RoseVille Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Nope. Not taking credit for his bad behavior. If not me, then it would be someone else. You're ENABLING him. You are like devoid of responsibility and empathy. It's really concerning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 That article confused me even more... The article states...texting about have sex is not sexting, but sending pic and videos is sexting. Ugh. I will only use my phone to make calls so there is no confusion. You're being selective again... 85 percent of women and 74 percent of men consider sexting a form of cheating. But what exactly is "sexting"? Merriam-Webster defines "sexting" as "the sending of sexually explicit messages or images by cell phone." Here's where you're being uber-selective: Robert Weiss, a social worker and director of intimacy and sexual disorders programs for the Elements Behavioral Health treatment center, told The Huffington Post that according to the clients he works with, sexual texting, or texting about sex, is not the same thing as sexting. To Weiss' clients, sexting only involves the exchange of images. This is just those in therapy moving the goalposts to justify their own misdemeanours... And here, as if the above were not sufficient: almost 5,200 users of Ashley Madison, a social networking site that describes itself as "the most famous name in infidelity and married dating," 60 percent of women and nearly 50 percent of men said they'd sexted with someone outside their relationship, suggesting a solid correlation between infidelity and sexting. So yes - you are having an affair, albeit a non-physical one. To all intents and purposes, you are conducting an EA with a married man. Welcome to the OW status.... Oh dear.... Men, he told HuffPost, tend to sext for one of two reasons: Either they're hoping eventually to have sex with their sexting partner, or they're trying to get masturbation material and have no intention of actually hooking up. Often, said Weiss, male sexters don't feel like they're missing something from their relationship -- they just think that what their partner doesn't know won't hurt them. Women, on the other hand, are a bit more complicated, according to Weiss. He said that while men are often just interested in getting a sexy picture, and don't worry too much about whom it's from, a woman tends to look for signs that her sexting partner is interested in her, specifically. .... "Healthy women in intimate, committed relationships will not tend to sext," said Weiss. "Healthy men who are in committed relationships will." I think we alluded to this earlier in the thread.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 You're ENABLING him. You are like devoid of responsibility and empathy. It's really concerning. Why do these threads inevitably end up attacking the OP? What I have done is far less than most. I should be applauded for my restraint and for what I have not done! Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Why do these threads inevitably end up attacking the OP? What I have done is far less than most. I should be applauded for my restraint and for what I have not done! Nobody has attacked you. Frankly though, your overall attitude is frustrating because many people here have taken the time to give you great advice, and your tone is such that you consider all of this 'no big deal' and you just argue and disagree with most of it. Your title says you "want to get your mind right" but your tone and your behavior suggest that you really don't want to change anything. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Hence the title of my thread. No the title of your thread is quite misleading. I think your mind is just fine. You are trying to find excuses to do this. "If not me, it will be someone else" really? Also you seem to think his wife deserves this because she technically took him from you and cheated on her exH. You went from "He's the only man I think of for the past 6 years, why does my heart hurt so for this man" and then turn around (after be giving plenty of advice and examples of why this will end badly for you) and make it seem like it's all fun and games. You can't even decide if it's love or just fun and games... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Why do these threads inevitably end up attacking the OP? What I have done is far less than most. I should be applauded for my restraint and for what I have not done! Applauded for what? Keeping your legs closed to someone else's husband? I didn't know there were prizes for this... And acutally you aren't showing restraint...restraint doesn't look like sexting another woman's husband, getting him worked up and then bragging that his amazing sex with his wife is because of you... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Nobody has attacked you. Frankly though, your overall attitude is frustrating because many people here have taken the time to give you great advice, and your tone is such that you consider all of this 'no big deal' and you just argue and disagree with most of it. Your title says you "want to get your mind right" but your tone and your behavior suggest that you really don't want to change anything. I feel I can have a "no big deal" attitude because I have not engaged in anything except a few meaningless texts. If what has transpired is divorce worthy, then there is something wrong with this world. You can not fault a person for how they feel or think, only how they act. I was partially sexting with him. Is this a felony or a misdemeanor? Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I feel I can have a "no big deal" attitude because I have not engaged in anything except a few meaningless texts. If what has transpired is divorce worthy, then there is something wrong with this world. You can not fault a person for how they feel or think, only how they act. I was partially sexting with him. Is this a felony or a misdemeanor? Yet you are here on the OW forum saying you need to get your head straight. Why? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Why do these threads inevitably end up attacking the OP? What I have done is far less than most. I should be applauded for my restraint and for what I have not done! Because most only view it as "attacking" when it's the truth they don't want to hear. I have never felt attacked on this board...heard some sh*t I didn't want to, forced to look at things objectivly when it hurt...hell yea...but attack...ummm no. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Applauded for what? Keeping your legs closed to someone else's husband? I didn't know there were prizes for this... And acutally you aren't showing restraint...restraint doesn't look like sexting another woman's husband, getting him worked up and then bragging that his amazing sex with his wife is because of you... If there isn't a prize for keeping legs close, there should be. I really don't want to go any further on that note. I was not bragging, but rambling about the thoughts swirling in my head. I am merely conflicted as most on this site. Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I feel I can have a "no big deal" attitude because I have not engaged in anything except a few meaningless texts. If what has transpired is divorce worthy, then there is something wrong with this world. You can not fault a person for how they feel or think, only how they act. I was partially sexting with him. Is this a felony or a misdemeanor? This is the problem! The texts are not meaningless in anyway. They hurt your heart, they make you miss you, they make you lust for him, they make you think you have something his wife doesn't. Those same meaningless texts, have you on this OW board, asking strangers to help you get your mind right?? They are the furtherest thing from meaningless. And sexting is an action. You can be faulted for that. Not legally of course but come on... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 This is the problem! The texts are not meaningless in anyway. They hurt your heart, they make you miss you, they make you lust for him, they make you think you have something his wife doesn't. Those same meaningless texts, have you on this OW board, asking strangers to help you get your mind right?? They are the furtherest thing from meaningless. And sexting is an action. You can be faulted for that. Not legally of course but come on... Sexting in and of itself does not constitute an affair. Most of the replies are so focus on this aspect. When you are in a full blown affair there are more moving parts than just sexting. This is so trivial that I can't believe so much time is spent discussing it. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Sexting in and of itself does not constitute an affair. Most of the replies are so focus on this aspect. When you are in a full blown affair there are more moving parts than just sexting. This is so trivial that I can't believe so much time is spent discussing it. You wouldn't find it so trivial if it was your man sexting another woman, especially given the INTENT behind it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 You wouldn't find it so trivial if it was your man sexting another woman, especially given the INTENT behind it. I disagree, I would be more inclined to forgive and move on from sexting opposed to him actually having a sexual affair. Sexting is virtual. Sex is real and personal. I am not having sex with this man. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Nope. Not taking credit for his bad behavior. If not me, then it would be someone else. That doesn't really sound like a situation where the two of you have something special as you said before, although it does sound closer to the truth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I feel I can have a "no big deal" attitude because I have not engaged in anything except a few meaningless texts. If what has transpired is divorce worthy, then there is something wrong with this world. You can not fault a person for how they feel or think, only how they act. I was partially sexting with him. Is this a felony or a misdemeanor? Meaningless texts/sexts with someone you have obvious feelings for and makes your heart hurt. Someone that you're considering having sex with at some point in the future.. How do you partially sext with someone? Either you are or you are not. Bolded, no it isn't, but it is damaging to you even though you can't see it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 This going to sound horrible, but I have no compassion for his wife. Their relationship started at work while she was married to someone else. After a few years of my EX being the OM, he convinced her to divorce her husband with promises of a better life & marriage. Haven't read through the whole thread yet, but your EX has big issues. It seems he likes to be in the position of the OM. He was the OM to his now wife, is now the other man to you. This is not partner material by the way. I would leave him be. He has a pattern of this behavior and until he realizes why he does this he will most likely leave broken hearts in his wake. Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 You know what, I wished that I had found this board and posted about possibly dating exMM (separated) before it all started. If I had, I guarantee all these posters here, with their different yet the same worlds of experience, would have throughly convinced me not to. Too bad for me, I had to learn the hard way. You put a lot of emphasis on not having slept with him but you're more than half way there. I didn't have actual intercourse with exMM but we did other stuff, man was it physical and damn it if it hasn't scarred me for awhile from men. This is what everyone is trying to stop/protect you from. So I do give you give you credit for seeking help before it goes too far. However this has turned into you rebuffing everything everyone is saying and defending what you are doing (which you must have felt was wrong at some point, hence needing to get your mind right). Your attitude towards all this is what will be your downfall. Getting your mind right involves changes your attitude and perspective. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 He's a dishonest man. First he was the OM, now he wants you to be the OW. It's in his DNA. He's not done screwing you is what he's saying. He didn't even have the decency to tell you he was married. He's a helluva guy hey. Do unto others as you would like done unto you. It's really not that hard. If you get into the affair in a physical way, brace yourself for pain and heartbreak. Also remember if he gets caught out, his wife could do everything in her power to expose you as a homewrecker and cause you and your family horrendous pain. But as ever, it's your call. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 The tone of this thread has gone from "seriously considering" to "just want to bang a socially inept guy". If its just a meaningless bang for you, then you wouldn't say it hurts you being in this 'relationship' for the past 6 years. You can have sex with him and get that done, and not be hurt or involved emotionally, but the fact that you have written on this board says a lot about your feelings for this guy. So which is it? A lot of OWs here have given you great advice, you just need to be true to yourself now and decide how much emotional investment/involvement you are giving, or in. Best of luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 The tone of this thread has gone from "seriously considering" to "just want to bang a socially inept guy". If its just a meaningless bang for you, then you wouldn't say it hurts you being in this 'relationship' for the past 6 years. You can have sex with him and get that done, and not be hurt or involved emotionally, but the fact that you have written on this board says a lot about your feelings for this guy. So which is it? A lot of OWs here have given you great advice, you just need to be true to yourself now and decide how much emotional investment/involvement you are giving, or in. Best of luck. You are spot on. I wish I could just bang him and not think anything of it, but I can't and that is why I am here. I need affirmation that this is a bad situation all around. So, to that end I called him this afternoon. I knew unless he was in some dark secluded corner away from his wife, he would not answer and let my call go straight to voicemail...which it did. This just reaffirms that if I move forward with him, I would be relegated to late night text messages and sleezy hotel rooms. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Oh, he just got back to me and ended the conversation with "the ball is in your court" WTH. Why do even want more from this a**hole. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 You are spot on. I wish I could just bang him and not think anything of it, but I can't and that is why I am here. I need affirmation that this is a bad situation all around. So, to that end I called him this afternoon. I knew unless he was in some dark secluded corner away from his wife, he would not answer and let my call go straight to voicemail...which it did. This just reaffirms that if I move forward with him, I would be relegated to late night text messages and sleezy hotel rooms. You've received TONS, that you summarily dismissed! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 You've received TONS, that you summarily dismissed! Not dismissed, but working through it. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Not dismissed, but working through it. Respectfully, you weren't working through it, you were dismissing our advice/comments, laughing it off, it was all NBD to you. It was the phone call that was the first of many wakeup moments. First step in making progress is acknowledging where you went wrong, ya know? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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