New here and need some support [new update]

[Donesharing]

Donesharing,

 

 

I am so happy for you!!! Enjoy your holiday. And your name says it all... you are DONE SHARING.

 

 

What a wonderful recovery for you. You made it from hurt to happiness faster than anyone I've seen on this board. So, so happy for you.

 

 

Congrats!!!

 

 

GG

 

Thank you! I still have my moments, but I see clearly that I was not happy being that OW. It was tough to get to this point. I couldn't go to work for weeks. I was so sad, depressed, disapointed, hurt, and it was a big reality check. But, I am so much better. A lot of self reflecting, soul searching, venting, crying, and then realizing I need to move on. You do have to allow all the stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Barganing, depression, acceptance. It will come for everyone. I think for me the key really was the NC. Took me a long time to be good with the NC. I wanted a conversation, an ending, an explaination, a goodbye. I didn't get it, and then really thinking about it....Why did I want that? I don't know? But, I do know that all the words were lies and he lied and I don't want anything to do with that kind of a person.

[Donesharing]

I've been in many relationships with many different kinds of men; I can't tell you how disappointing it has been. I'm accused on here of being a man hater or male bashing but I'm really not. I just give up. For the very reason you state. A man will say ALL KINDS of things, I think mostly for affect. And they know how to manipulate you emotionally. Some of the clues that they are doing this are repeated over and over right here on this forum. They will say how if they had only met YOU before HER, they wouldn't have married her. They will say how your connection or relationship is mystical or somehow other-worldly or special, like soulmates or destiny. They will say how they are only married to her out of obligation and don't really want to be with her (even though he continually spends time with her). How these men can lie so blatantly to even themselves and have no anxiety from living such lies and contradiction I will never understand. It is almost sociopathic if you ask me. I used to think it was only men who are drug addicts or alcoholics who are this way but have discovered no, that's not true. It's ALL men. I guess I'm just learning that the old adage is true: A good man is hard to find.

 

It sounds old school or religious maybe but you have to be the one to hold back and keep them (and your self, of course) reigned in. Because men have SO many issues. You really have to maintain your distance, have a FULL and complete life WITHOUT a man, and take plenty of time to see how they are (YEARS) before allowing yourself to fall for them (and even then, I'm learning, it's not advisable). I really don't think men know how very demanding (and needy and time consuming) they are. They are very self-centered people. It's really unfortunate.

 

I think there are good ones. Our Man Pickers are just broken for some reason and we are attracted to these kinds of men. We need to look at that, and be very careful.

[Donesharing]

I am grieved that you have been so badly hurt. Your feelings are your own, they come from your experience, and I won't do you the disservice of trying to talk you out of them.

 

But... I am a man. I have flaws and I make mistakes, but I try every day to lead a life with authenticity and integrity. I am loyal, in business and friendship as well as romantic connections. I do not betray those who trust me.

 

I just want to enter this into the record, on behalf of myself, my son, and my male friends who feel and act from the same principles. There are many many men who make mistakes as all humans do, but who do their best to be human beings of compassion, and kindness and character. We exist.

 

I belive this too. I have 3 sons who seem to be very good, loyal companions to their girlfriends. I think there are good ones. I just think that the bad ones are very good at the game and they are sociopaths.