what do you think?

[Chi townD]

Well, you can only warn a guy standing on the railroad tracks that a train is coming so many times.

 

 

I guess it's time to pull up a chair with a tub of popcorn and watch the wreck as it happens.

[Invictus01]

Hollywood has f@cked up a lot of human heads... One day we all wake up and realize that all that Hollywood BS is *gasp* a whole lot of horse $hit that needs to stay where it belongs - in movies. Because it would make for one crappy movie if it was just like real life - people break up and go NC...

[JerseyFresh]

I have a feeling this might turn into another 32 pages thread like "What is she implying?" one.

 

Man this is so good, I had a really good laugh reading this last post. JerseyFresh, I admire your persistence but it's not gonna work out. If you however do follow your plan (I strongly suggest you do not!) please update this topic.

 

 

 

Well, basically what you are all saying is that getting back with your ex never happens and its pointless to try.... that's what I've gathered from all of you. That there's absolutely no way in hell i'll ever get her back..... good plan guys.

[unforgotten]

No, what we are all saying is you'll never get her back doing what you plan to do.

[CALOVELY]

This is not going to end well. I would be very angry if my ex did all he could to break up my current relationship, especially under some guise of knowing what is best for me. Please re-think this disaster of a plan. She has moved on, you should too.

[Chi townD]

Well, basically what you are all saying is that getting back with your ex never happens and its pointless to try.... that's what I've gathered from all of you. That there's absolutely no way in hell i'll ever get her back..... good plan guys.

 

 

My question to you is why the hell would you want to get back with someone that threw you to the curb so easily without a second thought?

 

 

Why would you want to go where you are not wanted?

 

 

Here's the deal. You have to look at a relationship like a job (because sometimes it is, you have to work at it). She basically fired you. She told you that your services as a boyfriend are no longer required. Now, if you were fired from a job, do you go back on Monday and start doing work for them for free? HELL NO! You dust off that resume and get a new job!

 

 

There are millions of girls in this world and you're hung up on the only one that doesn't want you! I'm pretty sure that the odd's are in your favor that out of those millions, you can find some of those girls would actually WANT to spend time with you and are looking for someone too.

[Invictus01]

Well, basically what you are all saying is that getting back with your ex never happens and its pointless to try.... that's what I've gathered from all of you. That there's absolutely no way in hell i'll ever get her back..... good plan guys.

 

Alright dude, let's turn things around. Say you dated a girl, you broke up. You started dating somebody else. Your ex comes back and starts going bat$hit crazy with all sorts of stuff. Would that make you take her back or would you go "holy crap, what a psycho"?

 

You don't have a move in this. In fact, any step you make towards her will make her take 5 steps away from you. She needs to come to you, not the other way around. That is the only hope you have.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Well, basically nevru are all saying is that getting back with your ex never happens and its pointless to try that's what I've gathered from all of you. That there's solutely no way in hell i'll ever get her back..... good plan guys.

 

Good assessment Doctor....

 

No one here said getting back with your ex never happens. Ive been back with almost all of mine at some point. It happens a lot. You know how? By letting them go and have them come back to me. What you are doing is manipulation. You want her to feel a certain way and you want to use a video to do it. For the 90000 time, you wont get her back doing that. She is with someone. She didnt chose you. I don't care she was with you for 15 years, you raised her children, etc. Take it at face value: She isnt with you.

 

You cant bribe, guilt, manipulate, swindle, etc your ex to come back. The only and I mean ONLY chance you have is to leave her alone. She remembers you and knows you are there. In her mind, she is happier not being with you than being with you. Sending a video just re-establishes that she made a good decision.

 

I also find it funny that you keep badmouting all of us and calling us names when YOU came here for advice. You went through the steps to sign up and post.

[JerseyFresh]

no... actually if you scroll up, I was very nice until you guys all started throwing "crazy" and "stupid" and other terms at me. I've also still been pretty nice in return.

 

 

and HONESTLY, if someone that I once loved did all this for me.... I probably would be like "wow they really do love me.... " not "oh my god, such a turn off" I'd rather have someone who fights for me rather than someone who's like "oh... ok, no big deal, see ya later"

[Invictus01]

no... actually if you scroll up, I was very nice until you guys all started throwing "crazy" and "stupid" and other terms at me. I've also still been pretty nice in return.

 

 

and HONESTLY, if someone that I once loved did all this for me.... I probably would be like "wow they really do love me.... " not "oh my god, such a turn off" I'd rather have someone who fights for me rather than someone who's like "oh... ok, no big deal, see ya later"

 

Cool story, bro. Go ahead with your plan and let us know how it went.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

no... Actually if you scroll up, i was very nice until you guys all started throwing "crazy" and "stupid" and other terms at me. I've also still been pretty nice in return.

 

 

And honestly, if someone that i once loved did all this for me.... I probably would be like "wow they really do love me.... " not "oh my god, such a turn off" i'd rather have someone who fights for me rather than someone who's like "oh... Ok, no big deal, see ya later"

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[sober and dry]

Man, there are some good advices in here for you. If you don't agree with them just do as you please. I will not say anything more to you and I think everyone else should do the same.

Since I and everyone else already told you our opinion and if you don't agree, again, just do as you please.

After doing it just get back here and tell us what was the result and maybe all of us will be surprised

[JerseyFresh]

Seriously.... so there's only ONE POSSIBLE answer to this scenario.... just shut up and leave her alone is the ONLY ANSWER to this scenario???? and you guys are ganging up on me calling me crazy and all that just for talking and giving my side of it.... and asking if there's another way..... and then... you guys are basically saying that IM being an *******..... im not.... I just giving my side... and you're all ganging up on me like im the stupidest person alive for wanting to tell my ex what she means to me.

[Ducktape]

You said you guys fought too much and that's why she called things off.

 

The way I see it, you acted with her the same way you act with people in here. To you, everything looks like a confrontation. You think if someone doesn't think like you do, he is actually trying to bring you down. You're so defensive you don't even attempt to see the arguments behind the "attacks" you see everywhere.

 

You need to calm down, sit down and think for a minute why someone would take the time to read your big post, all the replies, and chime in. Sure, some replies may be a little bit more harsh than others. But something only hurts if you let it hurt you, and that's what you choose. It's easier for you to fight everyone in here than accept that they may be right.

 

Ultimately, I haven't been here long, but I've been here long enough to know that you will do whatever you plan on doing no matter what people tell you. People like you don't post here to be talked some sense into them, they only want to justify what they are about to do. They want a pat on the back and the "go" from another member, then in your mind it will all make sense. Even if it's only 1 positive feedback against 100 negative, you'll take that positive one and justify your thoughts and actions.

 

And the reason you need that approval, is because deep down, you know it is far fetched and crazy. You may fight it, but you know yourself you're not acting normal. It's just desperate talk.

Edited January 14, 2015 by Ducktape

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Seriously.... so there's only ONE POSSIBLE answer to this scenario.... just shut up and leave her alone is the ONLY ANSWER to this scenario???? and you guys are ganging up on me calling me crazy and all that just for talking and giving my sideaway.it.... and asking if there's another way..... and then... you guys are basically saying that IM being an *******..... im not.... I just giving my side... and you're all ganging up on me like im the stupidest person alive for wanting to tell my ex what she means to me.

 

We arent calling you crazy for your side of it. We are saying you are acting crazy with all of these far-fetched ideas you have.

 

We arent calling you stupid.....but you do have five pages of people telling you the same thing and you keep arguing with us. She knows your side. She knows how you feel. You cant do anything to make her want to come back, you can only do stuff to make her want to stay away. Sending a video is doing just that. You see it tunnel vision currently because you're depressed and upset. You want it to work SOO bad, and trust me I get it, but it wont.

 

Please listen to the advice. Many people on here, especially those who have been here for awhile (Ex:ChitownD) know what is up and have dealt with this situation numerous times. Its like arguing with a fire fighter on the way to fight fires lol.

[Invictus01]

Seriously.... so there's only ONE POSSIBLE answer to this scenario.... just shut up and leave her alone is the ONLY ANSWER to this scenario???? and you guys are ganging up on me calling me crazy and all that just for talking and giving my side of it.... and asking if there's another way..... and then... you guys are basically saying that IM being an *******..... im not.... I just giving my side... and you're all ganging up on me like im the stupidest person alive for wanting to tell my ex what she means to me.

 

Dude, most of us are telling you what we are telling you based on our own experience of doing just that - trying to chase a woman. If you insist on doing your own f@ck ups and learning from them, nobody can stop you. But normally, a wise thing to do is to learn from other people's f@ck ups. That is all. Go ahead and do what you need to do. There is always a chance it might work. Not a very high percent chance but that's your decision.

[Halcyon]

JerseyFresh I'm sorry but you messed up big time, BIG TIME. Your plan is going to backfire in a big way because it is irrational and makes you look like a crazy ex.

 

Want to know how to handle a breakup? Go look at my threads. I've done the exact opposite to what you have done. My ex is now begging me to meet up with her. I'm not saying this works all the time (it doesn't) and it shouldn't be your end goal, you should focus on yourself. This is the first ex to reach out to me after a breakup however it's a hell of a lot more healthy than what you are planning to do which I guarantee will not work. It will fail and you will regret it later, that I can promise.

 

You think your plan will show how much you care. Wrong. It will make her think "This person does not respect me or my wishes and clearly has issues with boundaries".

Edited January 14, 2015 by Halcyon

[ilovedmike]

OH ABSOLUTELY!! This would no be in the open. She will think I'd have moved on and forgotten about her. Then I'd be behind the scenes making **** happen. If she even catches wind that this guy could be playing her out already she'd kick him to the curb in a heartbeat. and who will look appealing then....... me! The guy who lived with her and helped raised her kids for a year and a half. The guys he knows loves her.

 

 

So my plan was to give her the video with a speech about how when I first started making it.... I thought it would get her back.... but now i'm over trying that and I just think the video will be nice to have to look back on some day.

 

 

See... we were together in high school.... for FIFTEEN YEARS after all she wanted was me... she said it would drive her insane how much she thought about me. Even on her wedding day. So.... even though we're done right now and she might hate me for some stupid reason... there's no way in hell that i'm not in the back of her mind somewhere. Its just that this new guy and her new "friends" have her thinking that i'm the last thing in the world she needs. But none of them know the story... just her lies because she'd never admit having any fault in our break up.

 

 

So.... she will watch the video, she will see.... HOLY ****... we did have a lot of good times and it wasn't as bad as I'd thought..... then she will see that I don't bother her anymore... hell, i'll even go bang a few models.... and then this guy ****s up on her.... and she'll be standing there saying.... WTF... I dropped someone who'd move mountains for me for someone who just wanted to **** me.

 

 

Of course it could fail.... i'm not delusional. And again... you guys need to stop with the "mental hospital" ****... i'm not some ****ing quack. Everybody here must have made some mistakes or tried too hard in the past to be on this site.... or did you all roll over and die???

 

The ONLY reason why I said check yourself into an institution is because sometimes when things don't turn out how we thought they should or had hoped, we can go into a rage. I know this happened to me a few years back so this is why I am saying this. I am not saying this coz I think you are crazy! I don't speak that way. Plus, I just had an emotional break down from my own situation on the 31st that I was in one for 5 days. So I am not telling you to go to a hospital coz I think *YOU* need it. I was just saying, in case you think about hurting the guy like beating him up or something maybe do that, only IF it comes to that. You are so defensive that you took my message the wrong way. No I didn't roll over and die. You just misunderstood my post.

 

The only other thing I have to say is, just because she dumps him doesn't mean she'll go straight to you. What if she finds a new guy and HE looks appealing to her? I"m just saying...maybe considering all possibilities so there will be no surprises if things did take another route..

 

And good luck with the chick...

[Chi townD]

Well, if you're going through the posts and you're seeing an overwhelming amount of people thinking that your plan is a bad idea, then shouldn't that be telling you something? That, maybe....just possibly...we're seeing something that you're not?

 

 

And I've seen some posts where people have said to go ahead with your plan! But, here's the rub, we already know what the outcome will be.

[Halcyon]

And I've seen some posts where people have said to go ahead with your plan! But, here's the rub, we already know what the outcome will be.

 

Result will be rainbows and misery minus the rainbows.

[ilovedmike]

You said yourself she used you for sex and other things..So it's not like we're pulling things out of thin air. Just because you tried to backtrack and take the blame for all of her negative behavior doesn't mean you didn't type that here, you did.

 

It all boils down to you wanting a chick so bad that you would let her use you. You don't care how she treats you at this point, you just want her back with you. You should be careful what you wish for. I was in the same position with Mike. I claimed as long as he was here, I wouldn't care how he used me, I'd always be here. Wrong. I got pissed off and I cut contact with him once and for all because he started lying and using me because he knew I'd be there.

 

It's not all roses nor will it be simple even if she does come back to you. You can't teach an old dog new tricks....Now I believe ALL things are possible so maybe there's that 0.01% that you can..Who knows?

 

But hey..You know what? I HOPE you DO get her back just so you can experience it first hand for yourself. If by some chance we are wrong here and she has changed her ways and comes back to you, GOOD FOR YOU. We ARE HAPPY FOR YOU. If by some chance, she does take you back and uses you and makes you angry during the process again of being with you, GOOD FOR YOU because it gives you a second chance at realizing the dangers of that road and that most likely, things won't go exactly how you are imagining them in your head. It would hopefully give you a new perspective and mindset.

 

So either way it goes you learn something. That's the best way to look at things at this point in my opinion. I try to find the good in every situation and the lessons one could learn, even from other peoples.

Edited January 14, 2015 by ilovedmike

[JerseyFresh]

Let me say this.... she started dating me when I was in the absolute WORST time in my life. I had nothing.... and over the course of 6 months I started making GREAT money and we got an AMAZING condo together and all new furniture and all. She was an ANGEL to me. always there for me no matter what I needed. cooked, cleaned, ****ed me and spent time with me every day.

 

 

But women have weaknesses that men don't.... and we started fighting over stupid ****... and with her mom not wanting us together and her being close to her mom.... it got to her and she decided it was easier that way.

 

 

You guys think we've just been apart for 4 months and no contact... I was just at her house maybe 5 days ago. She said to me "my parents don't want us together... and they'll never change their minds... and so that's that" it really made believe that that's the only thing holding her back.

 

 

The guy shes seeing hasn't been at her house for a few days now....and I don even know HOW serious it was to be honest with you.... they've only known each other for 3 weeks now. To HER, that's nothing. I was on the couch with her 2 days before she met him watching dirty dancing and giving her a back rub (nothing sexual happened) and she rubbed my back too.

 

 

WHen I saw her the other day... she wasn't mean..... sort of distant but not like "get the **** out of here"

 

 

SO..... can I compromise with you guys here.... give me your opinions. We have a 17 year history.... i'm nnot just some guy. Yes, she broke up with me and YES... looking back I think I did a lot of things wrong. I'd say it was 75% my fault.

 

 

here's my compromise.... I worked HARD on this video, and its GOOD... its like ****ing steven speilberg made the damn thing..... it would be good for her to have and look back on (same as shes always looked back on our prom pictures) even if we never get back together......

 

 

SO, what if I drop the video off and say something along the lines of.... "ya know... I worked really hard on this for weeks... and I thought it was the way I could "win you back".... but I've decided that stuff like that only happens in movies... but I wanted you to have it anyway because it will be nice for you to tuck away and look at from time to time. I'm going to move on now and leave you be... and I wish you luck and maybe some day we can be friends"

 

 

or something along those lines..... that way... she will watch the video and it may have an effect on her (its ****ING GOOD, not cheesy at all) and... she will watch it with an open mind and not "ok hes trying to get me back with this video"

 

 

and I was even thinking of changing my phone number and telling her that when I drop it off.... like "i deleted my facebook and changed my number.... you won't hear from me again and I apologize for how I acted the last few weeks"

[Invictus01]

1% <----- percentage of this video doing anything positive

99% <----- percentage of you getting zero response

 

Drop off the video, you have your mind made up.

[Halcyon]

Since you seem to be immune to reason. I'll be direct. Your plan is stupid, your video is stupid and you are being incredibly selfish and it won't work. You're only thinking of yourself and what you want and not respecting your exes wishs which are incredibly undesirable traits.

 

Go ahead I dare you at this point to go give her that video and when you come back everyone and myself will say "we told you so". I'm sorry you are not getting the answers you want but we have been through the same **** and seen it as a group hundreds of times. You are fighting against a ocean of advice saying you should not do it, so just go do it so you can learn from the mistake you are about to make. You have clearly made up your mind but want people to agree it's pure genius, it's not.

 

There is no compromise to be had here it's just a freaking terrible idea. You need to spend this energy you are pouring into these terrible 'get her back' plans and start addressing those '75% your fault' issues. Anything else is a waste of time and you are only pushing her further away.

Edited January 15, 2015 by Halcyon

[sober and dry]

Just out of curiosity who are you hopping that after you, eventually, get her back the RS will last "forever" if didn't worked out that 75% of your faults and just focused on getting her back?

 

See that I'm not even discussing your plans to get her back...

 

But you are doing things in the wrong order at least.

1 heal and improve

2 really think about getting back to ex

3 check ex state of heart and mind

4 try to get her back

5 try to make it work because you and she had already healed the broken heart and all of yours faults and mistakes are worked out, previously individually, and are now a better partners for the RS to work

 

And remember that she has to overcome all those steps too!

 

Can you see this?

Edited January 15, 2015 by sober and dry