Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 Back on topic What do I need to do to get an answer to this? it's like the 3rd time I ask. Per our original discussion on the phone, I said that I'd call her over the weekend. Then she texted me the next day, and we exchanged a handful that lead to the joking about the first meet on my end. Then after she said she was a t-shirt and jeans woman, she sent another text saying "I have to get back to work, but call me this weekend and we'll plan something out then". I took this as a read only and plan on calling her this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Well, if you don't think so, I can't help you. But do you acknowledge that the post that you said would explain everything actually doesn't? Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Actually I've said many times, that I agree that some women won't like my style. I've fully owned that it bothered the women here. In all fairness, I think this thread has a pretty general consensus that you made it a bigger deal than it needed to be. For the number of people on this forum (which has a pretty diverse userbase) that have responded on this thread, it's enough to say that it's not just "Women on LS" that are opposed to your view. The 25 and counting likes on d0nnivains post alone speaks for itself: FF -- You know I like you but that exchange was very off putting & in-your-face overtly sexual . . . it reads like you are objectifying her. While I generally dress in a feminine manner for a 1st date (or most dates with DH) your attempt at flirtation was too sexual too soon for a pre-meeting OLD exchange. There are different kinds of jeans & t shirts -- some more sexy others more sloppy. Rather than being turned off already, dial back the banter. I think she was trying to redirect your expectations. You made it sound like you were hoping she was going to show up in an easy access micro mini skirt. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 But do you acknowledge that the post that you said would explain everything actually doesn't? Not at all. Because I'm not reading a lot of biases into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Per our original discussion on the phone, I said that I'd call her over the weekend. Then she texted me the next day, and we exchanged a handful that lead to the joking about the first meet on my end. Then after she said she was a t-shirt and jeans woman, she sent another text saying "I have to get back to work, but call me this weekend and we'll plan something out then". I took this as a read only and plan on calling her this weekend. Ok so she did not give you time to comment on her 'I'm a big t-shirt and jeans girl'. She didn't see the humor in the sexy comment either because if she had she would have replied with something teasing or funny. So, I hope you won't let the circus we've made out of this thread keep you from updating us on your date. I have a feeling she will be too simple (for lack of better word) for your taste but we can't be everyone's cup of tea. I once showed up for a first meet on a terrace in a summer dress and wedges sandals and he pointed to me right away I was over-dressed. Good luck with the date! Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 But.. Newsflash - Not every woman on planet earth uses this forum. Diezel was actually one of the few voices of reason in this thread when he said "You do realize that it works on some women don't you?" What's wrong, offensive, creepy, etc to you and every other women here, doesn't mean that it bothers every woman alive. It's great you know yourself and have opinions Jen. But the audacity you're showing to claim that you and other women here speak for ALL women is amazing to me. Where did I or anyone else here claim to speak for humanity or womenkind? Now you've moved on from ad-hominem to straw men. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Not at all. Because I'm not reading a lot of biases into it. So you think that that one line actually explains everything you said it explains? Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Hey OP you can like what you like and say what you say. I could make Bond blush with some of the things that come out of my mouth. Reward comes with risk. You stated your desires and likes, if someone is put off...Well you filtered out quickly something that wouldn't work out anyhow. It's easy to say what would do outside the situation after the fact. I'm sure if there is something here to be learned will put it in tool belt. Personally I'm amused your one little statement spawned twenty pages of reactions. Perhaps other men need to be a bit more bold / take risks / have standreds. If they did you testing the waters a bit wouldn't be so shocking...better yet, let guys beat around the bush.....makes your job easier. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 In all fairness, I think this thread has a pretty general consensus that you made it a bigger deal than it needed to be. For the number of people on this forum (which has a pretty diverse userbase) that have responded on this thread, it's enough to say that it's not just "Women on LS" that are opposed to your view. The 25 and counting likes on d0nnivains post alone speaks for itself: Fair enough. Like I said, I agree that it didn't go over well here. But at the same time, I'm getting dates regularly and have an active social life. That's why it seems silly to me that I should change who I am based on what women on a forum say. It's silly when they represent such a small percentage of women. Look at it this way. The best home run hitters in baseball usually strike out the most too. Plus, if I was sizing this thread up for potential date candidates, it would have shown me tons of women that were simply wrong for me. Meanwhile one woman ClickToRead instantly said how funny she thought it was, that she likes to dress very feminine, etc.. So regardless of whether or not the other women here liked what I said, she did and also has the style I find attractive, So wading through a bunch of bad woman, got me to one that I'd potentially hit it off with if I lived in Florida. Especially since she said she's a "water and a meal girl". Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 (edited) Just for those that are interested : Me - Hey K, you knew I was playing around yesterday with the outfit planning and sexy outfit bit right? Her - Hey! and yes, no worries. It is hard to tell the sarcasm and jokes via text, but I picked up on it. That sounds like a woman completely "disgusted" that wants to blow me off doesn't it? Just like I thought, she saw that I was trying to be funny. So hopefully we can move past this now. But hey, all the people in this thread should be thanking me for getting their like totals up. 25 on one post? That's definitely a new record. Edited May 7, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Hey OP you can like what you like and say what you say. I could make Bond blush with some of the things that come out of my mouth. Reward comes with risk. You stated your desires and likes, if someone is put off...Well you filtered out quickly something that wouldn't work out anyhow. It's easy to say what would do outside the situation after the fact. I'm sure if there is something here to be learned will put it in tool belt. Personally I'm amused your one little statement spawned twenty pages of reactions. Perhaps other men need to be a bit more bold / take risks / have standreds. If they did you testing the waters a bit wouldn't be so shocking...better yet, let guys beat around the bush.....makes your job easier. It's fine and dandy to be bold, I do it myself from time to time if I feel the situation is right, but you need to know when you went too far. This is one of those cases (IMO) but OP doesn't want to admit he's wrong. I posted a few months back when I made a sexual joke to a girl I hadn't even asked to meet yet, and it was received well and we still went on to meet (I later turned her down). I knew it was a risk to take though and it might or might not be received well. I guess the main difference is my sexual remark wasn't objectifying her in any way. Personally I think FF had balls for trying (even if it might be a bit over the top compared to what I would do). The only thing that I can't wrap my head around is that he said he was joking/flirting, but took her response at face value, and that she literally ALWAYS dressed that way. It was obvious to me that she was uncomfortable and was giving him a rebuff. It's always good to keep in mind that we're not always right, and to be humble Just for those that are interested : Me - Hey K, you knew I was playing around yesterday with the outfit planning and sexy outfit bit right? Her - Hey! and yes, no worries. It is hard to tell the sarcasm and jokes via text, but I picked up on it. That sounds like a woman completely "disgusted" that wants to blow me off doesn't it? Just like I thought, she saw that I was trying to be funny. So hopefully we can move past this now. But hey, all the people in this thread should be thanking me for getting their like totals up. 25 on one post? That's definitely a new record. Glad to hear it, but you realize the whole premise of your thread is pointless right? Not to mention she might have been unsure about your intentions until you just recently cleared it up for her. Like I said, you ALMOST failed her **** test. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 You're slightly exaggerating the situation. Naah, I wasn't exaggerating things at all. It's all right here in this thread for everyone to see. Like I said, I do agree with most of you...it's just that I think you all took it too far and made FF's forehead into a bullseye for all of you to aim your poisoned arrows at lol It's one the most exciting thread we've had on here in a while and FF is a big boy he can take the heat ;-) HA!!! Okay. Reading that made me lol'd. Yeah, he's got his big boy pants on and can take the impact of all of the arrows aimed at him. But I mean, DAMN. He's gonna need a freakin' drink after finishing with this thread LOL:laugh: . Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 (edited) It's fine and dandy to be bold, I do it myself from time to time if I feel the situation is right, but you need to know when you went too far. This is one of those cases (IMO) but OP doesn't want to admit he's wrong. I posted a few months back when I made a sexual joke to a girl I hadn't even asked to meet yet, and it was received well and we still went on to meet (I later turned her down). I knew it was a risk to take though and it might or might not be received well. I guess the main difference is my sexual remark wasn't objectifying her in any way. Personally I think FF had balls for trying (even if it might be a bit over the top compared to what I would do). The only thing that I can't wrap my head around is that he said he was joking/flirting, but took her response at face value, and that she literally ALWAYS dressed that way. It was obvious to me that she was uncomfortable and was giving him a rebuff. It's always good to keep in mind that we're not always right, and to be humble Glad to hear it, but you realize the whole premise of your thread is pointless right? Not to mention she might have been unsure about your intentions until you just recently cleared it up for her. Like I said, you ALMOST failed her **** test. When it comes down to a matter of opinion on something subjective, what's wrong to some people, isn't wrong to others. I never claimed that how I act appeals to all women out there. I owned the fact that it failed with 99% of the women on this thread and I'm sorry if women here were offended. I really am. But here is what rubs me the wrong way. The women in this thread are acting like they speak for all women out there. They're saying I should change my behavior because they didn't like it, and that must mean that no women do. However, since I get dates regularly, and have an active social life, I am going to continue to do what's right for me. I love how some women in this thread love to call me arrogant. But isn't it equally as arrogant for people to claim that they speak for everyone out there? In the end, 99% of the people in this thread may not like the way I act, or how I interact with women. But I'm cool with it, and so are the women I date. Edited May 7, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 the other women here liked what I said, she did and also has the style I find attractive, So wading through a bunch of bad woman, got me to one that I'd potentially hit it off with if I lived in Florida. Especially since she said she's a "water and a meal girl". I don't think your way of doing things make you a bad person. So why do you think our way of doing things make us bad women? Really? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 That's the thing though. I don't care what she wears on the first meet. Let me stress again - It was never about the first meet. A first meet is casual. There's no need for a woman to dress 'sexy" or do extensive outfit planning. So that's why I thought I was being funny and silly. Obviously it fell flat with all the women here. But what changed gears is when she moved on from the first meet discussion and made a general statement - "I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman". EXACTLY!!!! If she's a casual person & you prefer to date somebody with a bit more style / pizzazz, great. That is about compatibility & lifestyle. Casual people make me nuts but I know I'm in the minority. I don't care if you paid $197 for your jeans, there are still not dressy but the satin gown I got at the thrift store is. If two people meet & are not each other's cup of tea, for whatever reason, personality, style, looks, --OK fine. There are plenty more fish in the sea. I just don't quite understand why it took this many pages of posts for FF to acknowledge that what you meant as a light-hearted flirtation could be (& was) considered offensive by many. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 I don't think your way of doing things make you a bad person. So why do you think our way of doing things make us bad women? Really? Well Phoe, you have been one of the few women in this thread to be semi-civil to me so I appreciate that. You're graceful nature is very feminine. But you took what I said the wrong way. Bad women = women that are bad for me. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 When it comes down to a matter of opinion on something subjective, what's wrong to some people, isn't wrong to others. I never claimed that how I act appeals to all women out there. I owned the fact that it failed with 99% of the women on this thread and I'm sorry if women here were offended. I really am. But here is what rubs me the wrong way. The women in this thread are acting like they speak for all women out there. They're saying I should change my behavior because they didn't like it, and that must mean that no women do. However, since I get dates regularly, and have an active social life, I am going to continue to do what's right for me. I love how some women in this thread love to call me arrogant. But isn't it equally as arrogant for people to claim that they speak for everyone out there? In the end, 99% of the people in this thread may not like the way I act, or how I interact with women. But I'm cool with it, and so are the women I date. Well for the number of Women on here that have responded, and the percentage that is opposed to your view, that's a pretty decent sample size. It's a pretty diverse crowd here, so I'd say its pretty safe that it would be received in a similar fashion by the general population. I do think you tend to be a tad arrogant (not trying to break you down here, so don't take it the wrong way), and that may be rubbing some people here the wrong way. However I'm done with this thread, there's really nothing more for me to say Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I always thought if you didn't want to get put in the "Friendzone" is to add some kind of innuendo or double entredre (sp?) to your conversions with a woman of interest. It's called building sexual tension. Though it doesn't have to be blatantly vulgar, subtle innuendo is a happy medium. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 (edited) Me - Already planning your outfit for next week? Her - It's crossed my mind Me - I look forward to the sexy choice you come up with Her - We'll see. I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman Here, Katie. I'll make it easy for you. Just because she responded to his so-called "joke" by saying she's a "big t-shirt and jeans woman" ... (a) doesn't mean that is ALL she wears, and (b) it's possible she said it as a JOKE, in response to his JOKE. I consider myself a "t-shirt and jeans girl" also...it's a figure of speech! NOT to be taken literally for cryin out loud. And again, why, since HIS comment was a joke, can't he at least consider the possibility that her response was a joke??? Tongue-n-cheek type of thing. I can totally see that. He makes a suggestive comment about her wearing something sexy, and she responds "Yeah, I'm a big t-shirt and jeans girl myself," -- it's total sarcasm! Goofing on him (or his inappropriate comment) in a way. Edited May 7, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 EXACTLY!!!! If she's a casual person & you prefer to date somebody with a bit more style / pizzazz, great. That is about compatibility & lifestyle. Casual people make me nuts but I know I'm in the minority. I don't care if you paid $197 for your jeans, there are still not dressy but the satin gown I got at the thrift store is. If two people meet & are not each other's cup of tea, for whatever reason, personality, style, looks, --OK fine. There are plenty more fish in the sea. I just don't quite understand why it took this many pages of posts for FF to acknowledge that what you meant as a light-hearted flirtation could be (& was) considered offensive by many. I've actually been saying through out the thread that I realized it offended the women here. As I said many times, everyone has an opinion and I'm sorry if the women here didn't like it. But I draw the line and stick to my opinions, when women on a forum presume to speak for ALL women out there. Telling me I should change my behavior, because it's wrong to women in general. That my dear is BS. If what I am doing works for me with the women I date, I am not going to change my behavior to make women on a forum happy. That's what I am saying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 Me - Already planning your outfit for next week? Her - It's crossed my mind Me - I look forward to the sexy choice you come up with Her - We'll see. I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman Just because she responded to his so-called "joke" by saying she's a "big t-shirt and jeans woman" ... (a) doesn't mean that is ALL she wears, and (b) it's possible she said it as a JOKE, in response to his JOKE. I consider myself a "t-shirt and jeans girl" also...it's a figure of speech! NOT to be taken literally for cryin out loud. And again, why, since HIS comment was a joke, can't he at least consider the possibility that her response was a joke??? Tongue-n-cheek type of thing. I can totally see that. He makes a suggestive comment about her wearing something sexy, and she responds "Yeah, I'm a big t-shirt and jeans girl myself," -- it's total sarcasm! Goofing on him (or his inappropriate comment) in a way. Update for you Katie : Me - Hey K, you knew I was playing around yesterday with the outfit planning and sexy outfit bit right? Her - Hey! and yes, no worries. It is hard to tell the sarcasm and jokes via text, but I picked up on it. As I said, she knew I was trying to be funny and isn't disgusted in the least. So a lot of women in this thread jumped the gun making me out to be the pick up scum of the earth..LOL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 (edited) Update for you Katie : Me - Hey K, you knew I was playing around yesterday with the outfit planning and sexy outfit bit right? Her - Hey! and yes, no worries. It is hard to tell the sarcasm and jokes via text, but I picked up on it. As I said, she knew I was trying to be funny and isn't disgusted in the least. So a lot of women in this thread jumped the gun making me out to be the pick up scum of the earth..LOL Fabulous! So she knew your comment was a joke, SHE responded with a joke (sarcasm/tongue-n-cheek)...now you can go meet each other with an open mind....no pre-conceived notions of how the other dresses or engages...and gauge if there is chemistry...and whether or not you are a match! Awesome! Let us know how it goes!! :) Edited May 7, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Over-thinking, clap clap... clap clap clap. I knew it was exactly a statement right back. Like I said, just go meet her. That's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sillyheadmoo Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Ive done similar as the girl you are talking to. Reasons why: * I'm nervous and trying to reduce the expectation a little bit. * I'm putting out feelers to work out what kind of place we are going to so I can sort out what I'm wearing * I'm trying to work out whether you fit into the more "indie" branch of guy, or "trendy" type of guy (I am more of an indie girl, and although I don't actually wear jeans and tshirt a lot, jeans and tshirt for me would be code for "Hey, I'm the sorta girl who will be wearing boots, or converse, and likes to see bands play and drink cider - rather than pelvic thrust to R+B") * Im scared that you have an inaccurate perception of me and my style and who I am * I found the comment a bit objectifying and I am trying to let you know that I dress in what the **** I want and dont expect to be on parade for you Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Update for you Katie : Me - Hey K, you knew I was playing around yesterday with the outfit planning and sexy outfit bit right? Her - Hey! and yes, no worries. It is hard to tell the sarcasm and jokes via text, but I picked up on it. As I said, she knew I was trying to be funny and isn't disgusted in the least. So a lot of women in this thread jumped the gun making me out to be the pick up scum of the earth..LOL She did not picked up on it at all, she got caught off guard with your comment. If she had picked up on it she would have played ball with you Instead she changing subject right away and said call me this weekend something something. And by the way, why did you need to clarify things with her? You've been standing so strong since beginning that she got your joke. Link to post Share on other sites
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