preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Got a woman's number off OKC. Called her and decent conversation. We're both busy the rest of the week so we agreed on plans for next week. She sends me a text today. We exchange a few. Me - Already planning your outfit for next week? Her - It's crossed my mind Me - I look forward to the sexy choice you come up with Her - We'll see. I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman Now I actually respect her for being honest, and I have no desire to change anyone. But this was an instant turn off. My usual preference is for women that dress like women. Skirts, sundresses, form fitting jeans and tops, etc.. It's very attractive when women like to be feminine and feel desired. Yet these days you see more and more women in sweats, flip flops, loose fitting jeans, baggy t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc.. So for the women on the forums, I'm curious how you usually dress. Do you always dress for "comfort" and not care about attracting male attention. Or do you enjoy strutting your stuff? Here, Katie. I'll make it easy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 FF: I still want to know what you replied after she told you she's a big t-shirt jeans girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 Here, Katie. I'll make it easy for you. Haha.. According to every other women in this thread and some of the guys too, she was just saying this to "calm me down" and back off the conversation. On the other hand, I just took it as a simple confirmation of how she usually likes to dress. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 But i did want to clear something up. This would be a casual first meet. Not a dinner date. OK, so why would you expect her to wear something "sexy" on a casual first date (honest question, no snark)? If I recall from some of your previous posts, you say you like to get froyo or deli sandwiches and take them to the park on a first date. Where does a sexy outfit fit into that equation, exactly? Generally speaking, I try and dress to match the occasion. If a guy is taking me out and I know it's going to be a nice place or that $$ are going to be dropped, then yes appropriate clothes come out of the closet. If, however, a date will be a casual affair, then "dressing sexy" is less of a priority. Dress for style, dress for self expression—yes, absolutely. Dress for positive male attention? No, I don't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I am glad you get where I am coming from. But i did want to clear something up. This would be a casual first meet. Not a dinner date. But what she said about being a jeans and tshirt woman in general makes me wonder how she usually dresses. So I am glad that we're on the same page there. Secondly, I wouldn't usually plan a dinner date that early on. I did it that one time with the women who I had the good first meet with. For some reason it just felt like the thing to do. But under normal circumstances, I save dinner dates for a woman I am more serious with and do really low key and fun activity dates in the beginning. I don't think it really matters. If I was meeting someone for the first time that I thought I liked after talking to him, even if it's only for coffee, I wouldn't even consider wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I wouldn't rule out jeans, but everything else would look feminine and put together. Why? Because I'd want to make a good impression. It's just that what everyone apparently chooses to ignore is that she told you this is her main style. Instead they're focusing on whether you have the right to be flirting with her, because they're assuming you haven't talked to her enough to have any rapport or for her to have built up any trust. I think their radars just aren't that great. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Haha.. According to every other women in this thread and some of the guys too, she was just saying this to "calm me down" and back off the conversation. On the other hand, I just took it as a simple confirmation of how she usually likes to dress. You can't say that you were joking/flirting with her, and then tell us that you're taking her response at face value... Lol. Cmon dude, it was an obvious sht test and you (almost) failed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 Point: bad form calling out Gaeta and lana-banana on personal issues that aren't the subject of this thread. Oh and all the women calling me a creep, and going off topic bashing my style when I never asked for advice/opinion in the first place is in good form? If Gaeta is going to bring up my "flirting style" and how it was a "disguise to cover up that I just want sex" I'm going to respond. Also, lana has made plenty of personal attacks on me in this thread as well. All I did was use an example of how we don't see eye to eye and I was never insulting about what I said. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 It's just that what everyone apparently chooses to ignore is that she told you this is her main style. I said in my first reply that if FF doesn't like how she dresses, then he shouldn't date her. There are plenty of ladies out there that most likely meet his standards, so if she's not one of them, move on. I do think he's jumping the gun a bit, though. Let's see what she shows up wearing, then he can decide whether to see her again or not. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Haha.. According to every other women in this thread and some of the guys too, she was just saying this to "calm me down" and back off the conversation. On the other hand, I just took it as a simple confirmation of how she usually likes to dress. That's right, because you can never take anything at face value. She is thoroughly disgusted at you because why would a guy who has bothered to start trying to get to know her and asked her out on a date have romance on his mind? THAT never happens. THAT's not predictable. People, this is how you don't end up in the friendzone. This guy has successful dates. He can afford to be a little choosy. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I said in my first reply that if FF doesn't like how she dresses, then he shouldn't date her. There are plenty of ladies out there that most likely meet his standards, so if she's not one of them, move on. I do think he's jumping the gun a bit, though. Let's see what she shows up wearing, then he can decide whether to see her again or not. Which is exactly why he brought it up! Because now he doubts she's the right one for him. But he's going to give her a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 That's right, because you can never take anything at face value. She is thoroughly disgusted at you because why would a guy who has bothered to start trying to get to know her and asked her out on a date have romance on his mind? THAT never happens. THAT's not predictable. People, this is how you don't end up in the friendzone. This guy has successful dates. He can afford to be a little choosy. Making sexual inuendos before even meeting is a risk - I've done it and have had it work. But it's not something that will work on every girl - and its important to realize when you might have made the other person uncomfortable. It's generally safer to avoid getting too sexual until you have good rapport with the other person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 All in all, there's definitely alot of presumptions being made for scenarios that have not yet occurred, and that no one can really predict. Perhaps her version of t shirt and jeans is MY version of t-shirt and jeans. Nice fitted jeans, cute shoes, and a cute quality v neck. Perhaps her version IS the baggy grungy shirt and whatever blah jeans. Perhaps she doesn't actually normally wear t shirts and jeans at all. There's no telling. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Oh and all the women calling me a creep, and going off topic bashing my style when I never asked for advice/opinion in the first place is in good form? If Gaeta is going to bring up my "flirting style" and how it was a "disguise to cover up that I just want sex" I'm going to respond. By addressing her statements themselves ideally, not dragging some random personal points into the discussion. That's an ad-hominem attack - you're basically saying her argument is invalid because of something other than her argument and attempting to steer the conversation toward some potentially embarrassing circumstances of her own rather than leave the topic where it belongs. Also, lana has made plenty of personal attacks on me in this thread as well. All I did was use an example of how we don't see eye to eye and I was never insulting about what I said. FF, you stepped in sh*t the moment you OPed that text message. Don't cry about people reacting to the things you say and then cry fowl when it gets a little rougher than you can handle. Simply owning it would have gotten you out of this pages ago, but yet you hang onto these vain notions that everyone here is delusional and that stating and re-stating and re-re-stating your beliefs to the contrary will somehow 'prove' everyone else wrong. It doesn't work that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 I said in my first reply that if FF doesn't like how she dresses, then he shouldn't date her. There are plenty of ladies out there that most likely meet his standards, so if she's not one of them, move on. I do think he's jumping the gun a bit, though. Let's see what she shows up wearing, then he can decide whether to see her again or not. That's the thing though. I don't care what she wears on the first meet. Let me stress again - It was never about the first meet. A first meet is casual. There's no need for a woman to dress 'sexy" or do extensive outfit planning. So that's why I thought I was being funny and silly. Obviously it fell flat with all the women here. But what changed gears is when she moved on from the first meet discussion and made a general statement - "I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman". Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 That's the thing though. I don't care what she wears on the first meet. Let me stress again - It was never about the first meet. Obviously it fell flat with all the women here. And of course, many of the women it fell flat here have ongoing problems with dating. I think you may have inadvertently hit a nerve of one reason why that could be. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 ...I can't believe how many of you are jumping down FitnessFan's throat just because of a text exchange he posted between him and a potential first meet. Nearly ALL of you have admonished him, insulted him, made fun of the way he flirts with women and have told him over and over about how "creepy", "too sexual", etc. that his one line of text was to this woman. I believe he is fully aware of how almost every woman in this forum would've been offended by his text had they been the one to be on the receiving end of it. He repeatedly defended his position and tried explaining it because nearly all of you had put him on the defensive. And no matter how polite he was in trying to explain why he worded his text in that manner and regardless of how many times he tried to steer people back to the topic of discussion - which is about what kind of attire do women like to wear - he was consistently met with a barrage of negative posts about the way he flirts via text with women he has not met yet. His text would've also made me feel uncomfortable but I would've brushed it off. I was understanding and in agreement with most of you until you kept on harping on him and turned it into a 15+ page dodge ball fest. You don't have to like or approve of how FF flirts with other women...and even if you think he's a misogynistic, perverted, dominant pig that sexually objectifies women, he's still a member of this forum who asked a simple question and provided a text exchange as an example of how he thought this particular woman liked to dress down. He wasn't rude towards any of you with his responses; but a lot of you were quite rude to him IMO. I mean, sheesh. Stop beating this dead horse already. The blood spatter is starting to stain the forum. . 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Got a woman's number off OKC. Called her and decent conversation. We're both busy the rest of the week so we agreed on plans for next week. She sends me a text today. We exchange a few. Me - Already planning your outfit for next week? Her - It's crossed my mind Me - I look forward to the sexy choice you come up with Her - We'll see. I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman Now I actually respect her for being honest, and I have no desire to change anyone. But this was an instant turn off. My usual preference is for women that dress like women. Skirts, sundresses, form fitting jeans and tops, etc.. It's very attractive when women like to be feminine and feel desired. Yet these days you see more and more women in sweats, flip flops, loose fitting jeans, baggy t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc.. So for the women on the forums, I'm curious how you usually dress. Do you always dress for "comfort" and not care about attracting male attention. Or do you enjoy strutting your stuff? Here, Katie. I'll make it easy for you. This tells us nothing about whether t-shirts and jeans are universally "grubby," it only says that she mentioned she's a big t-shirt and jeans woman. And saying that doesn't even indicate that she'd wear a t-shirt and jeans to the date. And the qualifier "we'll see" further shows that her attire for the date is undetermined (and supports the notion that she was unhappy with being put on the spot that way, being essentially a non-answer). And none of that even gets into the possibility that the statement was a put-off to begin with and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 This tells us nothing about whether t-shirts and jeans are universally "grubby," it only says that she mentioned she's a big t-shirt and jeans woman. And saying that doesn't even indicate that she'd wear a t-shirt and jeans to the date. And the qualifier "we'll see" further shows that her attire for the date is undetermined (and supports the notion that she was unhappy with being put on the spot that way, being essentially a non-answer). And none of that even gets into the possibility that the statement was a put-off to begin with and nothing more. I took the comment as a rebuff to his implication that she "dresses sexy" - not as a literal statement declaring that is how she usually dresses. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Oh and all the women calling me a creep, and going off topic bashing my style when I never asked for advice/opinion in the first place is in good form? If Gaeta is going to bring up my "flirting style" and how it was a "disguise to cover up that I just want sex" I'm going to respond. OH PLEASE I never said that, like I've explained I was refering how your style would-could be perceived by a woman that doesn't know you, in such an early stage before even meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 A first meet is casual. There's no need for a woman to dress 'sexy" or do extensive outfit planning. So that's why I thought I was being funny and silly. Obviously it fell flat with all the women here. But what changed gears is when she moved on from the first meet discussion and made a general statement - "I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman". Forgive me if you've already covered this somewhere up-thread. Also, I'm exhausted today, so maybe I'm just not getting it ... Your INITIAL "planned your outfit?" text was a joke? As was its follow-up "can't wait for le sexy?" I mean, I dated a guy for a while last year who early-on, texted something like, "wanna sext?" (or words to that effect, I can't remember). I do remember feeling immediately deflated, and was like, "oh no, he's THAT kinda guy," before replying, "I don't really do that." He quickly clarified that he was kidding, and we went on. Point being, joke texting can be tricky. But, just as the tone and intent of your texting could be misconstrued, you must allow for the idea that her texts could be misconstrued as well. And I don't buy this idea that you don't care at all about what she's going to show up in for your initial date, because you said in post #1 that it's a turn-off when women dress down. But you're just gonna have to cross the bridge when you get there. When are y'all supposed to be meeting? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 FF: I still want to know what you replied after she told you she's a big t-shirt jeans girl. Back on topic What do I need to do to get an answer to this? it's like the 3rd time I ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 FF, you stepped in sh*t the moment you OPed that text message. Don't cry about people reacting to the things you say and then cry fowl when it gets a little rougher than you can handle. Simply owning it would have gotten you out of this pages ago, but yet you hang onto these vain notions that everyone here is delusional and that stating and re-stating and re-re-stating your beliefs to the contrary will somehow 'prove' everyone else wrong. It doesn't work that way. Actually I've said many times, that I agree that some women won't like my style. I've fully owned that it bothered the women here. But.. Newsflash - Not every woman on planet earth uses this forum. Diezel was actually one of the few voices of reason in this thread when he said "You do realize that it works on some women don't you?" What's wrong, offensive, creepy, etc to you and every other women here, doesn't mean that it bothers every woman alive. It's great you know yourself and have opinions Jen. But the audacity you're showing to claim that you and other women here speak for ALL women is amazing to me. So in all honesty, it doesn't matter if I offend 500 women, 1000 women, 2000 women, etc on a forum. All that matters is that the women I date appreciate who I am and that's why I'll continue to act the way that's right for me. If that bothers you, oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 ...I can't believe how many of you are jumping down FitnessFan's throat just because of a text exchange he posted between him and a potential first meet. Nearly ALL of you have admonished him, insulted him, made fun of the way he flirts with women and have told him over and over about how "creepy", "too sexual", etc. that his one line of text was to this woman. I believe he is fully aware of how almost every woman in this forum would've been offended by his text had they been the one to be on the receiving end of it. He repeatedly defended his position and tried explaining it because nearly all of you had put him on the defensive. And no matter how polite he was in trying to explain why he worded his text in that manner and regardless of how many times he tried to steer people back to the topic of discussion - which is about what kind of attire do women like to wear - he was consistently met with a barrage of negative posts about the way he flirts via text with women he has not met yet. His text would've also made me feel uncomfortable but I would've brushed it off. I was understanding and in agreement with most of you until you kept on harping on him and turned it into a 15+ page dodge ball fest. You don't have to like or approve of how FF flirts with other women...and even if you think he's a misogynistic, perverted, dominant pig that sexually objectifies women, he's still a member of this forum who asked a simple question and provided a text exchange as an example of how he thought this particular woman liked to dress down. He wasn't rude towards any of you with his responses; but a lot of you were quite rude to him IMO. I mean, sheesh. Stop beating this dead horse already. The blood spatter is starting to stain the forum. . You're slightly exaggerating the situation. It's one the most exciting thread we've had on here in a while and FF is a big boy he can take the heat ;-) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 This tells us nothing about whether t-shirts and jeans are universally "grubby," Well, if you don't think so, I can't help you. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 You're slightly exaggerating the situation. It's one the most exciting thread we've had on here in a while and FF is a big boy he can take the heat ;-) Oh, by all means, he's a big boy, so just gang up on him for daring to have a standard for what type woman he wants to date. Link to post Share on other sites
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