Is there a double standard in terms of a man's salary & a woman's salary in dating?

[Ethan78]

Here is something I learned in 3rd grade:

 

Life is not fair. Not everyone gets the red crayon or the same size cookie.

 

That is how it is.

 

Exactly, but it is the people who claim they only want the red crayon or big cookie for principled reasons rather than their own self-interest who don't seem to be telling the truth. They would probably be the first people to complain it is not fair if they didn't get the big cookie.

[Revolver]

It is important to also acknowledge that certain jobs come with a higher degree of social status/prestige than others, it's not strictly income/salary

 

Dr dre made more money in 2014 than President Obama made any year of his life and his entire life in altogether. But at the end of the day, Dr Dre is just a rap producer and Obama is the leader of the free world

 

They've done experiments on online dating were the guy would post 2 profiles with the same picture and revealed his salary both times(both high and both the same exact amount). But one said he was a prosecutor and the other said he was a Mechanic Which one you think got more responses? Lol

[elaine567]

Dating is one area where people can legally and morally be as discriminating and discriminatory as they choose, even if those choices offend the sensibilities of others.

 

^^^Good point.

But it seems to be lost on some.

[autumnnight]

It's another spin on poor me entitlement. It HAS to be salary, or height, or nose size, or muscles, or lack of muscles, or.....

 

Well, pretty much anything except the guy in the mirror.

[carhill]

It is important to also acknowledge that certain jobs come with a higher degree of social status/prestige than others, it's not strictly income/salary

 

Good point, as social class plays into nearly all aspects of social interaction, including dating and mating and who one marries and has a family with, especially the last part.

 

Dr dre made more money in 2014 than President Obama made any year of his life and his entire life in altogether. But at the end of the day, Dr Dre is just a rap producer and Obama is the leader of the free world

Power can be monetary but doesn't have to be. There are a plethora of examples of this dynamic in modern-day society. However, in general, one could apply the same power dynamic to women and IMO pretty equally and that would obviate the assertion of a double standard.

 

They've done experiments on online dating were the guy would post 2 profiles with the same picture and revealed his salary both times(both high and both the same exact amount). But one said he was a prosecutor and the other said he was a Mechanic Which one you think got more responses? Lol

Presuming the women chose the prosecutor over the mechanic and the mechanic was the stronger earner (happens, since I work in that industry!), people's presumptions about career come into play. People generally presume the prosecutor has a higher income, is more intelligent, has more social connections and, in general, has more social 'bank' than the mechanic. Why? Because we're socialized that way. We get those society messages at a young age. Why do so many kids say they want to be a doctor or a lawyer when they grow up (common when I was a kid)? Because the adults put those messages into our minds from before we can remember.

 

IMO, there might be a slight bit more of a double-standard there, relevant to men and women, in that men may be less discriminatory in such regards, but I still see men marrying 'in their class' when push comes to shove for propagating and socializing the next generation of adults. And so it goes.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

My point to Crystal Castle is that women ultimately pick men who earn high salaries because of their status and money. It is not about hard work or goals. Many men get jobs through family, or inherit money and have not worked hard yet these men are attractive to women because of their status and money.

 

How many wealthy heirs do you know, exactly? And more importantly, how many women do you know who are married to such men or anything about their relationships?

 

That sounded like babble for another forum. I don't care for 'MRAs' or the people who claim to argue with them.

 

The point was to say any political ideology or movement (feminists, MRAs, etc) should go around telling people whom to date and how was silly..........

 

Exactly, but it is the people who claim they only want the red crayon or big cookie for principled reasons rather than their own self-interest who don't seem to be telling the truth. They would probably be the first people to complain it is not fair if they didn't get the big cookie.

 

So? Why do you care?

[CrystalCastles]

Oh no. I'm not complaining or saying you should lower your standards - even if there is ultimately some snobbery involved. I am first of all saying that if feminists cared about equality they would either want women to date guys with far less money, or they would want men who have high salaries not to date women who are making far less money.

 

Secondly, I am also saying it is not about hard work, or ambition. Again, artists or plumbers have these things but many women who have gone to university will not marry these men because they are either not rich or their status is that of a manual worker. I just doubt very much that you will marry a plumber because you would not see his status as being equal to yours.

 

There are men who inherit money, or get lucky in business and are attractive to women because they have money and status. The idea that women then question how these men got their money and status is fanciful.

 

To be frank, I have no idea what you're even talking about. I was talking about myself and my own preferences. So I really must ask, just what the hell do you know about my preferences and who I will marry?

 

There's nothing wrong with plumbers. I don't even think about status because I'm not sure why that would be relevant in my relationship. I just want someone who is financially stable, what does status have to do with it?

 

I am not sure why I should date broke guys, if that's what you're implying. That isn't realistic in terms of the expenses of living in a first world country. What happens if I marry, have kids, and maybe my company goes bankrupt and I lose my job? I'd want my husband to be able to support my family while I am looking for work. I want him to be able to contribute to raising kids, which are not cheap. I want him to be able to contribute to the family home, to vacations, to fun nights out. Why should I be the one who does absolutely everything by myself? I'm looking for a partner, not a guy I have to financially support just like I would my kids.

Edited February 28, 2015 by CrystalCastles

[elaine567]

They've done experiments on online dating were the guy would post 2 profiles with the same picture and revealed his salary both times(both high and both the same exact amount). But one said he was a prosecutor and the other said he was a Mechanic Which one you think got more responses? Lol

 

Women may not only want some elevation of status for themselves but most want to elevate any children they may have too.

Professional careers are seen as cleaner, less arduous and usually provide more comfortable lives. Marrying a professional man means her children will have a better social standing right away. They will most likely be better educated, they will have an opportunity to meet the "right" people and if they do not screw up, are more likely to be successful in their chosen career.

So that choice whether she plumps for mechanic or prosecutor, can impact on many lives not just her own.

[Ethan78]

It's another spin on poor me entitlement. It HAS to be salary, or height, or nose size, or muscles, or lack of muscles, or.....

 

Well, pretty much anything except the guy in the mirror.

 

You make a cynical post like this and then like Carhill's post where he points out the reality of social status and social conditioning very well.

 

My point in any post I have made is that the desire for a partner with status is the main factor when women say they are choosing a partner who should be near their level of earnings.

 

It matters that people come onto an internet forum and pretend they choose men based on their ambition or work ethic, when this isn't true. Status (prosecutor not mechanic) is everything.

[Ethan78]

There's nothing wrong with plumbers. I don't even think about status because I'm not sure why that would be relevant in my relationship.

 

I just pointed out the reality. It is not about hard work or goals. If any professional career women marry plumbers they are the small exception. People want others like them because of their status. You said yourself that you want an equal, which a plumber won't be.

[Ethan78]

Women may not only want some elevation of status for themselves but most want to elevate any children they may have too.

Professional careers are seen as cleaner, less arduous and usually provide more comfortable lives. Marrying a professional man means her children will have a better social standing right away. They will most likely be better educated, they will have an opportunity to meet the "right" people and if they do not screw up, are more likely to be successful in their chosen career.

So that choice whether she plumps for mechanic or prosecutor, can impact on many lives not just her own.

 

Well said. This is the reality as opposed to what you posted earlier in reply to me.

 

Women pretending they are open to dating a plumber. LOL.

[CrystalCastles]

You make a cynical post like this and then like Carhill's post where he points out the reality of social status and social conditioning very well.

 

My point in any post I have made is that the desire for a partner with status is the main factor when women say they are choosing a partner who should be near their level of earnings.

 

It matters that people come onto an internet forum and pretend they choose men based on their ambition or work ethic, when this isn't true. Status (prosecutor not mechanic) is everything.

 

Actually I specifically said that status doesn't matter to me, but the paycheck does, however you seem to be convinced that you know my preferences better than I know them myself.

 

Also when you are a professional, it's easiest to date other professionals. This is because they are the ones you see every day and get to know. This is how I met my current partner. He is a masters student in the same field, working in the same school as I was studying at. Meeting a plumber would probably happen if I did online dating or went to clubs/bars, which I never do either of.

[CrystalCastles]

I just pointed out the reality. It is not about hard work or goals. If any professional career women marry plumbers they are the small exception. People want others like them because of their status. You said yourself that you want an equal, which a plumber won't be.

 

Equal to me in pay. If a guy had a career goal of becoming a plumber and it's a job he loves very much, then that's good enough for me. To me, a guy must be able to financially contribute and be financially stable. Stop painting all women like they are money grubbers trying to kill each other over the richest, most famous dude they can get. It's insulting.

[carhill]

As an example of an exception, I often met female professionals and other white collar workers when I'd be doing fabrication work as a volunteer for the local chamber of commerce. Meeting them and their viewpoints on the guy in coveralls building a stage for the community varied. Perhaps, to them, I was just another greasy ironworker. Had they looked further, they might have realized I owned a business in that trade and was sufficiently successful to donate my time and materials to the community. Had they looked. Most don't see past the coveralls. That's OK! It wasn't so much as a young man but now I'm happy to be overlooked. Why? Because the right people are doing the overlooking!

[NJ123]

Kinda regret making this thread now. Reading some of the responses is almost depressing.

[elaine567]

Well said. This is the reality as opposed to what you posted earlier in reply to me.

 

Women pretending they are open to dating a plumber. LOL.

 

This is all about free choice, woman can date who they want, but given the choice most want the best they can get.

We want better looking, we want more money, we want more intelligent, we want more fun, we want more caring, we want kinder, we want more exciting etc. etc.: that is life.

Most men actually want the best they can get too.

 

YOU suggested women "should" date down because feminism wanted equality...

Feminism is about free choice, we can date plumbers and mechanics and we can also date prosecutors and lawyers.

We want what we want.

 

Feminism has given us the power to do that. YOU cannot dictate to women and say they must date certain men, any more than I can dictate to men saying they must date certain women.

We like what we like.

 

We take into consideration all variables and we make a choice. Simples.

[Ethan78]

Kinda regret making this thread now. Reading some of the responses is almost depressing.

 

Then why don't you just accept things are the way they are instead of starting these threads?

 

I can accept the reality. It is just when people pretend that reality only exists for nice reasons that things become difficult to believe.

 

 

Equal to me in pay. If a guy had a career goal of becoming a plumber and it's a job he loves very much, then that's good enough for me. To me, a guy must be able to financially contribute and be financially stable. Stop painting all women like they are money grubbers trying to kill each other over the richest, most famous dude they can get. It's insulting.

 

Again, I said it's about status and doesn't apply to all women. Only the ones who get a university education then don't want to date below them.

[xxoo]

Well said. This is the reality as opposed to what you posted earlier in reply to me.

 

Women pretending they are open to dating a plumber. LOL.

 

Real talk:

 

Are successful plumbers having trouble getting dates? The blue collar guys I know aren't. Maybe female doctors and lawyers pass them over, but that's far from all women.

[Ethan78]

YOU suggested women "should" date down because feminism wanted equality...

 

Nope. I sad if it was about equality feminists would take issue with the double standard, which they couldn't care less about. I don't think women should have to date down at all. Again, my only point is that they date up or on a similar level for reasons of resources and / or status.

 

The status part you explained very well in your earlier post. I don't dispute a bit of it, nor do I say there is any right or wrong in dating according to social status.

[NJ123]

Then why don't you just accept things are the way they are instead of starting these threads?

 

I can accept the reality. It is just when people pretend that reality only exists for nice reasons that things become difficult to believe.

 

 

 

 

Again, I said it's about status and doesn't apply to all women. Only the ones who get a university education then don't want to date below them.

 

I suppose so. But it's crazy by how ridiculous it all is. One thing can disqualify you from a huge % of people. If it's not one thing, it's something else, almost like you have to be almost perfect.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I can accept the reality. It is just when people pretend that reality only exists for nice reasons that things become difficult to believe.

 

Who's pretending? Look, just because you've decided in your mind that you don't want to believe the women who have said otherwise doesn't make their statements any less true.

 

Again, I said it's about status and doesn't apply to all women. Only the ones who get a university education then don't want to date below them.

 

Why should they? Why should anyone want to date anybody for that matter??

[xxoo]

I suppose so. But it's crazy by how ridiculous it all is. One thing can disqualify you from a huge % of people. If it's not one thing, it's something else, almost like you have to be almost perfect.

 

If that were true, where are all these couples and marriages coming from?

 

The human drive is to mate. Love makes us think our partner is "perfect"....for a while

[autumnnight]

I suppose so. But it's crazy by how ridiculous it all is. One thing can disqualify you from a huge % of people. If it's not one thing, it's something else, almost like you have to be almost perfect.

 

No, but you do have to stop whining and drop the entitled victimhood

[Lernaean_Hydra]

it's crazy by how ridiculous it all is. One thing can disqualify you from a huge % of people. If it's not one thing, it's something else, almost like you have to be almost perfect.

 

No it isn't. Perhaps that's what people who want to make excuses for their insecurities need to tell themselves...but it's nowhere near the case. I'm actually not even understanding the rationale here. When you look around your community, when you leave your house, do you not see plenty of nowhere near perfect individuals mating and dating just fine?

[NJ123]

If that were true, where are all these couples and marriages coming from?

 

The human drive is to mate. Love makes us think our partner is "perfect"....for a while

 

Yes, but how many of thess relationships & marriages end? Most relationships don't work out since a lot of people get with others they have no compatibility with.