Crossroads . . .

[BluEyeL]

Sorry to hear of this development. Be strong these days and go no contact. He knows where to find you.

[BluEyeL]

I've been thinking about this today. At some point, this looked to me more like a friends with benefits situation and this man looked as emotionally unavailable. I understand that he was ticked off that you showed up at church. You've been dating several months, by now he should have wanted you at church himself if he wanted you fully in his life. It seems he always kept you at arm's length. Like I said many times in this thread, I don't think this man is a good prospect for a long term life partnership, even without marriage.

 

You've been married and engaged, you know how men who want you part of their life behave. Even if marriage itself is not a goal, a man who wants a life partner, doesn't keep you at arm's length like this man always did.

[Redhead14]

I've been thinking about this today. At some point, this looked to me more like a friends with benefits situation and this man looked as emotionally unavailable. I understand that he was ticked off that you showed up at church. You've been dating several months, by now he should have wanted you at church himself if he wanted you fully in his life. It seems he always kept you at arm's length. Like I said many times in this thread, I don't think this man is a good prospect for a long term life partnership, even without marriage.

 

You've been married and engaged, you know how men who want you part of their life behave. Even if marriage itself is not a goal, a man who wants a life partner, doesn't keep you at arm's length like this man always did.

 

I would tend to agree with you and normally I would tell someone the same thing. This is a "one off", I am sure of that. I am going no contact for sure. If he comes back, it will have to be in a big way in order for me to be convinced that he has carefully considered everything and is now sure he wants to figure out how to keep me in his life and talk about it more. We did have these types of conversations in the past but there were too many unknowns at that point to be able to make a clear plan.

 

This man just went through a significant tragedy and I do understand that men will push a woman away while they deal with it. I am convinced that this experience has simply caused him to be overwhelmed and to just be having everything swirling around in his head. I get that, I've been there myself. He's doing what he needs to do. Don't forget, before this tragedy occurred, we had just made plans for a weekend getaway together. He didn't change his mind about being with me overnight. He just got derailed.

 

He wasn't ticked off about me being at church, he was just surprised. I do know that he views going to church as "me" time. I never went with him because of that and because I'm not really a church goer. I supported him in that. So, really, I kinda encroached on his "me" time. Just like if he was out with his buddies and I showed up unannounced or kept calling or texting him. At the time, I didn't really think about all that, it was me wanting to support him. It was about what I wanted, not what he wanted.

 

If he had said all this and nothing else was going on, I'd be exactly where you are. I have seen people go through this. I myself, as you know, have gone through a significant loss and I too, pushed away my loved ones for a bit. It caused me to re-evaluate my life. I was pushed from one extreme to another and finally came back to the middle.

 

He asked me for patience. He told me he wouldn't blame me if I left, but did say he hoped I would stay and gave me the option. If he were that clear in his head, he would have done that. I stayed to confirm that I was staying right where I am and not pulling away also. He may also feel as though I was punishing him for telling me what his needs are. If I did that, he would feel more pressured to make a decision as to wanting to be with me and may have made a knee jerk decision one way or the other. Making big decisions in a time of crisis is not a good thing. I want him to make the decision that is right for him and be clear headed. In the end, whatever he decides is best for him, is best for both of us in the long run.

 

IN addition, he would need to know that if we do stay together, that when there are difficulties in the future, that we can work together and see them through and he should not be afraid to tell me what he's feeling. It may seem that we are not working together because he's pulled away, but ultimately we are.

 

This man is not emotionally unavailable. He is emotional, but not unavailable. He gives his time and energy to many things and most importantly his sons and grandson. This is something I've told him I admired about him and would not encroach or take away from those relationships. They were his priority before I came along and he had been giving me some of the time he would have given to them recently. He was making me a priority too now. He has been single for a long time and admitted he doesn't remember/know how to have someone in his life, but wants that. Emotionally unavailable men are not usually involved on such a deep level in family, activities or as giving of their time and energy to very many things, if any.

 

I will give him the space he needs. In the meantime, I am moving forward with my life. I have taken a little side job training a horse for show. This will help me get past this if it is over.

 

If I do not hear from him at all in two weeks, I will call him and tell him I'm moving on. I will not wait forever. Nor will I allow him to drop off the face of the earth without doing what he needs to do, which would be to tell me directly that he has decided to move on himself, if that is the case. I don't expect him to do that though. But, you never really know for sure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[BluEyeL]

I don't know, I'm not saying that the reasons you listed are not valid for his behavior. It's just it doesn't matter. They stand in the way of a FULFILLING relationship for YOU. He always gave me the impression that he didn't fully want this. He kinda wants it, kinda can't have all that in his life and is going back and forth while you understandingly and patiently wait and support. Nobody is blaming him for anything, we can even understand his predicament and have sympathy for the various tragedies, changes and situations in his life. Nevertheless, as a woman, I would like to date a man that has a life that is all together and "move in ready".

 

Not as in moving in with him, but a life that is wide open to receiving a significant other and enjoying life together. I would like to have someone who is completely available for a relationship. This man is 61 and all I hear is how tough his life is. Well, if it's so tough, I'm deeply sorry for him, but it's not what you need. It wouldn't be what I need. I'd break away from this man and go look for someone who is settled into a HAPPY life and ready for enjoying it with the right woman by his side. You are at ages where you should enjoy life as long as you're healthy!! Not problems, issues and tragedies all the time. I'm sorry, I would rather have some happiness rather than push-pull dynamics and uncertainty.

 

Like I said, no matter what the reasons are and how understanding you are, this doesn't change the fact that all those issues and problems make this man not a good prospect for a fulfilling relationship.

[BluEyeL]

And btw, in hindsight, when you find a suitable partner and are deliriously happy, you'll see why this man wasn't right for you and if he leaves you alone, or if you have the strength to cut him off and stop accepting his crumbs, how much of a service that was to you!

 

He's always been providing a irregular schedule of reinforcement and that made you fall for him. It's textbook. Give (words, actions, trips etc), withdraw, give, withdraw...wtf??? Excuse my French.

[Redhead14]

And btw, in hindsight, when you find a suitable partner and are deliriously happy, you'll see why this man wasn't right for you and if he leaves you alone, or if you have the strength to cut him off and stop accepting his crumbs, how much of a service that was to you!

 

He's always been providing a irregular schedule of reinforcement and that made you fall for him. It's textbook. Give (words, actions, trips etc), withdraw, give, withdraw...wtf??? Excuse my French.

 

I hear you and I'm going no contact as I said. I am taking this time to re-evaluate my feelings toward him now as well. I am not waiting. Just a little hopeful. One cannot completely turn off feelings for someone else. I just have to manage it. I can do that. I will begin dating again as well. Keep it light, enjoy the time, and see what happens. I am not so broken up as to be falling apart over this. It is what it is. I can accept it and move on quickly. This is not as though he died, he just couldn't find a place for me in his life the way I wanted maybe. However, this has been a 7 month odyssey, I can give a little space and hope that I am right about what's going on with him while moving forward.

[BluEyeL]

I hear you and I'm going no contact as I said. I am taking this time to re-evaluate my feelings toward him now as well. I am not waiting. Just a little hopeful. One cannot completely turn off feelings for someone else. I just have to manage it. I can do that. I will begin dating again as well. Keep it light, enjoy the time, and see what happens. I am not so broken up as to be falling apart over this. It is what it is. I can accept it and move on quickly. This is not as though he died, he just couldn't find a place for me in his life the way I wanted maybe. However, this has been a 7 month odyssey, I can give a little space and hope that I am right about what's going on with him while moving forward.

Of course you can't turn off your feelings. From outside is very easy to talk. I've been there and it's been difficult to pull away. Definitely not overnight. I wish you the best!

[beach]

Since he's not making time for you as his priority - it's better for you to date men who want to spend time with you.

 

Go out and have fun.

[Redhead14]

By the way, I have a date for this Friday I have options. Rick will see that and will **** or get off the pot. Remember, that I did have some heads up a long the way. I have been managing my expectations and emotions enough to be able to do what I need to do for myself with any outcome. I did grow to love him, but not more than I love myself.

[BluEyeL]

So have you heard from Mr. Rick? Is the date with the other guy today still on?

[Redhead14]

So have you heard from Mr. Rick? Is the date with the other guy today still on?

 

Yes, Rick did call me. He is struggling still. There are somethings that have come into play that didn't exist before that are making it very difficult for him to be able to move forward with anything right now. I told him to keep doing what he needs to do and I will be moving forward with my life.

 

I told him that I would be dating again but that it was extremely unlikely that I would be entering into a relationship with anyone soon and that, after the dust settles for him, I would entertain a dialog with him to get back on track if that's what he wants to do and that, I would not tolerate this kind of thing again if we did try to move forward.

 

I told him that I would always respect a request for space and give it to him for a short time, but I would not allow it to go on without some kind of conversation and heads up about what's going on with him fairly soon after.

 

I told him that what he did that night and telling me how he was feeling was a good thing and I didn't put pressure on the situation at the time by asking a lot of questions. He was really emotional already dealing with death of close relative and now some other really big things. I was willing to give him some room to get clear headed, but not hearing from him for more than a couple of days to tell me what exactly was going on left me feeling anxious and uncomfortable and it was insensitive of him to do that to me.

 

So, yes, I'm going on the date. It will be what it will be. I'm going to follow my own advice about how to date -- go out, enjoy the time, manage my expectations and back away from any other man who may end up being a project

 

I might add too, that this is typical male behavior and especially so for a man who has been single for a long time and used to dealing with things on his own. He isn't used to having someone in his life anymore. Not only that, when he did have someone in his life, she was a controlling, shrew who bashed the heck out of him and everyone for everything. I met her and she is out of control.

Edited January 30, 2015 by Redhead14

[BluEyeL]

Good for you! I hope you didn't suffer too much through this time since last time you talked.

 

At our age (I'm 43yo) we meet men who have different kinds of baggage and problems, and we have our own baggage. Dating, for me, is about finding a partner to enjoy the second half of my life with. With less struggles, less stress. Projects, like you said, we did them when we were in our 20s and 30s: building a family, a career, house and whatever else we had to build. Now it's time to enjoy everything and look for what makes US happy.

 

I've also dated men with problems of their own, and while I don't hold it against them, they were clearly not good partners for me (or anyone at that time). I spent enough time being understanding. If someone doesn't have space in their life for a partner, they are not offering much. I'm glad you're moving ahead. If Rick ever comes back and is consistent, sure. I said the exact same thing to someone who was wishy washy due to stress in his life (supposedly). He did keep in touch by phonem, sporadically, and after a few months, I DID find someone else and when he asked me out I had to tell him that I've just become exclusive with someone and had to turn him down AND cut contact too. I don't think my BF would appreciate keeping in touch with men I've dated. Such is life.

[Redhead14]

Good for you! I hope you didn't suffer too much through this time since last time you talked.

 

At our age (I'm 43yo) we meet men who have different kinds of baggage and problems, and we have our own baggage. Dating, for me, is about finding a partner to enjoy the second half of my life with. With less struggles, less stress. Projects, like you said, we did them when we were in our 20s and 30s: building a family, a career, house and whatever else we had to build. Now it's time to enjoy everything and look for what makes US happy.

 

I've also dated men with problems of their own, and while I don't hold it against them, they were clearly not good partners for me (or anyone at that time). I spent enough time being understanding. If someone doesn't have space in their life for a partner, they are not offering much. I'm glad you're moving ahead. If Rick ever comes back and is consistent, sure. I said the exact same thing to someone who was wishy washy due to stress in his life (supposedly). He did keep in touch by phonem, sporadically, and after a few months, I DID find someone else and when he asked me out I had to tell him that I've just become exclusive with someone and had to turn him down AND cut contact too. I don't think my BF would appreciate keeping in touch with men I've dated. Such is life.

 

Sure, I've anguished some over it. If I didn't, it would mean that I didn't really care for him. But I do. There are many things about him that made it so I was willing to put effort into this and can't all be outlined here.

 

The truth is, that even if we continued in a committed relationship, we would experience difficulties no matter what. So, I feel as though I should have at least made an attempt to demonstrate that I am strong enough and committed enough to weather these things in the future and won't bail when things get rough. That is something he needs to understand but I won't do that if the communication between us is not consistent, clear and open.

 

That was part of the downfall with my relationship with my ex and the downfall with his ex. It was not about the difficulties we were experiencing it was the lack of quality communication PERIOD.

 

Something else I've been struggling with is the fact that I knew he was going to be something of a project. But my education and background made it so that I could approach it with some practical knowledge, life experience, understanding and guts enough to undertake it. I did try to manage my expectations and emotions along the way, but love happens, you can't control it on a conscious level. It did happen and it is what it is. I knew I was strong enough to be able to take the risk and accept whatever the outcome with hope and anticipation. I did have enough evidence from him that he was worth trying for although I couldn't/didn't put it all here. That would be impossible anyway. Would I do it again? It is very unlikely that there would be another man with his history and set of issues that would be able to show me enough that he us worth it. So, I doubt I'd be in this position again.

Edited January 30, 2015 by Redhead14

[Redhead14]

Rick texted me Saturday around noon. Started out with he's been thinking about me and hoped things were good with mel. I texted back that I was doing fine and I asked about his mom. He said she was doing better and then he said he's been re doing the bathroom at his house and that he thought I'd like it. I said, I'm sure you'll do a nice job on it, Then he texted: "I still have ur letter that you left for me with my book". I read it a few times a week". I melted I told him I mean't every word. He said, "may be can get together and talk". I said I would like that. Then he asked "can I call you tonight"? I said, "sure anytime after 5". He called at 5:10 We caught up a little and after about 20 mins he started choking up near crying "Mare, I miss you so much it hurts and I'm so sorry for hurting you". I told him that I was still not mad about it. It is what it is. He said "I wanna see you and talk to you, will you have lunch with me tomorrow"?

 

So we had lunch yesterday and he took my hand said he was sorry about 5 times and then said "Mare, I've thought about you everyday since that night and read that letter over and over. All while I've been working on the bathroom I was doing things you mentioned. I realized I was doing it for you. I am the stupidest person on earth, I know, but can we try again"?

 

I was stunned. I figured we'd have lunch as friends and go our separate ways again. Anyway, of course, I was a sap and got all teary and said yeah, it did hurt, but I accepted it and was thinking I'd never see you again. I wasn't expecting it to go this way, but yes, I'd really like to do that. He stood up and hugged the hell out of me and kissed me. Everybody was looking at us

 

So he paid the bill and went back to his house and sat on the couch talking more. He said he started to really realize how much he loved me and got overwhelmed. He said I know I've told you I loved you and I did/do, but it just recently started getting so deep. I got scared, and I feel like such a wimp. He said he was worried that he really couldn't make me happy and that I was so beautiful and vibrant, why would I want an old fart like him. He said he was worried that I'd leave him. But then after I wasn't around he started to miss the little things I did that made him feel so good. Little things I probably didn't even realize I was doing and that I loved him, even though he's heard that from me too, it was more about how I was around him.

 

I said, Rick, I kinda knew something was up. You did look anxious and scared. I often thought about the fact that you'd been single for so long and just used to being by yourself. He said "yeah, it's true. I just never thought I have someone again". I said, well you do. And, I gave you the space you needed to deal with all this, but I want you to promise that when/if you get upset or overwhelmed about anything in the future, you can talk to me about it. I'd still give you space, of course, but I don't want to go through this kind of thing again without a better understanding of what's going on. This time I had a pretty good idea anyway, so it's OK, but I think this will be how you handle other things too because that's what you're used to. He said, you are so smart and I promise I will talk to you better. And, since you handled this the way you did, it does make me much more comfortable about it for sure.

 

There was a lot more, but that's the gist of everything. It was very overwhelming and emotional, but by the end of the night, it was like a weight was lifted from both of us and we just got closer.

 

I am still going to be cautious, of course, I will be looking for better communication overall from him and steady but gradual progress with him including me more in his life. He acknowledged some things and shows me that he does understand what is needed for a relationship, he's just out of practice.

 

I'm moving forward with him with hope and caution. Now I have to tell the other guy I saw a couple of times, that I'm moving on from him. It's both a blessing and a curse I may hold off a little though, just to be sure. It's kind of a catch 22. Rick did say fairly early in the intial contact that if was seeing someone else he didn't want to mess it up by me having lunch with him. I told him that it's only been a month since we parted, I wouldn"t be very deep into anything with anybody yet, no matter what. He said he was hesitating too because he figured someone would move in quickly When he asked for the "space" he did ask me "what if you find someone else". My answer was in his head I think. I told him it was very unlikely but if I did, I did. So that said I'd probably at least date again soon. I probably planted that seed and it may have worked to my advantage. We shall see.

[BluEyeL]

Happy to hear he's back. Good luck looking ahead!

[Redhead14]

Happy to hear he's back. Good luck looking ahead!

 

Thanks, BluEye. It easy to get caught up in the moment. I just need to do some reality checks with him periodically for a while I think.

 

I will need to tell the new guy I dated a couple of times that I'm moving on though. He calls me every other day and I've kinda been turning him down here and there because I did think Rick was just going through some uncertainty pangs and might be back.

 

Rick kinda knows him too like the other guy I told about here, but again very rarely see each other. I don't care if Rick knows I dated someone in between. I don't feel guilty about it. It's just awkward anyway.

[BluEyeL]

I really really hope this Rick guy knows what the heck he ultimately wants and doesn't do that crap of dumping you again, excuse my French. You love him and dropped a couple of interested men for him, while he was acting on and off from the very beginning.

 

I hope you enjoy him, he realized what he has in you, and he didn't just miss the sex and intimacy, but will withdraw again if you show up at some kind of inner circle gathering or something.

 

I personally have some internet resentment against Mr. Rick, but of course you're in it and I hope things work out in the end. I also admire how you didn't chase him and I think that really played in your favor.

[Redhead14]

I really really hope this Rick guy knows what the heck he ultimately wants and doesn't do that crap of dumping you again, excuse my French. You love him and dropped a couple of interested men for him, while he was acting on and off from the very beginning.

 

I hope you enjoy him, he realized what he has in you, and he didn't just miss the sex and intimacy, but will withdraw again if you show up at some kind of inner circle gathering or something.

 

I personally have some internet resentment against Mr. Rick, but of course you're in it and I hope things work out in the end. I also admire how you didn't chase him and I think that really played in your favor.

 

Yeah, I hear everything you're saying. And, I questioned Rick about his intentions. He assured me it was more than the intimacy. He outlined some very specific reasons for why he was missing me outside of the intimacy. So, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and he knows what's in my head. He apologizes profusely for hurting me and is very emotional about it. He does understand that if the is another pull away relative to what he wants in terms of a relationship, I am history. I told him too that I had heard him say "we needed to slow down", so now that he's back, I am slowing down. He wanted me to come by the next night too and I said how about Wednesday and he said, yeah, two days in a row is too much right now. We are both overwhelmed. He said I had demonstrated sufficiently that I was willing and able to move on. The fact that I had fallen off the map entirely after that night told him that clearly. He didn't expect that he said. So, that means that he was expecting me to chase him and I didn't. He gets it. He knows that on Wednesday we will be discussing specifics for the "relationship" going forward. My expectations/his expectations, etc.

 

He has been calling or texting me regularly since. That is a change from his usual communication period. He called me the next day after we "got together" again and that was a big thing for me. If he didn't do that, I would be pulling away myself. A call the next day was a biggie for me. I half expected him to fall off after getting intimacy again because his "tank" would have been full again. He also asked if he could call me tonight as well. So if he does that, that will be another little plus. There are some hoops he will have to jump through that I'll be keeping track of in order for me to keep invested in this for sure. I don't really want to punish him for doing what he did, because, hopefully, in the end it was just about him making the right decision for him as well as for myself. If you know what I mean.

 

This new guy was running a little too hot for my tastes, I can say that. He wanted me to meet his family after a couple of dates, so I was gonna hit the brakes with him anyway.

[Redhead14]

I think the new guy is going dark now. He was calling me every day on his way home and/or texting in the evenings. I haven't heard from him in 4 days. So I am not going to contact him. Let it fade if that's the case. If it is, that'll make it easy for me We talked about going out with his sister and mom on Friday but never firmed up anything. If he calls me about it, I'll just say something came up and I can't make it. But, right now, I don't think I'll hear from him until last minute Friday. He knows I bowl on Thursdays, so he won't call then. I get home late. Fingers crossed.

[Redhead14]

Spent three nights in a row with Rick this past week. Wasn't supposed to be that way but there was a surprise snow/ice storm. We had plans for Wednesday night and the storm came through early morning. The ice was so bad I couldn't get out of his driveway and up the hill. Snowplows/salters didn't come through at all in his community. Finally, Thursday Rick said take his 4 wheel drive to work and I did. Went back Thursday after work and stayed. Still couldn't get my car out. Anyway, three nights was a lot for me and him

 

He went to a side job on Saturday morning and I went down to the stable to work on training a new horse for a client. He called me Saturday night and I told him his computer was ready (I set him up with mobile broadband internet. He's a dinosaur and never had a computer. HIs son gave him a refurbished machine but he never got internet installed at his house). Anyway, he thought I was going to bring it up by him last night apparently. I never said that. But, he told me he wanted to be by himself last night and today. And, I said, of course. That's what I figured on for myself too. I said, three nights was a lot for us and I said house guests are like fish sometimes. After a while they start to stink He said oh, it's not that. I said, I'm kidding but it's about wearing out welcome and not getting tired of each other. He laughed.

 

So, I won't call or text him today. He may call me because he's been calling every night now since we "got back together". He's been opening up more too lately. Things are moving forward still.

 

I'll drop his computer off tomorrow after work and won't stay. He said he wanted to be by himself for a couple of days, so I'm going to give more than he asks for. He may end up going to Maryland to see his mom so I might not see him for an entire week or more. And, if that's the case, I will wait for him to call or text me while he is gone. I might send one text to see how things are going if he doesn't call by mid way of the time he's going to be down there.

 

I'll just have to see how it goes. This will be a "test" of how much more invested he really is after going on the "break".

[Redhead14]

He called today at 3 45. We talked about what we each had accomplished today. He told me he was leaving for Maryland on Tuesday after his doctor appointment and then invited me for dinner Monday to finish up the Chinese food we had Friday night.

 

 

I am doing some overthinking now and it's related to the "break" we had. I know I am gun shy now and radar is high again. He told me he wanted to be by himself for the weekend, which I expected and wanted for myself as well. But, since he felt the need to say it and now had time to think again, I found it odd that he'd call me at 3 45 while in the middle of doing some things to ask me to come up. To me it's almost as though he'd made some kind of decision and felt the need to set up a time right then and there. I am concerned that he is going to end it for good and using the the time he'll be down in Maryland to "get over it". There wasn't really any indication while I was staying there, but that amount of time might have pushed him over the edge again. Of course, I have no idea if that's the case, but feeling like it could be the case.

 

 

I'm being a little paranoid but have a reason to be. The "break" is still fresh so wary of everything for a while. If it goes well, I'll start relaxing again. I just feel the need to prepare myself. He's saying a doing other things since then that are showing me he's trying, I should trust those things. Just need more time. I'm in uncertainty now . . .

[BluEyeL]

You are right to be a little paranoid. It still sounds like not going steady. I understand three nights was a lot, but the sound of it is kinda still not sure what tis is. It's been a lot of months...

 

Good luck and I for one, hope that the situation becomes more clear, one way or another.

[Redhead14]

You are right to be a little paranoid. It still sounds like not going steady. I understand three nights was a lot, but the sound of it is kinda still not sure what tis is. It's been a lot of months...

 

Good luck and I for one, hope that the situation becomes more clear, one way or another.

 

 

We are exclusive that much has been stated upfront. It is becoming clearer by his actions on a steady basis that it's more for him. He has been trusting me more with information and asking for support on things. I accidentally delivered news about the death of a mutual friend that happened while we were on the "break". I thought someone else had told him. Anyway, he was emotional about it and said he was happy he heard it from me. He wouldn't have wanted to hear it from someone else. We are getting closer and closer in other ways as well. This has been a slow process, but not that slow really. It takes a good year, generally, to develop a lasting, long term relationship. We are getting to the point where we've weathered some stuff and been tested. I am trying to remain positive that he will say it directly that we are going to be long-term, committed couple. The issue of his retirement is the biggest roadblock for him. He had planned to move to Maryland after he retired (which is August 1) but not right away and now he's torn with staying here with me or going down there and whether a long distance relationship between us would be sustainable. He wanted to move there to be closer to him mom who, of course, is elderly and will be needing him. it's a hard place to be in.

 

 

I'll post what happens with tomorrow night.

[BluEyeL]

You're very patient. Good luck. Looking forward to hearing about it.

[Redhead14]

Last night was terrific! My overthinking was a waste of energy. I have noticed a change in him since getting back together but last night it was really clear. He has become so much more relaxed and free with me. He said himself that he didn't realize it before but he'd been holding back in some ways. He opened up about a ton of things last night. He seemed to be on kinda of a "high". Not alcohol or drugs He was just excited. He said he called me Sunday to make sure he could get to see me before he went to Maryland today. We hadn't made a plan for yesterday. Originally, he was thinking he'd go to Maryland on Thursday and we usually get together on Wednesday nights. He was thinking ahead. I got him hooked up to the internet with my mobile broadband modem. He doesn't know how to use the laptop his son gave him. He took a couple of courses at the library but never got to try anything at home because he doesn't have internet. So when I brought his machine last night and showed him how to get onto the net, be was like a little 61 year old kid. We had a lot of fun with that. It was a good bonding thing for us.

 

He told me he was planning to go to Maryland when we got back together, so I was happy about that. He gave me a heads up instead of just springing it on me. He's thinking about and talking about other future things as well. We did talk about future stuff before all this but not in such detail and specifics. There is also a lot more "we" from him. It was there before, but now everything is "we". These are little things, but stand out.

 

That break did a lot for me as well as him. 8 months is around the time when things start coming to light and people do reveal more about themselves and become more natural. It appears to me that he will probably be a rubberbander over time. And, that's OK. I can deal with that. If he tells me he needs his space now and again, I'm good with it. It's when they just disappear for days without a heads up that I don't appreciate. I like some space myself sometimes. And since it's a budding relationship still, he'll need to do it a few times and then it should slack off. They don't usually do it all the time and forever. They will do it occasionally though.

Edited March 10, 2015 by Redhead14