My ex has completely blocked me from everything. What would cause her to do that?

[johan]

Hoping this is in jest.

 

You think it would be better if he just went to speak with her mother about it? I guess that is probably not a bad idea. It's going to be a hassle if the parents live in another state, but on the other hand what better way to show he really cares? I think I like your idea, now that I think about it.

[somegoodman]

somedude, this is your first relationship so it's gonna be tough but I can guarantee you she isn't worth anything. she won't make you happy. girls are really all the same, no matter what anybody tells you. they all react predictably to the same behavior and they all just do whatever makes them feel good right this moment. they are children basically. it isn't anything you can control so just stop trying. in this modern hookup culture most of them end up deeply unhappy as a direct result of their selfish behavior.

 

once you come to terms with this it will be like a weight lifted from your shoulders. you are free to set your own destiny, and no girl will ever get to you again. you won't even want a relationship, you'll be too busy "loving" and leaving them.

 

happy trails!

[2sunny]

Maybe it was a decision for her best interest in moving forward.

 

There's a lot of value in completely letting go of what no longer works and starting fresh.

 

Maybe she's in that mindset.

 

It may really have not much to do with you - but everything to do with her healing.

[Simon Phoenix]

You think it would be better if he just went to speak with her mother about it? I guess that is probably not a bad idea. It's going to be a hassle if the parents live in another state, but on the other hand what better way to show he really cares? I think I like your idea, now that I think about it.

 

Overselling the joke now.

[Glinda.Good]

I can guarantee you she isn't worth anything. she won't make you happy. girls are really all the same, no matter what anybody tells you. they all react predictably to the same behavior and they all just do whatever makes them feel good right this moment. they are children basically.

 

Ah. The wisdom.

[Eternal Sunshine]

If it makes you feel any better SD, my ex blocked me on FB ages ago. I am just upset I didn't do it first

[Anela]

somedude, this is your first relationship so it's gonna be tough but I can guarantee you she isn't worth anything. she won't make you happy. girls are really all the same, no matter what anybody tells you. they all react predictably to the same behavior and they all just do whatever makes them feel good right this moment. they are children basically. it isn't anything you can control so just stop trying. in this modern hookup culture most of them end up deeply unhappy as a direct result of their selfish behavior.

 

once you come to terms with this it will be like a weight lifted from your shoulders. you are free to set your own destiny, and no girl will ever get to you again. you won't even want a relationship, you'll be too busy "loving" and leaving them.

 

happy trails!

 

Really? So none of it was on Somedude, he was just perfect in every way? And this girl had no reason to want to be on her own, or with somebody else, she's just a child? I might agree on the child part, due to her age, but everything else? No.

[BC1980]

Somedude, I think it's best if you stop rehashing the relationship at this point. Stop asking WHY she would do what does does. I think it's good to analyze and rehash in the immediate aftermath, and it's impossible not to do it. However, at a certain point, you have to stop investing your emotional energy into this relationship.

 

I know, for me, the urge to analyze and ask WHY would still be strong when I was not faithful to NC. I am not 6 months NC, and the urge has almost completely gone. Even when the urge does present itself, I will tell myself that I have been down this road, and it's no longer beneficial to me or my emotional health to continue with this line of thinking. Thoughts are powerful, and we can lead ourselves down a twisted road of thinking if we keep allowing our thoughts to control us.

[KaliLove]

somedude, this is your first relationship so it's gonna be tough but I can guarantee you she isn't worth anything. she won't make you happy. girls are really all the same, no matter what anybody tells you. they all react predictably to the same behavior and they all just do whatever makes them feel good right this moment. they are children basically. it isn't anything you can control so just stop trying. in this modern hookup culture most of them end up deeply unhappy as a direct result of their selfish behavior.

 

once you come to terms with this it will be like a weight lifted from your shoulders. you are free to set your own destiny, and no girl will ever get to you again. you won't even want a relationship, you'll be too busy "loving" and leaving them.

 

happy trails!

 

Yes..you sound very happy and not at all bitter.

 

SD is not dumb enough to buy into this nonsense.

[somegoodman]

Yes..you sound very happy and not at all bitter.

 

SD is not dumb enough to buy into this nonsense.

 

I am happy. Thanks for noticing.

 

I'm not saying that somedude didn't do anything wrong. He's just trying to apply logic to a woman's fleeting emotions, something entirely irrational and beyond his control. I have been in 4 relationships in my 29 years and I can declare confidently that none of them were worth it and the only thing I gained from them was the knowledge that long term relationships are a losing proposition for men. They really only benefit women in the long run. Perhaps if divorce laws and social conventions were different, there would be a better balance.

[KaliLove]

I am happy. Thanks for noticing.

 

I'm not saying that somedude didn't do anything wrong. He's just trying to apply logic to a woman's fleeting emotions, something entirely irrational and beyond his control. I have been in 4 relationships in my 29 years and I can declare confidently that none of them were worth it and the only thing I gained from them was the knowledge that long term relationships are a losing proposition for men. They really only benefit women in the long run. Perhaps if divorce laws and social conventions were different, there would be a better balance.

 

I guess your only option is to date men. I speak for all womankind when I say- good riddance!

[somegoodman]

I guess your only option is to date men. I speak for all womankind when I say- good riddance!

 

 

 

You're right, I guess that would be my only option. Good thing I'm not interested in dating, the no-strings sex with young girls is too tempting! Thanks for the warm goodbye!

[swfc_77]

Mattyny posted a good reply on page 5.

 

6 months is an infatuation and honeymoon period, this time should be used to see if you were suited, you thought you were she obviously thought different, it's tough mate I know.

 

Me and my ex were together for 3 years, cohabiting settling down ready for kids, marriage and a house and 1 day in February she tells me she is emigrating to NZ 2 weeks later she is gone.

 

I haven't had anything, no text, no calls, nothing, I could be dead for all she knows.

 

It's tough, very tough, it's a mixture of betrayal, rejection, confusion, loneliness I could go on, you never really get over your first love, you just have to try and live with the pain and eventually it gets easier.

 

Stay off Facebook buddy, it's not a good place to be when your going through this crap.

[Teknoe]

SD, it sucks but it's just how the chips fell on this one. Bottom line is, for whatever the reasons may be, she doesn't want to communicate with you or hear from you in ANY CAPACITY ever again. I know it's hard to swallow, but pick yourself up and get on with the rest of your life.

 

As hard as it is, you need to find it in you to let her go (for good) and move on. This may take months, but hopefully not years. I remember before you met her saying how you wish having a GF will be the best thing in the world, but many of us warned you that your first breakup will hit you in ways you would not expect, and in some ways may sting even more than when you had no girlfriend experience to speak of. Hate to see this prophecy come true, but I guess it sorta has?

 

Goes to show you... you need to find inner satisfaction and be truly content in who you are... because there will always be something else to fret over. You need to create a strong foundation so that when people DO let you down in one fashion or another, you can weather those storms.

 

So yes, I sympathize with you. However, I also encourage you to swiftly seek some real life counseling to help you process your thoughts and feelings. Talking it over with someone in real life is very freeing and can help you to discover things about yourself you are not cognizant of. Again, this is where having one trusted good friend (just ONE!) would help you A LOT.

 

Start working and focusing on your foundation. Before you ask how, many others have given you perfectly reasonable and good suggestions for over 5 years now.

[Teknoe]

I read your other thread and have looked at a few of your past ones. I am getting the picture that maybe you have no idea of how you come off to other people. It might be a good idea to take a good honest look at yourself. For better future relationships with people.

 

Agreed with this. The topic creator often comes across as having little self-awareness. It might be social cues that he's not picking up on in real life... or it could be that he just chooses to ignore it and create his own illusions. Whatever it is, for over 5 years now he's struggled with the same issues and until he gets serious with himself and self improvement, I don't see this cycle ending anytime soon.

 

The last thing he should worry about now is the opposite sex. He should focus on short term goals he can reasonably hit. Small baby steps that will build up his resume, outlook and foundation. It's not "sexy" and it doesn't guarantee a girlfriend, which he seems so obsessed about. Ironically, the very things he doesn't want to do are the very steps most people go through before entering healthy relationships. He's got his eyes so much on having another girlfriend that he's looking past all the steps needed to become a much stronger man who has more to offer someone special than what he currently can.

 

Not a knock on the guy at all. Just frustrating to see him in the same position 5 years later and still asking the same questions. Maybe it's time to take a deep hard look in the mirror and start building some social capital. Get some interesting life experience under your belt!

[somedude81]

Yes it's harsh. But I guess that's life.

 

Unfortunately, her being harsh with me has caused me to feel anger and hate towards her. It also makes me hate myself because if she felt that the relationship with me wasn't worth fixing, then I must not be worth anything at all.

[Teknoe]

Yes it's harsh. But I guess that's life.

 

Unfortunately, her being harsh with me has caused me to feel anger and hate towards her. It also makes me hate myself because if she felt that the relationship with me wasn't worth fixing, then I must not be worth anything at all.

 

Don't fall prey to playing the victim card/game. No one can make you feel bad or inferior without your consent. You're blaming everything on the breakup and what SHE "did to you," but that is a very narrow and limited perspective. Take ownership, bear some of the responsibility and move on.

 

Don't you find it WILD that you're claiming the relationship was perfect(ly fine) and that you never had one fight to speak of, yet she dumped you, blocked you and told you to never contact her again.

 

Your perception of reality is a complete 180 of hers. That ought to tell you that you lacked awareness in this situation. And why we keep urging you to go make friends and in general, expand your horizons in life. Learn to be happy INDEPENDENTLY of girls. Until you do, you will always come off with this clingy need a GF desperation air that will turn girls off. If not immediately, then eventually, as seen with your ex. Girls just have a way of knowing or finding out, despite the secrets you keep silent. Body language and lifestyle go a long way to unveiling clues about a guy's true personality as time goes on. For example, after 6 months of dating, did you ever introduce her to any friends? No, right? That can be a major red flag for most girls, to find out you lack friends, or have none to really speak of.

 

Don't know what else to say, man. It's the same thing people have been telling you for 5 years now, but you just refuse to accept it.

Edited June 2, 2014 by Teknoe

[somedude81]

Um, I am blaming myself.

 

That's a big part of the self-hatred.

 

Don't you find it WILD that you're claiming the relationship was perfect(ly fine) and that you never had one fight to speak of, yet she dumped you, blocked you and told you to never contact her again.

Wild is an odd way to put it.

 

Yes, I think it's crazy that she dumped me when our relationship had absolutely zero issues and we never fought, and I always treated her with love and respect. I keep reading thread after thread on this forum where women are putting up with so much crap from their BF and they are still with them. And here I am who only treated her great, and had a relationship with no conflict, and I get dumped after six months. That's fu*ked up.

 

As for getting blocked by her, that was completely my fault. I just kept pushing her.

[Teknoe]

Um, I am blaming myself.

 

That's a big part of the self-hatred.

 

Blaming yourself won't help you in anyway. You simply have to stop this. Accept the mistakes you made, make a mental note of it, and aim to do better next time. And most important of all, MOVE ON. Otherwise, this self-hatred is going to prevent you from entering a 2nd relationship. It just will. You need to move on first.

 

Yes, I think it's crazy that she dumped me when our relationship had absolutely zero issues and we never fought, and I always treated her with love and respect. I keep reading thread after thread on this forum where women are putting up with so much crap from their BF and they are still with them. And here I am who only treated her great, and had a relationship with no conflict, and I get dumped after six months. That's fu*ked up.

 

Again, your perception of reality was different from hers. Obviously, for her she was largely unsatisfied with the relationship. That's why she dumped you. If she were satisfied, she would have stayed with her. Even if y'all didn't fight, I can guarantee you she saw issues with the relationship continuing. A girl doesn't break up with her BF without some good reasons.

 

Also, sometimes, an OK relationship is severed because it was only... OK. And not good. Or great. Maybe it's true you guys never fought, and maybe it was just an OK relationship in her eyes. To you it was great, since it was your first and your dream finally came true of having a GF, but maybe to her she saw the relationship after 6 months as being only OK, or even below par. She saw there was no future with you where she could be completely satisfied, so she unhitched her wagon from yours. It's life, man. You gotta move on.

 

As for getting blocked by her, that was completely my fault. I just kept pushing her.

 

Didn't many LoveShackers see this coming miles away, and warned you? And you didn't listen. You plowed through like a bull in a china shop. So here's my question. Let's say next year you enter your 2nd relationship. What are you going to do differently to let the next girl "breathe" and have some space where she doesn't feel like you are smothering her?

 

It's another reason why we keep telling you to make at least one good friend. That way you are not relying on a future GF to satisfy you at all times. You can mix it up, and have a guys' night out. And eventually, she can meet your guy friends, which is often times a crucial part of the BF-GF process. After X months, they introduce you to their friends and vice versa. If you have no friends, it's a huge red flag.

[somedude81]

Blaming yourself won't help you in anyway. You simply have to stop this. Accept the mistakes you made, make a mental note of it, and aim to do better next time. And most important of all, MOVE ON. Otherwise, this self-hatred is going to prevent you from entering a 2nd relationship. It just will. You need to move on first.

Yeah, I'll try to do better next time.

 

 

Again, your perception of reality was different from hers. Obviously, for her she was largely unsatisfied with the relationship. That's why she dumped you. If she were satisfied, she would have stayed with her. Even if y'all didn't fight, I can guarantee you she saw issues with the relationship continuing. A girl doesn't break up with her BF without some good reasons.

Based on the responses I've gotten in this thread and several others, yes a girl will break up with you without good reasons.

 

And no, I don't believe that she wasn't satisfied. If she wasn't satisfied then she gave me absolutely no signs that it was the case. She never complained about anything to me. I have absolutely no idea what she felt was missing from the relationship. The only possible thing that I feel I can do different, was make the drive more often to see her. That's it. There is nothing else I can think of that I would do differently next time.

 

 

Also, sometimes, an OK relationship is severed because it was only... OK. And not good. Or great. Maybe it's true you guys never fought, and maybe it was just an OK relationship in her eyes. To you it was great, since it was your first and your dream finally came true of having a GF, but maybe to her she saw the relationship after 6 months as being only OK, or even below par. She saw there was no future with you where she could be completely satisfied, so she unhitched her wagon from yours. It's life, man. You gotta move on.

You may be right that it was only OK. I don't know what I realistically could have done to make it great. Though honestly, she didn't seem to be the kind of person that needed to be in an amazing relationship to be happy. But know with how she dumped me, maybe that's the case.

 

For me, I would never end a relationship when things are just OK. This is just better when you have somebody with you. I can't see how being with me was worse than her being alone.

 

 

Didn't many LoveShackers see this coming miles away, and warned you? And you didn't listen. You plowed through like a bull in a china shop. So here's my question. Let's say next year you enter your 2nd relationship. What are you going to do differently to let the next girl "breathe" and have some space where she doesn't feel like you are smothering her?

Why should I care if the girl feels that I'm smothering her after she dumped me? After she dumps me, her feelings don't mean sh*t.

[Anela]

 

 

 

Why should I care if the girl feels that I'm smothering her after she dumped me? After she dumps me, her feelings don't mean sh*t.

 

Wrong response! Her feelings DO matter. She is a person in her own right, with her own life to live.

 

She had her reasons for breaking up with you. You weren't married, and she didn't sign a contract stating that she would stay with you for so many years. She wasn't happy, so she made a decision that worked for her.

[Teknoe]

SD, the following are just examples of why people think you lack awareness, and also paint some pictures on why people think she broke up with you. You yourself may not be aware how you come off, but I'm going to tell you how you come off with your thoughts and I'm willing to bet these thoughts manifested themselves in real life and were directly/indirectly conveyed to her over time whether you intended it or not.

 

 

And no, I don't believe that she wasn't satisfied. If she wasn't satisfied then she gave me absolutely no signs that it was the case. She never complained about anything to me. I have absolutely no idea what she felt was missing from the relationship. The only possible thing that I feel I can do different, was make the drive more often to see her. That's it. There is nothing else I can think of that I would do differently next time.

 

She probably did give off body language that suggested her disatisfaction, but you well could have missed it altogether, or ignored it since you were in your "I'm just so happy to finally be in a relationship" bubble.

 

For me, I would never end a relationship when things are just OK. This is just better when you have somebody with you. I can't see how being with me was worse than her being alone.

 

FOR YOU. Do you notice the key words there? Nothing that has to do WITH HER, and HER WANTS. It's all about YOU. Sorry, but that's very selfish and entitled. She doesn't owe you a thing. You refuse to see it from her shoes... she was NOT OK being in just an average relationship. She wanted more... she wanted SOMEBODY ELSE. That's her preference, you should be able to see that, respect it and move on. It's what mature and healthy adults do.

 

 

Why should I care if the girl feels that I'm smothering her after she dumped me? After she dumps me, her feelings don't mean sh*t.

 

Aaaaaand that pretty much says it all.

 

Read your post again. Do you see how it makes you come off a certain way?

 

Also, besides the fact that she's a human being you once loved, you should care about the mistakes you made as to NOT REPEAT them in the future.

 

Perhaps it's time to stop deflecting problem solving for your benefit. There are clearly issues at hand which you refuse to address, such as building social capital. You keep doing the same thing, and you'll keep getting the same results.

[somedude81]

Wrong response! Her feelings DO matter. She is a person in her own right, with her own life to live.

 

She had her reasons for breaking up with you. You weren't married, and she didn't sign a contract stating that she would stay with you for so many years. She wasn't happy, so she made a decision that worked for her.

 

Cut me some slack Anela. She broke my heart. The last thing I'm going to do is worry about that I might be upsetting her by contacting her too much.

[somedude81]

FOR YOU. Do you notice the key words there? Nothing that has to do WITH HER, and HER WANTS. It's all about YOU. Sorry, but that's very selfish and entitled.

 

I would have done absolutely anything she wanted to keep her with me. I would have worked my hardest to become the person she wanted me to be.

 

So no, I am not being selfish and entitled at all.

[Simon Phoenix]

I would have done absolutely anything she wanted to keep her with me. I would have worked my hardest to become the person she wanted me to be.

 

So no, I am not being selfish and entitled at all.

 

Sure you were. You kept after her after she broke up with you wanting answers for you. That's the definition of selfish. I have to agree with Teknoe -- I don't think you have a very good grasp of the vibe you give out to others and I'm guessing you aren't very adept at picking up the social cues they are giving you. No offense meant, just an observation from your posting.