Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 No, the problem is that you and some of the other guys on this thread look at a relationship in regards to what you can take... not what you can give or share. A genuinely good woman wouldn't put up with that for any length of time, and would remain single rather than be with a man who was so self-centered. Luck has nothing to do with it. Be the person you want to attract, and you MIGHT have a shot at a real, fulfilling relationship. There are no guarantees though. What are you even going on about? How am I self centered? Because I get worried that the woman I wind up with won't genuinely like me? You make it seem like I wouldn't even care about the woman I'm with. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 (edited) Jesus. This thread is so depressing. How about we offer suggestions on things we can do to not be settled for? I think a lot of these guys don't have much real world experience with women, and don't know what to look for. The best advice is to stop looking for advice on the internet and get some real life experience. I don't really try to give advice to women on here any more. I have found in many cases it doesn't go over well if it comes from a guy. Even if it's the same advice that got a positive response from a female on some other thread or topic. One thing I will offer for advice on the topic. Having some good friends and family members to look out for and help vet romantic partners can go a long way. At the end of the day you have to choose who you want to choose, but don't discount advice from well-meaning people. They can see things that you can't. Edited March 1, 2015 by StanMusial Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 You sounds a lot like a coworker of mine on my team. We get along very well and she is helpful to many people. She treats her husband like a king and does a lot for me. She's my rock. When things get very stressful, she keeps me in line. Does her husband treat her like a queen? Is someone helpful to her? Do you do a lot for her? And how do you support her when things get stressful for her? It sounds like the perfect woman for you is one who give, gives and keeps giving without ever asking something for herself. It's that kind of woman who asks for a divorce when she is 50, because she realises that she's got nothing left to give and is fed up with never getting anything in return... Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 What are you even going on about? How am I self centered? Because I get worried that the woman I wind up with won't genuinely like me? You make it seem like I wouldn't even care about the woman I'm with. How can you care care about the woman you are with, given your loud and clear attitude about the entire gender? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 esus. This thread is so depressing. How about we offer suggestions on things we can do to not be settled for? That requires work and self-evaluation and goes against the "it's all women's fault" mantra. Don't you know anything???? Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Does her husband treat her like a queen? Is someone helpful to her? Do you do a lot for her? And how do you support her when things get stressful for her? It sounds like the perfect woman for you is one who give, gives and keeps giving without ever asking something for herself. It's that kind of woman who asks for a divorce when she is 50, because she realises that she's got nothing left to give and is fed up with never getting anything in return... Personally, I'm nominating her for awards. She's up for employee of the quarter (even though she's fighting me tooth and nail on submitting the package, for some reason). She previously had cancer (before I knew her). I know that her husband supported her through that. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Personally, I'm nominating her for awards. She's up for employee of the quarter (even though she's fighting me tooth and nail on submitting the package, for some reason). Are you kidding me? Is that all you do for her? How about returning some of the favours she does for you? What about getting her a cup of coffee or tea once in a while? Are just now and then asking her if you can help her with something? This woman sounds like an overgiver and it's probably the only kind of woman you find OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 How can you care care about the woman you are with, given your loud and clear attitude about the entire gender? I don't hate women at all. I just sometimes don't understand why a lot of women do the things that they do. You seem to be implying that I deserve to be alone for life. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I don't hate women at all. I just sometimes don't understand why a lot of women do the things that they do. You seem to be implying that I deserve to be alone for life. Read every post you have made on these types of threads and tell my WHY an objective woman would think you like women at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Read every post you have made on these types of threads and tell my WHY an objective woman would think you like women at all? I do like women, I just don't want to be with one that would **** someone on the side, hide it from me until I eventually find out. Than get divorced & have over half of my stuff taken. That would destroy me. What do you propose I do as my psychiatrist for the day? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I do like women, I just don't want to be with one that would **** someone on the side, hide it from me until I eventually find out. Than get divorced & have over half of my stuff taken. That would destroy me. What do you propose I do as my psychiatrist for the day? If you say to real live women the things you say on here, THAT is why you are not in a relationship. A man who is so worried about this that his default position is that a woman is out to get him is NOT appealing to a woman. It is a very hurtful generalization, and a man who would make that generalization without even meeting me is not a man I would expect to care about my feelings at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Are you kidding me? Is that all you do for her? How about returning some of the favours she does for you? What about getting her a cup of coffee or tea once in a while? Are just now and then asking her if you can help her with something? This woman sounds like an overgiver and it's probably the only kind of woman you find OK. Submitting award packages takes a long and I have to stay after work for hours to create them. I give her food, cake, etc. And I do try to not over-burden her. However, she is very good at her job and likes doing the work. And, yes, this is the only kind of woman that I would find acceptable for marriage. I don't understand the purpose of having a wife if she doesn't fulfill a need of mine (or is unable to bear children). If I can't find a woman like this, I will likely hire a maid that I occasionally sleep with and have children via surrogacy. This method is likely far less taxing than having a wife that wants "equal rights" (ie: me being her man-slave). Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 How does the below statement sound to you? And, yes, this is the only kind of man that I would find acceptable for marriage. I don't understand the purpose of having a husband if he doesn't fulfill a need of mine (or is unable to create children). If I can't find a man like this, I will likely hire a gardener that I occasionally sleep with and have children via IVF. This method is likely far less taxing than having a husband that wants me to share the load (ie: me being his woman-slave). Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 If you say to real live women the things you say on here, THAT is why you are not in a relationship. A man who is so worried about this that his default position is that a woman is out to get him is NOT appealing to a woman. It is a very hurtful generalization, and a man who would make that generalization without even meeting me is not a man I would expect to care about my feelings at all. So tell me how do I stop worrying about something like that happening to me? I admit all the negatives stories I hear time & time & time again likely gave me that perception. What do I do to stop thinking of these things? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 So tell me how do I stop worrying about something like that happening to me? I admit all the negatives stories I hear time & time & time again likely gave me that perception. What do I do to stop thinking of these things? First, misery breeds misery. Trust me, you do not WANT to be like the men you have been listening to. Find some man friends who have healthy relationships. Hang with them (maybe they have hot sisters ). Be the best you can be. Take a chance every now and then, and is the girl turns you down, smile at her, inwardly think "her loss, she's missing out on awesome," and try again with someone else. You actually ask some sincere questions on here, and I think you probably do have a good heart. You can do this. When you are going to coffee or lunch or dinner with that woman the first few times, ask meaningful questions and use all your senses. Most of the time our guts can tell us when there's a red flag. Hey, I was the glasses wearing nerd with the generous arm length and unfortunately tall height. I KNOW what sucky Saturday nights alone feel like. I'm also way too trusting as a rule, so I know how it stings to feel like a fool. But you have to keep trying. And if your ex really screws you up....buy a voodoo doll. Even if they don't feel the pins it's still fun lol (just kidding....or am I? ) Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 You actually ask some sincere questions on here, and I think you probably do have a good heart. You can do this. When you are going to coffee or lunch or dinner with that woman the first few times, ask meaningful questions and use all your senses. Most of the time our guts can tell us when there's a red flag. I agree, I don't get the impression that NJ is a bad person at all. I think his worries get the best of him, but behind that I do think there are good intentions. You know how I stopped worrying so much? When worrying became so mentally exhausting and stressful, that literally just choosing to stop caring was a huge relief. Apathy... in a sense. Just stop caring and make your own peace of mind the top priority. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I agree, I don't get the impression that NJ is a bad person at all. I think his worries get the best of him, but behind that I do think there are good intentions. You know how I stopped worrying so much? When worrying became so mentally exhausting and stressful, that literally just choosing to stop caring was a huge relief. Apathy... in a sense. Just stop caring and make your own peace of mind the top priority. And it's weird. The times in my life when I just tossed up my hands and said, "screw dating, I'm gonna buy some wine and go swimming at the beach!" That was when the good men seemed to come out of the woodwork. Never failed. But you can't fake it. You really have to BE okay with yourself and yourself only. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 And it's weird. The times in my life when I just tossed up my hands and said, "screw dating, I'm gonna buy some wine and go swimming at the beach!" That was when the good men seemed to come out of the woodwork. Never failed. But you can't fake it. You really have to BE okay with yourself and yourself only. For me personally, it's a hard balance. Those times in my life when I point blank was NOT thinking about dating and men were not on my radar? It was during a time when I had no business dating. Perhaps I was working 2 jobs. Perhaps I was stressing rather bad with college. Then the times when I've got everything together and I'm happy and at peace, THAT is when I say "well hey, how about a guy? I'd like that!" Even at my happiest there's still that desire in the back of my head, that part of me that would be really happy to date or be in a relationship. I've yet to find a way to not have men on my radar at all! Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize she could do (and has done) a LOT WORSE THAN me. LOL. That girl better walk the line. Also, when I think of what I do fear concerning my fiancee... her driving, and her with power tools. Scares the shlt out of me. All so true!! Link to post Share on other sites
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