Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 So far the women I have met out here have been great. CA women get a bad rap if you ask me but then again I am married and not trying to date them. Nobody calls my wife a doormat because she doesn't cheat though and a few think we are so cute and romantic together. It really is a welcome change from what I saw back in NJ. Native New York women are great and so are a few transplants but the women and some men for that matter who moved there after gentrification are some of most annoying and insufferable you could meet. It definitely is true that a lot of women in NJ have really bad attitudes. Link to post Share on other sites
Christina107 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm a girl, so here's what I think. There is no such thing as "soulmates." People just settle down for the sake of it. Family, friends, work, life, basically there's alot of pressure. No one wants to be the single one at a party. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm a girl, so here's what I think. There is no such thing as "soulmates." People just settle down for the sake of it. Family, friends, work, life, basically there's alot of pressure. No one wants to be the single one at a party. Is that what you're planning to do? To get with some guy & settle for him just due to social pressure? Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Is that what you're planning to do? To get with some guy & settle for him just due to social pressure? Id rather be alone than in bad company My last date is proof of that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Id rather be alone than in bad company My last date is proof of that I just read your thread before. That woman sounded crazy & gross. Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I just read your thread before. That woman sounded crazy & gross. She was talking about screwing other guys on said date and said I wasn't bad enough for her. She had 3 guys on deck waiting. Keep meeting these crazies. Poa. Don't online date unless you're tall and white And tattooed The bad girls are all over that place 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Poa means piece of advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 She was talking about screwing other guys on said date and said I wasn't bad enough for her. She had 3 guys on deck waiting. Keep meeting these crazies. Poa. Don't online date unless you're tall and white And tattooed The bad girls are all over that place Yep, I already know to stay away from those online dating sites. The people on there are extremely shallow. I'm short so I don't stand a chance on there even though I'm not bad looking. Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Yep, I already know to stay away from those online dating sites. The people on there are extremely shallow. I'm short so I don't stand a chance on there even though I'm not bad looking. I'm 5 8. So I know the pain. What's your height Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 generally speaking, lots of women who online date are single for a REASON. Many of them have multiple boyfriends. Are cheating on the one they have. Trying to make an ex jealous. sleep around to boost their self-esteem. My last one was like this. dont like her but I give her props for honesty. she said she slept around with the hottest of guys and i just didnt fit the bill, I was too short and had a childlike face, according to her. Other women online date to find this perfect guy, and the ones closest to their descriptions have tons more options Online dating is a meat market, and if you arent the picture of media aesthetic perfection, you re going to struggle But dont get discouraged, lots of women online are low quality. Know your own worth based on attitude and belief, and not wealth, and youll know the kind of woman you as a man should be with. Of course, that means youll have to send em packing more often than not, but if more men would tell these women no, maybe some crazy feminists would wise up. dont online date if youre short or a minority. I happen to be both. NJ, while you do have your gripes, you always made some excellents points. Men have way more to lose in relationships and marriage than women. thats a fact. the system is designed to bail women out of bad situations, but men... are told to suck it up. If thats gender equality, we need a new definition But now the question presents itself, what do you do about it,NJ? Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Jesus. This thread is so depressing. How about we offer suggestions on things we can do to not be settled for? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm 5 8. So I know the pain. What's your height I'm 5'7", but that might be with shoes on, so I might be closer to 5'6". It bothered me a bit, but now I just think of it in the terms of if a woman doesn't want to be with me just due to my height than she's not a person I'd want to know anyway. So there's no loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Jesus. This thread is so depressing. How about we offer suggestions on things we can do to not be settled for? Be tall, have amazing face/body aesthetics, great personality, make good money to name a few lol All those put together make the perfect man to a woman so there's no settling there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 generally speaking, lots of women who online date are single for a REASON. Many of them have multiple boyfriends. Are cheating on the one they have. Trying to make an ex jealous. sleep around to boost their self-esteem. My last one was like this. dont like her but I give her props for honesty. she said she slept around with the hottest of guys and i just didnt fit the bill, I was too short and had a childlike face, according to her. Other women online date to find this perfect guy, and the ones closest to their descriptions have tons more options Online dating is a meat market, and if you arent the picture of media aesthetic perfection, you re going to struggle But dont get discouraged, lots of women online are low quality. Know your own worth based on attitude and belief, and not wealth, and youll know the kind of woman you as a man should be with. Of course, that means youll have to send em packing more often than not, but if more men would tell these women no, maybe some crazy feminists would wise up. dont online date if youre short or a minority. I happen to be both. NJ, while you do have your gripes, you always made some excellents points. Men have way more to lose in relationships and marriage than women. thats a fact. the system is designed to bail women out of bad situations, but men... are told to suck it up. If thats gender equality, we need a new definition But now the question presents itself, what do you do about it,NJ? I really don't know. I guess the best answer is just be the best person you can be & hope for the best. And yeah, forget online dating unless you just want something casual at best. Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I really don't know. I guess the best answer is just be the best person you can be & hope for the best. And yeah, forget online dating unless you just want something casual at best. that means accepting that frankly, most women, and a vast, vast, VAST majority of women are not going to look your way, and that hurts. and discourages you But that doesnt mean youre worthless nor unattractive. Look how many relationships end horribly with women seeking out these men you described. It sucks being lonely, but once you realize that its better to view yourself as a catch rather than an afterthough, it gets better. when a girl rejects you, ask yourself what does she bring to the table that I value that makes this relationship potentially worthwhile If you cant think of anything other than good looks and shes nice to you, then move on, theres plenty more where she came from. this takes practice, but practice makes habit Its a conscious effort. Love yourself, cause these days, most women are out for themselves. cant trust one to stick around that is why im not ashamed of hiring well...services. why not? its practically dating, only in those cases, Ill get sex in the end. but its not for everyone just my two cents, NJ 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 that means accepting that frankly, most women, and a vast, vast, VAST majority of women are not going to look your way, and that hurts. and discourages you But that doesnt mean youre worthless nor unattractive. Look how many relationships end horribly with women seeking out these men you described. It sucks being lonely, but once you realize that its better to view yourself as a catch rather than an afterthough, it gets better. when a girl rejects you, ask yourself what does she bring to the table that I value that makes this relationship potentially worthwhile If you cant think of anything other than good looks and shes nice to you, then move on, theres plenty more where she came from. this takes practice, but practice makes habit Its a conscious effort. Love yourself, cause these days, most women are out for themselves. cant trust one to stick around that is why im not ashamed of hiring well...services. why not? its practically dating, only in those cases, Ill get sex in the end. but its not for everyone just my two cents, NJ I think one of the big problems is that a lot of the genuinely good women are already in relationships, so that's why you see all the nasty people on online dating in particular. There's some good women on there too with not much baggage, but their standards are still likely high due to all the options they have to choose from. And escorts aren't for me really. Not sure if I'd consider it. Maybe I would one day, but not at this moment. Honestly all I could hope for is to get lucky & meet a genuinely good woman that I find attractive who really likes me. But I still might have to come to terms with the fact I might be alone since it's definitely a possibility. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DukeNukem47 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I think one of the big problems is that a lot of the genuinely good women are already in relationships, so that's why you see all the nasty people on online dating in particular. There's some good women on there too with not much baggage, but their standards are still likely high due to all the options they have to choose from. And escorts aren't for me really. Not sure if I'd consider it. Maybe I would one day, but not at this moment. Honestly all I could hope for is to get lucky & meet a genuinely good woman that I find attractive who really likes me. But I still might have to come to terms with the fact I might be alone since it's definitely a possibility. How old are you? Do you meet women in daily life (such as your job, school, etc)? Link to post Share on other sites
most_distant_galaxy Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm a woman and terribly scared of being settled for. So I'm very aware while I get to know a man. And trust my instincts a lot. I have even broken up with boyfriends because I didn't think they wanted me enough. 1) How does this man make me feel when he looks at me? I was with someone and while it seemed like he was really into me on paper, I got this weird feeling just by his eyes. They somehow didn't seem sincere. And I've had a simple acquaintance look into my eyes and give me unbelievable happiness without saying anything. 2) Does he check out other women? Do I hold his complete attention? Does he have a short attention span? 3) Is he the kind of person who utters excuses instead of speaking their mind directly like a man should? Is he a passive aggressive sissy? 4) Do I feel an intangible safety around him? 5) Is he in a good financial situation? Does he have pride? 6) Is he looking to fulfil some need (sex, affection, fun) or he picked me 'cause I'm unique? 7) How's the sex? Does he get a boner every time he sees me? ( figure of speech). Does he reject my sexual advances? If yes, how, and how often? Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I think one of the big problems is that a lot of the genuinely good women are already in relationships, so that's why you see all the nasty people on online dating in particular. There's some good women on there too with not much baggage, but their standards are still likely high due to all the options they have to choose from. And escorts aren't for me really. Not sure if I'd consider it. Maybe I would one day, but not at this moment. Honestly all I could hope for is to get lucky & meet a genuinely good woman that I find attractive who really likes me. But I still might have to come to terms with the fact I might be alone since it's definitely a possibility. What's wrong with being single. The negative social value based on a carnal instinct Is exactly why the both of us have low self esteem Monks never marry. And they can kick your ass in Tibet Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I think one of the big problems is that a lot of the genuinely good women are already in relationships, so that's why you see all the nasty people on online dating in particular. There's some good women on there too with not much baggage, but their standards are still likely high due to all the options they have to choose from. And escorts aren't for me really. Not sure if I'd consider it. Maybe I would one day, but not at this moment. Honestly all I could hope for is to get lucky & meet a genuinely good woman that I find attractive who really likes me. But I still might have to come to terms with the fact I might be alone since it's definitely a possibility. Hot doesn't always mean good. Man I see a lot of myself in you Link to post Share on other sites
SearchingForMyself Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Be tall, have amazing face/body aesthetics, great personality, make good money to name a few lol All those put together make the perfect man to a woman so there's no settling there. Be a tall rich white guy and you got it made online dating And most dating in general Sincerely a short poor black guy Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 (edited) I remember having a "settling" discussion with a long term boyfriend when we were splitting up. He had said something that indicated I wasn't his fairytale princess. Well, since I had a fair idea that his notion of a fairytale princess would be a bi-polar anorexic self harmer, that wasn't a terribly traumatising thing to hear that my efforts to be a fairly stable sort of person were regarded by him as "boring". It was disappointing though. Anyway, my response was along the lines of him not exactly being my fairytale prince who made my heart pound from the moment we first met - but that we got along well together for the most part, laughed a lot together, had a good sex life and could spend relatively long amounts of time together without irritating the crap out of eachother. So I could handle the fact that he wasn't this big, strong, ubercool handsome prince of fantasy. The fact that his behaviour was downright embarrassing at times was something I was prepared to manage, on the basis that it wasn't embarrassing in a malicious way so much as in the cringe inducingly uncool way that results in other people saying "wow, he's a bit of a weirdo isn't he?" I can manage the social embarrassment that comes with that, so long as the embarrassing person generally has a good heart - which for a long time I thought he did. I didn't go into those details, but I did let him know that he wasn't always easy to love. Sometimes I had to put a great deal of effort into keeping that feeling of magic. Well, the look on his face was a picture. While he had been busily angsting over the notion of "settling" for me, it hadn't crossed his mind that I might also regard being with him as involving some degree of "settling". In terms of physical appearance, he'd indicated that he thought I was "hotter" than him - but he wasn't really focused on looks. He felt that he had this incredible intellect (he was smart, but a lot of his smartness was second hand stuff that he tried to pass off as his own) and because he tended to invoke strong, often negative or contemptuous, reactions from other people on account of some of his more embarrassing behaviour he saw himself as the kind of guy other people either loved or hated...but certainly not so "ordinary" that anybody would "settle" for him. Part of the problem was that I'd always assumed his oddness came from insecurity (rather than narcissism) and so I'd always tried to be supercareful in the way I handled his ego. As a result he'd never been aware of the extent to which I'd often had to work pretty hard to feel the love for him. He just assumed that I'd always been head over heels for him and the relationship had been this pretty effortless thing for him. When people are taking what they see as the easy route, they'll tend to think they're settling. You can work very hard to be a good partner to somebody, but the irony of that is that you're making it very easy for them to be with/around you. You don't present them with any sort of challenge and so they have that certain lack of respect people tend to have for anything they didn't have to work very hard for. Being "settled" for in that sense, where the person is settling because they think you're the easy, stress free option, is not a good thing at all. The normal kind of settling, I think, is where you recognise the person's flaws and imperfections but can carry on loving them regardless....though sometimes it takes a bit of effort to do so. Somebody who's settling for you in a bad way will likely walk if you stop being easy to be around and start challenging them to put a bit of reciprocal effort in for you. Edited March 1, 2015 by Taramere 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 ^^ Yea, I had a pretty similar discussion with my last BF. Mostly when it came to the discussion where he wanted to stay friends. I told him that he had never been a real friend to me, so I didn't have any desire to be friends with him... and that his days as an energy-sucking, non-reciprocating parasite (in nicer words, of course) were coming to an abrupt halt. Actually, all I really had to do was say "Would you be a friend to you? No? Then why should I be your friend?" Funny how narcissists have such a hard time putting themselves in other people's shoes. Funny and sad at the same time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I think one of the big problems is that a lot of the genuinely good women are already in relationships, so that's why you see all the nasty people on online dating in particular. There's some good women on there too with not much baggage, but their standards are still likely high due to all the options they have to choose from. And escorts aren't for me really. Not sure if I'd consider it. Maybe I would one day, but not at this moment. Honestly all I could hope for is to get lucky & meet a genuinely good woman that I find attractive who really likes me. But I still might have to come to terms with the fact I might be alone since it's definitely a possibility. No, the problem is that you and some of the other guys on this thread look at a relationship in regards to what you can take... not what you can give or share. A genuinely good woman wouldn't put up with that for any length of time, and would remain single rather than be with a man who was so self-centered. Luck has nothing to do with it. Be the person you want to attract, and you MIGHT have a shot at a real, fulfilling relationship. There are no guarantees though. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Actually, all I really had to do was say "Would you be a friend to you? No? Then why should I be your friend?". Narcissist meets soulmate: Link to post Share on other sites
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