Her [pre-] divorce affair vs my post split ONS and divorce R

[HermioneG]

Since DK has acted loving - even if he doesn't say it often - it was always about her insecurity.

 

Now he's given her what she begged for - yet she wants something else from him.

 

This is a concept Lovin can improve upon.. Especially if she is willing to address it with a counselor.

 

It really has nothing to do with the other gal.

 

 

It's exhausting trying to make someone happy - only to find out that once the determined goal is obtained - they come up with another need that needs to be met.

 

 

If you want to believe that he loves you - write down his ACTION that he's done. This should give you the evidence you need to support that "feeling".

 

So many men say it - and do NOTHING to support it. Here we have DK SHOWING you with actions yet you need more words.

 

FYI - words from some can be empty. I don't see DK as the "empty words" kind of guy.

 

I'll take action over empty words any day and all day long.

 

I think this is what I was trying to say. This.

[lovinDKT3]

Since DK has acted loving - even if he doesn't say it often - it was always about her insecurity.

 

Now he's given her what she begged for - yet she wants something else from him.

 

This is a concept Lovin can improve upon.. Especially if she is willing to address it with a counselor.

 

It really has nothing to do with the other gal.

 

 

It's exhausting trying to make someone happy - only to find out that once the determined goal is obtained - they come up with another need that needs to be met.

 

 

If you want to believe that he loves you - write down his ACTION that he's done. This should give you the evidence you need to support that "feeling".

 

So many men say it - and do NOTHING to support it. Here we have DK SHOWING you with actions yet you need more words.

 

FYI - words from some can be empty. I don't see DK as the "empty words" kind of guy.

 

I'll take action over empty words any day and all day long.

 

Throughout the history of our relationship dating back 24 years to when I was just 16, DKT has shown his love for me in actions and words. The problem with his actions are he would do things that were so sweet, then the next day something that was totally selfish. After time the selfish things took on more meaning then the sweet ones. At that point all I had was words. I hung on to his words for many years leading into the affair, but so many selfish actions. I'm not blaming him for the A, so don't think that is were this leading.

 

That was the past....yes he shows his love everyday, giving me a second chance proves it. However I think all of us women want to hear it. Its just who most of us are.

 

As I said, I wasn't aware that is what I wanted/needed until it happened. There was so much love, passion and desire for me in his tone when he told me it just melted my heart.

[beach]

Well this is a good revelation.

 

And I agree - the old relationship wasn't working - so this is a chance to build a completely new relationship.

 

This new way would require never bringing old *meanings* into the NEW relationship.

 

It's hard... As the *meaning* you've assigned to past behaviors (or words/or lack of words) USED to mean this (place any "feeling" here).

 

Letting go of PRIOR assigned meanings is key - after all this is to become the NEW relationship.

 

The NEW includes TELLING each other honestly what you need from the other.

 

Sooooo....

 

 

IF you NEED DK to tell you more often that he loves you bunches and bunches - then tell him you need that FROM HIM. He's not a mind reader.

 

And what he NEEDS from you - we hope that he's willing to express that openly as well.

 

 

Family of origin always plays a role and is that "assigned meaning" that we are trying to eliminate here. It's a complicated theory - but can be overcome with NEW behaviors if you two are willing.

 

I hope I am explaining the concept correctly here - it's not an easy concept to portray in written form.

[HermioneG]

Well this is a good revelation.

 

And I agree - the old relationship wasn't working - so this is a chance to build a completely new relationship.

 

This new way would require never bringing old *meanings* into the NEW relationship.

 

It's hard... As the *meaning* you've assigned to past behaviors (or words/or lack of words) USED to mean this (place any "feeling" here).

 

Letting go of PRIOR assigned meanings is key - after all this is to become the NEW relationship.

 

The NEW includes TELLING each other honestly what you need from the other.

 

Sooooo....

 

 

IF you NEED DK to tell you more often that he loves you bunches and bunches - then tell him you need that FROM HIM. He's not a mind reader.

 

And what he NEEDS from you - we hope that he's willing to express that openly as well.

 

 

Family of origin always plays a role and is that "assigned meaning" that we are trying to eliminate here. It's a complicated theory - but can be overcome with NEW behaviors if you two are willing.

 

I hope I am explaining the concept correctly here - it's not an easy concept to portray in written form.

 

 

This is very true.

 

In my FOO- I was told I was loved and that I was a special snowflake. All the time. And I was verbally and emotionally abused. The actions never lined up with what I was hearing. It took time, distance and therapy to get myself straightened out in that aspect. Because in my family- the assigned meaning of those words? Empty. Fake. Prelude to disaster.

 

In my marriage, my healthy and healed marriage, I can hear him say it and believe it. But my preference will always be actions. In general, I am assured that every person needs to find the right mix of words and actions for themselves, and further, in their relationships. Hopefully, Lovin', you're on the road to yours.

[Hope Shimmers]

No beach I'm not moving my goal, he made the statement "what I had with her was a moment, what we have seems like I had all my life. It was my love for you that pulled me away from her."

 

Wow... this is amazing. I would kill to have a man I loved feel that way about me.

 

You were so young when you first got together. Some of the selfishness that he displayed was part of maturing and learning.

 

You and he are together - exactly where you both want to be. Expecting a new baby. You have your whole futures to look forward to. I think you will do great.

 

I'll repeat what someone else said - thank you both for posting here. Hearing two sides instead of one really, really helps many other people here with perspective. It's great.

[lovinDKT3]

Wow... this is amazing. I would kill to have a man I loved feel that way about me.

 

You were so young when you first got together. Some of the selfishness that he displayed was part of maturing and learning.

 

You and he are together - exactly where you both want to be. Expecting a new baby. You have your whole futures to look forward to. I think you will do great.

 

I'll repeat what someone else said - thank you both for posting here. Hearing two sides instead of one really, really helps many other people here with perspective. It's great.

 

Thank you Hope.

 

DKT is an amazing man. I lost sight of that once, I will never let that happen again.

 

Posting here has been a big help for us, moreso for him. For whatever reason he is comfortable talking here about things that he would bottle up in the past. It has caused some minor flare ups. Example, I once called the exAP "my OM", he wasn't happy about that. Sharing our journey here was something our MC suggested we not do, saying that these broads can be counter-productive. I guess they can be, so far its been mostly good. If it helps others in the process that's great.

[Try]

Do I think its something that she would end the relationship for? Nope. Will it take away her fears that I will go running to this woman? Nope.

What bothers me about Lovin's attitude on this is that she is equating her cheating and dishonest relationship with her affair partner, that she had behind your back while still being married to you, with your open and honest relationship with another women after you were divorced. There is no comparison. There was no lying or betrayal associated with your relationship with the other woman after you were already divorced. When you are concerned, it is because she has a proven history of betraying you for another while married to you. You have no such betrayal of her in your history, so she has no reason to be concerned. She is concerned purely because she has mistaken you for someone else; she has mistaken you for herself.

[DKT3]

What bothers me about Lovin's attitude on this is that she is equating her cheating and dishonest relationship with her affair partner, that she had behind your back while still being married to you, with your open and honest relationship with another women after you were divorced. There is no comparison. There was no lying or betrayal associated with your relationship with the other woman after you were already divorced. When you are concerned, it is because she has a proven history of betraying you for another while married to you. You have no such betrayal of her in your history, so she has no reason to be concerned. She is concerned purely because she has mistaken you for someone else; she has mistaken you for herself.

 

I don't think she is at all. Its more that she is saying the emotions are the same. At the end of it all we both felt like we were losing the person we loved. Hers was wrapped in lies and betrayal, mine was a case of trying to move on. The hurt we felt was the same.

[lovinDKT3]

What bothers me about Lovin's attitude on this is that she is equating her cheating and dishonest relationship with her affair partner, that she had behind your back while still being married to you, with your open and honest relationship with another women after you were divorced. There is no comparison. There was no lying or betrayal associated with your relationship with the other woman after you were already divorced. When you are concerned, it is because she has a proven history of betraying you for another while married to you. You have no such betrayal of her in your history, so she has no reason to be concerned. She is concerned purely because she has mistaken you for someone else; she has mistaken you for herself.

 

No, I haven't mistaken him for me. He would never cheat, its not in his DNA. He would end our relationship before he would be with any other woman.

 

You see he has a pretty black and white view on relationships.

[aliveagain]

I don't think she is at all. Its more that she is saying the emotions are the same. At the end of it all we both felt like we were losing the person we loved. Hers was wrapped in lies and betrayal, mine was a case of trying to move on. The hurt we felt was the same.

 

Yes you both lost the person you loved DKT3, you still held onto your dignity regardless of her infidelity. You held intact your promise, your word to her, your word still means something. The marriage contract was just the public document recognizing your sworn oath to each other. I still see that as an imbalance. Did you sign a post nuptial agreement this time around? Do you ever feel that she is still tainted even now or did your new relationships after your divorce erase that , be honest. I couldn't get over the fact that my ex gave it away freely but than some of us just can't get over infidelity. I have the same issue with liars.

 

How do you handle the differences you experienced with other women, you can't help feeling attached to someone that shared that much intimacy with you. Watching a new partner asleep on your arm on a Saturday morning than getting up and making her fresh coffee and french toast with berry preserves has a certain excitement to it. How do you go back, how do you trust someone again, how do you know you are safe? Words are just words sometimes. My questions are in a way helping me because at some point I may decide to be with only one again.

[DKT3]

Yes you both lost the person you loved DKT3, you still held onto your dignity regardless of her infidelity. You held intact your promise, your word to her, your word still means something. The marriage contract was just the public document recognizing your sworn oath to each other. I still see that as an imbalance. Did you sign a post nuptial agreement this time around? Do you ever feel that she is still tainted even now or did your new relationships after your divorce erase that , be honest. I couldn't get over the fact that my ex gave it away freely but than some of us just can't get over infidelity. I have the same issue with liars.

 

How do you handle the differences you experienced with other women, you can't help feeling attached to someone that shared that much intimacy with you. Watching a new partner asleep on your arm on a Saturday morning than getting up and making her fresh coffee and french toast with berry preserves has a certain excitement to it. How do you go back, how do you trust someone again, how do you know you are safe? Words are just words sometimes. My questions are in a way helping me because at some point I may decide to be with only one again.

 

You ask some legit and important questions here, most of which I battled with in making up my mind to try a second time. I have a meeting to get to, but I will answer in detail later.

[DKT3]

Did you sign a post nuptial agreement this time around?

No, and I wouldn't. Lovin comes from a very wealthy family and asked for nothing in our divorce. I gave her the house and CS because they are my kids, my responsibilty. My point is money isn't a deterrent

 

Do you ever feel that she is still tainted even now or did your new relationships after your divorce erase that , be honest. I couldn't get over the fact that my ex gave it away freely but than some of us just can't get over infidelity. I have the same issue with liars.

Tainted? Absolutely not. Unlike most guys the physical side of her affair wasn't as painful as the other elements. The lost of faith in her, the broken trust, the fact that I even now I doubt things she tell me, and what she does. I'm working and trying hard to get through those feelings and doubts. I'm still hoping for the day that I can not think about what she did. Even when we were apart and I wouldn't talk to her I thought about it everyday. Why? Why would she do this? No answer has ever satisfied me. I know posting and reading here doesn't help, but honestly, I need this place right now.

 

 

How do you handle the differences you experienced with other women, you can't help feeling attached to someone that shared that much intimacy with you. Watching a new partner asleep on your arm on a Saturday morning than getting up and making her fresh coffee and french toast with berry preserves has a certain excitement to it. How do you go back, how do you trust someone again, how do you know you are safe? Words are just words sometimes. My questions are in a way helping me because at some point I may decide to be with only one again.

I had a lot of ONS type relationships, not really ONS but very short sexually charged relationships were I did my best to remain emotionally distant. It was ego boosting to know that these women wanted me after my wife, the woman I loved so very much just tossed me and what I thought I meant to her away, for what? A guy she didn't even love? For the thrill of being chased? Those relationships made me feel better, short lived.

 

Then I started to have feeling for work girl, this time it was different, I already cared about her as a friend so remaining distant while becoming sexually involved was impossible. We have a lot in common, where Lovin and I really don't share common passions outside of our kids. The conversation flowed so easy, the interest were in line and I really enjoyed being with her. However I would compare what she said and did to what I thought Lovin would say do or react in the same situation. I first thought, "we had been together so long how could I not, what else do I know". I had become so co-dependant. We grow up together and developed roles in our relationship and marriage. We were both so co-depenant it was so unhealthy. The things we relied on the other to do, now we were doing on our own, it was uncomfortable. I think part of my attraction to work girl was she was so willing to fill those roles that were for the better part of 15, 16 years Lovins. Was I falling for work girl? Absolutely, but what parts? The parts that were so similar to Lovin or the parts that were totally different? Who was I falling in love with? Why couldn't I get this woman, who so willingly threw me away, out of my head, my heart?

 

Funny you mention how could I go back, it was one morning in bed with work girl while she was asleep I thought "this isn't fair to her, she is a young woman with so much in front of her and spinning her wheels with a guy who is still in love with the woman who saw me as disposible". The pressure of work girls expectation of me and the pull back towards Lovin forced me to end that relationship.

 

Within a month I started to give Lovin nibbles, it was totally selfish because I still had no desire to be with her, or I should say my ego wouldn't allow it. That is what I told myself. The truth is, I knew she wanted US and I used that to punish her. Give a little then pull back. During this "FWB" kinda thing we had, I continued to see other women, including work girl a few times. Lovin knew this and I know it was painful for her.

 

I didn't know what I was doing, I couldn't admit to myself that I loved this woman as much then as ever. I convinced myself it was only for the sex, but we spent a lot of time together without having sex and without the kids. Shortly before I joined this site I promised to her that I would stop seeing other women. The story after that is already posted here.

 

TRUST? How do you trust a WS? I don't know. I guess it happens slowly over time. Its a leap of faith, maybe? I do know this, something in me had to try. I had tried for almost two years to move on and I got no where. A year and a half of that was NC outside of dealing with the kids, most of that done via text or email. Once I started talking to her it all flooded back, I fought it. So I said eff it, let's see what happens. I trust her more today then I did yesterday, the goal is to trust more tomorrow. She is doing some heavy lifting, that helps. She offers things that will help build trust. She knows my triggers and we have only had one incident surrounding my triggers in months.

 

Bottom line is she is my woman, not in a caveman way, but in a I found my one way. First try out the gate and I won. Its hasn't been easy, and it will be work in the future. She is what I want. That is what pulled me away from what I had with other women.

 

Wow that way long.

[aliveagain]

You have to wonder why she chose to destroy it all when it's obvious there is a lot of love between you. This is what I find frighting. I don't think I would feel safe without that answer.

[DKT3]

You have to wonder why she chose to destroy it all when it's obvious there is a lot of love between you. This is what I find frighting. I don't think I would feel safe without that answer.

 

I don't know. I doubt she made the decision to destroy our marriage. I doubt she thought much about how it would end. I'm guessing she simply thought she could do as she pleased and I would never know.

 

She has given me her why's for the A. We have talked about her mindset during. None of it makes sense to me.

 

I feel comfortable that she knows the outcome of another A. I promise it will be a lot easier to leave the second time and there wouldn't be a third time.

[Owl]

I don't know. I doubt she made the decision to destroy our marriage. I doubt she thought much about how it would end. I'm guessing she simply thought she could do as she pleased and I would never know.

 

She has given me her why's for the A. We have talked about her mindset during. None of it makes sense to me.

 

I feel comfortable that she knows the outcome of another A. I promise it will be a lot easier to leave the second time and there wouldn't be a third time.

 

There's some good insight in this post.

 

You've done a lot of good thinking here, my friend.

[DKT3]

There's some good insight in this post.

 

You've done a lot of good thinking here, my friend.

Owl, this has really been a long process, us getting to this point. We have spent so many hours talking.

 

Being type A, I learned so much in this area. Going into that journey thinking "this will never happen to me again". Then coming out the other side knowing it can happen to anyone at anytime. We can only control what we do, and no matter how good or bad we are to someone, only they can make the decision to stay faithful. So I let it go. Sure there is a chance that she could do it again, but so could any other woman I would be with. It will be much harder for her to get away with it because I'm aware. I will never ignore the signs. The first time my son was about six, I was away and spoke to him on the phone. He asked me why did he have to stay at aunt blank's(baby sitter) house until 4 2 and 6 (the way he told time), meaning my wife picked him up at 4:26 am. She told me it was pm and he was confused. I thought it was odd, why would he think that, because it was normal for her to pick him up between 6 and 7pm.

 

Point being, there will be risks in any relationship. For a long time I shut down, and for as much as lovin hates to hear this work girl opened me up. Once I was open I realized what I wanted but I was scared. I put a lot of thought into the possible outcomes. In the end I didn't want to risk asking myself what if. Even if it doesn't work, I won't have to ask or regret not trying.

[bigman1]

This really seems to be a matter of trust on both of your parts now. You have to trust that she is not going to stray again despite her feelings of insecurity which is a form of brokeness that has to be addressed. She is going to have to trust that you really love and only want her despite the fact that you had such an intense relationship with another very compatible woman so quickly after it all ended.

 

I guess some waywards trying to work things out worry that their betrayed will leave them and find greener pastures. In Lovin's case, you left, found green grass (but not necessarily greener grass) and decided to come back. its one thing to tell the betrayed don't go because what we have is worth saving and an entirely different thing to say, now that you know how good it can be without me are you sure that you really want me? In the former, the insecurities about the unknown have to be borne by the betrayed. In the latter, the insecurities about the known have to be borne by the cheater. The issue becomes one of trusting the other person and silencing the screaming insecurity in your head. The "Forsaking all others" part of your vows is really getting a workout.

 

Good luck. You both have to trust the other against your own experience and insecurities brought on by this mess. Don't let that become a wedge.

[DKT3]

This really seems to be a matter of trust on both of your parts now. You have to trust that she is not going to stray again despite her feelings of insecurity which is a form of brokeness that has to be addressed. She is going to have to trust that you really love and only want her despite the fact that you had such an intense relationship with another very compatible woman so quickly after it all ended.

 

I guess some waywards trying to work things out worry that their betrayed will leave them and find greener pastures. In Lovin's case, you left, found green grass (but not necessarily greener grass) and decided to come back. its one thing to tell the betrayed don't go because what we have is worth saving and an entirely different thing to say, now that you know how good it can be without me are you sure that you really want me? In the former, the insecurities about the unknown have to be borne by the betrayed. In the latter, the insecurities about the known have to be borne by the cheater. The issue becomes one of trusting the other person and silencing the screaming insecurity in your head. The "Forsaking all others" part of your vows is really getting a workout.

 

Good luck. You both have to trust the other against your own experience and insecurities brought on by this mess. Don't let that become a wedge.

 

The subject come up in MC yesterday. The therapist told us that this is her issue, and totally unfair to unload it on me. She was upset by this because she feels he is giving her mixed messeages.

 

At any rate she doesn't seem as on edge. Of course she has been busy with baby things as if the baby is coming next week. Everything has to be done NOW.

 

The trust issues, are unwarrented on her part. In 23 years I have never done anything to cross the lines in terms of infidelity. Went we started our FWB thing, she knew I was still seeing other women. I'm now committed to her all I can do is show her that, what goes on in her head is not within my control.

[Spark1111]

As many of you know, my ex and I are finally putting our life together with one another. Its been a long journey. We have been doing great, communication is better then ever and I feel closer to her then ever before.

 

For the most part, I'm over her affair, I do trigger a bit around my calls to her going unanwsered. This is a little unreasonable because she does run her own business. But hey I'm only human and I can't control how I feel, only how I react to those feelings.

 

However, she is having a really hard time dealing with the things I did after I deemed our relationship over and filed for divorce. With the week I had become sexually active with other women. Its really had nothing to do with her, it was about me and how I felt. I think mentally she gets it, but emotionally she feels betrayed.

 

Now this was all triggered again on the 4th when I got a well wishing text from the young lady I had a relationship with. She moved to Chicago and has no idea that the ex and I are together again because we don't communicate. Its not a NC situation, we ended the relationship and the communication simply tapered off. In maintaining with the open lines I show this email to Lovin, and she went bat sh*t crazy. I chalked it up to being pregnant and moved on. Well she just can't let it go, she wants details, times and places.

 

The truth is, its none of her business. This relationship started 1 year after we were divorced and I hadn't spoken to her in three or four months before we got back together. I'm trying to reassure her that its over, and it has been well before we we're US again.

 

I get that THIS woman makes her feel "UNSAFE" in the relationship. But I don't know what I can do to fix it or help her through it. MC thinks I need to just tell her everything. I'm mean I just don't see how that would help anything. Her IC tells her she has to let it go or risk pushing me away. That isn't going to happen, I'm in 100%.

 

I know this is awkward because she posts here as well, but advise or suggestions would be great. Maybe in there she may find something that helps.

 

Thanks

 

Excuse me for not reading all the above posts.....BUT if you are serious about reconciling...TELL HER EVERYTHING.

 

FBS here.....and it is what you CHOOSE to not divulge is what will throw the monkey wrench into your reconciliation.....

 

After trauma post DDay....a fBS's imagination is often 10x worse the TRUTH of it all.... TELL IT! Tell it all. Do NOT protect yourself, your AP.

 

TELL the TRUTH!

 

Almost 95% want to forgive their partners after an an affair, IF they tell the truth.

 

Five years later....if you have told the unadulterated truth after DDay, 87% are STILL together....

 

And if you have NOT....ONLY around 55% are still together 5 years later.....

 

The choice is your's.....

 

STEP UP TO THE PLATE! We BS's want to believe you have the courage to put Humpty-Dumpty back together again. We want to love, Commit., and fix it....

As long as you have the courage to tell the truth.

 

And if IF you do not?

 

We WILL take are chances on someone else..... Someone NEW.....

 

Read, read, educate yourselves as to what is necessary to do so.....

 

TRICKLE-TRUTHING KILLs more marriages than anything else!

[Red123]

He is the BS in this relationship. He was seeing other women when they split up after her A. Sorry but he appears to be doing his part:)

[DKT3]

Excuse me for not reading all the above posts.....BUT if you are serious about reconciling...TELL HER EVERYTHING.

 

FBS here.....and it is what you CHOOSE to not divulge is what will throw the monkey wrench into your reconciliation.....

 

After trauma post DDay....a fBS's imagination is often 10x worse the TRUTH of it all.... TELL IT! Tell it all. Do NOT protect yourself, your AP.

 

TELL the TRUTH!

 

Almost 95% want to forgive their partners after an an affair, IF they tell the truth.

 

Five years later....if you have told the unadulterated truth after DDay, 87% are STILL together....

 

And if you have NOT....ONLY around 55% are still together 5 years later.....

 

The choice is your's.....

 

STEP UP TO THE PLATE! We BS's want to believe you have the courage to put Humpty-Dumpty back together again. We want to love, Commit., and fix it....

As long as you have the courage to tell the truth.

 

And if IF you do not?

 

We WILL take are chances on someone else..... Someone NEW.....

 

Read, read, educate yourselves as to what is necessary to do so.....

 

TRICKLE-TRUTHING KILLs more marriages than anything else!

 

I'm the BS, the relationship I had started a year or so after we were divorced. She wanted information about that relationship since we are together now after 5 years apart.

[DKT3]

He is the BS in this relationship. He was seeing other women when they split up after her A. Sorry but he appears to be doing his part:)

 

Thank you Red

[Spark1111]

We were divorced a year when I started this relationship, so I don't feel its her business. I never asked for any information on her life during this time apart. She did share but I never asked for it. In a sense I guess one could say its only fair. The truth is I feel she knows all she needs to know. I owed her nothing at that point.

 

The ONS did happen while we were married, but she had been served with divorce papers and we were no long "together", I had moved out. According to the defination it was cheating because we were still legally married. Those ONS I have been more open about.

 

I am here to tell you it really does not MATTER.

 

YOU want a future with this woman?

 

COME CLEAN with ALL of it.....TODAY.

 

ONS, FWBs.....ALL of it!

 

You love her? Tell her the TRUTH about all of it. LET her decide IF Humpty-Dumpty can be put together again.

 

Can YOU live with the same decision?

[DKT3]

I am here to tell you it really does not MATTER.

 

YOU want a future with this woman?

 

COME CLEAN with ALL of it.....TODAY.

 

ONS, FWBs.....ALL of it!

 

You love her? Tell her the TRUTH about all of it. LET her decide IF Humpty-Dumpty can be put together again.

 

Can YOU live with the same decision?

 

its none of her business what I did or with who I did it with after we were divorced. I firmly believe this. But I did compromise and told her much of what she wanted to know and told her it was the last time I would answer questions about the matter. I don't ask questions about her affair I have a reasonable expectation of the same. As for my ego boosting spree of ONS, I feel, in part it is her business. They came after I filed for divorce and moved out, but we were still "married", so I was open to answer all her questions there. Its all here in the thread.

[Spark1111]

its none of her business what I did or with who I did it with after we were divorced. I firmly believe this. But I did compromise and told her much of what she wanted to know and told her it was the last time I would answer questions about the matter. I don't ask questions about her affair I have a reasonable expectation of the same. As for my ego boosting spree of ONS, I feel, in part it is her business. They came after I filed for divorce and moved out, but we were still "married", so I was open to answer all her questions there. Its all here in the thread.

 

So, DK...What do you want? Now?

 

What do you think she wants?

 

Are you DONE and ready to move onto a future without her?

 

Or are you stumbling? Hoping you can put back your relationship with her?

 

A better, stronger relationship with her?