Genuine NICE guy who tested the A-HOLE theory

[elaine567]

Well yeah, a lot of girls will go for the cocky guy who will promise to show them a good time because that's also exactly what they're after...a good time, for a bit. That's not rocket science.

 

They might also tell you they will want to be with you forever more and are in it for the long haul: women can say stuff they don't mean too, you know. They can also pretend to believe everything you say just for fun.

 

Agreed.

The attitude of the male PUA is that all the women they play, are essentially foolish, no matter their status, and they will ALL be taken in by their superior psychological tricks...

 

BUT, some women just want sex, some women just want a bit of fun, some do not care if he is a bit of a cocky A***hole, because he sure won't be allowed to stick around anyway.

 

"intelligent, beautiful white-collar, professional females" have their fair share of naive, ditsy, insecure, weak, unstable, crazy, airhead and weird types; they also have their fair share of female "players" too.

 

Not ALL women are susceptible to PUA tricks, some fall hook, line and sinker, because they are nice, naive, trusting or insecure; some go along with the flow, because they simply want a superficial fling, and others want nothing to do with manipulation and trickery.

[MLAZ1990]

Yeah, that's me.

 

Born and raised by an amazing mom, an equally awesome dad, two great sisters and a fantastic grandmother. All of them taught me to respect myself, be good to myself and treat women with the same respect, politeness and goodness that I would want to be treated with.

 

I am a nice guy with a spine and a personality. Definitely not afraid to speak my mind and let my voice be heard when the time calls for it.

 

I decided to test the theory of women going for A-HOLE guys. The aloofy, douchey, jerk types who treat women like garbage whether it mentally or physically.

 

I found my results shocking but not all that surprising.

 

#1. My success rate with women increased significantly.

 

#2. Women who I didn't care about started to care about me more.

 

#3. Women became a lot more interested in what I had to offer them.

 

#4. Women seemed to be more turned on by the nasty attitude I exuded to them.

 

Again, I was disturbed but not surprised considering how "internet" focused our society is and how a lot of women covet what the other woman has.

After discovering this I decided to take a step back from the world of women and dating to focus on making myself a better man and taking care of the family I have. Modern dating is filled with a tremendous amount of BS that isn't worth it.

 

I reminded myself that I am a good guy who likes to be nice to people and treat them with respect. There's nothing wrong with that. If the A-HOLE is what women want, I won't waste my time trying to be someone that I'm really not.

 

I have faith that I'll be able to share my life with a good woman who's born and raised with the same principles and values that I have. I'm just not wasting my time wading through the majority of the species who praise, live and die for the A-HOLE guys.

 

I ain't surprised either man! Girls these days love the A-holes, thuggish, loser guys that treat them like crap! I never realized how true the phrase "Nice guys finish last" is until my ex dumped me and started dating a drug dealer LOL!!!

[elaine567]

I ain't surprised either man! Girls these days love the A-holes, thuggish, loser guys that treat them like crap! I never realized how true the phrase "Nice guys finish last" is until my ex dumped me and started dating a drug dealer LOL!!!

 

That said more about the quality of your ex, than women in general surely?

[jessicachoi]

Ugh... This is why dating in Europe and Asia is much better. Hope America won't influence the dating scene here a lot.

[Gaeta]

It's women that aren't used to much attention from men that fall for those jerks. A woman that knows she is attractive has no time to waste with these games. My friend who doesn't think she is that attractive falls for them all the time, wait days for their calls or text, endure their negging and luckywarm attention.

[elaine567]

Talk about twisting things

 

Lets twist them some more.

 

I am really a genuine nice girl.

Born and raised by an amazing mom, an equally awesome dad, two great brothers and a fantastic grandfather.

 

I decided to test the theory of men going for sluts.

I found my results shocking but not all that surprising.

 

#1. My success rate with men increased significantly.

 

#2. Men who I didn't care about started to care about me more.

 

#3 Men became a lot more interested in what I had to offer them.

 

#4. Men seemed to be more turned on by the slutty attitude I exuded to them.

Edited April 2, 2015 by elaine567

[MLAZ1990]

That said more about the quality of your ex, than women in general surely?

 

Not really, I see tons of girls dating ghetto losers with no future! I know several girls that took their bfs back after they cheated several times lol. Girls love assh*les. Don't get me wrong older women (30 and up) have more self respect and common sense. But I'm 24 and the generation of girls my age are no very smart and don't have much self respect...there are those few girls that do, and I swear it's so attractive. But unfortunately, most girls like assh*les!

[TheGreatDivide]

Thanks for your response. First of all, I'm not a dude. I am a man. A hard working pro with a spine, a personality and a genuine love for people. Second, you don't even know me so I'll just ignore your blanket internet opinion on me. Third, it's not about trying too hard either. Again, it's who I am and I will stay that way. So typical a response.

 

Judging by your response being so quick to condemn, you sound like a girl that's been burned by the A-HOLE posing as a nice guy. I don't have to convince anyone that I'm a nice guy. It's who I am and that's how I will always be. Mantra verse.

 

My hope in this lifetime or the next is to share ME with a good woman who appreciates and respects that.

 

One of the main reasons why I miss my grandma and respect the women in my family. They came from a time before the internet and you had to be personable with manners and dignity.

 

I would discover that you would be the girl that might likely burn me and get bored easy because you probably equate manliness with the A-HOLE guy.

 

 

That's not what she said at all. The fact that you can't even comprehend what she is saying is extremely telling. You keep saying you're this "nice" guy yet everything thing in your posts determines that is a lie.

 

Do you want to know the true secret when it comes to courting women? Confidence. That's it. Universally, women love men who are confident. Confidence is almost universally liked in both genders, actually.

Edited April 2, 2015 by TheGreatDivide

[kendahke]

It is literally a masquerade, and if you want to be successful with women you have to learn it.

 

Not only do you have to learn this, you also have to have the discipline to sustain it forever with this girl because if you revert to being who you really are, then you are exposed as deceitful, a fake and a liar and you'll get dumped. No one likes to be deceived. The mask eventually has to come off because truth never, ever stays buried. It breaks out into the open when you can least afford for it to do so.

[Strength in Healing]

I balance sincerity with cockiness. I have strong opinions but don't destroy the girls feelings who I am with.

 

Any girl in this thread who is high and mighty about how cockiness and arrogance fails, I would love to meet you in real life. I'll show you a magic trick.

[PrettyEmily77]

Agreed.

The attitude of the male PUA is that all the women they play, are essentially foolish, no matter their status, and they will ALL be taken in by their superior psychological tricks...

 

BUT, some women just want sex, some women just want a bit of fun, some do not care if he is a bit of a cocky A***hole, because he sure won't be allowed to stick around anyway.

 

"intelligent, beautiful white-collar, professional females" have their fair share of naive, ditsy, insecure, weak, unstable, crazy, airhead and weird types; they also have their fair share of female "players" too.

 

Not ALL women are susceptible to PUA tricks, some fall hook, line and sinker, because they are nice, naive, trusting or insecure; some go along with the flow, because they simply want a superficial fling, and others want nothing to do with manipulation and trickery.

 

 

Yep.

 

 

So to sum up, every woman is different and will or will not fall for this 'A-hole' strategy depending on who she is a person and what she's after.

 

 

I haven't been on that forum long but it seems to me like a few (not all) guys on here look like they're struggling with the idea that each woman is her own person and that generalisations are never very helpful.

 

 

OP, there is a way to be both nice and confident at the same time, it's not an either / or situation.

[GoodOnPaper]

Women seem to want to know exactly what they are getting before they choose to be with a guy, while we guys can be preoccupied with . . . well, just getting.

 

But I do find it interesting that it's rather celebrated when a woman makes this kind of transformation -- the usual story is a 26-year-old woman who has been with the same guy for 8 or 9 years then all of a sudden breaks off the relationship for a ONS run or the clubbing scene.

 

Anyway, as someone who has been trying to resolve his "nice guy" issues for a long, long time, I don't blame the OP for doing what he did. I wish I would have had the guts to do it when I was single. It would have answered a lot of questions that I'm now struggling with that it's too late to do anything about.

Edited April 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted quote of deleted post and retained tangential topical content

[stillafool]

I don't understand. So basically OP, you pretended to be someone else just to get more sex? Is that correct?

[jessicachoi]

Women seem to want to know exactly what they are getting before they choose to be with a guy, while we guys can be preoccupied with . . . well, just getting.

 

I personally think it is more about the behaviour of so claimed ''Nice guys'' (google Nice Guy Syndrome) and the fact that some tend to think that you are either a Nice Guy or a Bad guy. This whole Nice Guy VS Bad guy things is so immature, can't believe that adults give a f*ck about this and even use it in their real life/dating life.

 

A lot of women like confidence in a man (but then again, doesnt everybody like that?), good social skills, assertive etc. It's just that most ''bad'' men obviously have those qualities or atleast know how to manipulate women and such.

 

Sure, some women like those men because they are ''BAD'', but mainly it is just because of those qualities. So what I am saying is, you don't have to bad. But having those GOOD qualities do attract women... just happens that ''bad men'' have those qualities too.

 

//hope my English is understandable & this make sense lol//

Edited April 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Gaeta]

So OP: if it works to be an a-hole tell us how full your agenda is for this coming weekend? If it works then you must have dates lined up right?

[elaine567]

A lot of women like confidence in a man (but then again, doesnt everybody like that?), good social skills, assertive etc. It's just that most ''bad'' men obviously have those qualities or atleast know how to manipulate women and such.

Agreed you don't become a confident, worldly, street-wise "bad" guy by sitting around moaning

You do that by learning how people in general work, by learning what makes them tick.

"Bad" guys do that by playing "games" with real people, by experiencing life and by anticipating how others feel and react and using those skills.

Some bad guys are bad through and through, and some are just jerks and idiots, but some classically labelled "bad" guys know how to treat women better than those that profess to be "nice".

 

Of course those "bad" skills can be used to do "bad" things and they can be used to manipulate and abuse women too, but I also see a lot of tricks, abuse and downright evil things done by guys who would label themselves "nice".

 

Just because a guy does not deal in crack cocaine, it doesn't necessarily make him exemplary bf material.

[hudson701]

 

But I do find it interesting that it's rather celebrated when a woman makes this kind of transformation -- the usual story is a 26-year-old woman who has been with the same guy for 8 or 9 years then all of a sudden breaks off the relationship for a ONS run or the clubbing scene.

 

 

That's called feminism, pal. It's the 'have it all, you go gurrrrll' mentality that the vast majority of Western women adopt.

[elaine567]

That's called feminism, pal. It's the 'have it all, you go gurrrrll' mentality that the vast majority of Western women adopt.

 

It's called wasting time in a relationship that went nowhere.

At 26, she most likely feels she spent the best years of her life stuck with one guy for 8-9 years, and she just wants to experience some sex, life and partying before she settles down.

Is that really so awful?

[stillafool]

 

But I do find it interesting that it's rather celebrated when a woman makes this kind of transformation -- the usual story is a 26-year-old woman who has been with the same guy for 8 or 9 years then all of a sudden breaks off the relationship for a ONS run or the clubbing scene.

 

 

My goodness are you suggesting that a girl of 17 should be with the same boy until she marries him? I don't think it is healthy for any young person (girl or boy) to only date 1 person before they marry. If the young woman in your example had dated around before settling down, at 26 she would be looking for a husband. In your example she nor he has had any time to date other people and at 26 they would go through a wild period that would last until their 30's. Not a good idea.

[GoodOnPaper]

My goodness are you suggesting that a girl of 17 should be with the same boy until she marries him?

 

I'm just suggesting that there is a comparison between the pressures that this hypothetical girl goes through and those which the struggling "nice guy" goes through. With dates few and far between and the only hope of any intimacy being in a relationship context, there is a lot of pressure in not only getting first dates but trying to realize the most relationship potential out of them -- or else face a long dry spell. It's a lousy existence. Being able to attract women for more casual flings takes all this pressure off. If a guy like the OP can manage to make the nice-guy-to-player transformation to give himself some confidence, why are there such strong objections to it?

[Strength in Healing]

If a guy like the OP can manage to make the nice-guy-to-player transformation to give himself some confidence, why are there such strong objections to it?

 

 

This is a deep question, and there are many answers.

 

For one, women here who have been hurt will have an emotional bias against a guy praising what they view as something that caused them pain. They're more apt to lash against it.

 

Secondly, some people will bash it because they have so much invested in their own thought processes, and they don't want to be "wrong" by accepting the fact that nice guys are weak. A lot of people have trouble looking beyond the world they've constructed cognitively. Cognitive rigidity in many ways.

 

Could also be because girls have been indoctrinated by Disney cartoons garnering a skewed perception of what a good relationship is. What Disney movies point to in their conclusions is the illusion of "perfect love", which is a symptom of narcissism.

 

Some girls and guys also view the "bad guy" as the popular guy in high school who they didn't get along with, who deep down they wanted to know why they couldn't be like, or be liked by.

 

So many answers, I have only highlighted one grain of sand on the beach.

Edited April 2, 2015 by Strength in Healing

[carhill]

I reminded myself that I am a good guy who likes to be nice to people and treat them with respect. There's nothing wrong with that. If the A-HOLE is what women want, I won't waste my time trying to be someone that I'm really not.

IMO, that's a healthy takeaway. Back in my 20's I lamented all the very scarce single ladies blowing by and noting who they coupled with and feeling somewhat similar to how your posting began. As time went by, I both grew a thicker skin and also realized that subset of women I was agonizing over simply weren't for me and worked to become OK with that.

 

I have faith that I'll be able to share my life with a good woman who's born and raised with the same principles and values that I have. I'm just not wasting my time wading through the majority of the species who praise, live and die for the A-HOLE guys.

 

Faith in oneself is a healthy thing and more experience clarifies both one's standards and practices as well as one's faith and what one believes in as guiding principles in one's life.

 

Thanks for sharing your experiment.

[BeholdtheMan]

I decided to test the theory of women going for A-HOLE guys. The aloofy, douchey, jerk types who treat women like garbage whether it mentally or physically.

 

Douchebags generally exude more strength and masculinity than "nice guys".

 

That said, you don't have to be a douchebag to be strong and masculine. Men who are not douchebags but who have their **** together are the most coveted prize.

 

Spineless nice guys/yes men are rightfully at the bottom of the ladder.

[jessicachoi]

If a guy like the OP can manage to make the nice-guy-to-player transformation to give himself some confidence, why are there such strong objections to it?

 

Because his transformation is ''Genuine NICE guy'' to ''******* with a nasty attitude towards woman''. Because being an ******* is not the right way, being an ******* can be harmful. He should transform in a confident, good, assertive, interesting version of himself.

 

Women who likes ******* who behave very nasty to them are mostly women with poor selfesteem, bad past, bad situation, are hurt, desperate for any kind of attention and love and he takes advantage of it. Not good, no human should do that.

 

So much for the ''Genuine NICE guy'' title.. sob sob, I am nice and genuine and no one likes me that way. But hey I do not mind being an ******* & being nasty towards women. Also do not mind taking advantage of their poor selfesteem. Oooh so nice.

[Strength in Healing]

 

So much for the ''Genuine NICE guy'' title.. sob sob, I am nice and genuine and no one likes me that way. But hey I do not mind being an ******* & being nasty towards women. Also do not mind taking advantage of their poor selfesteem. Oooh so nice.

 

I would love if you could cite a source/peer-reviewed study that says girls who like mean guys have low self esteem. Haven't come across it in my first 4 years of my Psy.D, quite the opposite... but I'll wait lol.