How to ask a woman to shave

[somedude81]

Oh god . Please, please don't ever try this!

 

Ha ha

 

I'm going to have a razor ready for the next girl I get naked with.

 

 

 

 

LOL J/K

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Ha ha

 

I'm going to have a razor ready for the next girl I get naked with.

 

 

LOL J/K

 

 

Hey, just make sure things don't get too crazy. Nudity and sharp object don't always go together...I mean, unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, carry on

[Leigh 87]

Honestly, I never thought of having upper lip hair on a woman being masculine. I see it the same as if a woman had very thick eyebrows or a unibrow.

 

I just feel that hair on the face needs to be contained. To let it get bad shows poor grooming habits.

 

 

 

I agree. Come on, women should know that a freakin moustache isn't really normal or desirable on a woman.

 

If she is genuinely looking for a partner or to date she needs to be more responsible for her own happiness - having an obvious moustache and not attending to it when she KNOWS most men find it to be a turn off, is just her being lazy and expecting to successfully meet men without making any effort.

[kaylan]

I agree. Come on, women should know that a freakin moustache isn't really normal or desirable on a woman.

 

If she is genuinely looking for a partner or to date she needs to be more responsible for her own happiness - having an obvious moustache and not attending to it when she KNOWS most men find it to be a turn off, is just her being lazy and expecting to successfully meet men without making any effort.

Tbh, a big part of it bothering me is the bolded. Im wondering if she's just not making the effort. Because I mean, I had to mention to her that I wanted her to trim down there (it was a bit too long the first couple times)...and I figured that would be expected, especially before our first few sexual encounters. I mean, I trimmed my body hair and nails so I could look my best before we got physical. However, it did turn out that she thought I preferred it longer down there (misunderstanding in an earlier convo)

 

With regard to facial hair, its like you said. If its obvious to me, shouldn't it be obvious to her? And if that's the case, why just leave it there, especially in the early going? Id hope she'd want to give her best first impressions early on.

 

Anyways, this threads been an interesting read. Next time I see her Ill mention it and be very sensitive in how I bring it up. And while I do hope she takes care of it, I don't want her feeling self conscious or like Im trying to doll her up. But we do have an open communication/honesty policy with one another.

Edited December 1, 2014 by kaylan

[Radu]

It's because it's embarrassing. Might make the woman feel as though he's been seeing it and turned off by it all along. Kinda humiliating. It's not the act of having to remove the hair, it's the idea to all along someone was watching it while you were unaware, and finds it disgusting. It's a very personal thing, kinda like casually asking a guy if he'd mind taking some penis enlargement pills outta nowhere (yes I know they don't exist but you get my drift) when he wasn't aware there was a problem.

Is a woman's ego so fragile that not even the tiniest amount of humiliation can come her way ?

 

Really ?

Maybe the misandrists are right then ... afteral we go through 19 rejections and small humiliations every time we go out to get a phone #.

[guest569]

Is a woman's ego so fragile that not even the tiniest amount of humiliation can come her way ?

 

Really ?

Maybe the misandrists are right then ... afteral we go through 19 rejections and small humiliations every time we go out to get a phone #.

 

It basically is "you're unattractive. Fix it". I'm sure she will get over it though. It's not a breakup able offence lol.bbut yeah, how to or whether to, thats awkward.

 

Whatever that has to do with "misandrists", not too sure on that.

[Eternal Sunshine]

It would be a deal breaker for me. In general, men that criticize woman's appearance and want it taylored to their tastes are bad news. If he is picking at faults in the early dating stages, it's only gonna get worse.

[Radu]

You're joking aren't you? Yes, this is satire, no? I mean I'm sorry but what kind of woman gets that pissed over a guy she's seeing asking her to shave her mustache that she cuts off contact??Jesus, 3 minutes of Nair and a q-tip would solve this problem painlessly for at least a week at a time. Jesus, Kaylan give me her number, I'll send her an anonymous text!

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go wax my facial hair and pluck my brows.

 

Uhhh, i thought the same, but it seems that a woman's ego is something that can never ever EVER be damaged ... as it is a delicate flower that is fully entitled to bodily harm you if you do.

[Mascara]

Well I operate under the principle that I want to be attractive to my partner. I don't automatically assume he'd want me to shave, so I have to disagree that it's a lazy grooming issue. It may just be her personal preference.

 

That said, I'd want to know if there was something minor I could change that would enhance my partners attraction to me. I wouldn't get all snippy. Women have no qualms about asking their men to trim or shave or not wear that nasty shirt.

 

So how to go about it - I'd start off by asking her if there's anything about your appearance she'd change. Then when she asks in return you just shrug and say "nothing major - those few hairs on your lip maybe, but apart from that you're damn perfect".

[Redhead14]

So this girl Im seeing has a slight mustache and its been putting me off a little. We get along great....great physical chemistry too...but when I notice the stache its a turn off. I havent said anything just yet because Im not sure how. I know it can be a touchy subject with some women.

 

I tried to hint that I didnt like fuzziness on a gal's face by telling her about the friend of a girl I dated earlier this year. This other girl had legit male hair growth. Beard and mustache stubble that was very dark. I assumed it was a hormone condition. Anyways...despite mentioning this other person, the girl Im dating didnt get the hint.

 

I doubt she would get upset if I mention it, but I wanna be careful regardless. We actually talked about pubic hair during one of our first dates...and I was actually able to ask her to trim a bit down there following one of our sexcapades. She didnt mind at all, and actually hadnt trimmed earlier because she thought Id prefer more hair (because I didnt mention to her in a conversation that I dont need my chicks to be bald down there like in porn. I actually want women that look like women down there)

 

Anyways ladies, how would you like a guy to mention facial hair to you if he has to say something. And Im definitely going to say something. Because its been bugging me, and right now this girl and I have very open and honest communication with each other. So I was basically gonna ignore my one friend's advice telling me "dont say anything, you cant win" smh.

 

What say you?

 

Since you two are having sex, you should be able to talk about things. It's not what you talk about, but how you say it. You can tell her you think she is beautiful either way, but she has a little mustache going on and it would make her even more beautiful if she could remove it some way. You didn't have trouble telling her about the hair down below. She took it well.

[veggirl]

It basically is "you're unattractive. Fix it". I'm sure she will get over it though. It's not a breakup able offence lol.bbut yeah, how to or whether to, thats awkward.

 

Whatever that has to do with "misandrists", not too sure on that.

 

That is so dramatic.

 

It's not "you're unattractive" it's "your mustache is unattractive".

 

I don't get the huge deal some women are making about this. Tbh after reading this thread i would be scared to bring it up, apparently it's a horrible awful thing to say. Gosh she may never recover from the humiliation.

[Maleficent]

Honestly, I never thought of having upper lip hair on a woman being masculine. I see it the same as if a woman had very thick eyebrows or a unibrow.

 

I just feel that hair on the face needs to be contained. To let it get bad shows poor grooming habits.

 

You don't but OP made it pretty clear he did.

[Divasu]

Uhhh, i thought the same, but it seems that a woman's ego is something that can never ever EVER be damaged ... as it is a delicate flower that is fully entitled to bodily harm you if you do.

 

Yes, women have egos too.

 

At first glance, Kaylan's issue with her facial hair isn't that big of a deal. But I missed the part about it being his "potential" second request (the first being her genital hair appearance).

 

If I were to place myself in the woman's shoes, if Kaylan approached me with these two subjects early on (not to mention, he's making a thread about a woman he is dating, and discussing her genitals in detail...which I'm sure she is unaware of), I would not like it one bit. If I'm unhappy with a man's physical appearance in the "getting to know you/us stage", I wouldn't be dating him.

 

But down the road, when the relationship is more developed, there is much more leeway. I'd have no problem doing these things, but some guy I am dating? No way.

 

So that is one female's perspective. And, glad to since read that Kaylan is envisioning such issues going forward with a bit more sensitivity.

[kaylan]

It would be a deal breaker for me. In general, men that criticize woman's appearance and want it taylored to their tastes are bad news. If he is picking at faults in the early dating stages, it's only gonna get worse.

I didnt know generally accepted grooming practices were considering picking at faults lol.

 

Then again, ES, are you finally not single? Because if such a thing like asking a girl about her mustache is a deal breaker for you...then it could explain some things. Just saying...it makes you seem willing to throw away a good connection over something very minor.

Since you two are having sex, you should be able to talk about things. It's not what you talk about, but how you say it. You can tell her you think she is beautiful either way, but she has a little mustache going on and it would make her even more beautiful if she could remove it some way. You didn't have trouble telling her about the hair down below. She took it well.

I dont plan to suggest removing it. Im just going to say I noticed it. I feel an outright request for removal is a bit too much. I figure my bringing it up would make it clear that Id prefer no whiskers =P

Edited December 1, 2014 by kaylan

[stillafool]

Oh Kaylan, just say, "Awww you have a lady stash. Have you ever waxed it?" That should open up the door to talk about it. She'll be okay. If she's wearing it she must realize you've seen it.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Is a woman's ego so fragile that not even the tiniest amount of humiliation can come her way ?

 

I'm sure she'll live to tell the tale to her girlfriends of the time this random guy she was dating humiliated her over her moustache, but I'm fairly sure Kaylan's asking because he's hoping to find a way of speaking to her about it without her getting rid of his number and never speaking to him again. And if you read earlier in the thread I did give my suggestion as to how he should approach her if he decides to. Although Mascara said it much better, and has the best answer on the thread:

 

So how to go about it - I'd start off by asking her if there's anything about your appearance she'd change. Then when she asks in return you just shrug and say "nothing major - those few hairs on your lip maybe, but apart from that you're damn perfect".

 

No offence SomeDude81, but your post:

 

Did you see my earlier posts where I was talking about nose hair?

 

To me, nose hair sticking out of my nostrils and upper lip hair on a woman are equivalent.

 

If a woman I was dating pointed out that my nose hairs were getting a bit long, I'd be mildly embarrassed and then I'd trim them as soon as I could. I wouldn't have a panic attack about it.

 

I figure a grown woman should be able to keep herself composed in that situation.

 

Basically proves to me that the guys who don't 'get it' on this thread really, really don't get it. Male hairiness, even coming out of the note, is a sign of masculinity, and testosterone in our culture. Female moustache is a sign of masculinity, and testosterone, in our culture. Don't you see how it can be no big deal to ask a guy to trim his nose hair, but to ask a woman could be really upsetting?

 

I'm sure most women can remain composed in a situation where they feel as though they've been humiliated or embarrassed, but whether Kaylan is willing to risk her not wanting anything else to do with him or not is his call. Also he has to decide if he thinks it's worth potentially upsetting her when they're not even in a relationship, she's just some girl he's dating.

 

Maybe she'll be totally cool about it, laugh it off and add it into her grooming-regime, whether or not she ends up dating Kaylan. But the responses from many women on this thread show that it's not exactly unusual for someone to be upset about something like this. I'm pretty sure even the women who've said it's no huge deal, and who can't see how any female would be upset over this, have some hangups of their own that they'd be mortified about if a guy brought them up. Whether it's a date suggesting she uses anti-wrinkle cream (not that it works), asking if she's ever considered liposuction, enquiring as to whether she's had braces before and whether she'd consider them, asking why her teeth are so yellow, laughing at her weird feet or suggesting a labiaplasty. Everyone has something that someone could really hurt them with, and it seems like pointing out a girl's facial hair is a common one.

[somedude81]

Wow. I can't believe you mentioned female mustache and labiaplasty in the same post. Somehow suggesting that they are equivalent.

[smackie9]

From what I have witnessed, guys have np telling one another things like their hair cut looks terrible, or they are getting fat, etc. But if it comes to women.....watch out!

[kaylan]

I'm sure she'll live to tell the tale to her girlfriends of the time this random guy she was dating humiliated her over her moustache, but I'm fairly sure Kaylan's asking because he's hoping to find a way of speaking to her about it without her getting rid of his number and never speaking to him again. And if you read earlier in the thread I did give my suggestion as to how he should approach her if he decides to. Although Mascara said it much better, and has the best answer on the thread:

I highly doubt she stops talking to me over this. That actually isnt a concern at all really. Im concerned about her being self conscious or feeling bad about me mentioning it. I dont want her to think Im not happy with our friendship and dating.

 

And I dont think Im just some random guy. I dont see her as just some random girl. The way we click and relate, Id actually call her a friend. And she's someone I so happen to have a physical relationship with too. So yeah, the reality is that we are casually dating.

 

That all said, I'd deal with it if she were to ever wanna not talk to me for whatever reason....but her personality is rare....and we are very alike in many ways. So yeah, I think we've gotten past the point of us just being random people. We are friends.

Edited December 2, 2014 by kaylan

[BlueIris]

If I were to place myself in the woman's shoes, if Kaylan approached me with these two subjects early on (not to mention, he's making a thread about a woman he is dating, and discussing her genitals in detail...which I'm sure she is unaware of), I would not like it one bit. If I'm unhappy with a man's physical appearance in the "getting to know you/us stage", I wouldn't be dating him.

 

Yeah, I agree with this.

 

I wouldn't mention anything about appearance to someone I'm dating, and many could have looked much better with some effort. The small details of how someone looks are so low on the scale of importance to me. But, if I could give them a reading list... just kidding. I figure, don't date someone you want to change.

[GG3]

"hey honey...let's take a hot shower and shave each other." That's all I got. Lol

[kaylan]

If I were to place myself in the woman's shoes, if Kaylan approached me with these two subjects early on (not to mention, he's making a thread about a woman he is dating, and discussing her genitals in detail...which I'm sure she is unaware of), I would not like it one bit. If I'm unhappy with a man's physical appearance in the "getting to know you/us stage", I wouldn't be dating him.

.

Yeah, I agree with this.

 

I wouldn't mention anything about appearance to someone I'm dating, and many could have looked much better with some effort. The small details of how someone looks are so low on the scale of importance to me. But, if I could give them a reading list... just kidding. I figure, don't date someone you want to change.

And here's the rub!

 

If I dumped her over this, most women would rake me over the coals! And why? Because its such a dang small detail. So why shouldn't I date her over such a small detail? Its really a simple issue and easily taken care of. Nevermind the fact that her and I get along really well.

[BlueIris]

And here's the rub!

 

If I dumped her over this, most women would rake me over the coals! And why? Because its such a dang small detail. So why shouldn't I date her over such a small detail? Its really a simple issue and easily taken care of. Nevermind the fact that her and I get along really well.

 

Well, the way I see it, if you would dump her over this, you should probably dump her. If a man dumped me because of that, I'd be glad he dumped me!

 

Maybe it's in part because I'm older and (in my opinion) none of us are all that shiny and lovely any more. Things like this are minor, unimportant, to me at least. But if it really bothers you a lot, it bothers you. My daughter has had a couple of guys tell her they'd like her to change her appearance in some way or another, and some men I've dated have advised me on my appearance. It never made a difference.

 

Kaylan, if I had my way, every man I date would shave his head, and wear suits, ties and wing tips. Think I tell them that or expect that they'd do it? Nah.

Edited December 2, 2014 by BlueIris
rewrite to make sense

[Divasu]

And here's the rub!

 

If I dumped her over this, most women would rake me over the coals! And why? Because its such a dang small detail. So why shouldn't I date her over such a small detail? Its really a simple issue and easily taken care of. Nevermind the fact that her and I get along really well.

 

Not being physically attracted enough to someone, at THIS stage, isn't a small detail. It's an important detail. What else do you have to go on at this young stage aside from physical attraction?

 

It's normal. But certainly don't stay with a woman at this stage if your physical attraction is waning. Yet, if you feel these two details (the genital and facial hair) can be easily modified to increase your physical attraction, well, so be it.

 

It's just unusual to hear of at this casual stage. I'm sure you'll figure it out one way or the other.

[kaylan]

Not being physically attracted enough to someone, at THIS stage, isn't a small detail. It's an important detail. What else do you have to go on at this young stage aside from physical attraction?

 

It's normal. But certainly don't stay with a woman at this stage if your physical attraction is waning. Yet, if you feel these two details (the genital and facial hair) can be easily modified to increase your physical attraction, well, so be it.

 

It's just unusual to hear of at this casual stage. I'm sure you'll figure it out one way or the other.

I think you need to go back and read my posts slowly. Where have I said I had an attraction issue?

 

Everything Ive said has made it clear that there is great physical chemistry and that I am attracted to this woman, but Im just not a fan of whiskers.

 

 

And you ask what do I have to go on besides physical attraction? Well let's see....we have great sexual chemistry and she's almost exactly like me personality wise. Read what Im saying and not what you think Im saying.

 

 

I never said being attracted to her was an issue.

Well, the way I see it, if you would dump her over this, you should probably dump her. If a man dumped me because of that, I'd be glad he dumped me!

 

Maybe it's in part because I'm older and (in my opinion) none of us are all that shiny and lovely any more. Things like this are minor, unimportant, to me at least. But if it really bothers you a lot, it bothers you. My daughter has had a couple of guys tell her they'd like her to change her appearance in some way or another, and some men I've dated have advised me on my appearance. It never made a difference.

 

Kaylan, if I had my way, every man I date would shave his head, and wear suits, ties and wing tips. Think I tell them that or expect that they'd do it? Nah.

omg.

 

 

Did you not understand my last post? I was saying I would not dump her over this, and that its insane of you and others to imply that I should dump her just because I am not a fan of a small physical detail. Its just a lil lip hair.

 

 

PS - I much enjoy wearing suits and wingtips and would dress up for my woman for fancy nights...or just lunch dates during work hours if she wanted to see me dressed up often. A shaved head is different through, and am not sure how that falls into this convo. That's a huge change considering how long hair takes to grow (mine is long)

Edited December 3, 2014 by kaylan