtle that I couldn't read it.

 

However, I can also tell I have a lot of interest from foreign ladies so I simply focus over there now.

 

What's the point of trying harder and harder in a sexual market if no one wants you there? I could improve my education and social standing but if all that gets me is 1-2 dates with women that I am "so-so" on, then I might as well look elsewhere. That doesn't sound like a good use of time.

 

American women generally all like the same kinds of men.

 

I agree that any man that leaves the west will do FAR better in non-western countries (even the really good-looking ones).

[empresario]

Women go primarily for looks and social status (which is basically what you are describing here).

 

Confidence will help you in your continued pursuit of a girl, but won't do much as far as general attraction goes.

 

That is where we disagree. Confidence makes you seem comfortable. Confidence makes you stand up straighter. It makes your smile look cute instead of nervous. It helps you take chances and risks other people don't.

 

Confidence affects attraction at its very core. As I've said. Girls used to think I was ugly. They told me i sas. I thought I was ugly, too. Now they think I'm hot. It was a mind f*** and took me years to accept. I even got turned down for an acting gig last summer because I was "too hot for the role". Genetically I'm the exact same. I just have charisma and in turn got self-respect.

[ltjg45]

American women generally all like the same kinds of men.

 

I agree that any man that leaves the west will do FAR better in non-western countries (even the really good-looking ones).

 

And I am sure I may have a couple of women interested in me in the past 10 years......but I didn't see it and, if I did, either I wasn't interested (there is no attraction on my eye for whatever reason) or I simply can't tell if she is being friendly or interested in me.

 

And if I can't tell, I certainly don't advance.

 

That's been my life motto and, while it hasn't gotten me anywhere yet in American society, I also feel when I do find my first relationship that it will last a long time.

[ltjg45]

The vast, vast, majority of men and women are in relationships. Like 80% plus.

 

Of the remaining minority of people looking for a relationship but failing to do so there are a plethora of reasons. "All women" going for the same men is not one of those reasons. At all. It is a myth perpetrated online and has absolutely no basis on reality, facts, evidence, logic, etc.

 

The main reason why I am not getting dates and relationships is simply because I rarely find any nearby woman physically attractive. Tattoos is a major turn-off for me and almost every woman I have met got at least 1 tattoo somewhere.

 

This doesn't count smoking, having children out of wedlock, not having a job, drama queen, is friendly, etc etc.

 

So even if I did advance my social circle and my education, if the women is not attractive to me, I am still back to square one.

 

That's my problem and I can't do much to fix that outside of meeting more women and getting lucky.

[Hawaii51]

I think what people are forgetting is that the OP has 3 categories of men.

 

The Chads, the Johns, and the Billy.

 

Chad representing the alpha male, the johns beta male, and billy i guess is an omega or something.

 

Chads get any girl they desire really and have to juggle having many girls on the side.

 

Johns are the average guy these are the guys people in this thread are talking about when they say "but I saw a not so good looking guy and he gets girls", of course they've seen guys like this he's the average guy.

 

But everybody is forgetting the Billys, these guys are below average and are the loners that can't get any girl to feel attracted to them no matter how hard they try. They make up a small percent of the population but they are the ones OP identifies with and says no matter what he does it never pans out.

 

 

I have a friend that looks like Clive Owen*, except his face is entirely unsymmetrical, he's balding, oddly proportioned, and has english teeth. What does he do? He travels the world consulting for the redcross and writes books. I have no idea how much ass he gets or doesn't get, what I do know is his looks aren't slowing him down one bit. He lives his life. He loves himself. And for that, he draws a great many who people who would love to be like him for those reasons.

 

You can be ugly, you just can't be ugly and a douchbag. that's what some of you not so gentle men here don't understand.

[elaine567]

So I was interesting, fun, stayed in shape, dressed well, etc, but it wasn't who I really was.

 

So who are you?

Boring, no fun, obese and a sloppy dresser etc.

Is that who you really are?

[Vegeta2]

Face it guys, some of us will always be alone, despite our effort.

 

Necris, you are not alone!

[calvincline47]

So who are you?

Boring, no fun, obese and a sloppy dresser etc.

Is that who you really are?

 

Boring and no fun, by societal standards, yes.

 

I'm not obese. I'm just not in shape. I'm actually not even overweight.

 

I dress in clothes that are comfortable, meaning sweats. I wear sweats everywhere. I do take showers twice a day, but I haven't cleaned my apartment or car in months and sometimes go weeks without doing laundry.

 

I'm okay with this.

[Necris]

I have a friend that looks like Clive Owen*, except his face is entirely unsymmetrical, he's balding, oddly proportioned, and has english teeth. What does he do? He travels the world consulting for the redcross and writes books. I have no idea how much ass he gets or doesn't get, what I do know is his looks aren't slowing him down one bit. He lives his life. He loves himself. And for that, he draws a great many who people who would love to be like him for those reasons.

 

You can be ugly, you just can't be ugly and a douchbag. that's what some of you not so gentle men here don't understand.

 

How much money does he make, and also you said he's the type of guy who travels the world, writes books, and works with the RedCross, if he is successful with women its probably due to these things here.

 

As for being a douchebag, I'm pretty sure that's not the issue, hell the guy you know could be one, but that won't matter much.

 

The guys who can't get a girl in addition to being probably unattractive physically in some way also have other hurdles more often than not.

 

For example some guys just don't have interests that are interesting to most people, for most women programming just isn't as interesting as writing books, if a guy mentions he writes books and is good at it many girls would love to hear what he has to say, but if a guy says oh I was writing some code girls are going to have no interest at all.

 

Also related to interests a lack of certain interests can also be unattractive like a guy who just isn't interested in sports, celebrity news, and things most people are interested in may seem odd.

 

Some interests just are more attractive to women than others. I often find myself trying to talk to girls and we have 0 common interests.

 

Related to interests traveling around the world also is a big boost for a man, not only does he get to meet more women from different cultures, the fact that he has the opportunity or money to travel is also attractive and girls want to hear his stories.

 

Another issue is also the possibility of mental illness. autism, being depressed, having anxiety issues like GAD, social anxiety, and OCD, bipolar, or especially schizophrenia will make it more difficult to find girls because you are dealing with your own problems and then when you do try to date if these issues are detected this will lower your value immensely.

 

Social skills could also be low and with low experience they may make mistakes often diminishing their attractiveness as they don't know what to do.

 

Race could be an issue as well minorities may find it difficult to find other minorities where they live and the people of the majority may not find them attractive which reduces their options.

 

Having a different culture/values than the rest of the people around could also cause issues for instance a hardcore liberal may find it difficult to get dates in a hardcore conservative town and vice versa. Or being hardcore Christian but everybody around including other Christians fall more into the areligious category.

 

And some people are just plain unlucky, they for whatever reason are unable to determine interest in others well at all so they consistently approach women who just aren't interested in them when there are girls that could be interested in them they could be approaching. But they are unable to grasp things like flirting and such as they are unable to read people, so they'll never know unless girls stopped being so passive and actually told him directly she's interested.

Edited May 9, 2015 by Necris

[Mr Carson]

Face it guys, some of us will always be alone, despite our effort.

 

Necris, you are not alone!

 

You said it!

[empresario]

Boring and no fun, by societal standards, yes.

 

I'm not obese. I'm just not in shape. I'm actually not even overweight.

 

I dress in clothes that are comfortable, meaning sweats. I wear sweats everywhere. I do take showers twice a day, but I haven't cleaned my apartment or car in months and sometimes go weeks without doing laundry.

 

I'm okay with this.

 

#dadbod

 

 

Live and let live. I thought I was OK doing what I always did. But I'm way happier with who I am now. As long as people are content then there's no reason to change.

[Rejected Rosebud]

American women generally all like the same kinds of men.

 

I don't believe you are really serious, maybe you are just trying to make a point or something?? I mean walk around and look at couples!!! I'm in a relationship and he is not like any of my other friends bf's or husbands, well, except for his brother who is dating my friend!! I bet if you could see pictures of all the boyfriends and husbands of the ladies here on loveshack you would not see very many that were the same types!!

 

I agree that any man that leaves the west will do FAR better in non-western countries (even the really good-looking ones).

Well I hope you can find what you are looking for in Asia then!! I am not really sure that all the ladies over there are excited to date or marry most random American guys though I think that might be some kind of an urban myth.

[calvincline47]

I don't believe you are really serious, maybe you are just trying to make a point or something?? I mean walk around and look at couples!!! I'm in a relationship and he is not like any of my other friends bf's or husbands, well, except for his brother who is dating my friend!! I bet if you could see pictures of all the boyfriends and husbands of the ladies here on loveshack you would not see very many that were the same types!!

 

Women settle with who they can, ultimately. There just aren't a lot of guys out there that are 6'0+ with model looks that also have a high paying job and are fun, charming, and masculine and also support feminism.

 

These guys are taken by the hottest of the hot women. From there, men and women couple based on their social hierarchy (which is ultimately based on looks).

 

I find it really interesting that women are unable to understand this seemingly simple concept. Maybe the brains of men and women are simply wired differently?

 

Well I hope you can find what you are looking for in Asia then!! I am not really sure that all the ladies over there are excited to date or marry most random American guys though I think that might be some kind of an urban myth.

 

It's not an urban myth. I've been to those countries and, especially as a young relatively good-looking guy, I did very well with women there. Literally 100% success rate on cold approaches with very little effort.

 

In the US, cold approaches can work, but they require a ton of effort and a lot of rejections (for the average guy) to pull off successfully. Hell, even meeting women through social events and at work take effort in the US.

[I_Squared_R]

Women settle with who they can, ultimately. There just aren't a lot of guys out there that are 6'0+ with model looks that also have a high paying job and are fun, charming, and masculine and also support feminism.

 

The unicorn. Men create the same wall that women do. The wall has such high expectations in their significant other that he or she exists in such infinitesimal numbers and it drastically effects the odds of finding someone "compatible". I am not searching for a unicorn and I have given all kinds of women chances. To be honest I am tired of hearing my friends judge other men's wives based on just looks alone. However it seems to be a normal concept that looks trump anything else. I wish everyone treated people with the same respect that I do, but it is far from that. I've chased some "ugly" girls according to my friends and then I meet beautiful women too so they can't figure me out.

[I_Squared_R]

It's exactly the same for women. We all know Jenna and Lisa that have beautiful faces, flawless skin and hot bodies, AND are bubbly and outgoing on the top of that. They get men pursuing them like crazy anywhere they go.

 

Yet I don't see women posting about this nearly as much as men do? I always wondered why that is.

 

I think it's because the men who complain have difficulty approaching numerous women and in return decrease their odds to the point it becomes an ongoing personal problem. Women don't typically do the approaching so they are just selecting; eventually they will be approached by someone. In the end it's a numbers game.