Women who fault men for flirting with younger women

[loveweary11]

But we are not talking about black men here are we? Oranges and pears...

Thanks for bringing racism into the argument, usually a sure fire winner that one.

BUT

We are talking about older men and how some women view them hitting on younger women, Lookatthatpost wanted reasons, I furnished some, full stop.

They may hit some nerves here, but that doesn't make the reasons I gave, untrue.

 

That is not bringing racism in.

 

It shows that bigotry of any kind is very similar.

[barcode88]

That’s an overstatement since there are many “biological instincts” that are made illegal (codified social restriction) or disapproved of. Society puts a check on MANY raw impulses.

 

as long as they do so in a legal and consenting manner.

 

 

Highlighted it since you missed the bold

 

Legality is a proper argument, but approval is a slippery slope. You could honestly find almost anyone who would approve/disapprove of anything. Some Woman who is overprotective of her Daughter might be disgusted of a 40year old banging a 20 year old, but many others probably don't care, and/or would high five the guy.

[BlueIris]

Further, some of us older guys cannot and do not meet anyone our own age, despite trying.

 

There are literally no single women ages 30-40 who are not fat, saddled with kids, stuck in a rut, in my little sphere of the world.

 

Since I'm child free, in shape, fun, youthful in my approach to life, open minded, understand millennials better than I understand older people, current on trends, had my ex wife for 12 years who was a decade younger than me, have financial security and am a good time to be with.... I naturally end up with girls who share similar qualities and outlooks on life.

 

The vast majority of them are a lot younger than me.

 

I will not be picked on or disparaged by close minded or hateful people for living a happy life.

 

You might be disparaged, but you don’t have to stick around to listen to it--- much like single women ages 30-40 who you think are fat, saddled with kids, and stuck in a rut are disparaged by you but don't have to care what you think of them.

[Auspecial]

I don't judge it because as in the Jacqueline Carey Kushiel series, "love as thou wilt."

 

But its also a foreign idea to me because when I was in my 20's I had a very good radar for mens age and I wouldn't date anyone over 29. I wasn't grossed by them, just no attraction and a "no brainer" that I didn't want that.

 

As I am older, age differences matter less and for the most part I stay within 10 year range, either me or the guy being 10 years older or younger.

 

My daughter is the same way I was, and I didn't teach her this, she just is this way. When she was 16 and we were at the beach walking around, we were "cat called," (not lewd) and she immediately swung around and gave them the finger.

 

I was telling her to not over-react, pick your battles, yadda yadda, and she says "but mom, they are *old!* Gross! They are like 30 years old!"

 

lol

 

I am not offended by younger women wanting older men, I just don't understand it. I still have plenty of men to choose from, and mostly I choose 30's or 50's so there's plenty of 40-somethings for the 20's!

[loveweary11]

You might be disparaged, but you don’t have to stick around to listen to it--- much like single women ages 30-40 who you think are fat, saddled with kids, and stuck in a rut are disparaged by you but don't have to care what you think of them.

 

It's true, but hatrde and bigotry regarding atypical relationships needs to end.

 

This is last one standing. It's time to end it.

 

Hate speech should not get a free pass just because a woman is saying it.

 

(again... online only... this doesn't happen in real life)

[hotpotato]

See, this I can get on board with.

 

Nobody should be pushing unwelcome advances on anyone.

 

Truth of the matter is... i .would never do this. Even to someone my own age.

 

Disinterest is immediately apparent, as is interest.

I never do over the top flirting. I just allow them to come to me. True no matter what age.

 

You don't go chasing after a cat to get it to come over. You let it know you are interested and allow it to come over to you. Same thing.

 

True dat, but many older guys just can't see the disinterest. If I ever flirt with someone and see them grimacing or making pained smiles, I would just quit...But plenty of old dudes don't.

 

I'm one of those girls who must have "I like old dudes" written across my forehead. I figured out that I was being too nice to them. If you don't tell them straight up to eff off, in a Dumb and Dumber-esque way, they think there's a chance.

[stillafool]

How, exactly, do you consider sharing normal dating and loving relationships between two people of different ages as "making a fool of themselves?"

 

Do you realize if you replaced the word "old" with the words "black" or "gay", your post would read just the way racists and homophobic people discuss interracial and gay couples?

 

Do you see the problem here?

 

I see the problem because those don't compare. We are talking about age not skin color or sexual preference.

[loveweary11]

I see the problem because those don't compare. We are talking about age not skin color or sexual preference.

 

Correct. We are talking about another discriminatory quality of people they cannot change.

 

Age.

[BlueIris]

Highlighted it since you missed the bold

 

Legality is a proper argument, but approval is a slippery slope. You could honestly find almost anyone who would approve/disapprove of anything. Some Woman who is overprotective of her Daughter might be disgusted of a 40year old banging a 20 year old, but many others probably don't care, and/or would high five the guy.

 

I didn’t miss it. My point is that “legality” is the formalization of society’s judgment or standards, and that judgment is normal. So where the age of consent is 15 years old and the 15 year old consents to sexual contact, there are still going to be people who disapprove of an older man or woman flirting with or having sexual contact with a consenting 15 year old. Legality is not the standard for many people. It is merely the line for criminal prosecution, not for social approval.

 

I agree that approval is a slippery slope, or sliding scale, and that there are people who approve or disapprove or anything, and that some will praise the man (or woman) who dates younger and some who won’t.

 

Also, a parent needn't be "overprotective" to want their child- male or female- to have a relationship with someone his or her own age.

[loveweary11]

True dat, but many older guys just can't see the disinterest. If I ever flirt with someone and see them grimacing or making pained smiles, I would just quit...But plenty of old dudes don't.

 

I'm one of those girls who must have "I like old dudes" written across my forehead. I figured out that I was being too nice to them. If you don't tell them straight up to eff off, in a Dumb and Dumber-esque way, they think there's a chance.

 

By all means... tell them all off. That's your right.

 

But, in this thread, not speaking to you here of course, I'm trying to make a point to others that I have a right to enter a non traditional relationship, just as people do with interracial and gay relationships.

 

What two consenting adults do and who they choose to be with is not something anyone should be making fun of just because they are different.

 

I'm 100% with your post hotpotato. You shouldn't stand for any creepy or unwanted guy bothering you. That's uncomfortable and gross.

 

My point is, if I have something special with someone of a different age bracket, just like any gay couple, I shouldn't be ridiculed. Just because the people who ridicule are female does not give them a free pass for bigotry and hate speech toward my non traditional relationship.

 

How do people think that would make us feel as a couple?

 

Done ranting. lol

 

Hopefully, few people will notice the direct parallel here.

Edited May 5, 2015 by loveweary11

[Lokin4AReason]

I noticed that this society ( here in the US ) puts a stigma on the overview of this ( being judgmental or not to their liking )

 

we ( as individuals ) cant please everyone to their liking nor abide to their train of thought ( or they are jealous because someone else is getting attention, so Idk and really don't care ).

 

I usually say, you like it; you like it, and you don't like well its not my problem its yours

 

so I just don't bother w/ other people .... they have to sort out their devil(s) and I wont do it for them IMO

[hotpotato]

By all means... tell them all off. That's your right.

 

But, in this thread, not speaking to you here of course, I'm trying to make a point to others that I have a right to enter a non traditional relationship, just as people do with interracial and gay relationships.

 

What two consenting adults do and who they choose to be with is not something anyone should be making fun of just because they are different.

 

I'm 100% with your post hotpotato. You shouldn't stand for any creepy or unwanted guy bothering you. That's uncomfortable and gross.

 

My point is, if I have something special with someone of a different age bracket, just like any gay couple, I shouldn't be ridiculed. Just because the people who ridicule are female does not give them a free pass for bigotry and hate speech toward my non traditional relationship.

 

How do people think that would make us feel as a couple?

 

Done ranting. lol

 

Hopefully, few people will notice the direct parallel here.

 

I can understand what you're saying.

 

However, if I'm in a nontraditional relationship, I would expect people not to approve. i've been in a relationship that was age gap and interracial as well as other interracial ones.

 

Not talking about you, but there's plenty of hate speech against older women esp on ls. I've definitely known older guys who looked down upon older women. This type of guy should definitely not be worried about people saying stuff less than flattering things about him.

[Moy]

This is all so true! I predict in the future where women will be more powerful and wealthy they will switch tides and start going for men in the 20-30 age range as well. These women will want the most attractive and virile men available. They will not need fiancial security but as far as protection goes a younger, stronger man seems far more capable of protecting.

 

Only if men in their 20s and 30s actually find you attractive, though. What would the most attractive and virile men have to gain from, or what reason would the most attractive and virile men have to want to protect people coming to the end of their child bearing years? If we're going down the protector/provider route, the male of the species protects his family while the female is able to provide him with said family.

 

You can want them all you like, it doesn't mean that you'll get them - just as with older guys expecting a younger woman.

[elaine567]

Only if men in their 20s and 30s actually find you attractive, though. What would the most attractive and virile men have to gain from, or what reason would the most attractive and virile men have to want to protect people coming to the end of their child bearing years? If we're going down the protector/provider route, the male of the species protects his family while the female is able to provide him with said family.

 

You can want them all you like, it doesn't mean that you'll get them - just as with older guys expecting a younger woman.

 

I think when we are talking about relationships centred around wealth and influence, the younger person finding the older person truly attractive doesn't really come into it, it is all about being attractive enough...

 

So the 20 year old may find her 20-25 yo classmate sexually hot, but may find the older, wealthy, influential man materially hotter, he can buy her stuff and elevate her social standing; she can always find a side piece to fit the bill sexually.

[Moy]

I think when we are talking about relationships centred around wealth and influence, the younger person finding the older person truly attractive doesn't really come into it, it is all about being attractive enough...

 

So the 20 year old may find her 20-25 yo classmate sexually hot, but may find the older, wealthy, influential man materially hotter, he can buy her stuff and elevate her social standing; she can always find a side piece to fit the bill sexually.

 

Gotcha, I was thinking more along the lines of the general libido of guys in their 20s/30s who couldn't care less if a woman worked in McDonald's as long as she was 'hot.'

[stillafool]

Only if men in their 20s and 30s actually find you attractive, though. What would the most attractive and virile men have to gain from, or what reason would the most attractive and virile men have to want to protect people coming to the end of their child bearing years? If we're going down the protector/provider route, the male of the species protects his family while the female is able to provide him with said family.

 

You can want them all you like, it doesn't mean that you'll get them - just as with older guys expecting a younger woman.

 

First off, I'm not talking about me because I'm happily married and I'll probably be dead by the time this happens. I'm thinking that in the future things will turn around. Unfortunately, not all men like to work or want to work hard much like the young women who look to older men to take care of them. If these young men are goodlooking they will have the same opportunity to have a good lifestyle provided to them just like the young women do because there will be alot of wealthy, powerful women who will only want to sleep with the best looking men available. These women may not want a very successful man career wise because he wouldn't have time for her. These women will look for great sex and emotional support from the younger man.

 

Gosh, young men still hit on me so I don't imagine these older women will have as much trouble as you think (especially if they are attractive). Lots of older women get hit on by younger men now but they don't go for it. I predict women will care less about what other people think about their dating a younger man in the future. Oh yeah, times are a changin.

[SmartDude]

I am a 42 y.o. guy and yes I would and have made love to women half my age.

 

Just last weekend I went out to eat and had some 20 something looking into my eyes and seriously not averting her gaze. It kind of shocked me because here I was in public. What was I supposed to do?

 

I also get this when I go to the gym. Much younger women looking at me, without me provoking the situation. They are initiating it, and often its more than just about getting attention.

 

What they are looking for in me is not some alpha male bull crap. I don't strut around the gym with giant muscles, trying to dominate other men.

 

Here is the secret: Woman are not always looking for that "alpha" male. They are looking for that rare man that can actually emotionally connect with them. The women see it in my eyes, they know that I am one of those rare men who is emotionally alive and am capable of bonding in this way. This attracts them and they want what I have. They guys look at me and they hate my guts.

 

I know that these woman are looking to be emotionally, sexually and culturally enriched. On a deeper level they just wan't to be loved and appreciated. Some of them are hoping that when they are my age, they will find a nice man to marry like "that guy I saw at the gym that one day".

 

The older women will put up a fuss because they want men to be socially conditioned to be in line with what a woman desires. Men and women have different and often conflicting desires, so the best one can do is find the point of compromise. Neither will completely get what they want...This is a fact of life.

 

The older women are often difficult. Their problem is that they can't receive what they can't give in the first place. But they would never admit that to themselves or their world would crumble. Instead it is projected onto men with the label "creepy". It is an attempt at socially conditioning men.

 

This attempt to socially condition men goes well into the "granny" stage. For example: The multi-colored scarf wearing old lady who writes books on feminism, marriage, relationships...etc, which poison the minds of young women.

[MissBee]

A recent Facebook from one of my friends was brought up. She said she was at the gym and saw this 40-something guy flirting with a 20-something woman and couldn't decide whether it was funny or gross.

 

A lot of scuttle butt/comments arranged from a consensus of women (of course 40-something women) saying how gross. One was another woman that said she has a daughter approaching 20 and how she thinks it's also gross.

 

Men made jokes about it, but it seemed the women kind of took it seriously, as this is something one shouldn't even jest about.

 

But seriously, can men be faulted for flirting with a younger woman? Would offering a counter-point in the comment section bring about a flame war and unfriending of friends? LOL

 

I'm sure if those same men had 20 year old daughters they probably wouldn't find it funny either.

 

While a 20 year old is an adult, I mean, 20 year olds are closer to teens than they are "real adults" so it is understandable to me why many people might raise an eyebrow esp if they have a child that age and see someone who is their own peer essentially trying to make it with someone they consider a child.

[Woggle]

I am not into younger women myself but people need to mind their business when it comes to consenting adults. As long as both are happy let them be.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I don't fault men for liking younger women it just bothers me when some of those guys act like younger women are more "valuable" than older ones because of childbearing years or no sagging or stretch marks or that kind of thing!!! :mad: I expect I will get more and more valuable as I get older!!

[Vercetti]

Well in Japan the tech legal age is 13. Anyone here cool with 50 year old men sleeping with 13 year olds? There should be a bit more going on then technically legal / grass on the field play ball. I question 20 - 30 year age gaps simply for the preditor / prey dynamic. Rather sad if one party it that mature for age while the other is that immature for their age.

 

Think some people don't get, just cause they see something they like...doesn't mean they get to have it and shouldn't expect to get scoffed at for pulling a Lolita.

 

Sure there can be balanced exceptions...just, let's not keep rolling clock back and age up. Cool with 50 and 20.....what stops 40 and 10 being ok...I'm sure in some country that's acceptable.

[BlueIris]

The older women are often difficult. Their problem is that they can't receive what they can't give in the first place. But they would never admit that to themselves or their world would crumble. Instead it is projected onto men with the label "creepy". It is an attempt at socially conditioning men.

 

This attempt to socially condition men goes well into the "granny" stage. For example: The multi-colored scarf wearing old lady who writes books on feminism, marriage, relationships...etc, which poison the minds of young women.

 

I was agreeing with you until the last two paragraphs, when you decided to go anti-old-lady…. yeesh.

 

Don’t worry- young women can think for themselves, which is exactly the point that the pro-age-gap folks are making. Let everyone make their own decisions based upon anything they want to consider- even the opinions of others. After all, if old guys get to make their case for the positives to a young woman, others have just as much right to make their case for the negatives.

 

My daughters’ and their friends’ opinions, and my exH, dad’s and BF’s opinions of older men flirting with much younger women isn’t because of me or feminism. My dad (88) is definitely pre-feminist! Lol

 

Adults can do whatever they wish. If someone gets upset about others’ disapproval, they don’t have much backbone.

 

There’s no way I’d be positive about a 44 year old man wooing my 24 year old daughter. But her dad, my dad and my BF would be even more concerned and would probably talk to him directly about it. If he's 44 I'm sure he could handle it.

 

If someone loves you, I don’t think it’s going to matter whether her friends and family disapprove- or whether society as a whole thinks its weird.

 

I have two friends who married men 20+ years older than they were. And people implied they were gold-diggers and the men were lecherous and taking advantage of their youth. They all survived. Both couples divorced, but they all survived.

Edited May 5, 2015 by BlueIris

[SmartDude]

I was agreeing with you until the last two paragraphs, when you decided to go anti-old-lady…. yeesh.

 

Don’t worry- young women can think for themselves, which is exactly the point that the pro-age-gap folks are making. Let everyone make their own decisions based upon anything they want to consider- even the opinions of others. After all, if old guys get to make their case for the positives to a young woman, others have just as much right to make their case for the negatives.

 

My daughters’ and their friends’ opinions, and my exH, dad’s and BF’s opinions of older men flirting with much younger women isn’t because of me or feminism. My dad (88) is definitely pre-feminist! Lol

 

Adults can do whatever they wish. If someone gets upset about others’ disapproval, they don’t have much backbone.

 

There’s no way I’d be positive about a 44 year old man wooing my 24 year old daughter. But her dad, my dad and my BF would be even more concerned and would probably talk to him directly about it. If he's 44 I'm sure he could handle it.

 

If someone loves you, I don’t think it’s going to matter whether her friends and family disapprove- or whether society as a whole thinks its weird.

 

I have two friends who married men 20+ years older than they were. And people implied they were gold-diggers and the men were lecherous and taking advantage of their youth. They all survived. Both couples divorced, but they all survived.

 

Ahh yes, good call. I was not clear in my post, it was very vague.

 

Not against older women at all.

It is just the ones who end up bitter and angry because of the choices they made in life. These are the older woman who project their problems onto men, and are trying to change them.

 

Thank you for pointing out my error.

[preraph]

All I can tell you is when I was 28, my friends were acquaintances with a couple who were about 35. Only 7 years' age difference. I looked upon them as like my grandparents. They seemed so old to me, like they were done, like they needed to be dusted off. I respected them and they were trying to help some band friends of mine, but there is just a huge gulf in mindset between 20-somethings and 30-somethings even.

 

Once all parties get past, say, 35, then there isn't as big of a maturity gulf going up from there.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I wouldn't 'ridicule' anyone who has a significant age-gap relationship with someone else. It's NO ONE'S business.

 

Most of my relationships that I've had in my life have been with younger guys. Most of the guys that I've dated have been younger than me. Idk, there probably are guys my age who are with it, who keep up on current trends, who are ACTIVE, who look GOOD for their age, who are FIT, who have um, a lot of ENERGY and who are into the things that I'm into (gaming, d&b and paintball being some of those things). But, in my experience...and with the guys that are in my area...and who are around my age....they are um, BORING, uninteresting, inactive, and...did I say BORING?! They act like they're senior citizens or they're just into things that I'm so NOT into.

 

So, because of what society in general thinks and because of what a lot of people might "think" (*gasp!*) about me dating a guy that's younger than me (or wayy younger than me), I'm supposed to adjust HOW I date, WHO I date or WHO I end up in a relationship with - because I'm supposed to 'care' about what a bunch of STRANGERS think?? No way!

 

I understand where Loveweary is coming from, in addition to some of the other posters on this thread. Even if I think it's weirdish that a 40 something guy is interested in dating a 20 something woman, it's NONE of my damn business - just like it's NONE of anyone ELSE'S business if I like dating guys who are younger than me. I just have way more in common with guys who are younger than with guys who are my age. Also, a LOT of guys my age look...weathered and...OLD. They either don't take care of themselves or, they do, and it's just in their genetics. Either way, I'm just NOT attracted to guys who LOOK old - physically. Sorry. Even though I'm older, I do take care of myself and because of my genetics (which I can thank my Mom for!) I don't look as old as the guys who are my age. I'm not going to feel bad (or ashamed) for being attracted to younger guys emotionally and physically. It is what it is.

 

So, to the OP...just know that it works BOTH ways, bro. There are guys who 'fault women' for 'flirting with/dating/being in relationships with/being intimate with' younger guys as well as the reverse. I mean really, WHO CARES?!?!? To each his/her OWN.

 

 

 

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