Author somedude81 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 Ugh, I like Busy Girl so much. I probably danced with her 5 times tonight. But the interest is definitely one sided. This is going to really hurt down the line. I hate how we don't have mutual chemistry. I really feel that if I knew what I was doing and knew how to manipulate chemistry to my advantage( flirting properly?), she would have gone out on a date with me by now. Bah, what am I doing? Link to post Share on other sites
yajiuma Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Bah, what am I doing? Torturing yourself... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Sounds about right. I don't really know why I'm so stuck on this girl. I do know that it's absolutely stupid. Infatuation. It'll wear off. A trick I've used to control the thoughts is to wrap a pair of hair elastics around my wrist. Any time I catch my thoughts drifting to dangerous territory I pull hard on those elastics and *SNAP* right out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Chemistry is...sitting next to someone on a ferry in rough waters and not getting seasick even though you normally do. Being so close to them elates you so that you feel nothing but pure happiness. I treasure those moments because they are so rare even when nothing solid ever comes out of it. Chemistry is not: talking to someone about shared interests in easy flowy conversation. Yet while the conversation is nice, they are completely interchangable, they could even be female. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 Chemistry is...sitting next to someone on a ferry in rough waters and not getting seasick even though you normally do. Being so close to them elates you so that you feel nothing but pure happiness. I treasure those moments because they are so rare even when nothing solid ever comes out of it. Chemistry is not: talking to someone about shared interests in easy flowy conversation. Yet while the conversation is nice, they are completely interchangable, they could even be female. Yeah I don't understand the seasick example. But easy flowy conversations where the gender of either person doesn't matter, that I know all too well. Most likely women don't see me as a man. So it's no surprise they don't want to treat me like a man. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Most likely women don't see me as a man. Why do you think that is? Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 Why do you think that is? I really don't know, but it's why I made this thread. There is just something I'm not doing. Nobody ever thinks I'm gay so it's not that. I wonder if women need a man to act in a certain manner to see him as a man and become interested in him that way. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I really don't know, but it's why I made this thread. There is just something I'm not doing. Nobody ever thinks I'm gay so it's not that. I wonder if women need a man to act in a certain manner to see him as a man and become interested in him that way. How does a "man" act? If you had to list 5 core characteristics of a masculine behavior, what would they be? Link to post Share on other sites
X14Halo Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I really don't know, but it's why I made this thread. There is just something I'm not doing. Nobody ever thinks I'm gay so it's not that. I wonder if women need a man to act in a certain manner to see him as a man and become interested in him that way. I think you just haven't found the right one yet. You need to be a strong leader, and show that you have your own life and enjoy doing the things you like to do. The other person can join in if they want. That is what makes somebody attractive. Not changing everything around to just please them and make them happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Yeah I don't understand the seasick example. But easy flowy conversations where the gender of either person doesn't matter, that I know all too well. Most likely women don't see me as a man. So it's no surprise they don't want to treat me like a man. None of us know how you come across in person. Your mannerisms. Your conversation skills. How you "present" yourself. The tone in your voice. All of those will affect a persons perceptions of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I really don't know, but it's why I made this thread. There is just something I'm not doing. Nobody ever thinks I'm gay so it's not that. I wonder if women need a man to act in a certain manner to see him as a man and become interested in him that way. I don't think every woman wants the same kind of man (even though men who are bitter about their lack of luck will say they do). It seems like from reading your threads that you live inside your head a lot and think way too much. Maybe that comes across in some way? I'd say be friendly and breezy with no expectation at all and just kind of NOT let your brain go there until SHE starts showing consistent signs and hints? I have no idea if that would work. Then if she DOES, force yourself to go slow instead of start picturing your kids like Raj on the Big Bang Theory does Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 I don't think every woman wants the same kind of man (even though men who are bitter about their lack of luck will say they do). No, every woman doesn't desire the same kind of man. Though pretty much every women doesn't want the same type of man. In other words, there are types of men that no women want. It seems like from reading your threads that you live inside your head a lot and think way too much. Maybe that comes across in some way? I'd say be friendly and breezy with no expectation at all and just kind of NOT let your brain go there That is exactly what I do with women. I just enjoy the moment and have fun. I'm not thinking about what to do or say next. That stuff doesn't happen until I go home and I realize that I didn't do anything to cause her to like me. Then I post here. until SHE starts showing consistent signs and hints? I have no idea if that would work. It doesn't. 33 years old and only one who wasn't obese has shown me the signs of hints of interest, and we were together for six months. That didn't happen until I was 32, and I haven't seen her in a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 None of us know how you come across in person. Your mannerisms. Your conversation skills. How you "present" yourself. The tone in your voice. All of those will affect a persons perceptions of you. If those things are important like you say, then that means that they can be "corrected." Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 If those things are important like you say, then that means that they can be "corrected." Yep, they can. So how do you think a "man" acts, and how is that different from how you act? Considering that you said women don't view you as a man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 Yep, they can. So how do you think a "man" acts, and how is that different from how you act? Considering that you said women don't view you as a man. As I said earlier, I don't know. From reading threads, a very high level of confidence seems to be very important. But that just isn't attainable for me right now. Other than that I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 As I said earlier, I don't know. From reading threads, a very high level of confidence seems to be very important. But that just isn't attainable for me right now. Other than that I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. All the threads, all the advice, all the examples, all the descriptions, ways of improvements, everything. And you STILL have no idea?? I'm astonished 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 All the threads, all the advice, all the examples, all the descriptions, ways of improvements, everything. And you STILL have no idea?? I'm astonished Graduate, make friends, get a job. That's all the advice I've received. And please don't start this thread down that path about me taking advice or not. I'm only interested in the subject of chemistry here and how a man shows it, or can change it. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 Graduate, make friends, get a job. That's all the advice I've received. And please don't start this thread down that path about me taking advice or not. I'm only interested in the subject of chemistry here and how a man shows it, or can change it. You've received good advice. I'll add that there is an enormous amount of literature and resources out there about how to become a better man. Do you seek information outside of loveshack? - Another poster once suggested reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. It's a little hokey but there's good philosophy in there you may be able to glean. - I'm willing to bet reading No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover would be helpful. - Doing manly things helps confidence. - Steve Pavlina's blog has been helpful to me regarding relationships. - Check out "30 Days to a Better Man" on the Art of Manliness website. None of these things will guarantee you an immediate girlfriend with the boobs you're looking for, but they can help build your confidence, which will ultimately get you what you want out of life. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 As I said earlier, I don't know. From reading threads, a very high level of confidence seems to be very important. But that just isn't attainable for me right now. Other than that I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. If you can't attain confidence, you will continue to strike out with the women you are pursuing. Mark my words. Other than that, without seeing you in person, we have no way of knowing how you present yourself or how to advise you. All we can tell you, is that despite how you may think you come across, you are in no position to fake it. Women can sense these things and that's likely what's turning them off. If you were a confident, suave, and fun guy to be around, with all other things being the same, I'm sure you'd have different results. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I don't think you can produce spark/electricity my last bf looked exactly like Vladimir Ivanov very very beautiful etc but I didn't feel huge lust for him, I knew he wasn't the one in the back of my mind.theres nothing he could have said that would have changed that. soulmate guy however he was beautiful when he was younger but now looks kind of like a disheveled grungy sort of man yet I feel massive sparks for him and think about fcking him every hour of the day.its just something in him,he doesn't produce it. That said many many girls wanted to FCk my old bf he would always tell me that they followed him around and whatnot, so maybe with basic girls lust is there if your attractive and the sparks don't really matter. I know for a fact I don't feel lust or sexual desire for 99 percent of guys,I just feel nothing,it's only with a guy I feel catastrophic sparks with. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 What? Did you all miss the ? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 That isn't all the advice you received at all, but be evasive if you want - it won't help you! You want to know how a man inspires/encounters chemsistry with women? By being the man he wants to be. I've mentioned the chemistry I've had with some women before, and that came as a consequence of simply being more of my true self around them. It has to permeate in everything else you do. If you are a cerebral person, using intellect and preferring particular types of communication (deep convos maybe), then girls who are into that will gravitate naturally. But there has to be things to supplement that too! If you're that kinda guy, then you need to be doing things that feed that kind of persona. With you, you're kinda......well, boring. You like dancing - ok. But would you expand on doing something like that and supplementing your desire to dance? Maybe competing or doing some other types of dance, or learning something alongside it (martial arts maybe?)? What do you want to do as a man? What type of man do you actually want to be? A carefree man who likes dancing, plays guitar and likes to surf occasionally? An intellectual man with a love of philosophy, the arts and plays soccer every sunday? Or just a man with a girlfriend? Keeping it light and breezy is all good and you should connect with light and breezy girls, but its hard to get girls like that to stick around. You have to be on their wavelength in terms of complementary lifestyles, mentalities and essential approach to life. Not the same either, just complementary. And remember, I told you before, sometimes dating a girl with differences to you brings friction + and friction is necessary for chemistry. I don't mean date girls you don't like, but just girls with differences. That can garner chemistry. How do you think girls will f-ck a certain guy and still think he's a jerk? The friction. It can't all be super comfortable and super happy. So: 1. Find out who you want to be and then do some market research. Find your niche. 2. Once you've found your niche, sort the differences between them, and don't always go for the safe, comfortable option. The one who might have completely different interests just might be the one you have the most "chemistry" with, based on friction, attitude, and even physical. Maximizing your physical potential will help a bit with that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 There is just something I'm not doing. No, that's not it. It's the way you are BEING, not what you are or aren't doing. All the stuff that's been said before that most of us women find attractive, you can read back. Works from the inside out, not the other way around! Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 Graduate, make friends, get a job. That's all the advice I've received. LOL it's FAR from ALL the advice you've received the past six years. You just see what you want and refuse to accept anyone's viewpoint but your own. It's been one of the biggest obstacles that has prevented you from maturing in the way that you should. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 The more tools you have in your toolbox will help you get the job done easier and more efficiently... Take a look inside the box and see what's in there that will help you... Its a simple concept, really... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
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