Is there a double standard in terms of a man's salary & a woman's salary in dating?

[NGC1300]

I'd say this depends. If these women are working & making decent money themselves than I'd say no. But if they are working some low paying job than yes.

 

No, status still ties in. A corporate woman earning 6 figures still suffers a status blow dating a garbage man.

[autumnnight]

Because all these issues are real. Why do so many relationships & marriages fail? Something is obviously not right. It goes both ways, but why are so many people getting into relationships when they aren't even compatiable with one another?

 

See, I have a different theory. I think forums attract a higher than typical level of insecurity and dysfunction than the general population.

 

Seriously, I know many women, and I A<M one, and all these things that a few jaded men proclaim are important to ALL women and the=at ALL women do is just not the case. Period. Bunk., Wrong.

[NJ123]

See, I have a different theory. I think forums attract a higher than typical level of insecurity and dysfunction than the general population.

 

Seriously, I know many women, and I A<M one, and all these things that a few jaded men proclaim are important to ALL women and the=at ALL women do is just not the case. Period. Bunk., Wrong.

 

When did I say all women?

[Ethan78]

See, I have a different theory. I think forums attract a higher than typical level of insecurity and dysfunction than the general population.

 

That's my theory. I posted it in a thread I started the other week. Obviously this is proof that all women take credit for other people's threads on the internet.

[autumnnight]

That's my theory. I posted it in a thread I started the other week. Obviously this is proof that all women take credit for other people's threads on the internet.

 

Nah, we're just both geniuses

[CrystalCastles]

It is not about ambition and goals. Lots of poor people have goals and ambitions including many doing artistic things in higher education who will probably never make much money apart from a lucky few.

 

Your real issue is status and money. A guy who does the same as you and makes money will be your ideal partner because he has studied for a certain kind of career and has a certain earning potential.

 

I don't live in America. Its much easier to get a degree in my country. At least an undergrad degree. And my education was paid for by scholarships, nobody helped me, I took care of my tuition by myself. Its not *that* hard to get good grades if you're hardworking and determined.

 

So as I mentioned in my post, I am not speaking for any other woman other than myself. I think you must have missed that part. To be honest I'm not even sure you read anything in my post. What status? What money? I'm asking for a man who is financially stable, who has a good job that he feels passionate about and who has goals in life. How does that equate to having status and money? I will already have plenty of that on my own.

[Ethan78]

I don't live in America. Its much easier to get a degree in my country. At least an undergrad degree. And my education was paid for by scholarships, nobody helped me, I took care of my tuition by myself. Its not *that* hard to get good grades if you're hardworking and determined.

 

...What status? What money? I'm asking for a man who is financially stable, who has a good job that he feels passionate about and who has goals in life. How does that equate to having status and money? I will already have plenty of that on my own.

 

Because you are equating it yourself. You said you want "an equal" presumably with the same status and earning potential as you.

 

You also said you will can earn money (upto 100k in your industry) and will accept a man who earns a little less. So he basically needs to be the same as you.

 

It all comes down to money and status. Ambition and hard work don't matter. There are plenty of artists with ambition, and even hardworking plumbers making good money.

 

Will you date one of those plumbers. They are financially stable??

[CrystalCastles]

Because you are equating it yourself. You said you want "an equal" presumably with the same status and earning potential as you.

 

You also said you will can earn money (upto 100k in your industry) and will accept a man who earns a little less. So he basically needs to be the same as you.

 

It all comes down to money and status. Ambition and hard work don't matter. There are plenty of artists with ambition, and even hardworking plumbers making good money.

 

Will you date one of those plumbers. They are financially stable??

 

As I said, yes. Plumbers don't make little. Not in my country at least. My boyfriend's best friend was in refrigeration before, making good money. He's unemployed at the moment but he's trying to get a job in plumbing now. Academia isn't for everyone, I'm aware. But people in trades also make good money- I know quite a few in trades who make good money.

 

And why is it so unreasonable for me to want an equal? I'm not wanting more. If I got to where I'm at, what is stopping others from doing the same? I did everything myself, nobody helped me, nobody paid for me, I got to the point I'm at all by myself with only hard work. So why should I accept less? Dating isn't charity work, sorry.

 

Ambition and hard work matter a lot. Without it I wouldn't be in the position I am now. I'm dating a man who is equally hard working and as a result, equally successful- a point to which he got by himself, especially since his family is dirt poor.

 

I think you and some others on here expect women to give every man a chance, and then you whine when that doesn't happen. You blame everything on feminism now because women are now able to work, make the same money as you and have higher standards as to what they want from a man. I think that is the double standard here and it is hella annoying.

[Selfish]

Back when I was dating status and money meant little to me.

 

I wanted drive though and someone who had passions and persued them. Not someone who was aimlessly drifting through life or some lazy bum who wouldn't get off the couch. If they loved their job as a walmart greeter. Awesome. But if they didn't and were to damn lazy to improve themselves or find a new job. That was unattractive.

[Ethan78]

As I said, yes. Plumbers don't make little. Not in my country at least. My boyfriend's best friend was in refrigeration before, making good money. He's unemployed at the moment but he's trying to get a job in plumbing now. Academia isn't for everyone, I'm aware. But people in trades also make good money- I know quite a few in trades who make good money.

 

And why is it so unreasonable for me to want an equal? I'm not wanting more. If I got to where I'm at, what is stopping others from doing the same? I did everything myself, nobody helped me, nobody paid for me, I got to the point I'm at all by myself with only hard work. So why should I accept less? Dating isn't charity work, sorry.

 

Ambition and hard work matter a lot. Without it I wouldn't be in the position I am now. I'm dating a man who is equally hard working and as a result, equally successful- a point to which he got by himself, especially since his family is dirt poor.

 

I think you and some others on here expect women to give every man a chance, and then you whine when that doesn't happen. You blame everything on feminism now because women are now able to work, make the same money as you and have higher standards as to what they want from a man. I think that is the double standard here and it is hella annoying.

 

Oh no. I'm not complaining or saying you should lower your standards - even if there is ultimately some snobbery involved. I am first of all saying that if feminists cared about equality they would either want women to date guys with far less money, or they would want men who have high salaries not to date women who are making far less money.

 

Secondly, I am also saying it is not about hard work, or ambition. Again, artists or plumbers have these things but many women who have gone to university will not marry these men because they are either not rich or their status is that of a manual worker. I just doubt very much that you will marry a plumber because you would not see his status as being equal to yours.

 

There are men who inherit money, or get lucky in business and are attractive to women because they have money and status. The idea that women then question how these men got their money and status is fanciful.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I don't want to date a man who earns significantly less than I do. Since I have a very comfortable salary that certainly does not make things easier for me.

By no means do I want a guy to support me financially but I don't want to have a lesser life style because my partner cannot follow me financially. And I don't want to help him financially so that he can share my life style, first of all because I don't like the idea and secondly because I don't want him to start legal proceedings to get a kind of alimony when we break up.

[PinkInTheLimo]

On another (semi-unrelated) note, I'm quite tired of men who claim that their sex generally doesn't care about a woman's income or if she even has one at all and in fact posit that such a thing should be the norm. Frankly, that's nothing to brag about and it's actually quite a ridiculous - not to mention dangerous - mentality to have for the average, decidedly middle class man.

 

Yeah, they say they don't care and then complain when after 20 years of marriage the woman wants a divorce and takes half of their belongings...

But they look down on women with a good career because they say these women are not feminine enough. And they wanted their wife to stay at home...

But I think that a smart man would know that getting together with a woman who is financially independent is the intelligent thing to do anno 2015. And you know what: I think that many women with a good career have a better organised household than many stay at home women who become real slobs!

I work fulltime but my fridge is full of fresh vegetables and I have never prepared a frozen pizza in my life. Often when I come home at 8 pm I still put together some tasty healthy meal.

[elaine567]

Oh no. I'm not complaining or saying you should lower your standards - even if there is ultimately some snobbery involved. I am first of all saying that if feminists cared about equality they would either want women to date guys with far less money, or they would want men who have high salaries not to date women who are making far less money.

 

Secondly, I am also saying it is not about hard work, or ambition. Again, artists or plumbers have these things but many women who have gone to university will not marry these men because they are either not rich or their status is that of a manual worker. I just doubt very much that you will marry a plumber because you would not see his status as being equal to yours.

 

There are men who inherit money, or get lucky in business and are attractive to women because they have money and status. The idea that women then question how these men got their money and status is fanciful.

 

Feminism is about women having the free choice of who they date. It is not about forcing women to date low salary men or forcing men to date high salary women.

 

Women have been mainly coerced throughout time to date/marry men solely due to family or financial pressures. Women were chattels, they were traded for money, influence and ambition.

 

Feminism broke that social structure, women can now mostly decide to marry anyone THEY choose who wants to marry them. Women can even decide not to get married and still live well, because they can now finance their own lives.

Feminism has given women the opportunity to do what they want to do, they are free to make their own choices.

 

Re CrystalCastles choice of men.

It is not just about money it is about compatibility and usually we are compatible with people who are like us, so we choose people with similar backgrounds, similar education, similar interests, similar tastes, similar goals, similar life experiences, etc. etc.

We fit in with them, their families are similar to ours, we feel comfortable.

OK, some may do it differently and it can work, but for the majority we stick to what we know best.

[PinkInTheLimo]

So it seems the double standard does exist. Women in general care way more than a man does about the other's income. I guess that's why so many men have that fear of being settled for due to their job. Pretty sad.

 

Well nothing prevents men from picking an educated woman who is financially strong. There are more and more of them and they hear and read everywhere that their career and income is a turn-off for men.

If men still want to go for the nurse, the kindergarten teacher or the girl who works in the beauty parlour because they think these women are sweeter and kinder (which is nonsense, there are as many unpleasant women who are poor and have no education), then they should not complain that their wife only loves them for their money.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Why should a strong independent woman care how much money a man earns?

 

She should care about it because she has a lot to lose. If the guy earns considerably less than her and goes to live with her, goes on holiday with her, has her buy things for him, he can sue her in court to pay alimonty the day she wants to break up with him.

 

OK, men will maybe say now that this has happened to men all the time, but maybe strong independent women are not as stupid as men. We fought hard to be at the financial level where we are and we are not going to lose it for some goodlooking bloke with no money .

[elaine567]

She should care about it because she has a lot to lose. If the guy earns considerably less than her and goes to live with her, goes on holiday with her, has her buy things for him, he can sue her in court to pay alimonty the day she wants to break up with him.

 

OK, men will maybe say now that this has happened to men all the time, but maybe strong independent women are not as stupid as men. We fought hard to be at the financial level where we are and we are not going to lose it for some goodlooking bloke with no money .

 

 

I love it!

[xxoo]

A man being able to provide well is very attractive.

 

Whether or not men find the same attractive in women is up to them, but not really a double standard.

[xxoo]

Why should a strong independent woman care how much money a man earns?

 

This is sort of like asking "Why should a fit man care how fit a woman is?"

 

It's attractive.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Oh no. I'm not complaining or saying you should lower your standards - even if there is ultimately some snobbery involved. I am first of all saying that if feminists cared about equality they would either want women to date guys with far less money, or they would want men who have high salaries not to date women who are making far less money.

 

Your first mistake was thinking "equality" carriers over into romantic practices. Your second mistake was believing that feminist need to tell others how and whom to date if they really mean what they say. Your third was assuming the apparently omnipresent entity you call feminism has any "wants" regarding other people's dating or relationship habits.

 

A lot of people keep throwing around the word equality like it's some slur or taunt and attaching it to all kinds of arbitrary demands - i.e., if feminists really want equality they'd tell women to date fat men!" - that make no sense whatsoever and are wholly unrelated to feminism. Where is the logic?

 

How about this: If MRAs really cared about equality they would want men to be MORE concerned with status as opposed as proudly unconcerned with a woman's position as they seem to be now. If MRAs really cared about equality they would start telling men to stop dating low salary women and/or encouraging them to quit their jobs if they get married. Yep, sounds equally silly. Wow, look at all that equality in this thread!

Edited February 28, 2015 by Lernaean_Hydra

[xxoo]

I am first of all saying that if feminists cared about equality they would either want women to date guys with far less money, or they would want men who have high salaries not to date women who are making far less money..

 

The "equality" feminist concern themselves with is actually equal opportunity, not a goal of everyone (in relationships or otherwise) having equal income or equal roles. It is about the equal opportunity to work and earn or stay home and raise kids, etc, regardless of gender. It is about not being told by society that "you can't do that" because of your gender. It is not about how couples decide to assign roles in their own lives, according to their mutual desires.

[Ethan78]

Feminism is about women having the free choice of who they date. It is not about forcing women to date low salary men or forcing men to date high salary women.

 

Women have been mainly coerced throughout time to date/marry men solely due to family or financial pressures. Women were chattels, they were traded for money, influence and ambition.

 

Re CrystalCastles choice of men.

It is not just about money it is about compatibility and usually we are compatible with people who are like us, so we choose people with similar backgrounds, similar education, similar interests, similar tastes, similar goals, similar life experiences, etc. etc.

 

My point to Crystal Castle is that women ultimately pick men who earn high salaries because of their status and money. It is not about hard work or goals. Many men get jobs through family, or inherit money and have not worked hard yet these men are attractive to women because of their status and money.

 

Feminism has done nothing to change women's behaviour. They are still caught in the idea that a man earning much lower does not have enough status. If you say they were forced into this and feminism has broken it then it would make no sense that they are still doing the same thing. Nobody forced women to follow Roman Gladiators around because they were sex symbols - it was their choice.

 

 

How about this: If MRAs really cared about equality they would want men to be MORE concerned with status as opposed as proudly unconcerned with a woman's position as they seem to be now. If MRAs really cared about equality they would start telling men to stop dating low salary women and/or encouraging them to quit their jobs if they get married. Yep, sounds equally silly. Wow, look at all that equality in this thread!

 

That sounded like babble for another forum. I don't care for 'MRAs' or the people who claim to argue with them.

[Ethan78]

The "equality" feminist concern themselves with is actually equal opportunity, not a goal of everyone (in relationships or otherwise) having equal income or equal roles.

 

Women not wanting to date a man based on his lower salary while men date women earning far less does not seem like an equal opportunity.

[autumnnight]

Women not wanting to date a man based on his lower salary while men date women earning far less does not seem like an equal opportunity.

 

Here is something I learned in 3rd grade:

 

Life is not fair. Not everyone gets the red crayon or the same size cookie.

 

That is how it is.

[carhill]

Both men and women have the equal opportunity to date, mate, marry and grow old with partners of vastly different socio-economic strata. If a particular woman chooses not to avail herself of the opportunity to date, etc., a man of any particular class or station in life, that's her choice and prerogative. Same for a man. That men traditionally chose to date women who 'made less' than they did has no bearing IMO on the opportunity. They simply made a choice. In any interaction, if there's a meeting of the minds, then there is. If not, not. Dating is one area where people can legally and morally be as discriminating and discriminatory as they choose, even if those choices offend the sensibilities of others.

[xxoo]

Women not wanting to date a man based on his lower salary while men date women earning far less does not seem like an equal opportunity.

 

You are confusing equal opportunity within society and personal preference. Feminism does not attempt to control personal preferences, nor does it grant personal preferences. It grants opportunity to pursue personal preferences.

 

Women who are ambitious, high earners can want what they want, but are not guaranteed it in equal measure, just as men are not guaranteed what they want in equal measure. It's not like every woman who is a high earner is guaranteed a high earning man. That's life. You can't always get what want. (but if you try.......you know the rest )