Author Juno Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 His wife is a human. How can you do that to an innocent fellow Human. you broke up for a reason. Remember that. Something great? If he cheats with you how long until you bore him and he is cheating on you. This going to sound horrible, but I have no compassion for his wife. Their relationship started at work while she was married to someone else. After a few years of my EX being the OM, he convinced her to divorce her husband with promises of a better life & marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 This going to sound horrible, but I have no compassion for his wife. Their relationship started at work while she was married to someone else. After a few years of my EX being the OM, he convinced her to divorce her husband with promises of a better life & marriage. That's precisely why you SHOULD have compassion and empathy for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 Why did you break up 6 years ago? We broke up because I sensed someone new had entered his life and was captivated. He started to treat me like a casual date, so I disappeared/ removed myself from his life. This is when the 4-6 month check- in began. Each time trying to reconnect with me on some level without sharing that he was cultivating a relationship to the point of marriage. I only found out he was married after seeing one of his selfies. I asked why do you pursue me so hard, to which he replied he made a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Majormisstep Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 He's not done with you yet? Wow, there's a mating call if there ever was one. Ugh. How about you say: That's unfortunate MM, because I'm done with you. Buh-bye! Juno, there isn't anything special between you two. He just wants a little something on the side and so far it's working for him. Please don't be his sex toy because you will be in for a heap of hurt. Walking away now will be so much easier than later after you start to get jealous of his W and try to wade through his sea of lies whilst you slowly slip into your own world of crazy. There are really great single guys out there. One of them will be for YOU. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 He's not done with you yet? Wow, there's a mating call if there ever was one. Ugh. How about you say: That's unfortunate MM, because I'm done with you. Buh-bye! Juno, there isn't anything special between you two. He just wants a little something on the side and so far it's working for him. Please don't be his sex toy because you will be in for a heap of hurt. Walking away now will be so much easier than later after you start to get jealous of his W and try to wade through his sea of lies whilst you slowly slip into your own world of crazy. There are really great single guys out there. One of them will be for YOU. Wow perfect description. Gave me a flashback 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 We broke up because I sensed someone new had entered his life and was captivated. He started to treat me like a casual date, so I disappeared/ removed myself from his life. This is when the 4-6 month check- in began. Each time trying to reconnect with me on some level without sharing that he was cultivating a relationship to the point of marriage. By breaking up with him, you preserved your dignity and showed self-respect. Don't undermine that now. I know that your ego might want to "win" this one over the woman who you feel took him away in the past. (I'm guessing that is same woman that is now his wife.) I can appreciate how that might feel like kind of a sweet victory. The reality is, he he had an A with her, was her OM, and she left her H to be with him. Now things aren't going so well, which can sometimes happen. In that process, you left him, which was the right move. Don't undo the smart thing you did. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 By breaking up with him, you preserved your dignity and showed self-respect. Don't undermine that now. I know that your ego might want to "win" this one over the woman who you feel took him away in the past. (I'm guessing that is same woman that is now his wife.) I can appreciate how that might feel like kind of a sweet victory. The reality is, he he had an A with her, was her OM, and she left her H to be with him. Now things aren't going so well, which can sometimes happen. In that process, you left him, which was the right move. Don't undo the smart thing you did. You are right. I just can't imagine not having him in my life at all. Six years of thinking about just one person is a long time. Not having him in my forever is even longer. If only my mind would allow it & I could stop pinning for him daily. I am tortured by what is the right thing to do & what my heart wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 We broke up because I sensed someone new had entered his life and was captivated. He started to treat me like a casual date, so I disappeared/ removed myself from his life. This is when the 4-6 month check- in began. Each time trying to reconnect with me on some level without sharing that he was cultivating a relationship to the point of marriage. I only found out he was married after seeing one of his selfies. I asked why do you pursue me so hard, to which he replied he made a mistake. There's your answer. What mistake is he referring to? At a guess if say getting married, because this guy doesn't believe in monogamy. Not with you or anyone else. He's a narcissist. Do you think maybe he just likes the thrill of the chase? Women are a sport for him. Is that what you want to be? I'll bet his wife was just a game for him too, and now he's got her to destroy her marriage he's just going to toss her aside and look for his narcissistic supply somewhere else. Enter you. What you felt 6 years ago is probably what his wife is feeling now. He probably cheated on you. Now he wants to cheat with you. This guy has serial cheat and narcissist written all over him and he will suck you dry and leave you a shell of your former self. I'll bet your not even the only one he is pursuing. And if you falter he will pick you off like the weakest of the herd. Don't walk. Run. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 "I am not done with you yet. I want to make it with you over and over again." How were you not offended by this? "I am not done with you yet"? As if it is HIS decision and you're just supposed to go along with it? I would have told him to go fry ice in hell. And that second line? Not even gonna touch it. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyRock Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 So he was the other man with someone who was cheating g on her husband. He was ok with being in an affair. Now he is the one in an affair with you. What part of of this of this guy is appealing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 So he was the other man with someone who was cheating g on her husband. He was ok with being in an affair. Now he is the one in an affair with you. What part of of this of this guy is appealing. Not in an affair with me yet. Trying to understand his appeal as well so I can navigate away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 If y'all have sexted, then yes it's already an affair. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 How were you not offended by this? "I am not done with you yet"? As if it is HIS decision and you're just supposed to go along with it? I would have told him to go fry ice in hell. And that second line? Not even gonna touch it. I have always given him a pass on the things he says because he is socially awkward & has a genius iq which odd. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Not in an affair with me yet. Trying to understand his appeal as well so I can navigate away from him. You're sexting him, while knowing he's married. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're already in an affair, you're already the OW. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Not in an affair with me yet. Trying to understand his appeal as well so I can navigate away from him. Try to read this thread as if it were written by someone else, a stranger. What conclusions do you come to and what advice would you give? People are desperately trying to stop you from making a huge mistake that will ultimately cause you worlds of hurt. Take it from those of us who have been there. Look at how you feel now, and you have only texted/sexted with him. How do you think you will feel after you have slept with him, become much closer to him, and then he decides he is finally "done" with you? Because HE WILL. Right now you are a challenge - unfinished business. Once you start sleeping with this guy for awhile, all that will change, and he will be "done". I will tell you how you will feel - you will feel like worthless garbage thrown to the curb, and you will have to deal with that on top of the pain of losing someone you were so connected to. It is one of the worst feelings there is. Don't do it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 I have always given him a pass on the things he says because he is socially awkward & has a genius iq which odd. Which makes him odd. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 You're sexting him, while knowing he's married. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're already in an affair, you're already the OW. Nope. I reject that statement. Not in an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Nope. I reject that statement. Not in an affair. You are, sexting aside, because you are emotionally invested. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 I've been in this situation... I found it's best to have some basic requirements for myself...and for decency. I told him when his divorce is final we could discuss things further. Until then, he is unavailable. Every now and then he pops up out if nowhere - and my first question is always "are you still married?" That's the ONLY thing that needs discussion when anyone is still married. I am learning that MM like to be "friends", not because it's a true friendship, but because they want to maintain and "in" to the affair (of course only whenever he chooses). I liken it to keeping a pilot lit. The only way to extinguish it and gain control is to respond to him with the above. He will realize that unless he is divorced, there is nothing for him to gain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Rejecting doesn't mean it's untrue. You are sending sexual texts to a married man (and like Hope's said, you're emotionally invested now)... What else would that make you at this point other than the OW? In an affair? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Nope. I reject that statement. Not in an affair. And yet here you are on the OW forum and we're all telling you. You are. Own it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Nope. I reject that statement. Not in an affair. The truth can't be rejected. What would his wife think about his behavior? She'd think it's cheating. Because it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 This going to sound horrible, but I have no compassion for his wife. Their relationship started at work while she was married to someone else. After a few years of my EX being the OM, he convinced her to divorce her husband with promises of a better life & marriage. So you want to lower yourself to your ex's level by having an affair? That makes you no better. But hey, if you can live with yourself, look yourself in the eye in the mirror, have a good nights sleep, go ahead and have that affair with him. She must have been ready to leave and divorce her H because nobody can force anybody else to do that. Like you having the A, he can't force you to, only you can decide for yourself. He's not holding a gun to your head and he certainly didn't hold a gun to her head telling her to divorce her H for him. How do you know all of that is even true since he's been out of your life for 6 years? How do you know he's telling you the truth? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Not in an affair with me yet. Trying to understand his appeal as well so I can navigate away from him. You do not need to understand his appeal, you can navigate yourself away from him without knowing. Can you not see he is manipulating you exactly how he manipulated his (now) wife? You say you have no sympathy for her but you're making the exact same mistake she made by allowing him close to you. Only difference is, you're not married to someone else. Geez, does this guy have a golden c... or something? Is he the King? All I see is a disgusting man who thinks so highly of himself and has no respect for his wife, no respect for you, and probably has no respect for women in general. Yuck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Nope. I reject that statement. Not in an affair. You are having an inappropriate flirtation, crossing lines with your ex whom you know is married. You never got over him. You're very invested, your words below: The other day our conversation was so intense, my heart hurt. You are having an emotional affair with him. You are sexting with him and he IS cheating on his wife, so that does make you the OW. Maybe this isn't a full on affair quite yet but it's seconds away to being one. Sorry but you're in denial and can't see what everybody else can see. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts