Author NJ123 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Exactly MIss Bee and most single women do not want to end up like those women on here in horrendous relationships, with men who lie and cheat, men who become distant, men who behave like teenagers on drink and drugs, men who leave them for other women, men who only want sex, men who are controlling and abusive, and men who hit them. Poor, poor Mike... This is true too. It does go both ways, but I never hear of women talking about being settled for like guys do. Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Why is it when someone else brings up my point that this is a fear men have, it's always met with a negative response? Seems a lot of women don't understand that a lot of men are worried that they don't want to be the settle guy. A bunch of responses in here are proving my point that it's true. As someone said just read the cheating forums on here alone to see what some women say about their boyfriends & husbands. Because everything is men's fault and women can do no wrong. Didn't you know this already? Duh! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Bingo. And of course people will post in here with excuses for that. Yes, it's not all women but a lot do this. No they don't. There are about 6 whiny men on forums who have convinced themselves it's true because it fits their bitter, entitled, victim mentality. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Because everything is men's fault and women can do no wrong. Didn't you know this already? Duh! Guys, grow up. Your attitude is the problem. NOT attractive or adult. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 This is true too. It does go both ways, but I never hear of women talking about being settled for like guys do. If you were to happen across some of my past posts, you'd have seen me talking about being the settle girl. I've been it, more than once, and yes it's an awful place to be and I empathize with anyone who worries about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Guys, grow up. Your attitude is the problem. NOT attractive or adult. Why don't you tell that to the guys that get ****ed over by women on here posting about how they care about their boyfriend or husband but he doesn't do it for her like their OM does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Why is it when someone else brings up my point that this is a fear men have, it's always met with a negative response? Seems a lot of women don't understand that a lot of men are worried that they don't want to be the settle guy. A bunch of responses in here are proving my point that it's true. As someone said just read the cheating forums on here alone to see what some women say about their boyfriends & husbands. Where are these "bunch of responses" because thus far, I think you've only had like three guys chime in to say they have this same (irrational) fear? It's met with negative responses because for many women, it paints an image of a whiny, petulant child. It smells like mental weakness and it's highly unattractive. It feels like a little boy crying to his nanny about being scared of monsters in his closet. You talk of being the "settle guy" as if this is some great, universal fear shared by males the world over, yet have little support for this argument. And then, frankly, I think many of us are lost as to what you're even trying to get at. I mean, are you saying you're so worried about being the settle guy that you simply refuse to date? That your crippling fears prevent you from functioning as an adult? Idgi... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 If you were to happen across some of my past posts, you'd have seen me talking about being the settle girl. I've been it, more than once, and yes it's an awful place to be and I empathize with anyone who worries about it. Fair enough. It's just really rare for a woman to say it though or at least admit to it. Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Why don't you tell that to the guys that get ****ed over by women on here posting about how they care about their boyfriend or husband but he doesn't do it for her like their OM does. Because, man, these aren't REAL problems. They're just MALE problems. So they don't matter. We should be grateful that women would even give us the opportunity to be cheated on and divorced. We really do need to accept our male privilege. We're the lucky ones here! What we need to do is to stop being "immature". We need to stop voicing our concerns over obvious issues so that women can have what they want. Stop being so insensitive! Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Fair enough. It's just really rare for a woman to say it though or at least admit to it. It wouldn't do anybody any good to not admit it. It wouldn't stop me from dating if I had a dating opportunity, but if it were to play out again the way it did before, where I found out I was settled for and he really wanted some other girl, and then cheated and left me for her when she was available, well.... I'd be very hurt all over again, and thinking about how I felt during those times definitely can put a worried knot in my stomach. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Where are these "bunch of responses" because thus far, I think you've only had like three guys chime in to say they have this same (irrational) fear? It's met with negative responses because for many women, it paints an image of a whiny, petulant child. It smells like mental weakness and it's highly unattractive. It feels like a little boy crying to his nanny about being scared of monsters in his closet. You talk of being the "settle guy" as if this is some great, universal fear shared by males the world over, yet have little support for this argument. And then, frankly, I think many of us are lost as to what you're even trying to get at. I mean, are you saying you're so worried about being the settle guy that you simply refuse to date? That your crippling fears prevent you from functioning as an adult? Idgi... But why is it so hard to believe? Men want to know the woman their with is with them not for materialistic stuff, but because they genuinely care about them. I already gave the example about my friend. He seen right through her & ran for the hills. He literally said to me he's not going to be a sucker & have that happen to him. You're a woman so you don't understand it the same as a guy would about this. It's a very real thing that a lot of guys worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Where are these "bunch of responses" because thus far, I think you've only had like three guys chime in to say they have this same (irrational) fear? It's met with negative responses because for many women, it paints an image of a whiny, petulant child. It smells like mental weakness and it's highly unattractive. It feels like a little boy crying to his nanny about being scared of monsters in his closet. You talk of being the "settle guy" as if this is some great, universal fear shared by males the world over, yet have little support for this argument. And then, frankly, I think many of us are lost as to what you're even trying to get at. I mean, are you saying you're so worried about being the settle guy that you simply refuse to date? That your crippling fears prevent you from functioning as an adult? Idgi... This is just a case of irrational fear, something we're all prone to in various degrees. I can remember feeling like I would never be a 1st choice when much younger, but that was rooted in my own lack of confidence in what I had to offer and my own attractiveness - something I still deal with even now but much easier to deal with. I cannot extrapolate my experiences onto every man or men in general, so it does annoy me when I see it, particularly for something like "worrying about women settling for me because I'm not the uber hot, sexy bad boy she loved and had all kinds of sex with in her youth". I'm simply not afraid of it - as much as I have issues about my attractiveness, I'm quite confident about myself overall that I wouldn't even think about it once courting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 A question for men on here. Do you have the fear or worry that a woman would be with you due to a good job you have & the security, or do you not worry about it at all & don't even think about it. I didn't, initially but marriage taught a few lessons, mainly in the realm of attraction and thinking versus feeling a relationship. I wouldn't call it 'fear' rather an informed decision-making process based on experience and instinct. This means I may 'get involved' but now have the awareness and decisiveness to end associations which I don't find to be beneficial, no matter the outward appearances. Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 You're a woman so you don't understand it the same as a guy would about this. It's a very real thing that a lot of guys worry about. If that were the case, why start this topic in the first place since you already had your answer? Nevertheless, fine. Alright, sure I'll run with the theory that "a lot" of guys worry about this. But still, WHAT IS YOUR POINT!? Armed with this information - or shall I say confirmation - what do you plan to then do with all this knowledge? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 You and many women have the advantage of superior emotional intelligence -- plus one could argue that we guys aren't difficult to figure out. It can be more mysterious for men but you also have to take into account that many of us on LS are men who are scarred, bitter, and overly-analytical about our perceived or actual lack of experience. We obviously don't feel that we've figured much out. A more confident man won't worry about whether a woman is attracted to him. He accepts what he sees and feels and takes action from there. Feelings are one thing, but knowing whether or not you turn her on is more of a physiological observation. This is something that can be read about and observed: the physiological signs of arousal. This is, of course, beyond the attraction stage and into the sexual partner stage. Once at that point, it should be clear if her face and chest are flushing (without physical exertion), her lips are parted, her pupils dilated, etc, and this doesn't even mention what is happening below the waist. Denial works both ways. Some people can be in denial, believing that their partner loves them and is attracted even in face of evidence of the contrary. On the other hand, someone with very low self esteem may NEVER believe that their partner is truly in love and attracted, even if all the evidence is right there to show it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 If that were the case, why start this topic in the first place since you already had your answer? Nevertheless, fine. Alright, sure I'll run with the theory that "a lot" of guys worry about this. But still, WHAT IS YOUR POINT!? Armed with this information - or shall I say confirmation - what do you plan to then do with all this knowledge? I started it because I wanted to show that guys do have this fear. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I started it because I wanted to show that guys do have this fear. Is it working? Seems most guys are confused. I myself can't really compute the topic at hand. A Woman fearful of settling with me?! I'm no where near prefect but I'm a great catch, and I've caught great women too, never once was there this inkling or fear that we were settling. But then again, I've always bailed on the relationship for one reason or another that I hold close to my heart and being. **** settling, I'd rather be alone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Is it working? Seems most guys are confused. I myself can't really compute the topic at hand. A Woman fearful of settling with me?! I'm no where near prefect but I'm a great catch, and I've caught great women too, never once was there this inkling or fear that we were settling. But then again, I've always bailed on the relationship for one reason or another that I hold close to my heart and being. **** settling, I'd rather be alone. Well it definitely happens. What happens in a situation where a woman starts to worry as her biological clock ticks & she's still single but wants kids? Will she meet mr. Right in time? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I started it because I wanted to show that guys do have this fear. Erm.... YOU have this fear, everyone else is just going about normally. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Erm.... YOU have this fear, everyone else is just going about normally. Not true. As I said, why don't you tell that to the guys that get screwed over by women that say the guy their with isn't cutting it for them the same as their OM. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) Most people have dating horror stories and some people have marriage horror stories, both men and women, it's one thing to take these things into account and another to act like you're on the scared straight TV series where the point is to be terrified into changing your course. I truly don't understand how any grown person can allow another's experience in love to dictate how they go about things as an individual who isn't that person and isn't dating who that person dated. You don't simply "end up like Mike", lots of variables contribute to that and it's up to you to be prudent and listen and watch and trust your judgment not simply decide that th is is the most likely thing that will happen so you shoot yourself in the foot by being overly worried about that possibility. True but when you hear about it time and time again a single guys starts to get worried what will happen when he marries. Can you guys are least try to understand where some guys are coming from on this? Are we not allowed to protect ourselves before we marry? Women initiate 70% of divorces. This is proven statistical fact plus many men are in sexless marriages. There are plenty of women who are not like this but you see it enough to know that guys aren't just pulling this stuff out of their butts. We look at the divorce rate and how many women seem not to love or even like their husbands and marriage terrifies us. I am sure nobody man or woman wants to be with somebody who has contempt for them. I know guys who refuse to marry or even live with a woman because of this. Edited February 28, 2015 by Woggle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) True but when you hear about it time and time again a single guys starts to get worried what will happen when he marries. Can you guys are least try to understand where some guys are coming from on this? Are we not allowed to protect ourselves before we marry? Women initiate 70% of divorces. This is proven statistical fact plus many men are in sexless marriages. There are plenty of women who are not like this but you see it enough to know that guys aren't just pulling this stuff out of their butts. We look at the divorce rate and how many women seem not to love or even like their husbands and marriage terrifies us. I am sure nobody man or woman wants to be with somebody who has contempt for them. I know guys who refuse to marry or even live with a woman because of this. I can understand wanting to protect yourself from a woman who has shown herself to be a problem. Edited February 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) I can understand wanting to protect yourself from a woman who has shown herself to be a problem. It's not all women but it happens often enough that a man has to be worried. All men aren't predators but I perfectly understand why a woman is cautious around strange men. I am not comparing settling to assault but it really does hurt to find out you wasted years on somebody who doesn't even love you. I have seen guys on the verge of suicide after they got that bombed dropped on them. Edited February 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 True but when you hear about it time and time again a single guys starts to get worried what will happen when he marries. Can you guys are least try to understand where some guys are coming from on this? Are we not allowed to protect ourselves before we marry? This, exactly. I think all the severe horror stories I hear time & time & time again can definitely mess with someone even if you're not the person involved. Yesterday I was in some long thread about a guy who got cheated on by her ex. He seen the text messages & he said should I come through the back door. He dumped her & before he met with her to asked her "should I come through the back door." That text probably had her panicing bad knowing she got caught. Who the hell knows what would have happened if he never found out. Imagine being cheated on & never knowing until years later when you already have a kid with them & married. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 So how does all this obsessing, hand-wringing, and incorrectly assessing that most women are that way help? How does it make these men more attractive? It doesn't. And it won't. Ever. It doesn't help but you hear about it so often that I understand why a man might have fears. Most men don't want to be one of those guys who wakes up one day and all of a sudden his wife wants him out of her life and he finds out he wasted years. It doesn't sound like a good experience for anybody. We also don't want to be married to a woman who does stay but can barely hide her contempt which I have seen a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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