You girls should never have problem finding a BF

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am going off on a bit of tangent but there is something I will never understand.

 

I met quite a few men that told me stuff like I am waiting for a "prince" and living in fantasy world and it will never happen. Followed by that I should give "real men" a shot (like themselves). It seems to me that means that men don't care if a woman settled for them or isn't that into them. As long as they date her and sleep with her, it's all good.

 

Myself, and pretty much all of my friends wouldn't dream of being with a man that is "settling". If he wants a princess, then damn better make sure I am that "princess" or don't date me.

 

It's like men only care about how they feel and what they want.

[Els]

I met quite a few men that told me stuff like I am waiting for a "prince" and living in fantasy world and it will never happen. Followed by that I should give "real men" a shot (like themselves). It seems to me that means that men don't care if a woman settled for them or isn't that into them. As long as they date her and sleep with her, it's all good.

 

IMO men who are worth having, actually do care about whether the woman he is with is genuinely in love with him. I've had a few guys tell me the same things before too. Some of them had ulterior motives. They were all wrong, though - it did happen. Not necessarily a 'prince' (obviously!), but a man I truly loved and wanted to be with, and vice versa.

 

So, hopefully that gives you some rather important information on the men who told you that.

[irc333]

Interesting you should bring this up, there's a couple of video clips online about this publication that talks about settling for 'Mr. Good Enough". It is actually geared towards women's level of overpickiness.

 

The author does seem to make some valid points that women are too fixated on what doesn't matter in a relationship than what actually does.

 

This video/article from the Today Show talks about it.

 

Why it’s OK to settle for Mr. Good Enough - Author Lori Gottlieb on the fading line between compromising and settling

 

 

I like the way the introduce it with a couple of women in the park who are observing families playing in the park, both mother's and father's doing their thing with the children while the observing chronically single women had to resort to in vitro fertilization when they hadn't found "Mr. Right" by the age of 40.

 

This paragraph is interesting:

 

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

 

I am going off on a bit of tangent but there is something I will never understand.

 

I met quite a few men that told me stuff like I am waiting for a "prince" and living in fantasy world and it will never happen. Followed by that I should give "real men" a shot (like themselves). It seems to me that means that men don't care if a woman settled for them or isn't that into them. As long as they date her and sleep with her, it's all good.

 

Myself, and pretty much all of my friends wouldn't dream of being with a man that is "settling". If he wants a princess, then damn better make sure I am that "princess" or don't date me.

 

It's like men only care about how they feel and what they want.

Edited June 8, 2014 by irc333

[Imajerk17]

Well, for every woman in a heterosexual relationship, there is a man. So there's no way that most women are taken while most men are single. Simple math. (Unless a lot of the taken women are all seeing the same guy that is!)

 

I do get the guys' point in this thread though, in that women are "pickier"--when there is an interaction between a man and a woman that doesn't go further, she is usually the one who exercised her veto power. Its not due to the guy meeting her checklists though, so much as her needing to feel chemistry/powerful connection, which I hear is, elusive for many women. Most guys care only that she is cute and nice.

Edited June 8, 2014 by Imajerk17

[GoreSP]

Those posters are haters, disregard them.

 

Oh, I know. But some of those posters are on this thread - hence the sarcasm.

[GoreSP]

You cant find THE man because your putting too much emphasis on how you want him to be. Stop having such a high check list and be more reasonable and down to earth. Men only require 3 main things from women which I feel are easygoing personality, attractive, and doesn't mind cooking a nice meal sometime. A woman's checklist is ridiculous not to mention the part where you ladies try to find something wrong with a man by overanalyzing which leads to ditching him for almost nothing. I see it happen to said guys all the time its become a common practice. Not to mention its always our jobs to keep you entertained. How fair is that? I'd like to see you try to entertain us outside the bedroom for once.

 

See?

 

ten characters.

[GoreSP]

So Gore, if you have been single since 2009, and not necessarily by choice, why do you believe that you have had so much trouble?

 

That not any of your business, actually. Too personal

 

But I can say that since 2009, I have not turned back a date invitation because of my standards being impossible to attain.

Edited June 8, 2014 by GoreSP

[iris219]

This paragraph is interesting:

 

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

 

 

Such bad advice.

 

For any man who thinks this is good advice, I challenge HIM to date AND marry a woman he doesn't have a connection with, one who has bad breath, dresses sloppy, and habits he finds annoying.

 

Marriages that began with passion and connection can fail. Marriages that have never had passion or connection, I'm convinced, will fail every time.

[guest572]

why settle when you can be single?

[Els]

 

Marriages that began with passion and connection can fail. Marriages that have never had passion or connection, I'm convinced, will fail every time.

 

Exactly. So incredibly short-sighted. Even if some woman takes that advice and hooks up with them, 10 years from now, they'll be the ones complaining about walkaway wives and how men get screwed over in a divorce, or their completely sexless marriage...

 

Every person in a very-long-term marriage (>10 years) whom I've had the pleasure of having in-depth talks with, was very much in love with their partner. They also generally tend to say that without that connection, there was no way they would have managed to weather the highs and lows together.

[HappyLove]

It really depends on how long she's been single and if she's actually been trying.

 

Even then, girls that have been single for a long time and can't get dates, are super rare. And yeah, odds are they have something wrong with them.

 

Funny how something is wrong with a woman who can't find a man. But nothing is wrong with a man who can't get a woman or even approach one!

[Imported]

I am pretty superficial. You can see it in everything I do. It can't just be functional, it has to look good doing it. A to B? I do it in style. It is not enough just to get there.

 

Women I choose are attractive. I think they are beautiful, that is why I got with them. If you're dating me, you're pretty, you're probably very nice and you probably smile a lot.

 

I don't ever want to date you if you don't think the same about me. I don't even understand how you could if you didn't feel physical attraction. Are you pretending to be in your happy place? You shouldn't have to do that. It's not good for you and dishonest and it won't last.

 

I am not looking for a princess, but I am looking for a girl I am attracted to physically. Then I try to figure out the rest.

[hotpotato]

You cant find THE man because your putting too much emphasis on how you want him to be. Stop having such a high check list and be more reasonable and down to earth. Men only require 3 main things from women which I feel are easygoing personality, attractive, and doesn't mind cooking a nice meal sometime. A woman's checklist is ridiculous not to mention the part where you ladies try to find something wrong with a man by overanalyzing which leads to ditching him for almost nothing. I see it happen to said guys all the time its become a common practice. Not to mention its always our jobs to keep you entertained. How fair is that? I'd like to see you try to entertain us outside the bedroom for once.

 

Fwiw, i've never ditched a man. If I were dating him, I always tried to make it work.

 

You talk about attraction as if it were so simple.

 

This is a variation on a theme I hear a lot. "If only women would date betas, women wouldn't have such problems."

Edited June 8, 2014 by hotpotato

[hotpotato]

If those are truly your standards, then no, you are not being picky at all.

 

Though I do believe that many women have far stricter standards then you do. If I had met more women that had standards as lax as you, then I would have dated a hell of a lot more than I have.

 

having low standards doesn't work for some women...

 

 

I am going off on a bit of tangent but there is something I will never understand.

 

I met quite a few men that told me stuff like I am waiting for a "prince" and living in fantasy world and it will never happen. Followed by that I should give "real men" a shot (like themselves). It seems to me that means that men don't care if a woman settled for them or isn't that into them. As long as they date her and sleep with her, it's all good.

 

Myself, and pretty much all of my friends wouldn't dream of being with a man that is "settling". If he wants a princess, then damn better make sure I am that "princess" or don't date me.

 

It's like men only care about how they feel and what they want.

 

IMO a lot of men are happy to have a placeholder. He will have sex with you for awhile, even if there is no passion. Having sex with a woman isn't necessarily settling for a man.

 

 

I

Why it’s OK to settle for Mr. Good Enough - Author Lori Gottlieb on the fading line between compromising and settling

 

 

 

 

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

 

Passionless might work in other countries that don't have no fault divorce and and it is tradition to stay together for reasons other than romance. I doubt that works here.

 

 

Well, for every woman in a heterosexual relationship, there is a man. So there's no way that most women are taken while most men are single. Simple math. (Unless a lot of the taken women are all seeing the same guy that is!)

 

I do get the guys' point in this thread though, in that women are "pickier"--when there is an interaction between a man and a woman that doesn't go further, she is usually the one who exercised her veto power. Its not due to the guy meeting her checklists though, so much as her needing to feel chemistry/powerful connection, which I hear is, elusive for many women. Most guys care only that she is cute and nice.

 

I haven't had much opportunity for veto power. I have been vetoed several times, actually.

 

If men only cared about women being cute and nice, I'd be married right now.

[somedude81]

Well, for every woman in a heterosexual relationship, there is a man. So there's no way that most women are taken while most men are single. Simple math. (Unless a lot of the taken women are all seeing the same guy that is!)

 

I do get the guys' point in this thread though, in that women are "pickier"--when there is an interaction between a man and a woman that doesn't go further, she is usually the one who exercised her veto power. Its not due to the guy meeting her checklists though, so much as her needing to feel chemistry/powerful connection, which I hear is, elusive for many women. Most guys care only that she is cute and nice.

 

Most desirable women are taken.

 

It's extremely hard to find a halfway decent woman who is single and interested in dating. When those women finally do become single there is lots of competition for them. I made a thread about this subject a few months ago. And of course, I met my one and only GF when she was in a relationship.

[somedude81]

Of course females have it easier in this sense, they always have. That still doesn't mean they're constantly getting hit on by quality men.

 

And for every guy that bitches about an chick just won't give him a chance, they're the same dudes only going after gorgeous women. You date on your level, that's life.

 

How is a guy supposed to know what girls are on his level?

 

I'm certainly not going after only hot girls.

[Teraskas]

Of course females have it easier in this sense, they always have. That still doesn't mean they're constantly getting hit on by quality men.

 

And for every guy that bitches about an chick just won't give him a chance, they're the same dudes only going after gorgeous women. You date on your level, that's life.

 

While I agree with the first paragraph I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I read the second.

Such a hilariously incorrect generalisation.

[somedude81]

I am going off on a bit of tangent but there is something I will never understand.

 

I met quite a few men that told me stuff like I am waiting for a "prince" and living in fantasy world and it will never happen. Followed by that I should give "real men" a shot (like themselves). It seems to me that means that men don't care if a woman settled for them or isn't that into them. As long as they date her and sleep with her, it's all good.

 

Myself, and pretty much all of my friends wouldn't dream of being with a man that is "settling". If he wants a princess, then damn better make sure I am that "princess" or don't date me.

 

It's like men only care about how they feel and what they want.

 

When a man says that you should settle, he is just saying that you should give him a chance, try him out for a couple of dates. You don't have to marry him.

 

Too many women demand instant chemistry and sparks but that stuff just isn't reasonable.

 

And no, very few men actually want a princess. We just want a sweet cute girl.

[somedude81]

IMO men who are worth having, actually do care about whether the woman he is with is genuinely in love with him. I've had a few guys tell me the same things before too. Some of them had ulterior motives. They were all wrong, though - it did happen. Not necessarily a 'prince' (obviously!), but a man I truly loved and wanted to be with, and vice versa.

 

So, hopefully that gives you some rather important information on the men who told you that.

 

Of course I want a woman to be completely in love with me, but that takes time to happen.

 

It's foolish for a women to think that because she isn't in love with the guy on date two, that things will never happen.

[somedude81]

having low standards doesn't work for some women...

 

 

 

I haven't had much opportunity for veto power. I have been vetoed several times, actually.

 

If men only cared about women being cute and nice, I'd be married right now.

 

Those sentences paint a picture of you being picky with men and those men don't want you because you don't meet their standards.

 

You don't want to lower your standards to date the men who want you and the men you do want, don't want to lower there standards to date you.

 

So who do you think should adjust their requirements?

[Keenly]

Those sentences paint a picture of you being picky with men and those men don't want you because you don't meet their standards.

 

You don't want to lower your standards to date the men who want you and the men you do want, don't want to lower there standards to date you.

 

So who do you think should adjust their requirements?

 

No one should adjust their requirements. If either gender is looking for a sports car, and they keep adjusting their standards once, twice, three times, eventually they and up with a Honda civic and a whole bunch of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

 

You like what you like. You can't change what you like.

[hotpotato]

Those sentences paint a picture of you being picky with men and those men don't want you because you don't meet their standards.

 

You don't want to lower your standards to date the men who want you and the men you do want, don't want to lower there standards to date you.

 

So who do you think should adjust their requirements?

 

LOl my problem has been that I wasn't picky enough. Despite what some people imply, average or less attractive men cheat and leave just like the hot ones do. LOL @ problems being caused by being too picky.

 

I'm a good example of why some women just shouldn't "settle." I've tried dating men who were average or below average, which caused a lot of problems.I'm smart and strong willed, which is a turn off to average guys.

 

A man wants more than a woman who is cute...He wants a woman who can make him feel like a MAN. I just can't give that to an average man. There is a small pool of men who will have me long term. I guess its true to say I didn't meet their standards. One could say I came in with no standards which caused everyone a headache.

 

I truly should only be dating a few specific types of man.

 

I could land a guy who is 50 years or older or maybe one who is extremely unattractive, but I don't want either one. So sue me.

[somedude81]

No one should adjust their requirements. If either gender is looking for a sports car, and they keep adjusting their standards once, twice, three times, eventually they and up with a Honda civic and a whole bunch of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

 

You like what you like. You can't change what you like.

 

You just did a slippery slope logical fallacy.

 

Nobody has to keep lowering and lowering their standards till they are at the absolute bottom.

 

I really want a McLaren P1, but that's way out of my reach for now. So I'm willing to lower my expectations to a Scion FR-S which I will still be incredibly happy with.

[somedude81]

LOl my problem has been that I wasn't picky enough. Despite what some people imply, average or less attractive men cheat and leave just like the hot ones do. LOL @ problems being caused by being too picky.

I've never heard that average or less attractive men won't cheat or leave.

 

Though they do have less opportunities then the above average men.

 

I'm a good example of why some women just shouldn't "settle." I've tried dating men who were average or below average, which caused a lot of problems.I'm smart and strong willed, which is a turn off to average guys.

What a huge load a crap.

 

Though what is a turn off is when you keep making assumptions about guys. If you make an assumption and are too strong willed to admit that you're wrong, then that is a turn off to all men.

 

 

 

A man wants more than a woman who is cute...He wants a woman who can make him feel like a MAN. I just can't give that to an average man.

And you can't do that because.....?

 

 

There is a small pool of men who will have me long term.

 

I guess its true to say I didn't meet their standards.

What kind of men are they? Men with the patience of a saint?

 

I could land a guy who is 50 years or older or maybe one who is extremely unattractive, but I don't want either one. So sue me.

Really?

 

That's like me saying that my only choices for women are girls like Kate Upton and women who are 250 lbs. Since I can't land girls like Kate, and I don't want the huge girls, that means I have zero options.

[Salvatore85]

I think that having high standards is a good thing. Don't ever lower your standards in desperation to get a partner, because what are you then? High standards is about having self worth and self esteem to say no to settling for garbage. It doesn't mean the person is picky.

 

Except everyone equates high standards to looks.