T-shirt and jeans women

[clia]

So, are you going to meet her to see what she means by "jeans and a t-shirt" or are you just going to assume that statement means she dresses like a slob all the time? I honestly think it's bizarre that by that one statement you seem to think this woman will never put on a dress.

[barcode88]

Fair enough. But these days a lot of guys are planning second dates at their house..LOL Since I like being a gentleman and planning actual dates, I felt the least she could do is put some basic effort into her appearance. I mean with drinks, appetizers, meal, and dessert, you're easily looking @ $150 plus. Usually I'd never plan an actual dinner date on a second date. But I had such a good time with her on the meet and felt chemistry with her, so I took a risk.

 

But when she showed looking as bad as she did, there was no way in hell I was spending my hard earned money on her.

 

I think you went all in too soon, even if things went super well on the first date. I wouldn't plan anything like that unless we were approaching the relationship zone.

 

I already know her comment "I bet it would" showed she was lukewarm at the prospect at best. If I had to guess, I think the comment coupled with the prospect of an expensive dinner date made her feel that things were moving too quick, and she was unsure of your intentions.

[fitnessfan365]

So, are you going to meet her to see what she means by "jeans and a t-shirt" or are you just going to assume that statement means she dresses like a slob all the time? I honestly think it's bizarre that by that one statement you seem to think this woman will never put on a dress.

 

It's the way she said "big" t-shirt and jeans woman. So it came off like she was stressing that she likes to dress really casual all the time. There's nothing wrong with that if it works for her. But there are plenty of women who like to strut their stuff with the type of clothes they wear. These are the type of women who usually appreciate male attention and feeling desired. That is the type of dynamic I really enjoy with a woman that I am dating.

[ClickToRead]

Fair enough. But these days a lot of guys are planning second dates at their house..LOL Since I like being a gentleman and planning actual dates, I felt the least she could do is put some basic effort into her appearance. I mean with drinks, appetizers, meal, and dessert, you're easily looking @ $150 plus. Usually I'd never plan an actual dinner date on a second date. But I had such a good time with her on the meet and felt chemistry with her, so I took a risk.

 

But when she showed looking as bad as she did, there was no way in hell I was spending my hard earned money on her.

 

My gawd, $150?! I must be low maintenance because...

[barcode88]

It's the way she said "big" t-shirt and jeans woman. So it came off like she was stressing that she likes to dress really casual all the time. There's nothing wrong with that if it works for her. But there are plenty of women who like to strut their stuff with the type of clothes they wear. These are the type of women who usually appreciate male attention and feeling desired. That is the type of dynamic I really enjoy with a woman that I am dating.

 

She was compensating on your comment most likely. All part of the sht test.

 

It's highly likely if you DID go on a date she would at the very least wear NICE jeans and a cute top (not a t-shirt). Jeans are fine for most first date activities, the T-Shirt is what would be a bit overly casual, but depending on the activity could work.

 

It's possible she still might wear Jeans/Tshirt, but it is mostly likely to see if you'll stick around or bail.

[fitnessfan365]

My gawd, $150?! I must be low maintenance because...

 

That's pretty standard for any restaurant dinner these days.

[ClickToRead]

It's the way she said "big" t-shirt and jeans woman. So it came off like she was stressing that she likes to dress really casual all the time. There's nothing wrong with that if it works for her. But there are plenty of women who like to strut their stuff with the type of clothes they wear. These are the type of women who usually appreciate male attention and feeling desired. That is the type of dynamic I really enjoy with a woman that I am dating.

 

Yes, nothing wrong with it. I am probably in between the shirt/jeans and strutting. I don't do well with pounds of makeup on, clouds of perfume surrounding me, gobs of jewelry, etc. I always feel like those women wake up and without their makeup and stuff its like the reveal at the end of a Scooby Doo show where the villains mask is removed. Totally different person.

[ClickToRead]

"I mean with drinks, appetizers, meal, and dessert"

 

I do not eat apps, drink, or eat dessert, so maybe that's why. I'm a water and meal girl.

[fitnessfan365]

"I mean with drinks, appetizers, meal, and dessert"

 

I do not eat apps, drink, or eat dessert, so maybe that's why. I'm a water and meal girl.

 

Haha.. Well that's good to know!

 

BTW - If a woman mixes casual and strutting, that is fine. Since I like to plan activity dates too, I wouldn't expect her to show up in a dress for bowling, indoor rock climbing, etc.. It's just nice when a woman will dress up for a night out. Or if we're spending a night in, and she shows up in heels and a hot outfit that she wants me to unwrap like a sexual Christmas present.

[clia]

Haha.. Well that's good to know!

 

BTW - If a woman mixes casual and strutting, that is fine. Since I like to plan activity dates too, I wouldn't expect her to show up in a dress for bowling, indoor rock climbing, etc.. It's just nice when a woman will dress up for a night out. Or if we're spending a night in, and she shows up in heels and a hot outfit that she wants me to unwrap like a sexual Christmas present.

 

But...how do you know she wouldn't dress up for a night out? That's where you are losing me, by these assumptions that she's normally a "jeans and t-shirt" person (whatever that means) so that means she will never put on a dress or get dressed up? It's weird, dude! Have you never seen a gal in dark washed skinny jeans, high heels and a form fitting, low cut t-shirt? That's "jeans and a t-shirt" but it's hot.

 

I'll ask again where were you going to take her on this first date? If it's a walk around the park or a walk around Barnes and Noble, I would probably think jeans and a t-shirt would be fine, because that's not a particularly extravagant sort of date.

[barcode88]

That's pretty standard for any restaurant dinner these days.

 

Heck, around these parts you can each get a plate for 13-18 at a decent restaurant, and even if you both get 2 rounds of beer for 5-7 a piece, that still comes to only around $50-65 (which is within the range of what my last Dinner Date cost)

 

You must be going to some pretty nice places for a $150 bill.

 

Haha.. Well that's good to know!

 

BTW - If a woman mixes casual and strutting, that is fine. Since I like to plan activity dates too, I wouldn't expect her to show up in a dress for bowling, indoor rock climbing, etc.. It's just nice when a woman will dress up for a night out. Or if we're spending a night in, and she shows up in heels and a hot outfit that she wants me to unwrap like a sexual Christmas present.

 

No, that's all fine and dandy. There is nothing more satisfying than stripping down a girl who is dolled up to have sex with her.

 

But this is when you're at the point you're ALREADY having sex with each other...

Edited May 7, 2015 by barcode88

[fitnessfan365]

But...how do you know she wouldn't dress up for a night out? That's where you are losing me, by these assumptions that she's normally a "jeans and t-shirt" person (whatever that means) so that means she will never put on a dress or get dressed up? It's weird, dude! Have you never seen a gal in dark washed skinny jeans, high heels and a form fitting, low cut t-shirt? That's "jeans and a t-shirt" but it's hot.

 

I'll ask again where were you going to take her on this first date? If it's a walk around the park or a walk around Barnes and Noble, I would probably think jeans and a t-shirt would be fine, because that's not a particularly extravagant sort of date.

 

Haha.. I've already replied to you multiple times saying that it was never about the first meet whatsoever. I really was just trying to be funny mentioning planning an outfit for a casual meet up for next week. To be honest, I haven't thought that far ahead yet. All I nailed down is that she was up for meeting because she suggested the weekend which is full for me. So I told her I'd call this weekend to make plans for next week. But she texted me today. When I call her this weekend, I'll suggest something super casual.

 

Also, when I get her on the phone, I'm going to let her know it was all in good fun. If this many women took it the wrong way, chances are she didn't see humor in it either. But then I can segue into saying that I do appreciate women that like to dress feminine in general and she can clarify how she usually dresses. Got nothing to lose, especially since I'm dealing with a few other women besides her.

Edited May 7, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[barcode88]

Haha.. I've already replied to you multiple times saying that it was never about the first meet whatsoever. I really was just trying to be funny mentioning planning an outfit for a casual meet up for next week. To be honest, I haven't thought that far ahead yet. All I nailed down is that she was up for meeting. When I call her this weekend, I'll suggest something super casual.

 

Also, when I get her on the phone, I'm going to let her know it was all in good fun. If this many women took it the wrong way, chances are she didn't see humor in it either. But then I can segue into saying that I do appreciate women that like to dress feminine in general and she can clarify how she usually dresses. Got nothing to lose, especially since I'm dealing with a few other women besides her.

 

Honestly there isn't a problem and you likely need not even bring it up. Bringing it up acknowledges that there was a problem at some level, which you want to avoid.

 

Just don't take that comment at face value and don't let it get to you

[fitnessfan365]

Honestly there isn't a problem and you likely need not even bring it up. Bringing it up acknowledges that there was a problem at some level, which you want to avoid.

 

Just don't take that comment at face value and don't let it get to you

 

But at the same time, it would get her to clarify how he likes to dress on a regular basis. If she's the type that never likes to strut her stuff, I don't want to waste either of our time with a first meet.

 

This is honestly why I try to do as much screening and qualify as much as possible before I meet, because I only want to spend time with women that have the qualities I like. Otherwise, what's the point? I don't really want to invest time on dates with a woman that I'm not sure about only to find out she wasn't right in the first place. That's the one benefit that OLD has to be honest.

[barcode88]

But at the same time, it would get her to clarify how he likes to dress on a regular basis. If she's the type that never likes to strut her stuff, I don't want to waste either of our time with a first meet.

 

This is honestly why I try to do as much screening and qualify as much as possible before I meet, because I only want to spend time with women that have the qualities I like. Otherwise, what's the point? I don't really want to invest time on dates with a woman that I'm not sure about only to find out she wasn't right in the first place. That's the one benefit that OLD has to be honest.

 

You're getting a bit obsessed about how she dresses and you haven't even had a date yet! I think some Women might feel threatened that you have overly high standards and might be hard to lock down.

 

Use your first 2 dates to screen, it's a lot more effective than reading between the lines online. Also interviewing her too much on how she dresses etc. will likely not be received well.

[fitnessfan365]

You're getting a bit obsessed about how she dresses and you haven't even had a date yet! I think some Women might feel threatened that you have overly high standards and might be hard to lock down.

 

Use your first 2 dates to screen, it's a lot more effective than reading between the lines online. Also interviewing her too much on how she dresses etc. will likely not be received well.

 

Haha.. Point taken. The two culprits are multi-dating and OLD. Multi-dating can make it hard to enjoy the journey with one when you're focusing on several. Also, I fully own that OLD has turned me into a nit picker and I can't stand it actually. But all the things you find out instantly with cold approaching IRL, are left up in the air online.

 

Just recently I had yet another Catfish experience. Pictures online were great. Phone calls were great. She even initiated a few. Genuinely excited to meet her. Now usually if a woman mis-represents herself physically, and this woman DEFINITELY did, I will walk up, be honest, and leave. I mean this woman was probably one of the most physically unattractive women I've ever seen in my life. Yet I will admit, her initiating phone calls and getting to know her personality a bit, made me not want to hurt her feelings. So I stayed and chatted with her for an hour. The sad part is that she still had the same cool personality. It's just that the physical was such a complete 180 from the photos, I just had no attraction to her at all.

[clia]

Haha.. I've already replied to you multiple times saying that it was never about the first meet whatsoever. I really was just trying to be funny mentioning planning an outfit for a casual meet up for next week. To be honest, I haven't thought that far ahead yet. All I nailed down is that she was up for meeting because she suggested the weekend which is full for me. So I told her I'd call this weekend to make plans for next week. But she texted me today. When I call her this weekend, I'll suggest something super casual.

 

Also, when I get her on the phone, I'm going to let her know it was all in good fun. If this many women took it the wrong way, chances are she didn't see humor in it either. But then I can segue into saying that I do appreciate women that like to dress feminine in general and she can clarify how she usually dresses. Got nothing to lose, especially since I'm dealing with a few other women besides her.

 

I've asked twice where you are taking her on the date and you won't answer. It's kind of hard to determine whether she is being a slob by wearing jeans and a t-shirt if you won't tell us what the date is all about.

 

How are YOU defining "jeans and a t-shirt" and how are you certain that YOUR definition is the same as hers? Maybe you should meet her to check out her style? Do you really think that "jeans and a t-shirt" only encompasses shapeless, unsexy, and unfeminine garments? I don't get it.

 

And again, I don't get why you think this woman will refuse to wear a dress or skirt based on your one interaction. She hasn't even met you yet.

 

Are you going to meet her? Actually, I think she would be better off if you cancelled!

[fitnessfan365]

I've asked twice where you are taking her on the date and you won't answer. It's kind of hard to determine whether she is being a slob by wearing jeans and a t-shirt if you won't tell us what the date is all about.

 

How are YOU defining "jeans and a t-shirt" and how are you certain that YOUR definition is the same as hers? Maybe you should meet her to check out her style? Do you really think that "jeans and a t-shirt" only encompasses shapeless, unsexy, and unfeminine garments? I don't get it.

 

And again, I don't get why you think this woman will refuse to wear a dress or skirt based on your one interaction. She hasn't even met you yet.

 

Are you going to meet her? Actually, I think she would be better off if you cancelled!

 

1) I haven't decided yet.

 

2) I don't get why you keep asking about the first meet when I don't care what she wears on it. It's a casual get together.

 

3) Once again, meeting her once the first time won't give me an indication of her overall style preferences because it will be a casual first meet. The only way you find out the way a woman dresses is by spending more and more time with her. But when I hear "t-shirt" I think loose fitting and unattractive. Instead if a woman says she likes to wear cute tops, etc that is different.

 

4) When I said "I look forward to whatever sexy choice you make" she said "I don't know. I'm actually a big' t-shirt and jeans woman". This didn't come off as a test type response or her being uncomfortable with what I said. It came off like she was just stating her style preferences.

 

5) As I said, I just really enjoy the dynamic when a woman likes to feel desired and objectified by the guy she is with. Her taking pride and wanting to turn me on is so unbelievably sexy. Plus, I am not jealous whatsoever, and actually enjoy seeing other guys want the woman that I have.

 

Once again though, this all plays into the older fashioned male/female dynamic that I know isn't popular here. So feel free to call me egotistical, misogynistic, or ask me what century I am in. But there are plenty of good, decent, intelligent women out there that also want to be arm candy for their man. I don't see this as a character flaw.

[Taramere]

1) Once again though, this all plays into the older fashioned male/female dynamic that I know isn't popular here. So feel free to call me egotistical, misogynistic, or ask me what century I am in. But there are plenty of good, decent, intelligent women out there that also want to be arm candy for their man. I don't see this as a character flaw.

 

But you're not "her man". You're a guy she's spoken to online, from an online dating site, who she's meeting for a casual and presumably low cost date to see if there's any potential for another meeting. If she says "I'm a jeans and t shirt sort of a girl" then I think that sounds ideal for the sort of date you have in mind....and as others have suggested, she likely said it a a subtle sort of "hey, cool it chum" sort of way.

 

She doesn't have a clue whether she fancies you yet, so perhaps she'd rather play safe and wear something that isn't remotely provocative. Particularly for a low cost, casual date with a guy who she might end up finding she has no chemistry with.

[elaine567]

Me - Already planning your outfit for next week?

Her - It's crossed my mind

Me - I look forward to the sexy choice you come up with

Her - We'll see. I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman

 

To me you got it wrong at the "Already planning your outfit for next week?" stage. Women will discuss outfit plans all day with other women, but a man who she doesn't know, poking his nose in, ugh!

She was not really happy then and came back with "It's crossed my mind" and that to me was where you should have stopped and not pushed it any further.

BUT not only did you poke your nose in where it wasn't wanted or needed, you then you try and dictate what she wears...

 

Some sexy bimbo may be your ideal woman, and if it is, then great, keep going.

But you seem to me to be all about dating and not about forming real relationships and if you do want a LTR then you need to learn how to talk to real woman and forget all these games, ridiculous clothing standards, and visual filtering. In a LTR you have to actually live with someone day in and out, and that is where compatible personality comes in and in reality overrides just about everything else.

[fitnessfan365]

But you're not "her man". You're a guy she's spoken to online, from an online dating site, who she's meeting for a casual and presumably low cost date to see if there's any potential for another meeting. If she says "I'm a jeans and t shirt sort of a girl" then I think that sounds ideal for the sort of date you have in mind....and as others have suggested, she likely said it a a subtle sort of "hey, cool it chum" sort of way.

 

She doesn't have a clue whether she fancies you yet, so perhaps she'd rather play safe and wear something that isn't remotely provocative. Particularly for a low cost, casual date with a guy who she might end up finding she has no chemistry with.

 

Haha.. Wow. Another person I have to explain this to.

 

Once again, this NEVER had anything to do with the first meet AT ALL. Why people keep referencing the first meet/date is beyond me. I jokingly asked if she had picked out her outfit yet. 1) We just talked on the phone yesterday for the first time. 2) Don't have official plans nailed down yet. 3) It will be extremely casual. So the idea of dressing up seemed funny and ironic. Then to be playful and flirty, I mentioned enjoying whatever sexy choice she came up with.

 

Also, I was speaking in generalities that have nothing to do with her. Just stating basic preferences and tastes I have for when I meet the right woman for me. Granted, I have no idea what this woman's tastes are, or if I'll even want to see her for a second date.

 

But.. If she is the type of woman that prefers jeans and t-shirts most of the time, she probably wouldn't be a great fit for me based on what I like. That is all I am saying. I personally don't see the big deal telling a woman that I appreciate feminine dress style on a woman and having her say what her style preferences are.

 

Am I not allowed to have preferences in general? That is honestly what some of the women in this thread are making it sound like.

 

To me you got it wrong at the "Already planning your outfit for next week?" stage. Women will discuss outfit plans all day with other women, but a man who she doesn't know, poking his nose in, ugh!

She was not really happy then and came back with "It's crossed my mind" and that to me was where you should have stopped and not pushed it any further.

BUT not only did you poke your nose in where it wasn't wanted or needed, you then you try and dictate what she wears...

 

Some sexy bimbo may be your ideal woman, and if it is, then great, keep going.

But you seem to me to be all about dating and not about forming real relationships and if you do want a LTR then you need to learn how to talk to real woman and forget all these games, ridiculous clothing standards, and visual filtering. In a LTR you have to actually live with someone day in and out, and that is where compatible personality comes in and in reality overrides just about everything else.

 

You're late to the party, so I have to explain yet again. Hopefully this is the last time I have to. As I've said a dozen times already, I was trying to be funny and ironic. I just talked to her yesterday on the phone for the first time. I was going to call her this weekend once I had a better handle on my schedule. But she texted me today. When we do get together it will be a casual meet next week. So the idea of "planning an outfit" that far in advance for something casual is silly. I guess people just don't see the humor in what I was going for with that statement. The only thing that gave me pause is when she possibly suggested she prefers to wear jeans and t-shirts in general most of the time. I like women who wear feminine outfits. So a woman that dresses more casually all the time wouldn't be a good match for me.

 

Also, women that take pride in their appearance will take exception at you making a "bimbo" general statement like that. A woman dressing to impress is not a character flaw or a sign of sexual promiscuity.

Edited May 7, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[elaine567]

She doesn't have a clue whether she fancies you yet, so perhaps she'd rather play safe and wear something that isn't remotely provocative. Particularly for a low cost, casual date with a guy who she might end up finding she has no chemistry with.

 

Exactly.

 

Her: I am going to cook you a meal.

Him: Have you planned it well?

Her: (bites tongue) I may have done.

Him: Well it better be tasty and expensive too.

Her: Who IS this guy?...

[katiegrl]

1) I haven't decided yet.

 

2) I don't get why you keep asking about the first meet when I don't care what she wears on it. It's a casual get together.

 

3) Once again, meeting her once the first time won't give me an indication of her overall style preferences because it will be a casual first meet. The only way you find out the way a woman dresses is by spending more and more time with her. But when I hear "t-shirt" I think loose fitting and unattractive. Instead if a woman says she likes to wear cute tops, etc that is different.

 

4) When I said "I look forward to whatever sexy choice you make" she said "I don't know. I'm actually a big' t-shirt and jeans woman". This didn't come off as a test type response or her being uncomfortable with what I said. It came off like she was just stating her style preferences.

 

5) As I said, ***I just really enjoy the dynamic when a woman likes to feel desired and objectified*** by the guy she is with. Her taking pride and wanting to turn me on is so unbelievably sexy. Plus, I am not jealous whatsoever, ***and actually enjoy seeing other guys want the woman that I have.***

 

Once again though, this all plays into the older fashioned male/female dynamic that I know isn't popular here. So feel free to call me egotistical, misogynistic, or ask me what century I am in. But there are plenty of good, decent, intelligent women out there that also want to be arm candy for their man. I don't see this as a character flaw.

 

 

I won't call you egotistical or misogynistic (although not ruling out that you could very well be those things)...but I *will* say that I find some of your posts, on this thread and others, quite disturbing, specifically #5 of the above, which personally is not only disturbing, but borderline sick.. .IMHO of course....

 

But that said, I acknowledge you *are* entitled to want what you want ....and I'll just leave it at that.

[fitnessfan365]

Exactly.

 

Her: I am going to cook you a meal.

Him: Have you planned it well?

Her: (bites tongue) I may have done.

Him: Well it better be tasty and expensive too.

Her: Who IS this guy?...

 

Haha.. Who the hell talks like that?

 

Her : I am going to cook you a meal.

Me : Sounds great. Are you on the dessert menu?

 

BTW - Read my other post directed at you. Asking a woman that I talked to yesterday for the first time if she's "planning her outfit" for something casual the following week is MEANT TO BE FUNNY AND IRONIC. I mean you really can't see that?

[elaine567]

I was trying to be funny and ironic.

"Trying" is the operative word. All the women here have told you many times, that they would not have appreciated that text and why, and you continue to defend it....

Also, women that take pride in their appearance will take exception at you making a "bimbo" general statement like that. A woman dressing to impress is not a character flaw or a sign of sexual promiscuity.

 

No, but any woman who is going to put up with the attitude you displayed on that text and who will dress according to your wishes, is a few sandwiches short of a picnic or just desperate.

 

(Bimbo is a derogatory slang term for an attractive but unintelligent female. - nothing to do with sexual promiscuity.)