Is there a double standard in terms of a man's salary & a woman's salary in dating?

[DukeNukem47]

Nope. I sad if it was about equality feminists would take issue with the double standard, which they couldn't care less about. I don't think women should have to date down at all. Again, my only point is that they date up or on a similar level for reasons of resources and / or status.

 

The status part you explained very well in your earlier post. I don't dispute a bit of it, nor do I say there is any right or wrong in dating according to social status.

 

Feminism is about "equality" when and where women want it. They want all of the positives without any of the negatives.

 

Make no mistake about it. They want "equality" when it's convenient for them. When it's not, they fall back on traditional gender roles.

[NJ123]

No it isn't. Perhaps that's what people who want to make excuses for their insecurities need to tell themselves...but it's nowhere near the case. I'm actually not even understanding the rationale here. When you look around your community, when you leave your house, do you not see plenty of nowhere near perfect individuals mating and dating just fine?

 

Perhaps, but it's not realistic to think every one of their relationships & marriages are doing fine since we don't know what happens behind closed doors.

[NJ123]

No, but you do have to stop whining and drop the entitled victimhood

 

I don't feel entitled at all. All I want from a woman is to accept me for me & not due to some secret motive whatever it may be.

[xxoo]

Yes, but how many of thess relationships & marriages end? Most relationships don't work out since a lot of people get with others they have no compatibility with.

 

People are imperfect. Marriages are imperfect.

 

If anything, it speaks to the power of feeling in love that so many people marry when incompatible. Love is blinding. Incompatibility and resentment can eat away at loving feelings over time.

 

Again, this is something that is difficult to understand without any first hand relationship experience.

[sweetjasmine]

Women not wanting to date a man based on his lower salary while men date women earning far less does not seem like an equal opportunity.

 

So who exactly is STOPPING men from deciding not to date women who aren't on the same level as them, financially? If a man has no problem dating a woman who's never held down a job for more than 3 months in her life, what does that have to do with MY OWN standards or anyone else's standards? He's free to make the same choices that I am. If he chooses differently, that's his prerogative.

 

Yes, but how many of thess relationships & marriages end? Most relationships don't work out since a lot of people get with others they have no compatibility with.

 

You keep saying things like this. The great irony, of course, is that finances are basically one of the top causes of marital stress and divorce. This is one of the reasons why it's very important to me that the man I'm with is on the same page as I am. If he doesn't share my goals and my philosophy on money, then we're doomed.

 

But according to you, I should've just been okay with taking the clearly insane risk of marrying someone who's financially incompatible with me because true love will see us through and all that.

[Phoe]

Overall, there is a double standard, but there will be outliers.

 

Women like me who don't care about a man's job, then there's women who want to be the breadwinner with a stay at home husband, then men who don't care about a woman's job either way, men who spexifically want her to earn less, men who spexifically want her to earn more, etc.

[xxoo]

Nope. I sad if it was about equality feminists would take issue with the double standard, which they couldn't care less about.

 

 

Feminism doesn't concern itself with individual preferences, equal or not. For example, if an ugly rich man wants to go for a hot woman, as a feminist I really don't care.

 

I only care if women do not have equal opportunity within society to work and study in high paying fields, and pursue dating as they wish. Whether or not the men they want return their interest is completely up to the men!

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Yes, but how many of thess relationships & marriages end? Most relationships don't work out since a lot of people get with others they have no compatibility with.

 

No, a lot of people don't do that. Why are you just making things up? Better yet, why are you so concerned with breakups? You're not even in a relationship... Why do you over-analyze things that are wholly irrelevant to you?

[NJ123]

No, a lot of people don't do that. Why are you just making things up? Better yet, why are you so concerned with breakups? You're not even in a relationship... Why do you over-analyze things that are wholly irrelevant to you?

 

Uhh maybe because I don't want the same thing to happen to me as it does to them. All the stories I hear have possibly given me a not so positive outlook on a lot of things. I've heard some severe horror stories about what happened in some relationships & marriages. Some people can be extremely cold in their behavior.

 

And if they are compatible why do so many relationships not even last a full year? Some even less than 6 months.

[Hawaii51]

Uhh maybe because I don't want the same thing to happen to me as it does to them. All the stories I hear have possibly given me a not so positive outlook on a lot of things. I've heard some severe horror stories about what happened in some relationships & marriages. Some people can be extremely cold in their behavior.

 

And if they are compatible why do so many relationships not even last a full year? Some even less than 6 months.

 

 

Because it's called dating, and you can't wholly apply anyone's experience to your own, because you're missing the biggest factor: YOU. All you're doing is hampering your perception and dulling your experience by assuming what things will be before they actually are.

[xxoo]

 

And if they are compatible why do so many relationships not even last a full year? Some even less than 6 months.

 

It sounds like you don't understand dating at all. Dating is a "getting to know you" process, seeing if there is compatibility and love. That's why most end before a year, and people date several individuals before finding one they want to marry.

 

It seems like you want to meet a person and be guaranteed it's a match, it's love, and it will last forever. Love isn't like that. It's still pretty damned awesome.

[NJ123]

Because it's called dating, and you can't wholly apply anyone's experience to your own, because you're missing the biggest factor: YOU. All you're doing is hampering your perception and dulling your experience by assuming what things will be before they actually are.

 

Maybe so, but I stil feel awful for the people that get screwed over so bad. And the fact that it happens all the time, doesn't exactly give a good perception. Why do the cheating/infedlity sections have so many threads for? And the way most of these people don't even accept any blame is ridiculous. Everyone always has an excuse for their awful behavior.

[xxoo]

Maybe so, but I stil feel awful for the people that get screwed over so bad.

 

 

They'll be fine, and they'll even jump in the pool and try it again. And again.

 

Think about that for a moment. Why are you watching and worry from the sidelines about people who are playing the game?

[NJ123]

They'll be fine, and they'll even jump in the pool and try it again. And again.

 

Think about that for a moment. Why are you watching and worry from the sidelines about people who are playing the game?

 

No, not all of these people will be fine. Some start to have a severe hatred for the opposite sex. One guy I was talking to on another forum considered doing something that would have destroyed his life, but decided to not go through with it. Some people go temporarily insane when the person they care about ****s them over so bad.

[elaine567]

No, not all of these people will be fine. Some start to have a severe hatred for the opposite sex. One guy I was talking to on another forum considered doing something that would have destroyed his life, but decided to not go through with it. Some people go temporarily insane when the person they care about ****s them over so bad.

 

And....

THEY are not you, why are you concerned about them?

 

I am worried about people that are afraid of sharks, some of these folk ruin perfectly good beach holidays because they are afraid to go into the water... I am scared it is going to happen to me...

How will I cope?

I would hate to be that person who is afraid of sharks.

Will I turn into a shark hater?

Will I become obsessed with sharks?

Will I try to do something that will destroy my life?...

[autumnnight]

No, not all of these people will be fine. Some start to have a severe hatred for the opposite sex. One guy I was talking to on another forum considered doing something that would have destroyed his life, but decided to not go through with it. Some people go temporarily insane when the person they care about ****s them over so bad.

 

Every person I know has been hurt more than once while dating. The ones who end up hating an entire gender have emotional and character problems, not opposite sex problems. That kind of hatred is chosen, not "caused."

 

Stop. Being. Victims....and I bet you'll become miraculously more attractive. The vibe you all give off is so strong there's no WAY women aren't picking up on it.

[xxoo]

No, not all of these people will be fine. Some start to have a severe hatred for the opposite sex. One guy I was talking to on another forum considered doing something that would have destroyed his life, but decided to not go through with it. Some people go temporarily insane when the person they care about ****s them over so bad.

 

Most people continue to date and mate throughout life. They suffer heartbreaks, recover, and jump in again.

 

Are you going to focus on the extreme examples, or the common experience?

 

You also have to realize that people very often contribute to their own relationship problems, whether they know it or not.

[NJ123]

And....

THEY are not you, why are you concerned about them?

 

I am worried about people that are afraid of sharks, some of these folk ruin perfectly good beach holidays because they are afraid to go into the water... I am scared it is going to happen to me...

How will I cope?

I would hate to be that person who is afraid of sharks.

Will I turn into a shark hater?

Will I become obsessed with sharks?

Will I try to do something that will destroy my life?...

 

It's not that I should be concerned about them, it's the fact that it constantly happens that makes it worrisome.

[NJ123]

Every person I know has been hurt more than once while dating. The ones who end up hating an entire gender have emotional and character problems, not opposite sex problems. That kind of hatred is chosen, not "caused."

 

Stop. Being. Victims....and I bet you'll become miraculously more attractive. The vibe you all give off is so strong there's no WAY women aren't picking up on it.

 

How about the ones that get cheated on by all their exes? That's gotta be extremely hard to get through when it keeps happening over & over. How can you exactly blame them for having a bit of hatred if they keep getting burned in every relationship? Some people that happens to stop giving a **** & turn into cheaters themselves thinking their going to get cheated on anyway. Or some just stick with casual & never want a relationship again after being cheated on by everyone they been with.

[NJ123]

Most people continue to date and mate throughout life. They suffer heartbreaks, recover, and jump in again.

 

Are you going to focus on the extreme examples, or the common experience?

 

You also have to realize that people very often contribute to their own relationship problems, whether they know it or not.

 

Oh great, now you're going to blame the victims now. Even if there's problems in the relationship there's no excuse to screw the other one over so bad. End it instead of having sex with someone else.

[autumnnight]

Oh great, now you're going to blame the victims now. Even if there's problems in the relationship there's no excuse to screw the other one over so bad. End it instead of having sex with someone else.

 

I have a feeling if people were spending as much time self-reflecting and improving as they do on these victim threads, they'd be too busy enjoying a great relationship to be here.

[NJ123]

I have a feeling if people were spending as much time self-reflecting and improving as they do on these victim threads, they'd be too busy enjoying a great relationship to be here.

 

Well you're on here too.... What does that say about you then?

[autumnnight]

Well you're on here too.... What does that say about you then?

 

If you look at most of my posts, they deal with situational things. I don't generalize about men OR women. I've been hurt, but I don't assume everyone is out to get me.

 

I will say that I have been on here more than usually the last couple of weeks or so because I did end a relationship and am hurting. However, unless you happened to read my very short thread in breakups, you probably didn't know that.

 

I spent a lot of time in my younger days wondering what was wrong with me and why I didn't have as many dates as my friends. Then after my D I made the mistake of trying to become what I thought a certain segment of men wanted.

 

Now I am happy with me. I am not perfect, and if you saw me I would likely not even pop up on your radar. I'm not extraordinary looking. But I am content, albeit somewhat heartbroken at the moment. However, I do not assume all men will claim to love for 2 years and then disappear, even though that is exactly what happened recently.

 

But your point is taken. I'm not going to meet someone else sitting on my couch typing.

[NJ123]

If you look at most of my posts, they deal with situational things. I don't generalize about men OR women. I've been hurt, but I don't assume everyone is out to get me.

 

I will say that I have been on here more than usually the last couple of weeks or so because I did end a relationship and am hurting. However, unless you happened to read my very short thread in breakups, you probably didn't know that.

 

I spent a lot of time in my younger days wondering what was wrong with me and why I didn't have as many dates as my friends. Then after my D I made the mistake of trying to become what I thought a certain segment of men wanted.

 

Now I am happy with me. I am not perfect, and if you saw me I would likely not even pop up on your radar. I'm not extraordinary looking. But I am content, albeit somewhat heartbroken at the moment. However, I do not assume all men will claim to love for 2 years and then disappear, even though that is exactly what happened recently.

 

But your point is taken. I'm not going to meet someone else sitting on my couch typing.

 

Fair enough.

[Ethan78]

Who's pretending? Look, just because you've decided in your mind that you don't want to believe the women who have said otherwise doesn't make their statements any less true.

 

Nor does it make them any less false. The women in this thread have done a good job of explaining why they and other women would look for men on similar salaries, or why women would choose men according to social status. Read their posts. As I said earlier who women want to marry is their business but the idea that any woman who has these ideas on status will marry a plumber is nonsense.