elaine567 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Well, she said that to me whilst she was trying to pull my trousers down for a quickie in my hotel room when we were on a night out with other work colleagues. So yeah, hes definitely the sucker. A liberated woman, obviously. Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 A liberated woman, obviously. I pushed her off me. Couldnt do it. Id like to think he owes me one for saving his betrotheds modesty although knowing her even though it wssnt me it will be someone else. I got an interesting insight into the rationale of these things earlier in the night when we got quite close and her best friend stepped in and they had an argument ovwr the amount of aattention she was giving me, her friend was looking out for her doing something she would regret. They didnt see eye to eye but her friend ends up saying "well he (the boyfriend) hasnt put a ring on your finger yet so do what you like". So yeah, im gonna pour myself a whiskey on their wedding day and sit back and enjoy the show because it will all end in tears eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 So it seems the double standard does exist. Women in general care way more than a man does about the other's income. I guess that's why so many men have that fear of being settled for due to their job. Pretty sad. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I know there's gold diggers out there of course, but women in general, do they seem less inclined to date a man with a low salary even if he can take care of himself on it? While men don't care as much & wouldn't eliminate her if she doesn't make that much money. Personally I don't see any real changes, dating back to my parent's generation and perhaps even further back. When choosing amongst suitors for a romantic and legal partner, women seek a superior man. The main change from when the farm girl, clothes sales person and part-time model married the accountant (my parents) is that women are more successful and powerful, in general, today, both socially and economically, and continue, as in the past, to seek superior men for the purposes of family and life legal partnership. I saw a lot of that during my thirties when women I dated couldn't easily quantify my social and economic success and, where they had identifiable and quantifiable careers, they found such interactions a mismatch. This was unsurprising, to me anyway. They were looking for a superior man and I was not it. I was OK with that because my goal in life isn't to be superior, rather equal, content, and comfortable, and this philosophy simply missed with the demographic I was engaging at the time. I was used to it from the days of attending private school with wealthy children. Some people are more equal than others. That's life! Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 So it seems the double standard does exist. Women in general care way more than a man does about the other's income. I guess that's why so many men have that fear of being settled for due to their job. Pretty sad. What men said they had this fear???? Please cite said source and not speculations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 NJ123 - OK according to you this is a no win situation, because who-ever a woman chooses she is "settling" in your world because A) she couldn't get someone else which makes her uncaring, shallow and callous for choosing that man. Poor guy! or B) he had some quality that was important to her ie good looks, wealth, popularity, etc. and of course then that also makes her uncaring, shallow and callous for choosing that man. Poor guy! A poor man gets "settled for" not because she loves him, but because she couldn't get a rich guy. The rich man gets "settled for" not because she loves him, but she choose him only because he is rich. This seems to be a common theme of yours, women are therefore it seems uncaring, shallow and callous in your world and men are always being "settled for"... The fear of being "settled for" seems uppermost in your mind. Why? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 What men said they had this fear???? Please cite said source and not speculations. Maybe I should make a thread on this, see what the results are. But I've heard plenty of men say they want the woman to be with them because they genuinely like them, not out of money & other things. My friend stopped dating a woman exactly due to not wanting to be the sucker who gets caught up in with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 NJ123 - OK according to you this is a no win situation, because who-ever a woman chooses she is "settling" in your world because A) she couldn't get someone else which makes her uncaring, shallow and callous for choosing that man. Poor guy! or B) he had some quality that was important to her ie good looks, wealth, popularity, etc. and of course then that also makes her uncaring, shallow and callous for choosing that man. Poor guy! A poor man gets "settled for" not because she loves him, but because she couldn't get a rich guy. The rich man gets "settled for" not because she loves him, but she choose him only because he is rich. This seems to be a common theme of yours, women are therefore it seems uncaring, shallow and callous in your world and men are always being "settled for"... The fear of being "settled for" seems uppermost in your mind. Why? I didn't say all women do this, not even close. But a lot of men in general due have this very fear. I already told you about the situation with my friend being one example. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 All women don't settle but many men have a fear of being the settle guy and it doesn't come from nowhere. We all dread one day hearing the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 All women don't settle but many men have a fear of being the settle guy and it doesn't come from nowhere. We all dread one day hearing the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. Exactly. It doesn't have anything to do with women in general since a lot of women don't do this, but more in the sense that the man wants to know for sure that the woman he's with is with him because she genuinely likes him. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 So it seems the double standard does exist. Women in general care way more than a man does about the other's income. I guess that's why so many men have that fear of being settled for due to their job. Pretty sad. you know there are all kinds of double standards, they don't all favor women, for example there is a double standard about how many sex partners, why are you so focussed on finding all the ways men are disadvantaged (according to you) and then dwelling on them??? You put yourself in a no win situation and as somebody already posted women can't win any way no matter what with you either, so why do it, what good does it do you??:confused: We live in a time now where people can choose to follow traditional gender roles or not, if you want to stick with those as you seem to from your posts, you probably will be looking for a traditional woman who will expect the man to be the breadwinner and in that case why wouldn't she prefer a higher earner??? but you have a choice whether to buy into that or not so just make your own choices and stop worrying constantly about what all women are doing and thinking that is bad?? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 All women don't settle but many men have a fear of being the settle guy and it doesn't come from nowhere. We all dread one day hearing the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. And women don't dread that too. Everyone puts their heart on the line, no-one wants to be "settled for". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 And women don't dread that too. Everyone puts their heart on the line, no-one wants to be "settled for". Women may dread it and I would never deny their experiences but when you look at the divorce statistics men aren't just making this stuff up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Women may dread it and I would never deny their experiences but when you look at the divorce statistics men aren't just making this stuff up. I don't believe divorces are necessarily due to men being "settled for". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Exactly. It doesn't have anything to do with women in general since a lot of women don't do this, but more in the sense that the man wants to know for sure that the woman he's with is with him because she genuinely likes him. Almost everyone wants to know that their partner truly loves him or her. I’d think that there should be far less concern that women are marrying for money these days --especially in the under-35 set-- because women get more education and have higher relative income now than ever before. On a side note, my husband and I divorced because he didn’t want me to work and generate my own income. How’s that for an interesting twist to the “double standard” topic? In the 16 years since we divorced, I’ve told men I dated that and some just didn’t believe me. haha But I dated one man who also opposed my working. These were men born in the late 1940's and 1950's. Certainly not all men in that age range feel that way!! but it was pretty common in that age group to have the man earn and woman be dependent. Controlling the wealth and income can be a source of security and control for some people. It’s best to just have your own income and financial security. Then you choose a partner for love. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I don't really see it as a double standard. Just the way it is. I've never dated or pursued a female who had more money than me. My general rule of thumb for any dating topic is that when you stray from convention you'll have more problems. So go get ya money and stop worrying about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I don't believe divorces are necessarily due to men being "settled for". I must concur, as its a known fact that Men are more apt to have that "Trophy" wife in their second or preceding marriages.... TO be clear, If you live in the material world, then yeah...money is the source of false security in the relationship. IF not money , then the land, the livestock....you name it...it runs in various cultures. Yet more often then not, Those who are secure in their identity and their values are the riches of all...so I'll take a person with those attributes....they seem to be able to get thru many a thing that money or "status" cannot buy....Money is a by product....Think about it... If it means anything, what another makes is no ones business (unless your getting audited! ) Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Salary matters to me insomuch as I want a certain lifestyle (homeownership, financial stability, children, a secure retirement), and someone who's barely making ends meet and, more importantly, has no interest in doing better is going to hinder, not help. Having a substantial debt burden and bad spending habits would be dealbreakers. For what I'd like to have in my life, dual income is necessary these days, and even then, in a high cost-of-living area like where I live, things can still be tight. So that's why it matters to me. For any long-term partnership, it's vital for both people to be on the same page financially, sharing the same goals, whatever those may be. If there is a double-standard, it's not any one gender's fault. I've seen men who felt completely emasculated by wives who far out-earned them. If men don't care about women's ability to support themselves, they're not looking out for their own interests and need to smarten up a bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I know there's gold diggers out there of course, but women in general, do they seem less inclined to date a man with a low salary even if he can take care of himself on it? While men don't care as much & wouldn't eliminate her if she doesn't make that much money. I'm not sure about "in general" but I'm sure about me personally. I'm a 22 year old woman. In a year I'll be doing my PhD at the top university in my country, in physical chemistry. After, I'm planning on a post-doc at an Ivy School and then industry. People in my industry make 100k but often two or three times that much. So I ask you now, why should I tie myself down to a man who say, has no job? Why should I tie myself down to someone who makes little, or someone who works at McDonalds without any intention of bettering his situation? I put in a lot of hard work to get to where I am, no way in hell am I going for a man who will mooch off me. Now, the situation obviously depends. If I meet a man who is intelligent, hard-working and accomplished, but maybe his company went under and he got laid off and is now looking for work, obviously I wouldn't mind! If a man makes a little less than me, but he's working hard and loves his job, I wouldn't care. But someone who has no ambition and no goals in life isn't my kind of guy. I get that love is important. But love isn't the only thing that I need in a relationship. I need a partner, an equal. I can't respect someone who doesn't have any goals they're working towards and doesn't have their act together. Banking on love to be the only thing keeping me and a man together isn't very realistic. I plan on starting a family at some point, and getting married. I don't want to be tied to someone financially who will milk me for money because they weren't willing to go out into the working world and get themselves a proper job. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ethan78 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Now, the situation obviously depends. If I meet a man who is intelligent, hard-working and accomplished, but maybe his company went under and he got laid off and is now looking for work, obviously I wouldn't mind! If a man makes a little less than me, but he's working hard and loves his job, I wouldn't care. But someone who has no ambition and no goals in life isn't my kind of guy. It is not about ambition and goals. Lots of poor people have goals and ambitions including many doing artistic things in higher education who will probably never make much money apart from a lucky few. Your real issue is status and money. A guy who does the same as you and makes money will be your ideal partner because he has studied for a certain kind of career and has a certain earning potential. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 ten characgters Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 So it seems the double standard does exist. Women in general care way more than a man does about the other's income. I guess that's why so many men have that fear of being settled for due to their job. Pretty sad. So many? Honestly, until I came to LS I had never encountered a single man who continually obsessed over money, height, gold-diggers, women secretly getting off the pil, blah blah etc etc 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I believe a double standard exists. After talking to close girlfriends, it seems more women do care what a man makes because of the idea that men are 'providers' vs. men caring how much their potential wife could earn. It's not even about "providing". The reason they want a man with a substantial income is status. By entering into a relationship with such a man, they can bump up their social status overnight, without actually having to do or accomplish anything of their own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 So many? Honestly, until I came to LS I had never encountered a single man who continually obsessed over money, height, gold-diggers, women secretly getting off the pil, blah blah etc etc Because all these issues are real. Why do so many relationships & marriages fail? Something is obviously not right. It goes both ways, but why are so many people getting into relationships when they aren't even compatiable with one another? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 It's not even about "providing". The reason they want a man with a substantial income is status. By entering into a relationship with such a man, they can bump up their social status overnight, without actually having to do or accomplish anything of their own. I'd say this depends. If these women are working & making decent money themselves than I'd say no. But if they are working some low paying job than yes. Link to post Share on other sites
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