How to ask a woman to shave

[kaylan]

I'd stay with neutral language. She may not consider it"mannish" and may actually like it. Think Frida Kahlo, who took pride in her facial hair.

 

Stay neutral, and ask her if she's considered removing it. Genuinely ask, and listen to her response.

 

Women don't shave that, regardless. Stubble is far worse.

stubble ain't so bad... You just got to stay on top of it lol xD

[Under The Radar]

Silly to compare an inside mucous membrane (nostrils) to upper lip. Waxing nose hair isn't safe. That's an unreasonable request

 

Your sarcasm receptors must not be locked and loaded today!

 

Tsk, Tsk ...... I expect more from you Kaylan

[kaylan]

Well, that just hurts! I've head they get actors to cry by yanking out nose hair.

 

 

Kaylan, you've been up close. Is the hair thick, or is it more fine, like it would be helped by bleaching? (altho I know in some instances, this only lands you with a blond mustache).

bleaching would surely make it more visible given our skin tone and hair color

[MidwestUSA]

bleaching would surely make it more visible given our skin tone and hair color

 

 

 

Gotcha..

 

Tough call, I have a feeling you'll just bring it up one day, you seem to have a pretty good 'people feeler'.

 

True story. I was disgusted with my own facial hair and took a razor to it quickly, in the shower, while getting ready for prom. You guessed it, I cut myself.

 

If she doesn't seem the type to grow a five o'clock shadow, it's an option. I was just worried a guy's tongue might feel the stubble. Plus, if you have peach fuzz over the rest of your face, the absence of such on the upper lip can be noticeable.

 

 

Good luck!

[sillyanswer]

The "shaving makes it worse" thing is a myth. That defies any real scientific discussion on hair growth. It may appear like more hair since the hair initially grows straight out before laying down when its long enough.

 

But the appearance is essentially the reality -- it's the appearance you don't like, right? So if shaving makes it look like more hair then the technical fact that it isn't actually more hair doesn't seem likely to comfort you!

[kaylan]

But the appearance is essentially the reality -- it's the appearance you don't like, right? So if shaving makes it look like more hair then the technical fact that it isn't actually more hair doesn't seem likely to comfort you!

The follicle may look bigger as it grows... But it still looks like less of a moustache than grown whiskers that have fallen down.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Waxing. That's the way to go.

[Maleficent]

The "shaving makes it worse" thing is a myth. That defies any real scientific discussion on hair growth. It may appear like more hair since the hair initially grows straight out before laying down when its long enough.

 

Shaving hair: Does shaved hair grow back thicker? - Mayo Clinic

 

And I doubt she dumps be over this...considering the convos we've already had. If she dumps a guy for wanting a woman without a man-ish looking lip...so be it. I wouldn't be too phased if thats a reason for dumping someone. Im generally pretty liberal about a woman's body hair...but I just cant do any facial hair.

 

I did not say it would grow thicker. It's going to make it pricklier because shaving cuts it sideway. If you don't like kissing her with the little fuzz, how are you going to like kissing with the prickly stubble?

 

If you tell her she should shave her mustache because you want a woman without a man-ish looking lip, it's possibly the worse way you could bring it up...

 

You just don't do facial hair and that's fine. Maybe she doesn't do men who are so bothered by a little lip fuzz (because chances are she is aware of her manly mustache')

[Maleficent]

Seriously?

 

Are some women really that weak that they would get offended if a guy they were dating told them that he's put off by the hair on her upper lip and would like her to remove it?

 

If it was such a non-issue, he wouldn't have posted it here and would have simply asked her to shave.

[TheyCallMeOx]

If I were in that situation, I'd just be passive aggressive. If she wants to sprout a mustache because, I don't know, she likes to fight the man, then that's perfectly fine. You go girl. However, I won't be making out with you anymore, or passionately kissing, because I don't like it when hair brushes up against my upper lip. Reminds me of kissing my dad on the lips. We're just going to do peck kisses, and I'll, instead, tongue kiss your fart box.

[preraph]

I'd always heard "shaving will make it worse," but it doesn't really. I waxed for years and then started just taking a razor to it once a month. It did not make it grown in coarser or anything. In fact, over time, it just stopped growing at all pretty much. Mine was just thin hair most people wouldn't have bothered with though. It looks much better off.

 

Here's an idea. For Christmas or birthday, get her a facial at a spa. Yes, they're expensive. Call ahead and give them instructions to wax her upper lip and not tell her you said to. Go ahead and make the appointment for her so you can be sure they don't lose track of the message. Make it on her day off. You could go up there a couple hours ahead of time and tip them to take care of that for you and be discreet and maybe have a little talk with her about how it casts a shadow on her face and interferes with makeup, etc.

 

Now, if she does have real coarse hair with big wide roots, it's true sometimes that can look worse afterward because of how large the pore it, but I think they get smaller over time if they keep it done. They can laser that too. Not sure how much it costs.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I don't understand how you were able to gather the courage to tell her to trim her pubes - a very intimate issue and a conversation most people dread having - but can't find it within yourself to ask her to get rid of her mustache. What!?

 

Honestly, just spit it out! You already said you don't think she'd be too upset by it so what's wrong with simply saying "Hey, you ever considered waxing your upper lip?"

[guest569]

Well, Movember is over tomorrow..

[sillyanswer]

The follicle may look bigger as it grows... But it still looks like less of a moustache than grown whiskers that have fallen down.

 

Fair enough!

 

Difficult conversation to have... good luck with it!

[Eighty_nine]

I don't think theres any way to say this that will not offend her.

[Radu]

It's not weak ...... it's a matter of etiquette.

 

How would you feel if your recent lover pointed out belly fat you may have ...... and told you to change it ...... with a preference for 6 pack abs?

 

My guess is you wouldn't be too happy.

 

Totally comparable stuff i see.

A little wax on the upper lip vs working out for months on end to get that perfect 6 pack that needs constant work to keep.

[Maleficent]

Totally comparable stuff i see.

A little wax on the upper lip vs working out for months on end to get that perfect 6 pack that needs constant work to keep.

 

well he is suggesting she shaves.

 

Which means she will have to shave pretty much every two days to make sure he isn't bothered by her man-ish look.

 

But I get it's not the same thing. A six pack is not an insult on someone's gender.

As opposed to 'eeww mustache on a girl! How unfeminine'

[acrosstheuniverse]

I don't understand how you were able to gather the courage to tell her to trim her pubes - a very intimate issue and a conversation most people dread having - but can't find it within yourself to ask her to get rid of her mustache. What!?

 

Honestly, just spit it out! You already said you don't think she'd be too upset by it so what's wrong with simply saying "Hey, you ever considered waxing your upper lip?"

 

As a female I totally understand that. EVERYBODY grows pubic hair. Everybody knows that there are a wide range of ways to style it. I've always had the discussion with partners what they prefer their partners to do with pubic hair. It's no big deal. I know I have my preference but I'm not too fussed either way so I'd happily go with whatever a guy I was with wanted, seeing as it's gotta turn him on, not me!

 

However, if I had upper lip hair, I think I'd be pretty mortified if someone mentioned it and asked me to change it. I think I'd notice and have taken care of it myself first because I take a lot of care over my personal grooming, but some women just aren't into beauty or makeup so might not really have actually noticed. If there was something about me I didn't realise, and a man pointed it out and wanted me to change it, I would feel totally humiliated and embarrassed. I don't think I'd be able to face seeing them again. If it was something like 'shall we get fit and tone up together?' then it wouldn't bother me because losing weight is easily done and weight gain and loss is something everyone goes through, but say if somebody told me I had a moustache and they were turned off so could I get rid, yeah I can imagine that feeling of cold embarrassment running through me and making me walk off!

 

Honestly OP, can't think of a sensitive way of putting it. The only way I can possibly imagine being the least damaging is initiating a discussion around the lines of 'is there anything you'd change about me physically if you could?' and then when she asks you the same back, you could just lay it out straight and say 'actually, this is really embarrassing to say because I know that I've been conditioned to feel this way by the media and society, but I prefer women to be as smooth as possible facially. I would find you even sexier if you had a facial wax and didn't have any fuzz around your lip' or something. Try make it sound like it's about you, not her (which it is, really).

 

Don't know why you're bothering to go to all of this hassle though with someone you're just FWB with. A potential girlfriend, maybe, if it's gonna get in the way of a relationship. But why bother hurting this girl's feelings if you're not even interested in taking it into a relationship?

[mammasita]

Shaving will only make things worse.

 

She can wax, bleach or get electrolysis but never never ever shave!

 

I suggest you weight the pros and cons here. Considering you telling her could have the effect of her dumping you, tell her only if you really really feel like you can't even look past it.

 

This is false. I've been shaving my 'stash my whole life......hasn't ever grown back thicker or more dense LMAO

[smackie9]

It's not weak ...... it's a matter of etiquette.

 

How would you feel if your recent lover pointed out belly fat you may have ...... and told you to change it ...... with a preference for 6 pack abs?

 

My guess is you wouldn't be too happy.

 

Lip hair takes 10 seconds to remove unlike belly fat would take months....apples to oranges. Women should maintain that just like their eyebrows, arm pit hair, etc. I'm a woman and yes I maintain those things...I don't need to be told because I notice it.....maybe she doesn't notice it? It's possible.

[smackie9]

I remember a thread yeas ago that a female, and her female coworkers wanted to broach the subject to another female coworker. Apparently it was pretty bad, so bad it was distracting. One of them somehow asked the husband about it....the next day she was waxed and a new women.

 

So maybe the OP can approach a female friend to mention it or make a hint.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Lip hair takes 10 seconds to remove unlike belly fat would take months....apples to oranges.

I think the FEELINGS of the person on the receiving end might be the same though, like OMG this person's been having sex with me all this time thinking about my unsightly stache / tummy, oh god, I can never look them in the eye again!

 

Women should maintain that just like their eyebrows, arm pit hair, etc. I'm a woman and yes I maintain those things...I don't need to be told because I notice it.....maybe she doesn't notice it? It's possible.

 

I don't agree that women "should" do anything about any of our hairs, it's not important to everybody, though we also have to accept that what we choose to do in the grooming department might really influence who we end up with!

[Radu]

I think the FEELINGS of the person on the receiving end might be the same though, like OMG this person's been having sex with me all this time thinking about my unsightly stache / tummy, oh god, I can never look them in the eye again!

 

 

 

I don't agree that women "should" do anything about any of our hairs, it's not important to everybody, though we also have to accept that what we choose to do in the grooming department might really influence who we end up with!

 

I think everyone understands the need to grasp at straws, but could you pls make them more akin to sticks ?

[smackie9]

 

 

I don't agree that women "should" do anything about any of our hairs, it's not important to everybody, though we also have to accept that what we choose to do in the grooming department might really influence who we end up with!

 

 

Well if this is the case, he needs to dump her now! and find someone that doesn't have a mustache.....

[acrosstheuniverse]

I remember a thread yeas ago that a female, and her female coworkers wanted to broach the subject to another female coworker. Apparently it was pretty bad, so bad it was distracting. One of them somehow asked the husband about it....the next day she was waxed and a new women.

 

So maybe the OP can approach a female friend to mention it or make a hint.

 

Jesus, there's a workplace I wouldn't wanna work at. It's nobody's damn business whether a woman has facial hair or not except for that woman and possibly her partner if it's an issue for their relationship. Sounds like an incredibly bitchy place to work, more like bullying. Seriously, which adult can't find it in themselves to ignore something about someone's appearance they don't like in the workplace? I find it impossible to believe that they were so stupid they couldn't focus on their work because a moustache was so distracting. Stuff like this makes me really mad. Even in the workplace, seems like in some places women are expected to fit the standard media conception of 'beauty', irrelevant of whether or not they're good at their job.

 

If I were that woman and I got wind the request to wax had arisen from the workplace I'd have them hauled in front of HR faster than you can say 'equality and diversity training'.