StanMusial Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize she could do (and has done) a LOT WORSE THAN me. LOL. That girl better walk the line. Also, when I think of what I do fear concerning my fiancee... her driving, and her with power tools. Scares the shlt out of me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 This is so true. For example, I generally like to go to the same places and eat the same foods. I know that I will like these foods and I don't have to spend time thinking about where I could go to eat. My female friends tend to poke fun at me over this, the fact that I like routine and don't really care for trying new things. They call me "boring". It seems that this is one of the major differences between men and women. Men like a set schedule and routine, while women get bored easily. I've noticed this in dating as well. So, to me, this is concerning because a woman could just randomly get bored and then drop you, no matter how long you've been ). Ha, my guy and I are the exact opposite. I'm always teasing about his restlessness and need to try new things. But really what he has is passion, and that's attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 What we're doing here is outlining possible fears of being settled for by a woman. I'm not quite making the connection between those fears and seeing women as furniture, though I did think my dad's naugahyde recliner might one day make it into the Smithsonian. It was only much later I would discover that his desire for comfort and routine from the wars of the day (his in the business world) were indeed quite common for men, a refuge from uncertainty, challenge and, for some, fear. I never got the sense that these men saw their women as furniture or accessories, rather greatly valued them for the love and stability they provided. As women began to make inroads into the work world and faced stresses of their own, I also came to see the value in being that kind of stable foundation for them, a sort of domestic equality. Much of that dynamic has occurred during my lifetime. One aspect I've noted since gaining the fear (or perhaps better said as 'understanding') of being settled for is that knowledge and clarity have both brought an acceptance of the realities of interpersonal relationships today and that, yes, it is possible for a woman to settle for a man, let him love her, and move on when she's through with him. Formerly, ignorantly, such dynamics didn't really occur to me, mainly due to improper socialization. This is one place where a man should really be honest with his son, even if it paints women in a less than flattering light. I can understand a man not wanting his son to think his mother is capable of such actions but there should be a balance somewhere. I definitely know if I had enjoyed the pleasure of a son I'd have shared such life lessons with him, hopefully allowing him to go into life with more knowledge and less fear, as knowledge and information are key to assuaging fears. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 What's interesting when I consider my worry about settling isn't the "settling" bit, but the "cheating and leaving" bit. I'd be okay with a man settling for me if I knew that he would be pleased enough to not cheat/leave. I am not perfect and I know that any man who is ever with me will have to compromise on some things, and I won't meet their every desire, because NO ONE is perfect... but sometimes I'm a pain in the butt and as long as he is pleased enough to put up with that and not take off, I will be okay with him settling. The first 2 cheated and left, the 3rd just plain left, and the last one... well, I actually wonder if he cheated. I was far too trusting and blind at the time, and now that I can look back clearly, there are very alarming things that indicate he likely cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Men are not MORE screwed in modern relationships than women are. Men do not risk more or suffer more than women do. If relationships scare someone, that’s his or her individual issue, not gender related. “We suffer more, lose more, have more at risk” is condescending. I am not a woman so I will never deny you experience. I take your word at it but I will say that the divorce rate and the state of committed relationships today scares the crap out of men. They say that the women of the 60s and 70s didn't want to end up like their mothers who were stuck in housewife positions. This is true and I don't blame them. Men my age and younger saw their fathers and if not our fathers a lot of men we know become divorce casualties and we don't want to end up like that. I said I will never try and deny your experience because I am a man and I don't fully understand relationships from a woman's point of view. Why can't people show the same kind of understanding towards men's relationship experiences? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I am not a woman so I will never deny you experience. I take your word at it but I will say that the divorce rate and the state of committed relationships today scares the crap out of men. They say that the women of the 60s and 70s didn't want to end up like their mothers who were stuck in housewife positions. This is true and I don't blame them. Men my age and younger saw their fathers and if not our fathers a lot of men we know become divorce casualties and we don't want to end up like that. I said I will never try and deny your experience because I am a man and I don't fully understand relationships from a woman's point of view. Why can't people show the same kind of understanding towards men's relationship experiences? My personal belief is that feminists are actively trying to oppress men. However, men, either consciously or subconsciously, are beginning to fight back against it. This is one of the reasons that women use shaming language as seen in this thread: an attempt to find another way to keep men in line and not ask questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 My personal belief is that feminists are actively trying to oppress men. However, men, either consciously or subconsciously, are beginning to fight back against it. This is one of the reasons that women use shaming language as seen in this thread: an attempt to find another way to keep men in line and not ask questions. I am for equality for men and women. To the point that yes, I actually stand up and voice my distaste for when men get the short end of the stick. I want both men AND women to treat me with respect, and I treat both men AND women with respect, and hope that the same notion gets passed around. Unfortunately, my desire to see men as well not get stepped on has gotten me a "reputation" as not liking other women. Too many times on this forum people have accused me of having something against women. Which boggles me. I get along with women just fine, and have female friends. I have nothing against women, I just have something against any person who wants to give another person a hard time, based simply on gender. I don't care who or what you are. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I am for equality for men and women. To the point that yes, I actually stand up and voice my distaste for when men get the short end of the stick. I want both men AND women to treat me with respect, and I treat both men AND women with respect, and hope that the same notion gets passed around. Unfortunately, my desire to see men as well not get stepped on has gotten me a "reputation" as not liking other women. Too many times on this forum people have accused me of having something against women. Which boggles me. I get along with women just fine, and have female friends. I have nothing against women, I just have something against any person who wants to give another person a hard time, based simply on gender. I don't care who or what you are. It reminds me of people who stand up to bigotry being called race traitors. People like this think just because you share the same gender or race as them that you must side with your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I am for equality for men and women. To the point that yes, I actually stand up and voice my distaste for when men get the short end of the stick. I want both men AND women to treat me with respect, and I treat both men AND women with respect, and hope that the same notion gets passed around. Unfortunately, my desire to see men as well not get stepped on has gotten me a "reputation" as not liking other women. Too many times on this forum people have accused me of having something against women. Which boggles me. I get along with women just fine, and have female friends. I have nothing against women, I just have something against any person who wants to give another person a hard time, based simply on gender. I don't care who or what you are. You sounds a lot like a coworker of mine on my team. We get along very well and she is helpful to many people. She treats her husband like a king and does a lot for me. She's my rock. When things get very stressful, she keeps me in line. Many of the other women in our office apparently bad mouth our relationship when I'm not around (there's also the addition that she's a black female and I'm a white male). They say things like "you're not his slave, etc". There have been a few women in my office that I have had a falling out with over our mutually dominant personalities. They criticize her the most (which actually began before our falling out). But I definitely do agree with you. Any woman that takes care of a man is looked at with scorn by other women. However, this woman is awesome (despite the fact that she is obese, significantly older than me, and has acne, I would definitely date her if she was single). Occasionally, we purposefully get under their skin. She'll either shave me or feed me right in front of them. Then, I'll ask them to do the same. It pisses them off VERY badly, which amuses us to no end. That's the type of woman that I want to marry! Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Some women look at other women who are traditional or stay at home mothers as sellouts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Some women look at other women who are traditional or stay at home mothers as sellouts. I look at men that allow their women to boss them around as sellouts as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 My wife used to work with a group of women that looked at her as a stepford wife because she refused to cheat on me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 My wife used to work with a group of women that looked at her as a stepford wife because she refused to cheat on me. This is not surprising to me....seeing that you live in California (I also live here so I hear ya, brother). Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 This is not surprising to me....seeing that you live in California (I also live here so I hear ya, brother). That was when I was back in New Jersey. I actually find the people up here to be of better quality. I used to somehow end up around a lot of toxic people in NJ. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Some women look at other women who are traditional or stay at home mothers as sellouts. I experienced some of this when I was a SAHM. I'm still quite traditional in my own home, and like it that way. I kindly informed them that, as a feminist, I support their right to pursue life and family as they wish, and I'd appreciate the same respect There is absolutely nothing anti-feminist about a family choosing to have one parent stay home with the young children. Feminists support the opportunity for dads to do so if that is what the family desires. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 That was when I was back in New Jersey. I actually find the people up here to be of better quality. I used to somehow end up around a lot of toxic people in NJ. I'm originally from New York. So, again, I hear ya lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm originally from New York. So, again, I hear ya lol. So am I but New York women were great but before you know what went on the air and all these people from Middle America moved there and ruined the place. Native New York women are tough as nails and take no crap but they are also loyal as hell if you treat them right. Those Brooklyn and Queens women will jump right in the fight with you if you are in trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 So women from CA, NY, and middle America are the bad ones? Guys, there are good and bad people everywhere. Men and women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 So women from CA, NY, and middle America are the bad ones? Guys, there are good and bad people everywhere. Men and women. So far the women I have met out here have been great. CA women get a bad rap if you ask me but then again I am married and not trying to date them. Nobody calls my wife a doormat because she doesn't cheat though and a few think we are so cute and romantic together. It really is a welcome change from what I saw back in NJ. Native New York women are great and so are a few transplants but the women and some men for that matter who moved there after gentrification are some of most annoying and insufferable you could meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I am for equality for men and women. To the point that yes, I actually stand up and voice my distaste for when men get the short end of the stick. I want both men AND women to treat me with respect, and I treat both men AND women with respect, and hope that the same notion gets passed around. Unfortunately, my desire to see men as well not get stepped on has gotten me a "reputation" as not liking other women. Too many times on this forum people have accused me of having something against women. Which boggles me. I get along with women just fine, and have female friends. I have nothing against women, I just have something against any person who wants to give another person a hard time, based simply on gender. I don't care who or what you are. That does not surprise me Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 That was when I was back in New Jersey. I actually find the people up here to be of better quality. I used to somehow end up around a lot of toxic people in NJ. Where in NJ did you live? Maybe I lived near you lol. I used to live in Hudson County, now I'm in Monmouth County. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Where in NJ did you live? Maybe I lived near you lol. I used to live in Hudson County, now I'm in Monmouth County. I used to live in Seaside Heights. Women actually at the shore for the most part were good but the ones my wife and I used to work with were something else and we didn't work together. Both of us worked in upscale kind of neighborhoods though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 I used to live in Seaside Heights. Women actually at the shore for the most part were good but the ones my wife and I used to work with were something else and we didn't work together. Both of us worked in upscale kind of neighborhoods though. Oh. I'm about 40 minutes from there from where I live now. I used to go there every Summer. It kinda sucks there now. Wildwood is so much nicer, but seems to be more for older people compared to Seaside where it's pretty much a teenage hangout. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Oh. I'm about 40 minutes from there from where I live now. I used to go there every Summer. It kinda sucks there now. Wildwood is so much nicer, but seems to be more for older people compared to Seaside where it's pretty much a teenage hangout. Seaside has not been the same since Sandy and it started going downhill when Jersey Shore filmed there. I have many many great memories though and I have a piece of the old boardwalk on a shelf in our living room. I met my wife on that boardwalk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Seaside has not been the same since Sandy and it started going downhill when Jersey Shore filmed there. I have many many great memories though and I have a piece of the old boardwalk on a shelf in our living room. I met my wife on that boardwalk. Yeah, that's pretty much when I stopped going except for maybe once or twice since Jersey Shore show started. Place is terrible these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts