Yasuandio Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 My new Moto..."Do no harm, but take no shytt." MQ, you are following it to the letter. You've done absolutllr no have, simply move aside to prvide easy access for the infidelity husband wishes. No crying, yelling, begging, pleading, threats, nothing but action towards his chosen goal, without a single, "huh?, or "What?" How kind and awesome you are in this seasoon of giving. You have given your husband the complete freedom to have his cakie-cake right out there in the open. You're such a champ! And I certainly hope the giving "keeps" giving down the line. You must have a system in the home to record the event. But that may be impossible. Some things you have to let go, this will concurently help you avoid the delimmas Old Shirt pointed out. I say walk out with class, and style, and don't turn back. Block your phone also, cause the same thing will happen there. Well -- here are two possible scenerios. If you want to see his response: If you actually want to see him suffering and grovveling, which I wouldn't blame you. Dday actually presented hers a present with the evidence. Perhaps you could pick him up at the airport, take him to a restaurant, or Starbucks, and do same. Leave him at the Starbucks after you hear him lie and BS you for an hour or so, then grab your keys, and go to the new place. That would work out great. At that point, shut the phone of and thst will be the RIP moment. Perhaps your beastie will be on sight as well, and follow you to new digs a fter confrontation. Shock and Awe - Keeps your Cards to Yourself: This is a little different than DDay, cause your place is already done. The pure shock of simply knowing nothing is really the best effect, I think. Then he doesn't know what you know. Plus, he may "pretend" he doesn't care, which could cause you confusion and be painful if you go with first option. I say let your attorney handle it, and stick with disappear option. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 My new Moto..."Do no harm, but take no shytt." I like this motto. It keeps you acting like yourself. With honor, even if he doesn't deserve it. You can imagine all these vindication scenarios: wanting to see his response, wanting to drop the bomb on him in some spectacular way, etc. And he certainly deserves to be slammed - one can't argue that. On the other hand, I can't help feeling that if you are fundamentally a certain type of person, if you execute some kind of spectacular, dramatic type of reveal, that it will end up ringing hollow in the long run. Because you need to ask yourself: is this really you? You may get some momentary gratification in the short run (and again: I won't disparage you if you choose to do so) but isn't the whole point of this thing to get away from the drama and the surprises, and start becoming yourself again? Looking for a response, a reaction, just involves him in the launch of what should be the new you. Don't you want to own this all yourself? Don't you want to do this completely under your own power, without relying on him for a reaction, an explosion, any kind of satisfaction? And there lie the risks: as oldshirt pointed out earlier, there are some potential surprises and uncontrolled factors looming here. If you create a scenario where you are confronting him in some way, you may imagine that you have a script in mind for how it will go, but once you've said your first lines, you don't control how the action will happen. The chance of an uncontrolled outcome - of a surprise of some kind - increases, the more you confront him, the more you involve him in your departure, the more drama gets whipped up while the two of you are face-to-face. Again, you deserve to do whatever will give you satisfaction, and I won't begrudge you whatever choice you make. And I'm absolutely NOT making the argument that he deserves any consideration for his feelings or anything like that. I'm just advocating that you think about who you are and who you want to be in the long run, and act according to that, and also consider how to minimize your risk of being confronted with surprises and uncontrolled outcomes. Be classy and in control - not because he deserves it at all, but because that's being true to yourself - that's who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I realize we're already past the "14 hours from now" timeline you mentioned earlier, so I expect he should be out of the house and off on his trip by now. I hope things go well for you in the move! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 You may receive a few hundred texts and calls in a few days. -- No, not from your LoveShack fanclub, from your husband who sees his little world crumbling down around him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Thinking forward - I hope you don't tell him where you are. Hope the move is going well! Proud of you and your strength and courage...and honoring yourself! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I like this motto. It keeps you acting like yourself. With honor, even if he doesn't deserve it. You can imagine all these vindication scenarios: wanting to see his response, wanting to drop the bomb on him in some spectacular way, etc. And he certainly deserves to be slammed - one can't argue that. On the other hand, I can't help feeling that if you are fundamentally a certain type of person, if you execute some kind of spectacular, dramatic type of reveal, that it will end up ringing hollow in the long run. Because you need to ask yourself: is this really you? You may get some momentary gratification in the short run (and again: I won't disparage you if you choose to do so) but isn't the whole point of this thing to get away from the drama and the surprises, and start becoming yourself again? Looking for a response, a reaction, just involves him in the launch of what should be the new you. Don't you want to own this all yourself? Don't you want to do this completely under your own power, without relying on him for a reaction, an explosion, any kind of satisfaction? And there lie the risks: as oldshirt pointed out earlier, there are some potential surprises and uncontrolled factors looming here. If you create a scenario where you are confronting him in some way, you may imagine that you have a script in mind for how it will go, but once you've said your first lines, you don't control how the action will happen. The chance of an uncontrolled outcome - of a surprise of some kind - increases, the more you confront him, the more you involve him in your departure, the more drama gets whipped up while the two of you are face-to-face. Again, you deserve to do whatever will give you satisfaction, and I won't begrudge you whatever choice you make. And I'm absolutely NOT making the argument that he deserves any consideration for his feelings or anything like that. I'm just advocating that you think about who you are and who you want to be in the long run, and act according to that, and also consider how to minimize your risk of being confronted with surprises and uncontrolled outcomes. Be classy and in control - not because he deserves it at all, but because that's being true to yourself - that's who you are. Trimmer is right. As much as I'd personally like to drop kick the M-Blanker myself, in a dark alley, ax he slither home in a drucken daze, one night, post bomb, it's best to remain lady-like as nd maintain your dignity at all costs. You got this far without lowering yourself to level. Upon conered, he would assajlt your good character, and attempt to plsnt bull crap into you mind to g a ss-light you. That is cheater textbook. You are vulnerable, and don't need any drama. Take the high road, and keep your hands clean. You'll be glad you did, later on. Counting down, have the new fridge packed with some good party food and drink for you and beastie. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Any updates? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Any updates? Give her a few dates, she had the move done in a single day with family members who had no clue. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 any updates? How are things going? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Crap - I hate when someone goes silent for this long. My assumption is that she's moved in and doesn't have internet yet (and even if she does, I hope that LS is not terribly high up on her priority list anyway) but it still makes me worry. Hope everything is going well, and you are safe and secure. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Agreed. I don't spend much time on this forum but make a point to check in once a day to check on her (and jakrabbit). It's been longer than I expected but she did warn us she'd be off the grid for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Hmm. My first thought is "emotionally help the OP", but since it was barely necessary with Quinn I'm here to hear the heroic tale of a cheater getting his sorry butt kicked. Give her a few dates, she had the move done in a single day with family members who had no clue. I can't believe I wrote "dates" instead of "days". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pinkdisney Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I just caught up on the whole thread and I am anxiously awaiting an update. Hope all is well. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I hope we hear soon - it seems like it's been too long now. Quinn - I hope you're ok. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I just caught up on the whole thread and I am anxiously awaiting an update. Hope all is well. Me too, just read through the whole thread. Hope she lets us know that she is in her new apartment (I am in mine three weeks now and loving it) and that she is too busy using the gym to post. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 It is possible MQ's internet activity is being monitored by the wacko husband. He could have totally freaked out. It is major what she planned to pull off. And a completely huge disaster for a closet liar and adulterer that totally believed he was in the clear. We never really know what the heck to expect from an A-Bomb like that one. It is material made for TV and documentaries, for sure. She has our number, and our thoughts are with her. Y Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 . It is material made for TV and documentaries, for sure. Y Yeah, this is like a Lifetime movie that went to the commercials in the last half and never came back on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I look back at her last post, it was on December 19 that's getting to be twenty-one days ago. She said she would be back in touch once she got her internet set up in the new place. She had her keys, and had already visited her new home, and was so excited about it. It was her last hours at the old place, when she wrote this last mail to us. By now, she has had two holidays her new home, and put up the decorations for next year. Life goes on. I do think MQ could have contacted us by now. We were a good support team, her virtual cheerleaders, I tuned in everyday to check on her, as I often do for jkrbbit. Unless something is terribly wrong, I would say I'm beginning to feel a bit shafted. I contribute to these posts to pay it forward. And this method of leaving a marriage via a "disappearing act" is an important event to document for future reference. Especially if there were some bumps in the road. So many people get stuck in the rut of s bad marriage and do not know how to get out. Even when they know horrendous conduct is going on, the victim is often so paralized they do nothing. This story is so important as the victim became proactive and completely changed the rules and became the activist - took control of her life and future - and refused to wimper, and plead for a marriage not anywhere in sight. So admirable. Yet, the story is not exactly useful without the ending. The victims of cheaters need to comprehend what happens after the fall-out for MV's story to help others. Herein is the problem. And also, we remain concerned as well. What the heck happened? Anything could have happened - good or bad. And, even as an anonymous forum member, I really cared. I don't appreciate that feeling of wondering if she is safe, or if he hurt - especially now, exactly 3 weeks, that is a reasonable amount of time to be patient. Maybe something is wrong with my priorities or something. I need to re-assess how much I should care about my LS focus. I don't usually spend time thinking or wring to or about anything I don't care about. Oh well. I'm a big cry baby. Maybe she is too busy working out her anger at the new fitness center. Yas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I look back at her last post, it was on December 19 that's getting to be twenty-one days ago. She said she would be back in touch once she got her internet set up in the new place. She had her keys, and had already visited her new home, and was so excited about it. It was her last hours at the old place, when she wrote this last mail to us. By now, she has had two holidays her new home, and put up the decorations for next year. Life goes on. I do think MQ could have contacted us by now. We were a good support team, her virtual cheerleaders, I tuned in everyday to check on her, as I often do for jkrbbit. Unless something is terribly wrong, I would say I'm beginning to feel a bit shafted. I contribute to these posts to pay it forward. And this method of leaving a marriage via a "disappearing act" is an important event to document for future reference. Especially if there were some bumps in the road. So many people get stuck in the rut of s bad marriage and do not know how to get out. Even when they know horrendous conduct is going on, the victim is often so paralized they do nothing. This story is so important as the victim became proactive and completely changed the rules and became the activist - took control of her life and future - and refused to wimper, and plead for a marriage not anywhere in sight. So admirable. Yet, the story is not exactly useful without the ending. The victims of cheaters need to comprehend what happens after the fall-out for MV's story to help others. Herein is the problem. And also, we remain concerned as well. What the heck happened? Anything could have happened - good or bad. And, even as an anonymous forum member, I really cared. I don't appreciate that feeling of wondering if she is safe, or if he hurt - especially now, exactly 3 weeks, that is a reasonable amount of time to be patient. Maybe something is wrong with my priorities or something. I need to re-assess how much I should care about my LS focus. I don't usually spend time thinking or wring to or about anything I don't care about. Oh well. I'm a big cry baby. Maybe she is too busy working out her anger at the new fitness center. Yas I can echo this sentiment, although I'm reserving judgment for now. My gut says that she folded after she got some "explanations" and doesn't have it in her yet to come back and face the music. That said, my hope is that I'm wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I can echo this sentiment, although I'm reserving judgment for now. My gut says that she folded after she got some "explanations" and doesn't have it in her yet to come back and face the music. That said, my hope is that I'm wrong. Yeah, I've been thinking the exact same thing. She had a great plan, but plans are only as good as the first snag that comes along out of left field that no one saw coming. There is a world of difference between saying what you are going to do, and then actually doing it when you are up to your a$$ in alligators. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I look back at her last post, it was on December 19 that's getting to be twenty-one days ago. She said she would be back in touch once she got her internet set up in the new place. She had her keys, and had already visited her new home, and was so excited about it. It was her last hours at the old place, when she wrote this last mail to us. By now, she has had two holidays her new home, and put up the decorations for next year. Life goes on. I do think MQ could have contacted us by now. We were a good support team, her virtual cheerleaders, I tuned in everyday to check on her, as I often do for jkrbbit. Unless something is terribly wrong, I would say I'm beginning to feel a bit shafted. I contribute to these posts to pay it forward. And this method of leaving a marriage via a "disappearing act" is an important event to document for future reference. Especially if there were some bumps in the road. So many people get stuck in the rut of s bad marriage and do not know how to get out. Even when they know horrendous conduct is going on, the victim is often so paralized they do nothing. This story is so important as the victim became proactive and completely changed the rules and became the activist - took control of her life and future - and refused to wimper, and plead for a marriage not anywhere in sight. So admirable. Yet, the story is not exactly useful without the ending. The victims of cheaters need to comprehend what happens after the fall-out for MV's story to help others. Herein is the problem. And also, we remain concerned as well. What the heck happened? Anything could have happened - good or bad. And, even as an anonymous forum member, I really cared. I don't appreciate that feeling of wondering if she is safe, or if he hurt - especially now, exactly 3 weeks, that is a reasonable amount of time to be patient. Maybe something is wrong with my priorities or something. I need to re-assess how much I should care about my LS focus. I don't usually spend time thinking or wring to or about anything I don't care about. Oh well. I'm a big cry baby. Maybe she is too busy working out her anger at the new fitness center. Yas I share your concerns and I share your desire to know, but I don't share your feeling of being "shafted" or that I'm entitled to an answer. If I'm really paying it forward, then I've done that by giving this person my best advice, caring enough to listen to her particular situation and craft my responses to the person I think she is, and the situation I understand that she's in. That is paying it forward. I hope that things have worked out well, and I trust that there's a reason she hasn't come back to tell us about it yet, and I'm going to leave it at that. (And I'm not going to make it harder for her to come back if she "folded" by saying things like she'd have to "face the music." There are difficulties on everyone's path...) As far as the whole "documenting it for the future" thing, that's all well and good, but every situation is unique to the degree that I hope if someone in a similar situation reads this, they will still get good ideas, information, and encouragement from the advice given here, and will realize that the outcome of this specific single situation wouldn't really predict anything in the big picture anyway. The advice still stands either way. And when that next person comes along, I hope they will read this thread first to get some ideas, and then start a thread of their own, because there will be something different, unique elements about their situation and maybe I'll adapt and adjust my advice in that case. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 For what it's worth, she wouldn't face any music from my direction. Frankly, I could easily relate because nearly the exact thing happened to me. I think I relayed earlier in the thread that when I discovered my wife's affair, I quietly hired a PI to get documentation and met with a divorce attorney. But during an unplanned confrontation, she broke down - sobbing, apologizing, promising to end it. I hadn't instantly stopped loving my wife; my anger evaporated and I found myself in the surreal scenario of holding and consoling her. That was the beginning of a long attempt at reconciling. So much for my tough guy plans. The same kind of thing can happen here and I would "get it." She wouldn't get any judgment from me. But her perception will outweigh our intent. After presenting such a tough stance, it would likely be embarrassing for her to come back only to report that she folded. And I can only hope that LS treats her better than it did me. I was incessantly labeled a cuckold and doormat. Such things won't be said by me but it's predictable that we'll hear such "tough love" from somebody. I could understand any reluctance to return on her part. Personally, I hope she comes back anyway. The reality is that we're just a bunch of random and anonymous internet posters. Some advice is good; some is crap. The trick is to use it as a tool where you take what works for you and leave the rest. Ultimately, we couldn't hold her accountable if we wanted to. Much like Yas, I just hope to pay it forward. Along with all of the bad advice, I got a lot of great advice and support from some wonderful virtual friends. It was invaluable and I just hope to do the same for others, especially if they can learn from all of the mistakes I made and avoid making them on their own. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I can only echo what has been said above. I hope she is okay and comes back to update us, but of course she is under no obligation to do so. Also, and I don't know if it differs in the US, but when I moved an applied for broadband internet, it took 4 weeks for it to be turned on. It was the earliest an engineer was available, due to the high demand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Darn, she doesn't even have PM's available (or enabled...) In spite of what I said earlier, I would at least like to know she is OK and safe, no matter what she ended up doing... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Hey Trimmer, Ya gotta just cut this one lose. She didn't give a dang to get back to us after all that grief and excitement, anticipation. That is kinda rude. Not to mention the learning experience others might have had, either way, from what occurred in this event. She chose to provide every single intimate detail. An inspiring story to me, and surely others. And then, did a disappear. To drop off the map - I cannot see a good reason for that at all. Unless she was murdered. Even if she backed down, or was talked out of proceeding - there was much for LSer's to learn from her experience. I feel really cheated, personally. You can just forget it. She is not going to come back, unless it is to spite this statement. I am so disappointed, whenever I see MQ's post come up and it IS NOT her. Let it die. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
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