turnera Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 We make time for what we enjoy. We avoid what makes us uncomfortable, miserable, unhappy, feel guilty. The harder you work at him enjoying time with you, the more he will visit. And by the way, most 25 year olds I know don't WANT to spend time with their parents when they could be spending it with their friends. Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 This time you sounded like a totally different person, I bet your son noticed this. Keep the improvement going! Just for the record, here I am working on Good Friday again , it sucks so much, specially because I'm starting to hate my field, but my country's economy is so messed up I'm glad I even got this job.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy101 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 A little update.. Last Sunday was my birthday (I'm half a century now ) and my son came over to spend the weekend. It was wonderful to have him here for a little while. We spent time visiting my parents, going out for dinner, doing nice things. He seems to have forgotten everything about last Christmas, and I really hope we can put everything in the past. His fiancé didn't come, that made me worried that she's still sad because of what happened...my son said she couldn't come because she had to work on the weekend, it was some project's deadline on her company but I don't know... Do you think it would be a good idea for me to call her? Not to ask if she's still sad but rather just to see how she is and get back in touch? By the way, my son coming here was the best birthday gift ever 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 First off...Happy Belated Birthday!! I wouldn't call your son's fiancée to ask her why she didn't come. He already told you why she wasn't there. Questioning her directly is like calling your son a liar. Please don't do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 See it? If you change your inner self for the best (as you did and it's quite noticeable), others will sense it! I think your relationship with your son is now starting to walk a nice and enjoyable path. DO KEEP GOING to therapy, control YOUR NEED to control your son and you'll be best friends in no time. He's your kid and always will be, he loves you. As for his fiancé, I wouldn't doubt your son. You said she works with IT, right? It's pretty possible she had to work on the weekend. If you want to call her just for a little talk, see how she is and stuff, then I see no problem, but don't mention anything like "Y U NO COME HERE?!" lol. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I'd be more worried if you son didn't do this because that would mean he skipped one of the necessary stages to becoming an adult: leaving the nest. I don't know any nice way to say this, but he had a couple of decades with you, and now he is at that age where his life is exciting and he has a million things that are exciting that he wants to do. You guys -- been there, done that. He shouldn't be cleaving to his parents at this age. It's not normal. Now, get ready because he will be back around once he has children and needs a sitter and/or some guidance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 A little update.. Last Sunday was my birthday (I'm half a century now ) and my son came over to spend the weekend. It was wonderful to have him here for a little while. We spent time visiting my parents, going out for dinner, doing nice things. He seems to have forgotten everything about last Christmas, and I really hope we can put everything in the past. His fiancé didn't come, that made me worried that she's still sad because of what happened...my son said she couldn't come because she had to work on the weekend, it was some project's deadline on her company but I don't know... Do you think it would be a good idea for me to call her? Not to ask if she's still sad but rather just to see how she is and get back in touch? By the way, my son coming here was the best birthday gift ever Happy birthday! And no, you shouldn't call her, because you won't be able to control yourself and you will end up insinuating that she is somehow sabotaging your relationship with your son. And then you'll be back to square one. Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'm shocked that you are 50...only three years older than myself...and acting this way. I honestly thought from reading your previous posts that you were of my mother's generation...nearly 80. My mother acts this way towards my older brother and his wife. Came back to bite her on the ass though, as my sister in law was offered a very lucrative job in my mother's home city. She turned it down because of the way my mother acts towards her... My mother has tried to 'guilt trip' everyone all her life. Take it from me, it is the most ****ing annoying destructive thing anyone can do. You don't get to question why other grown ups do what they do. And that's what your son is. He's not your property, you no longer have any say over any aspect of his life. Be grateful he is happy. Why his fiancé didn't come is also none of your business. You have no right to ring and question her. If you did it to me, it would at least another year before you would see me again, trust me. My FFIL tried getting up in my personal business and I cut him off for that length of time. He didn't get to debate it with me, because I don't have to explain my actions to anyone. Stop treating your son like a lying teenager. Why would you automatically assume that he was lying about his fiancé having to work? In my last job I worked every Sunday for 5 years. Nowadays that's not unusual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy101 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 It was never my intention to call her to question WHY she didn't come, rather just ask how she is doing and apologize for my actions in past. But guess what? Turns out she called ME. She wished me a late happy birthday and apologized that she didn't come, said she holds no grudge about what happened last Christmas and that she will be coming to visit next time. I apologized to her, said that I'm sorry for acting that way and that I am really happy that she was with my son. She is a really nice girl, hard working, kind, beautiful and treats my son very well. I wish only the best for them. We spent the last of our conversation criticizing the economy and the fact that she and my son are working on weekends sometimes, lol. I really do love her and I'm happy my son will marry her. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
csny111 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Wow, I couldn't imagine doing something like that! In fact, I just posted over in "Family" how my parents are my best friends!! Good luck to you, all I can tell you is this is biblical. I don't know if you are religious or anything, but I was just at my service tonight and they spoke all about this. How children will stop honoring their parents, and they just went into... everything about the end times. I would encourage him to not live so close to his girlfriend, as well, unless he has plans on marrying her. But, I would have been encouraging that from day 1. He really does need to respect you guys more. Maybe when he is 30, he will come around? I was pretty defiant in my teens, & early twenties. I finally came around, around age 27. Now me & my parents are literally inseparable, and I am just waiting on a hubby who has like-mindedness faith, and trust in his own parents. Don't know if God will fulfill that goal, but I'm still waiting. Good luck to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 It was never my intention to call her to question WHY she didn't come, rather just ask how she is doing and apologize for my actions in past.I'm glad it worked out. And I didn't mean to say that you INTENDED to call her and question her. I meant that you would try to be nice to her but that your natural tendencies/personality would take over and if you didn't get the response you wanted from her (such as in her call), you would have ended up passive aggressively commenting about how you were being mistreated or ignored, which would have turned her off, and would have soured y'all's relationship. For now, it's a good one. Just keep this in mind when they say they won't be able to come over for some future event - you get more with honey than vinegar. If you want them to want to spend time with you, make it enjoyable and control your tongue. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Wow, I couldn't imagine doing something like that! In fact, I just posted over in "Family" how my parents are my best friends!! Good luck to you, all I can tell you is this is biblical. I don't know if you are religious or anything, but I was just at my service tonight and they spoke all about this. How children will stop honoring their parents, and they just went into... everything about the end times. I would encourage him to not live so close to his girlfriend, as well, unless he has plans on marrying her. But, I would have been encouraging that from day 1. He really does need to respect you guys more. Maybe when he is 30, he will come around? I was pretty defiant in my teens, & early twenties. I finally came around, around age 27. Now me & my parents are literally inseparable, and I am just waiting on a hubby who has like-mindedness faith, and trust in his own parents. Don't know if God will fulfill that goal, but I'm still waiting. Good luck to you! This is just stupid. Have you even tried to read some of the rest of the thread? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Carm Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Happy belated birthday. I didn't read the entire post, just the beginning and the end. I'm glad that he came to visit for your birthday and was surprised he also got engaged somewhere along this thread. I'm a 49 year old single mom of a son who is almost 21, whose spent his last 3 years in University same distance away from home as your son. He has come back home every summer until this year that is. He picked up a summer job up there and is not coming home. A part of me is sad but the other part of me feels I've done my job....that is letting him grow and become independent of me. That is our greatest reward as a parent. Now, I don't have a husband and so my home is empty. I do have a void in my life but I fill my time with activities I enjoy doing without worrying if I need to get home in time because he needs to borrow my car. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing a good job with your son. And yes I would have called your future DIL so glad she reached out to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy101 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Wow, I couldn't imagine doing something like that! In fact, I just posted over in "Family" how my parents are my best friends!! Good luck to you, all I can tell you is this is biblical. I don't know if you are religious or anything, but I was just at my service tonight and they spoke all about this. How children will stop honoring their parents, and they just went into... everything about the end times. I would encourage him to not live so close to his girlfriend, as well, unless he has plans on marrying her. But, I would have been encouraging that from day 1. He really does need to respect you guys more. Maybe when he is 30, he will come around? I was pretty defiant in my teens, & early twenties. I finally came around, around age 27. Now me & my parents are literally inseparable, and I am just waiting on a hubby who has like-mindedness faith, and trust in his own parents. Don't know if God will fulfill that goal, but I'm still waiting. Good luck to you! I'm religious enough to respect anyone who isn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 This gave me some really useful perspectives, my parents could've posted this thread. Thank you. The cleaning apartment thing and gf stresses had me laughing, that's straight out of my life. But definitely there is room for me to meet them halfway too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 It was never my intention to call her to question WHY she didn't come, rather just ask how she is doing and apologize for my actions in past. But guess what? Turns out she called ME. She wished me a late happy birthday and apologized that she didn't come, said she holds no grudge about what happened last Christmas and that she will be coming to visit next time. I apologized to her, said that I'm sorry for acting that way and that I am really happy that she was with my son. She is a really nice girl, hard working, kind, beautiful and treats my son very well. I wish only the best for them. We spent the last of our conversation criticizing the economy and the fact that she and my son are working on weekends sometimes, lol. I really do love her and I'm happy my son will marry her. Daisy, you are doing so well, I'm really impressed. A lot of recent messages are from people who haven't read right through your thread, so please don't let the comments upset you. Are you still in therapy? I'm glad your son visited on your birthday. See how your changes have worked. Keep up what your doing. You have a good son and his girlfriend will be an asset to the family. Take care Daisy. You really are doing great. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy101 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Daisy, you are doing so well, I'm really impressed. A lot of recent messages are from people who haven't read right through your thread, so please don't let the comments upset you. Are you still in therapy? I'm glad your son visited on your birthday. See how your changes have worked. Keep up what your doing. You have a good son and his girlfriend will be an asset to the family. Take care Daisy. You really are doing great. Ah I know how some people use this kind of forum just to bash people and let their negativity come out, it doesn't bother me... Yes, I'm still in therapy, my son became somewhat a not so often subject during the sessions, we most talk about other stuff now. It's been helping me a lot and I think I'll continue for a while. Thank you for all help. His fiancé is really a great girl, I'm sure they'll live a happy life together. They are living together and the plan was to get married next year but, due to our country's economic instability, they are both scared about the future of their company so they decided to postpone the wedding. (the whole country is scared, actually) I feel bad for them, since they were planning for a while but I think it's a smart thing to postpone the wedding and wait until the economy reaches a more stable state. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy101 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 Hello everyone...I was hoping to give another happy update to you all, but this time it's not possible. My son passed away about a month ago due to a surgery complication. My husband, me and his fiancé are still grieving, it's really though, I can barely get strenght to get up in the morning. Thanks for the support you all gave me this year. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Hello everyone...I was hoping to give another happy update to you all, but this time it's not possible. My son passed away about a month ago due to a surgery complication. My husband, me and his fiancé are still grieving, it's really though, I can barely get strenght to get up in the morning. Thanks for the support you all gave me this year. SO terribly saddening to read of this Daisy. No words can express this heartache and how you are grieving. Much heartfelt sympathies for this turn of events. We are here for you.....*gentle Hug* to see you thru the day and days to come. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Daisy, I'm so sorry for your loss...I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now. Please, by all means, keep posting, we are here to help you, or at least try to give you some comfort. My sympathies for you, your husband and your son's fiancé... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 My heart aches for you and your family. I am so sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) I am so sorry, Daisy I'm shocked and saddened by this, no one deserves to feel this kind of pain... My condolences to you and your husband, as well as your son's fiancé and her family Edited August 25, 2015 by kylle typo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Daisy I'm so so sorry. How heartbreaking. Please come here to talk whenever you need to. So sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 ((((Daisy)))) So sorry for your loss :-( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy101 Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Thank you everyone for your kind words... I've been reading this thread again and again, at the same time I feel happy because me and my son had a really good time together before his surgery, I feel terrible for being so rude to him because he didn't visit how much I wanted. He used to call me everyday, I can't believe it won't happen anymore It's been about a month and I still cry everyday, and when the clock reaches 18:00 I cry even harder because that was the time he used to call... I miss him more than ever now.. Link to post Share on other sites
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