truncated Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Something about the notion that these 50 people would be discussing this topic from a completely unbiased perspective is off. If one accepts the statistic that even 20% of people cheat on their spouse, there is every chance that at least 10 people in the room have personal experience with cheating. ( 10 being 20% of 50) This is hardly an unbiased sample, and psychological professionals are just as prone to hubris as anyone else, so it is to be expected that this could color their opinion, which, after all, is all they are able to offer, an opinion. This differs form a medical doctor, who can offer facts, such as medication A or a particular treatment can cure a particular disease. This is not an opinion, but a fact. Funny how it also shows that even those who are supposedly "experts' in the field of relationships are no better at navigating them than the rest of us sorry lot:p, in fact, some are far worse. I even heard of one who boasted that she could have her mm bs involuntarily committed without cause simply because she was in the psychiatric field. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Yeah... I.just kind of.think it.is.impossible to have a functioning, happy relationship.with someone who.is in a dysfunctional place in their life. A person is not perfectly happy, highly functioning.and then just has an affair, i truly.dont bdlieve it happens that way. Either the marriage was a mess or the cheater is a mess, either way, the relationship is bad. We are all entiltled to our opinions. I don't need for you to believe it for it to be true. I know my life and my truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Yeah... I.just kind of.think it.is.impossible to have a functioning, happy relationship.with someone who.is in a dysfunctional place in their life. A person is not perfectly happy, highly functioning.and then just has an affair, i truly.dont bdlieve it happens that way. Either the marriage was a mess or the cheater is a mess, either way, the relationship is bad. Everyone seems to think it necessary to take a highly variable range of situations/conditions (with a common element), stuff them all into a square box, seal the lid, and slap a label on it. All marriages and all affairs are not alike, and all definitions of happy and dysfunctional are not alike. Therefore it just doesn't make sense that you can make a sweeping generalization about all marriage, happiness and infidelity that accurately encapsulates the full range of possibilities. Einstein said, "everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." I think discussion of this topic always (on LS at least) tends to try and make it far simpler than possible. Arguments seem to be of an extremely personal nature and deny the complexity, variables and other possibilities. The presumption is that monogamy is the inherent human behavioral mode and any deviation is inherently dysfunctional. Monogamy is a socio-cultural convention that was adopted 10-20k years ago, too recent to be hardwired. I think the only way you can make an argument that infidelity always equals dysfunction is to have an extremely limited perspective, and to assume a bunch of things that simply are not fact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Something about the notion that these 50 people would be discussing this topic from a completely unbiased perspective is off. If one accepts the statistic that even 20% of people cheat on their spouse, there is every chance that at least 10 people in the room have personal experience with cheating. ( 10 being 20% of 50) This is hardly an unbiased sample, and psychological professionals are just as prone to hubris as anyone else, so it is to be expected that this could color their opinion, which, after all, is all they are able to offer, an opinion. This differs form a medical doctor, who can offer facts, such as medication A or a particular treatment can cure a particular disease. This is not an opinion, but a fact. Funny how it also shows that even those who are supposedly "experts' in the field of relationships are no better at navigating them than the rest of us sorry lot:p, in fact, some are far worse. I even heard of one who boasted that she could have her mm bs involuntarily committed without cause simply because she was in the psychiatric field. Well said, except you forgot that another 10 of them probably weren't even in the room except in body. In any large group, some portion is making their grocery list mentally, fantasizing about someone across the room or just dozing with their eyes open. Just because no one disagreed means they all agreed. The problem with this topic is that the OP has conveniently refused to answer any of the legitimate questions raised about the discussion reported on and left out the details of the case study. I'm sure there are certain types of marriages where the dysfunction is blatant enough on both sides of the fence that most if not all people would agree they are unhealthy and should be dissolved. But, a group of people trained to treat individuals needs some remedial training if there conclusion is that the outcome for one dysfunctional marriage should be applied to all marriages. Hard to view it as anything other than agenda pushing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) Everyone seems to think it necessary to take a highly variable range of situations/conditions (with a common element), stuff them all into a square box, seal the lid, and slap a label on it. All marriages and all affairs are not alike, and all definitions of happy and dysfunctional are not alike. Therefore it just doesn't make sense that you can make a sweeping generalization about all marriage, happiness and infidelity that accurately encapsulates the full range of possibilities. Einstein said, "everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." I think discussion of this topic always (on LS at least) tends to try and make it far simpler than possible. Arguments seem to be of an extremely personal nature and deny the complexity, variables and other possibilities. The presumption is that monogamy is the inherent human behavioral mode and any deviation is inherently dysfunctional. Monogamy is a socio-cultural convention that was adopted 10-20k years ago, too recent to be hardwired. I think the only way you can make an argument that infidelity always equals dysfunction is to have an extremely limited perspective, and to assume a bunch of things that simply are not fact. Agree to disagree. I just don't see a miserable person being happily married. And i certainly.think they will make their spouse suffer whether they know it or not. Edited May 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Like other subtopics tied to affairs, isn't this another impasse of "agreeing to disagree" as some will dispute the whole premise, some will allow the premise but dispute the details, some will accept the premise and the details, and some will discuss non sequiturs. Like another poster wrote (and I did have to give a chuckle), we all know our "truths". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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