Women don't play by the rules

[Shining One]

There is such an easy way around this that it makes me feel sad almost!

 

Talk about it before you meet!

 

I always have.

Easy solution, but far from practical. I expect most conversations to go like this:

 

Me: I believe it's fair for women to pay their half on first dates.

Her: I believe I'll go out with one of the many other men willing to spend money on me.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Women do play by the rules... their own rules. These rules are not always published and are subject to change. Accept it and move on.

 

And guys do play by the rules also...their own rules. Accept this and move on. The end.

 

 

 

 

Note: All of this back and forth...guys do this, women do that....it's just beating a dead horse. Seriously.

 

 

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[toolforgrowth]

And guys do play by the rules also...their own rules. Accept this and move on. The end.

 

 

 

 

Note: All of this back and forth...guys do this, women do that....it's just beating a dead horse. Seriously.

 

 

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Men, especially in the younger generation, have yet to learn this. I think most men who are 35 or older, have learned this by experience. Younger men haven't had enough experiences to grasp that concept yet.

 

This is general statement; not all men younger than 35 will fit into that category. But the ones coming to complain on LS, by and large, fit that criteria.

[BlueIris]

Easy solution, but far from practical. I expect most conversations to go like this:

 

Me: I believe it's fair for women to pay their half on first dates.

Her: I believe I'll go out with one of the many other men willing to spend money on me.

 

Then you don't date her. You disagree about something that is important to you.

 

As to "Rules," there aren't even Rules that all women or all men agree to.

 

Most often, people who believe that there is a set of Rules are making up their own.

[StanMusial]

I think some men in real life probably do have the attitudes displayed on here, it is just that they do not tend to say them out loud, because if they did, their sexist thoughts would be outed for what they are.

Most people know it is ridiculous to blame an entire gender for all the evils of the world and would shout them down.

 

In the same way, whilst some internet trolls get jumped on by the law, for their dreadful remarks, some in society will wonder what the fuss is about as they agree with the troll. However, very few will defend the troll in public, as they do not want to say they agree for fear of a backlash.

 

The internet gives many a voice that would otherwise be silent, that voice may be silly, it may be utterly ridiculous, it may be prejudiced, it may be biased, it may be untruthful, it may be controversial or it may be downright evil and wicked, but the internet has given many keyboard warriors the power to say what would be unsayable in real life.

 

Men and women have griped about each other since the beginning of time. Nothing particularly sinister about it.

[jay1983]

Easy solution, but far from practical. I expect most conversations to go like this:

 

Me: I believe it's fair for women to pay their half on first dates.

Her: I believe I'll go out with one of the many other men willing to spend money on me.

 

Yeah, that's the way it goes. I don't think we can win this one, even some of the women I really like are turned off by the guy not paying.

 

Might be something biological, it seems like when women go for their purse, it sends a signal to their vagina that tells it to dry up.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

First, let me say I agree with you on this hypothetical situation. Frankly, I would love if all of my rejections had been handled in this fashion. Unfortunately, the my real world experience has been different. I can count on one hand the number of women who have paid their share on first dates. I've had plenty drag things on for several dates (all at my expense). I know this isn't the point of your post, but I just wanted to make it clear that this is one cause of frustration for men.

 

Kudos to you for standing out and paying your share on first dates.

 

Well, if that's true, then you just went out with the wrong women. If I were you - and EVERY guy should follow this suggestion - you should NOT date a woman who REFUSES to/does NOT pay her own way on the first date and on subsequent dates. That's it. When it's made known by BOTH parties that each is into the other, THEN (and ONLY then) should the guy pay her way IF (and ONLY if) he WANTS TO and CHOOSES TO.

 

And if a woman is foolish enough, insecure enough and just retarded enough to "drag things on for several dates" with a guy, then omg...he should DUMP HER and move on. This is not rocket science. But, lots of guys go into a sexual fog...and, because they're "getting laid" (or they THINK they're going to "get laid"), they don't use good judgment with regard to knowing when, how and actually DUMPING a woman that they KNOW they're not really into, don't feel any emotional connection with or see a future with. For a LOT of guys, their d!ck makes their dating decisions for them. And there's NO ONE for them to blame but themselves (and their d!cks).

 

Sorry to be so blunt, Shining One. But, I just had to say it. Take it for what you will.

 

 

~ Peace, bro.

 

 

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[jay1983]

I think some men in real life probably do have the attitudes displayed on here, it is just that they do not tend to say them out loud, because if they did, their sexist thoughts would be outed for what they are.

Most people know it is ridiculous to blame an entire gender for all the evils of the world and would shout them down.

 

In the same way, whilst some internet trolls get jumped on by the law, for their dreadful remarks, some in society will wonder what the fuss is about as they agree with the troll. However, very few will defend the troll in public, as they do not want to say they agree for fear of a backlash.

 

The internet gives many a voice that would otherwise be silent, that voice may be silly, it may be utterly ridiculous, it may be prejudiced, it may be biased, it may be untruthful, it may be controversial or it may be downright evil and wicked, but the internet has given many keyboard warriors the power to say what would be unsayable in real life.

 

There's a bit of a disconnect from reality on here and I'm not sure it's just the guys. Anything you say on here has to be politically correct. If I talk to my neighbor about work and say "women are crazy, they can't stop fighting with each other and trying to get to take their side" she'll laugh and say "yeah I know what you mean lol" then we move on to talk about something else. Say that sh*t on here, you get some feminist "yap yap yap yap!" And 8 people like her post.

 

IRL I'm a cool easy to along with guy, on here I'm some misogynist. *shrugs*

[Shining One]

When it's made known by BOTH parties that each is into the other, THEN (and ONLY then) should the guy pay her way IF (and ONLY if) he WANTS TO and CHOOSES TO.

I could not agree more with this. This should be a universal rule.

[xxoo]

Yeah, that's the way it goes. I don't think we can win this one, even some of the women I really like are turned off by the guy not paying.

 

Might be something biological, it seems like when women go for their purse, it sends a signal to their vagina that tells it to dry up.

 

Paying is romantic. It's as simple as that.

 

It's not so much that not paying is a turn off, but rather that it isn't all adding up to turn on.

[jen1447]

Well, if that's true, then you just went out with the wrong women. If I were you - and EVERY guy should follow this suggestion - you should NOT date a woman who REFUSES to/does NOT pay her own way on the first date and on subsequent dates. That's it. When it's made known by BOTH parties that each is into the other, THEN (and ONLY then) should the guy pay her way IF (and ONLY if) he WANTS TO and CHOOSES TO.

 

And if a woman is foolish enough, insecure enough and just retarded enough to "drag things on for several dates" with a guy, then omg...he should DUMP HER and move on. This is not rocket science. But, lots of guys go into a sexual fog...and, because they're "getting laid" (or they THINK they're going to "get laid"), they don't use good judgment with regard to knowing when, how and actually DUMPING a woman that they KNOW they're not really into, don't feel any emotional connection with or see a future with. For a LOT of guys, their d!ck makes their dating decisions for them. And there's NO ONE for them to blame but themselves (and their d!cks).

 

Sorry to be so blunt, Shining One. But, I just had to say it. Take it for what you will.

 

 

~ Peace, bro.

 

 

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I love it when you talk in bold, caps and italics.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Paying is romantic. It's as simple as that.

 

It's not so much that not paying is a turn off, but rather that it isn't all adding up to turn on.

 

Okay. Why is a guy paying for your meal/outing when he doesn't even KNOW you a turn on for you? I honestly just want to know how this is a turn on for you and how you think this is "romantic". Remember...we're all living in the year 2015. The '50s are looonnnnggg gone. J/s.

 

 

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[Woggle]

Men and women have griped about each other since the beginning of time. Nothing particularly sinister about it.

 

Very true. These threads are just the male version of when women have their male bashing sessions and vent about how all men are dogs. Amongst ourselves many men do say things that would be considered misogynist but don't tell women don't bash men among themselves. We all gripe about our dating experiences but it is considered offensive when men do it.

[xxoo]

Okay. Why is a guy paying for your meal/outing when he doesn't even KNOW you a turn on for you? I honestly just want to know how this is a turn on for you and how you think this is "romantic". Remember...we're all living in the year 2015. The '50s are looonnnnggg gone. J/s.

 

 

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I don't think it's romantic, I feel it. Just like some men feel like they are being romantic when they pay.

 

We don't all have to like the same things. The men I like tend to be the sort that match my 50s style.

[Anela]

Okay. Why is a guy paying for your meal/outing when he doesn't even KNOW you a turn on for you? I honestly just want to know how this is a turn on for you and how you think this is "romantic". Remember...we're all living in the year 2015. The '50s are looonnnnggg gone. J/s.

 

 

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I think it's romantic, as well. I could list reasons as to why, but it would be pointless. Something that you find romantic, might mean nothing to me.

[autumnnight]

The only difference being, her dating pool is now restricted to only the hundreds of millions with internet access.

 

Yeah, because we all know what women care about is the numbers. Who cares what these men are actually like. People with penises want our boobs.

 

One of the major differences between men and women. Women care about more than the sheer number of available, while apparently men are obsessed with having an equal number of pairs of boobs.

 

And then they wonder why we feel like faceless meat....

[BlueIris]

Okay. Why is a guy paying for your meal/outing when he doesn't even KNOW you a turn on for you? I honestly just want to know how this is a turn on for you and how you think this is "romantic". Remember...we're all living in the year 2015. The '50s are looonnnnggg gone. J/s.

 

 

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Hey there... and speaking only for myself... some of us started dating in the 1970's so we just do it that way. That's why we have to date men our age and older. They show up in pressed shirts and bring flowers sometimes!

[CrystalCastles]

Okay. Why is a guy paying for your meal/outing when he doesn't even KNOW you a turn on for you? I honestly just want to know how this is a turn on for you and how you think this is "romantic". Remember...we're all living in the year 2015. The '50s are looonnnnggg gone. J/s.

 

 

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I also find it romantic. Its very touching, very flattering, and makes me feel cared for.

 

Guys like to complain about paying for a woman. But why not take a woman out to a coffee for a first date? Or to a cheap place? A guy doesn't have to pay for a woman, but he can be smart about it and take her somewhere cheap, especially if he doesn't know her well yet, and paying for her coffee, for example, earns a guy brownie points too.

 

My boyfriend pays for me more than I pay for him (I make less than him, but I pay whenever I can). He makes me feel cared for and looked after when he pays for me. However, it doesn't hurt his wallet because we don't go out often, and when we do go out, its never to somewhere expensive (our favourite place is a newly opened Japanese restaurant- you can eat your fill there for 10$ a person and the food is delicious and well made). Simply because women have said on here that they find it romantic when a man pays does not mean men have to take women to expensive restaurants where meals are 100$ per person.

 

I am a traditional woman, this old-fashioned role of the man paying is common in my culture. I make up for it by giving my bf great sex, cooking for him and making him homemade cards and artwork. If a guy is concerned about gold-diggers but still wants to romance his dates, he can be frugal and take his dates to inexpensive places. Its possible to be both romantic AND smart.

[Els]

I agree completely with your post, OP. Very true, very insightful.

 

I do feel compelled to add that it works the other way around as well, with some women pinning the blame on men for not being interested in them. There are a few narcissistic women out there who believe that there is something wrong with any man who doesn't fall for their, uh, irresistable charms. I think these people, both men and women, use this as a form of denial, externalizing their poor self-esteem - they just cannot accept that anyone would not be interested in THEM, so they lash out instead at the person who rejected them. I agree that there seem to be more men who do this than women, though the women do exist.

[Els]

Okay. Why is a guy paying for your meal/outing when he doesn't even KNOW you a turn on for you? I honestly just want to know how this is a turn on for you and how you think this is "romantic". Remember...we're all living in the year 2015. The '50s are looonnnnggg gone. J/s.

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Turn ons rarely make practical sense, especially when you take them in context of the modern era alone. Why are some men still turned on by the hourglass figure despite the fact that in 2015 medical advances in fertility and childbirth have overridden any advantage it would have provided (and many of the men who like the hourglass figure don't even want children to begin with)? Why are some women still turned on by tall men when in 2015 the pen (or, in fact, computer) is infinitely mightier than the fist? Why are some men turned on by dark-haired women and others by light-haired women? Why are some men turned on by certain types of voices?

 

None of the above are 'necessary for survival' in 2015, but we are all still human and each with our own personal turn ons. If THAT didn't exist, we as a species probably wouldn't.

Edited April 14, 2015 by Elswyth

[contact1]

I can see the paying/buying aspect being romantic, and not in the regards to blowing your whole bank account for a woman.

 

Back when my ex-wife and I were dating, she had a thing for tigers. Every now and than, I would get her something that related to it, maybe a stuff animal, a poster, keychain, that sort of thing. It's more of the idea and meaning of the gift, even something as something as getting a woman her favorite cup/flavor of coffee, that really bears the meaning. That you know what she likes, and are doing something to make her happy, not the actual cost. At least for woman who are good, which I believe many are.

[calvincline47]

If any rule is true that I've noticed, it's that confident persistence works. I think of any situation that I've ever experienced or observed among others where this didn't work.

 

I've dated women that not only were uninterested in me at first, but flat out did not like me.

 

Why? Because I was persistent (either in trying to dating her or trying to be her friends....or, in the best cases, both).

 

I believe that this would be true of women pursuing men as well if they pursued more often.

[guest569]

A man kicking up a stink about paying $20 for our date is a turn off. I want a man who isn't so tight with money or petty or thinks I am a "waste" of his money and time.

[Els]

I can see the paying/buying aspect being romantic, and not in the regards to blowing your whole bank account for a woman.

 

Back when my ex-wife and I were dating, she had a thing for tigers. Every now and than, I would get her something that related to it, maybe a stuff animal, a poster, keychain, that sort of thing. It's more of the idea and meaning of the gift, even something as something as getting a woman her favorite cup/flavor of coffee, that really bears the meaning. That you know what she likes, and are doing something to make her happy, not the actual cost. At least for woman who are good, which I believe many are.

 

Agreed completely.

 

Last weekend, we were out for grocery shopping, and I went to the restroom after reaching the mall. When I came out, my guy was nowhere to be seen, so I called him. He told me to look behind me - and there he was, sitting in a chocolate shop. He'd already ordered and paid for my favourite hot dark chocolate served in a mug and warmer.

 

Totally made my day.

[Shining One]

There's a significant difference between spending on a partner (confirmed mutual interest) than on early dates (unconfirmed interest). I'm totally for the former and actively participate in it. I don't look at any money spent on my exes as a waste, even the ones that ended badly.

I want a man who isn't so tight with money or petty or thinks I am a "waste" of his money and time.

Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing whether someone is worthwhile vs. a waste of money beforehand.

It's more of the idea and meaning of the gift, even something as something as getting a woman her favorite cup/flavor of coffee, that really bears the meaning. That you know what she likes, and are doing something to make her happy, not the actual cost. At least for woman who are good, which I believe many are.

Last weekend, we were out for grocery shopping, and I went to the restroom after reaching the mall. When I came out, my guy was nowhere to be seen, so I called him. He told me to look behind me - and there he was, sitting in a chocolate shop. He'd already ordered and paid for my favourite hot dark chocolate served in a mug and warmer.

 

Totally made my day.

My girlfriend has a thing for butterflies, so she receives a lot of butterfly-themed gifts. I'm still on the hunt for a cute pair of butterfly bedroom slippers.