Latest - Co-Worker Affair

[Marchhare]

Not sure if this is a typo, but if so it is an honest one. You want to go because you want a hit of attention with OM. You are not done, just like you knew good and well you were gonna hit the sheets during the work trip.

 

You flat don't care.

 

Very true, as OP has proven, by always speaking the truth, except to BH, (why bother he is only a friend) she doesn't care. If she did she would not go to the party, where it all started in October when cokehead took advantage of this poor defenseless woman and had his way, several times.

So now she's setting up for the third sex session.

Hopefully it will be three strikes and out of the marriage for BH and child.

[Hope Shimmers]

Come on guys, give her a break. Let's see what happens.

 

At least she is here posting honestly.

[Akheron]

Buts its only for the people at work, besides someone has to stay home and watch the child so OP can have sex with druggie.

Bringing the husband would spoil the fun for her and AP.

Time for another round of STD tests. Or maybe not. This time she'll bring condoms, so much for enjoying the flavor of AP Thursday night. Darn diseases.

Oh well, no douching needed.

 

Plus she has to make sure to isolate her husband from her coworkers that know of the affair. Wouldn't want anyone to walk up to her husband and call him the AP's name now would we?

 

Oh to be a fly on the wall during that awkward Kodak moment.

[Marchhare]

Come on guys, give her a break. Let's see what happens.

 

At least she is here posting honestly.

 

Hahaha, lovely sarcasm.

 

I don't believe OP knows what honesty is.

 

She's the joke at work, a notch on a drug addicts belt, and she is truthful to her BH. So sure she is honest here.

 

I guess one can hope...

[Hope Shimmers]

Hahaha, lovely sarcasm.

 

I don't believe OP knows what honesty is.

 

She's the joke at work, a notch on a drug addicts belt, and she is truthful to her BH. So sure she is honest here.

 

I guess one can hope...

 

Wasn't meant to be sarcastic. We can only believe what we read, but yes, I hear you.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'll reduce your post to its essence:

 

I came ...I do ...I don’t ...unsettle me ...my door ...We talk...we are ...we have ...I always ...I can ...and I are...we did ...We are...I am ...around me...We always ...me and AP ...I will...we are...I can...I don’t...I will go...I will not ...I will ...my held ...I feel within..I’ve started...the old me...my every ...I can have..I have...I am me... I am... I will ...I’m a fool...I see it...I need this for me...my final closure...it involves me...I’m gonna do it...the old me...don’t batter me...I come back...all I have ever done

 

Mr. Lucky

[aliveagain]

How does it make you feel knowing that the only thing real about your affair was that you were used for sex by a predator and that now that he got what he wanted from you has already replaced you?

Aliveagain – It makes me feel pretty damn stupid. But at the same time, its what I wanted at the time. No one forced my arm. So with all my regrets, I wanted to do that at the time I did it. Its done. As is the damage to me and as a result my marriage. Husband thinks we are doing great. I feel like I am trapped inside screaming most days. I cant tell him. It will ruin our family. If I cant fix me and move forward with a marriage that was strong I will walk then.

And I know that I risk him finding out from a third party. This ain’t a big town and people on AP side know as well as my side, and hell ya, the work crowd have raised eyebrows. I would be a fool to think otherwise

Diezel-Yes, I did it, over and over, completely premeditated. It was a full blown physical and emotional affair. And ya we are like friends instead of husband and wife. But its been like this for many years. I was satisfied with that until I did this.

My pregnancy and STD tests were negative.

 

Marchhare-Thanks for your post, I like the way you took the time to feedback to me on all my points. And very true points they are too. You read me well. But I am done with AP. Ya, it makes it easier that hes no longer pursuing me. I admit that. I know I am a narscisst but as soon as I get a new job I am out of there. (Unless by some miracle he goes first)

Obtuseedge – What you said is completely spot on. But we always knew this. That would have been fine if I hadn’t overstepped the mark. We knew where we differed and what we had in common.

 

The life she is creating for herself is the life she deserves. There is no more to be said. The highlighted area's say it all, this one will self destruct until she is caught. "I am a narscisst" might as well be talking to a wall. The only lie I can see in your statement is your comment about other man, you are nowhere near done with him, you are choosing him over your family. You know what is ruining your family but you won't stop. I just hope your children come out of this ok.

[fellini]

Well OP, you are like an alcoholic who is on the wagon but working in a bar.

 

On the one hand, it's a potential disaster. On the other hand, it's a daily test of personal resilience and a gauge to your actual feelings.

 

If you can keep it going, at some point your exAP won't be the focus of how your day goes, but rather, the reason you get paid.

 

My WW also continues to work in the same building as her exAP, but obviously not nearly as closely and with such forced meetups as you have. In fact, she does not have any reason to see him ever. Except during brief movements to and from her classes she might pass by him from a distance. He has been given his NC letter, and three of her colleagues have pretty much communicated with signs that they will not bring the two fo them together EVER AGAIN for even a coffee. So he knows he is being monitored, and that any advances are unwelcome. This has allowed my WW to continute to work 2 years without anything more than a polite salutation at the most - maybe 2 or three times.

 

So perhaps this is a hard but worthwhile test on you to commit to change, to commit to getting your life together, giving what family life you have treated in what is surely the most indignant manner, another shot.

 

I am actually glad I did not "pull" my WW out of her job, pack up and leave town, or publicly shame her through her work. If my marriage is going to work, it is only going to work if I can trust her to go back in there and make a completely different set of decisions, be much more aware about how the culture of her workplace contributes to boundary crossing, and to be reminded once in a while she almost gave up EVERYTHING for WHAT?

 

Good luck. Im sure your road is much harder than it was for my WW.

[Dwade]

I had to make an account for this. I must say as a 21 year old college student at the U of I, I know and have seen girls here more mature than you are as a person and this is one of the biggest party schools in the U.S, so people tend to act insolent on weekend events (including me). If you say your husband is as smart as he is, don't you think he will find out someday? He might have anyway and you don't deserve a second chance. I kinda dislike this website due to the sadness it can bring but there are a lot of good folks here from what I have seen so listen to them at least. Good luck tho

Edited April 29, 2015 by Dwade

[Spectre]

100% disagree with regard to the contact. We work in the same office, talking is inevitable if we happen to be in the same room. This happened only twice since the trip and was group talk, small talk, I’ve not spoken to him directly at all. Theres been no contact between us. This is over. The issue now is how I feel within me and towards my marriage. This is where I don’t know if I can ever get back on track. But I will try my hardest and I will walk away if I have to, no one else involved if I cant be a good decent wife. What I did is done and I need to mend my ways. My actions are on track, my mind lagging behind. I am far from out of the woods, this controlled me and like the other way round as I thought for many weeks. This is not how I want to feel, now or ever again.

 

I see that you have two real choices: quit your job or quit your marriage. You DO NOT get to work with the man you had an affair with, period.

 

You uttering even a single word to this man shows how little love and respect you have for your husband. You talk about wanting to be a decent wife, but unfortunately that ship sailed due to the whole "affair" thing.

 

Also before you say anything, nope: being around this OM in a group setting still isn't right either. I know times are tough and quitting your job might not be an easy thing to do, but then again..affairs have consequences. They HAVE to have consequences, and so far it doesn't seem like you've had any. Your only consequence seems to be you can't continue your affair. Sorry, that ain't enough.

 

If you won't quit your job then just set your poor husband free.

 

Also wait, your topic is titled LATEST co-worker affair. Please tell me you haven't had other affairs with other co workers.

Edited April 30, 2015 by Spectre

[Marchhare]

It wont be long now until OP confesses to another night of passion with her cokehead coworker. I just read she has a very sick little boy with special needs and her husband is supposedly mentally challenged in the other thread of hers. This makes it even worse. She is abandoning her family for sex. How terrible is that. This woman is really a selfish narcissistic POS.

 

He and his child deserve better. They are special and OP treats them like dirt, s**t, yesterdays garbage.

 

Makes me sick.

Edited May 1, 2015 by Marchhare

[the_artist_1970]

I was disappointed this thread (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/517619-cant-move-emotionally-after-co-worker-affair)was closed but I understand the reasons all the same

And so its been 2 weeks since the work trip, feels like 2 years.

I have had zero contact with AP (Small talk in larger group at work but was minimal and no private messages).

I miss the fun. But this is over. Its over as theres an underlying issue within me that never had anything to do with husband or AP. AP is a man I would never, in “The real world” want to be with. He was there at the right time, I miss the carefree fun and not him.

I am putting all my energy into my marriage and child now. Its not been easy. Husband and I had a few days away together alone for the first time in a long time recently and I found that we had little to talk about and in common and are more like friends than a married couple. He is oblivious to this feeling and is content to be as we are. I however still feel something is not right but I plan to work on that and if I cant move past it I will deal with it and not use AP or anyone else to fill the void in me. I dont think I can fully focus and decide until the affair is well and truly in the past and gone from my heart.

STD test results are still pending and life is carrying on just like it always did.

 

I feel so sorry for your DH. STD tests are still pending and you are missing the "fun". What's fun about being a liar, cheater and a side chick? SMH

[Marchhare]

I feel so sorry for your DH. STD tests are still pending and you are missing the "fun". What's fun about being a liar, cheater and a side chick? SMH

 

So do I and all she cares about is having a young cokehead do her, but she ALWAYS tells the truth. She loves him more than her family. I guarantee this narcissistic woman had fun last night.

Her husband and child deserve better than this self absorbed POS.

When she posts it will be the same old song and dance, she was cornered and instead of leaving she loved the attention and to paraphrase Britney Spears OOPS he f**ked me again. The only thing there is no oops on OP's part. She wanted it just like the banging she got on the trip.

I sure hope her BH finds out soon and dumps this POS he does not deserve it. If he is as smart as she says, trust is blinding him.

What I don't get is why the parties aren't raising red flags for him?

Oh yeah he TRUSTS OP.

My bad, I pity the fool

[Giraffe2014]

Wasn’t gonna re-post for fear of backlash, but honesty is the best policy even amongst strangers, pity I cant afford that same honesty to DH, but the way my mind is going now it wont be long.

 

I slipped into this and made the conscious decision to have fun a little while, all the while believing I could control this, have a little flirty fun and end it. It spiralled out of control for me and for AP, he curtailed his emotions completely and still took the sex. And I kept on giving. I was a fool to think Thurs night would be any different.

I was determined, headstrong and unless anyone wants to know, I won’t go into the detail. We did not have sex but I let him kiss me and re-engage me emotionally through conversation and that has hit my conscience and heart a lot harder than the sex we had in the past.

 

I feel so disconnected from husband because I’ve kept this up so long

I can’t afford to quit my job and am trawling for a new one every day.

 

Only way out for me is marriage end of new job. I am stuck on a hamster wheel of destruction.

 

I can’t take anymore character slamming posts

 

Thanks,

[Hope Shimmers]

OP, your only hope is to get out of the situation. You don't have any self-control around this guy, and so you HAVE to get out of that work environment AND stop the partying. You are the only one who can make the decision.

 

You had courage to post. Anyone that continues to slam you in this thread as in the past is going to get the alert button from me.

[Giraffe2014]

I felt sick posting here, but I had to, I owed that to everyone who has advised me. I dont want pity, please dont slam me either, my life and heart are firmly in the gutter already

[Hope Shimmers]

I felt sick posting here, but I had to, I owed that to everyone who has advised me. I dont want pity, please dont slam me either, my life and heart are firmly in the gutter already

 

I don't think you'll get pity, but you don't deserve to be slammed either, any more than anyone else here does.

 

Now you have proved to yourself again that something has to change (meaning YOU have to take action to change it). Right?

[autumnnight]

You can stop. You can stop right now. You can go in and quit your job and confess to your husband.

 

You CAN do all of this.

 

If you do not, it is because you won't.

 

My sympathy is gone.

 

This is a lifestyle for you now.

[Hope Shimmers]

You can stop. You can stop right now. You can go in and quit your job and confess to your husband.

 

You CAN do all of this.

 

If you do not, it is because you won't.

 

My sympathy is gone.

 

This is a lifestyle for you now.

 

You are the one who has been going on and on about how cheaters can change, right?

[jbrent890]

You can stop. You can stop right now. You can go in and quit your job and confess to your husband.

 

You CAN do all of this.

 

If you do not, it is because you won't.

 

My sympathy is gone.

 

This is a lifestyle for you now.

 

Call this slamming all you want, but I have no sympathy for your situation. My sympathy goes towards your husband because he has no idea what is coming his way. At the rate that you are going, you're going to get caught. Your husband tipped his hand the last time, I don't think there will be a second. For all you know, he can be investigating you right now. Also, you were warned multiple times not to go to that function, just like you were warned not to go on the business trip. You don't want this to end. Sadly, I think you need more help than what strangers on the Internet can give you. This isn't a slam, you need professional help.

[jbrent890]

You are the one who has been going on and on about how cheaters can change, right?

 

This is what the third or fourth thread she has created over this situation. At this point I really do think this is about garnering attention. I think people can change, but they have to want to and I don't think she does. She went to that function to cheat just like that business trip. How many times does she need to be warned not to do things only to do them anyway?

[Hope Shimmers]

This is what the third or fourth thread she has created over this situation. At this point I really do think this is about garnering attention. I think people can change, but they have to want to and I don't think she does. She went to that function to cheat just like that business trip. How many times does she need to be warned not to do things only to do them anyway?

 

You can always walk away from the thread.

 

Is she obligated to take any advice from any strangers on the internet here? I don't think so.

 

And I didn't call what you or autumn said "slamming". But even you have to admit that there were a lot of really harsh character attacks on this thread, way beyond what was necessary.

 

Is it about attention? Who knows. But since we can't read minds, only words in a post, I choose to believe that she is trying. In a really bad place, but trying. Are people not redeemable when they say they want to change? Is there some limit of bad choices after which they become not redeemable, despite wanting to change? If so, I'm probably not redeemable either.

[autumnnight]

You are the one who has been going on and on about how cheaters can change, right?

 

Cheaters CAN change. But that change begins with humility, with honesty, and with sincere WANT TO. And once those are truly in place, not just the words but the inward motivation, the next step is actual action of change.

 

Until those things begin and continue, then anything else is just words.

 

While someone is actively wayward, they are not changing, no matter how pretty their words may be.

 

When change, consistent and long term change, has happened and continues to happen, then yes, to continue to pigeonhole a person by their past is a problem for the pigeonholer.

 

To call a person a theif because they stole 20 years ago but haven;t stolen since speaks to an issue with the person still calling them a theif. To call someone a theif WHILE their hand is on the stolen item is just accurate.

 

I hope that makes sense.

[Giraffe2014]

I have no idea why anyone would post to look for a reaction. From strangers. I cant see the point in that. Reporting on my actions and posting for me is writing it down and acknowledging it. If I had no feeling towards my actions I don’t think I would have posted here to begin with

There is ZERO doubt about what I have/am doing morally to my family. So clearly there is something very broken within me.

My girlfriend told me he was actively on the coke again Thurs night, not that she needed to, I know where he is concerned, that it’s a given. He just never mentions it to me as the very first night we were together I walked in on him and others getting ready to do it and made my feeling towards drugs perfectly clear. Zero tolerance.

I don’t want pity, but I feel like I am out of control. Of everything. I feel trapped. I cannot get out as easily as thought and if I’d known the enormity of this from the start…

I know I knew it was wrong from the start. But I control me and my life entirely and this has proven me wrong and has knocked me for six; its 6 plus months now and has taken a serious chip out of my soul and the character I always believed myself to be.

I am in a far worse place that I had ever imagined.

[Hope Shimmers]

Cheaters CAN change. But that change begins with humility, with honesty, and with sincere WANT TO. And once those are truly in place, not just the words but the inward motivation, the next step is actual action of change.

 

Until those things begin and continue, then anything else is just words.

 

While someone is actively wayward, they are not changing, no matter how pretty their words may be.

 

When change, consistent and long term change, has happened and continues to happen, then yes, to continue to pigeonhole a person by their past is a problem for the pigeonholer.

 

To call a person a theif because they stole 20 years ago but haven;t stolen since speaks to an issue with the person still calling them a theif. To call someone a theif WHILE their hand is on the stolen item is just accurate.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

It makes total sense and I agree.

 

I apologize for replying to you as I did. I was out of line.