My ex has completely blocked me from everything. What would cause her to do that?

[somedude81]

But she probably did know.. Whether you told her or not, she would have known.

 

As for other things in your life, don't you think maybe it's time to change your priorities? How do you expect anyone to be happy with who you are if you're not? Accomplish something. Finish your studies. Get a job. These things matter.

 

You cannot live on love.

 

We've been over this, but you have know idea how much she understood about you, simply through spending time with you for six months. You don't have to say things directly for people to draw conclusions based on observatikns.

 

Her reasons for leaving, and blocking, all point to her feeling you need her too much, and she didn't want that role in your life. She even said she can't bè the person you talk to about the break up. She understood that she was the ONLY person you have. That's suffocating.

You two make a good point.

 

No I have no idea how much she understood about me, and how she read into my actions and words. I don't think she knew the complete picture, but she may have had a good idea.

 

Even if she felt that I needed her too much, I never tried to push her to live with me, or to see each other more often. Hell, we only saw each other three days a week. I'm absolutely certain that almost all couples see each other more often than that at six months, so why was my neediness so suffocating to her?

 

No, she did not think she was the only person I was talking to about the break up. I was basically talking about her to my entire family and of course I was posting on this forum like crazy. She just didn't want to talk to me about the break up at all. And that made no sense to me because she's the only person who knows why she dumped me. But she just did not want to talk to me about it. I'm thinking it's because she just felt extremely guilty for what she did.

[Imajerk17]

Somedude, we have gotten into this discussion before. You've insisted that she had no idea about your issues, what life was like for you before you met her, how much you needed her. Well, we say again that she could get a sense of it.

 

That probably was unattractive/too heavy for her. When she sensed that about you, that might have been when she started to feel that she just wasn't that into you, no matter that you didn't smother her (e.g., blow up her phone, ask to see her more than 3x/week, et cetera).

 

I'd even say that if you did have more of your own identity as a single guy, she actually might have been the one wanting to be spending more time with *you*. In fact, that your lives were still so separate after 6 months...that was a clear sign in and of itself something was up.

Edited May 30, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Simon Phoenix]

No, I wasn't going to respect a forever request for no contact.

 

Though I would have been able to respect for me to leave her alone for a month or two.

 

As I said before, I don't believe I did anything to warrant her telling me to never talk to her again. I would never do something like that to a woman unless she seriously wronged me.

 

I don't understand why she never gave me a second chance.

 

Because there was no reason in her mind to do so. You aren't obligated to get a second chance. She was done, you didn't accept it and pushed her into a place where contact with you was the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard. People have different breaking points and whether or not you agree with them is completely irrelevant. Different people have different standards of conduct and different reactions to events. You have no right to impose yours on her, and vice versa. She doesn't need your permission to not be in contact with you.

 

I know this sucks, but you need to get off this constant merry-go-round of rehashing the same thoughts.

[somedude81]

Somedude, we have gotten into this discussion before. You've insisted that she had no idea about your issues, what life was like for you before you met her, how much you needed her. Well, we say again that she could get a sense of it.

 

That probably was unattractive/too heavy for her. When she sensed that about you, that might have been when she started to feel that she just wasn't that into you, no matter that you didn't smother her (e.g., blow up her phone, ask to see her more than 3x/week, et cetera).

Perhaps she did know. At this point, I just don't know and can only guess, and get feedback from you guys.

 

 

I'd even say that if you did have more of your own identity as a single guy, she actually might have been the one wanting to be spending more time with *you*. In fact, that your lives were still so separate after 6 months...that was a clear sign in and of itself something was up.

That's also possible.

 

Honestly, I was tying to avoid coming across as needy. I did not text her that much, and she was always the one to initiate, and I always ended it. We only Skyped a couple of times.

 

Though I think a big deal is that I didn't try to see her more often on days where she wasn't coming to stay with me. That's something I really regret. I definitely could have handled that differently.

[Imajerk17]

Well SD, you acknowledged some mistakes you made and this is good.

 

We all have to screw up in life. We all make mistakes. The trick is to recognize them and learn from them.

 

ALMOST EVERYONE will have a painful breakup to go through.

 

I don't want to keep harping, but I want to point something else here...

 

No, she did not think she was the only person I was talking to about the break up. I was basically talking about her to my entire family and of course I was posting on this forum like crazy. She just didn't want to talk to me about the break up at all. And that made no sense to me because she's the only person who knows why she dumped me. But she just did not want to talk to me about it. I'm thinking it's because she just felt extremely guilty for what she did.

Here is what people are talking about when it comes to "seeing" other people. It "made no sense" to you that she didn't want to keep talking about the breakup when you did?? She already gave you her explanation when she drove the 50 minutes to see you. Why does she owe it to you to keep answering all your questions? Do you think she enjoyed being pestered by you?

 

SD, younger women will consider dating a guy your age because they think he has more emotional maturity. That you were expecting her to help you through the breakup shows a lack of...

[Lani]

The point is that none of it really matters now.

For whatever reason that relationship is over. And running it around in your head a billion times a day isn't going to change that.

 

One day you will see the lesson in this, but that won't happen if you don't give it any space.

Perhaps fill your life with things other than starting threads in here that always go in the same direction.

[somedude81]

Well SD, you acknowledged some mistakes you made and this is good.

 

We all have to screw up in life. We all make mistakes. The trick is to recognize them and learn from them.

 

ALMOST EVERYONE will have a painful breakup to go through.

 

I don't want to keep harping, but I want to point something else here...

 

Here is what people are talking about when it comes to "seeing" other people. It "made no sense" to you that she didn't want to keep talking about the breakup when you did?? She already gave you her explanation when she drove the 50 minutes to see you. Why does she owe it to you to keep answering all your questions? Do you think she enjoyed being pestered by you?

 

SD, younger women will consider dating a guy your age because they think he has more emotional maturity. That you were expecting her to help you through the breakup shows a lack of...

This is what she told me during the break up talk.

 

"It's cliche for me to say this, but in this case it's really true, it's not you, it's me."

 

She said that she thinks her feelings for me have changed, that she freaked out when I mentioned wanting to make a road trip to see my parents, something about her feeling that she should have been in love with me at six months, that I'm really sweet to her and like her so much, something about my age, then a quick fallow up that she doesn't care about my age at all.

 

The other reasons that I wrote about on here, were things that I asked her about after the fact.

 

As for expecting me to have more emotional maturity, she was my first girlfriend. I've never been dumped before. Age alone would not prepare me for that experience.

[xxoo]

All of that clearly says she doesn't want to be on a relationship with you. The only way she could be clearer is to be cruel and detail all the things about you she realized she doesn't like. She started that with the age comment, but backtracked deciding to stay vague. The details won't change anything, and could hurt, so why hash them out?

[Itspointless]

It sucks. It's not fair...whatever. It happened. You have to find some sense of humor in this crap or it will consume you.

I love this sentence. Sometimes there is no sense in things then laughing about it is better. Only problem is that it sometimes takes a long time before you can actually laugh about it.

[organizedchaos]

Somedude, we have gotten into this discussion before. You've insisted that she had no idea about your issues, what life was like for you before you met her, how much you needed her. Well, we say again that she could get a sense of it.

 

That probably was unattractive/too heavy for her. When she sensed that about you, that might have been when she started to feel that she just wasn't that into you, no matter that you didn't smother her (e.g., blow up her phone, ask to see her more than 3x/week, et cetera).

 

I'd even say that if you did have more of your own identity as a single guy, she actually might have been the one wanting to be spending more time with *you*. In fact, that your lives were still so separate after 6 months...that was a clear sign in and of itself something was up.

 

Yes, this has all been said before. SD, you have no previous experience to understand a woman's intuition. You can say you didn't smother her, but you really don't understand women enough to know, they just know these things.

 

And am I wrong that you were never introduced to her friends after 6 months? That's a big red flag if so. And of course, you not introducing her to any of yours is a big red flag to her. Even if she never said so.

[somedude81]

All of that clearly says she doesn't want to be on a relationship with you. The only way she could be clearer is to be cruel and detail all the things about you she realized she doesn't like. She started that with the age comment, but backtracked deciding to stay vague. The details won't change anything, and could hurt, so why hash them out?

 

Cruel or not, I would at least have been able to understand her reasons. Being vague certainly did not make me feel any better.

 

How was I supposed to fix what I did wrong, when I have no idea what I did wrong?

 

It wasn't until after that I started to pester her to give me some reasons, did I start to get an idea of what happened.

 

I know it's far too late now, but I really wish I had a been given a chance to fix what she didn't like about me. I would have done anything to keep her with me.

[Itspointless]

Are you sure she did not give you anything to work with? In my experience woman communicatie in a far more implicit way than most men do with each-other.

[Anela]

Cruel or not, I would at least have been able to understand her reasons. Being vague certainly did not make me feel any better.

 

How was I supposed to fix what I did wrong, when I have no idea what I did wrong?

 

It wasn't until after that I started to pester her to give me some reasons, did I start to get an idea of what happened.

 

I know it's far too late now, but I really wish I had a been given a chance to fix what she didn't like about me. I would have done anything to keep her with me.

 

No, cruel would have been for her to tell you exactly what she didn't like, because then you'd only think you had reason to hate yourself more (and you've been suicidal without that). And one person's feelings about you, have nothing to do with what someone else could feel for or about you. It's hard to grasp when you're wondering what you did wrong, but it is true.

[somedude81]

Are you sure she did not give you anything to work with? In my experience woman communicatie in a far more implicit way than most men do with each-other.

 

There was nothing that I was able to understand.

 

Of the few things she listed as a reason, the one that stuck out the most to me was that she felt I liked her more than she liked me and that made her feel guilty. I've racked my brain so much trying to figure out how to avoid doing that again, so I wouldn't get dumped by the next girl because I "liked her too much". The last text conversation we had was about the liking too much thing and I started to get short with her because I couldn't understand what the signs of liking too much where, or how I could show that I liked a woman less.

 

She told me about the one conversation we had about me possibly cheating on a math test, and then somehow it meant I could cheat on her.

 

That was it. Aside from avoiding any conversations with word cheat in them, there really isn't anything I can work with. And that makes me so mad because I waited so long to finally get a girlfriend and she just disappears without me being able to fight for her, and I'm very scared that she was my only chance at having a woman in my life.

[stillfiguringitallou]

This is a perfect example of deflection of responsibility. And immaturity.

 

Relationships do not end for no reason. Particularly long term ones.

 

Perhaps she doesn't want to hurt you more - but I think that is a bull**** excuse.

 

She can't take responsibility for ending a relationship with no explanation ...

 

even "I just don't feel the same about you anymore" is better than nothing.

 

And if she can't ... she isn't worth the obsession anyway.

[mattny]

Im just gonna go out on a limb here and sorry for being blunt about it, but 6 months? You need to drop this and make new friends and get out there and make something of yourself. My attitude is '**** her, move on'.

 

You should be saving feelings like this for when youve lost years+ invested. 6 months to me is still the infatuation phase...you dont really know someone until youve settled into a routine and the initial fireworks have worn off or faded a bit. Yeah it sucks shes gone. I went through it too. My first serious relationship? I was 26. Dated a girl for a year and a half, 9 months in she flipped complete 180 and wanted me to only cater to her, get married, have kids etc, and i wasnt allowed to hang out with my boys on the weekend. I axed that when i met my last ex at 27, right before my, 28th birthday. I was the dumper, and even with a new girl I still felt like ****. Took me almost a year to be ready to see her in person.

 

I dated my last ex for 4 years, knew her for almost 5. Was planning to propose to her last October. She walked out in September. When you have THAT much invested, your mindset is ready to commit (and believe me it took a lot of thought and reasoning with myself to come to that conclusion), and suddenly you are left with nothing, now THAT Is a big WTF and a slap to the face. I went from having it all to nothing. She was hooking up with a guy on the side who eventually dumped her, and in december she ended up meeting another guy and is in a relationship with him.

 

In the beginning i asked myself 'why' and was tempted to get an answer from her. But a good friend of mine said God will show you the answers when you least expect it. And he was right. I found out on my own that she cant stand to be alone so she jumped into another relationship. Im perfectly fine being single right now, and that was my closure. I dodged a bullet by not marrying her.

 

So for now forget trying to figure out why. You might find out later on, or you might never. All I know is theres other women out there, or in my case a killer career with lots of potential. I can finally buy that Porsche I put off for 7 years. I can finally get a condo or a house. Im happy with that. If a woman decides she wants to be part of my life, cool. If not, no biggie.

[clia]

I'm very scared that she was my only chance at having a woman in my life.

 

She wasn't your only chance, but you have to make an effort. You have to go to meetups and to other places where you can actually meet people, including women. I don't know why you resist doing that so much. You have absolutely nothing to lose.

 

You need to stop dwelling on this and move on. It's not healthy for you to still be so obsessed with why she left or what you did wrong or what you could've done differently. You've been dwelling on this now longer than your relationship lasted.

 

(I also think it was a bad idea to throw out the cutting boards, mixing bowls, and measuring spoons. Those are standard kitchen supplies. Don't you need those to cook basic meals, or did you already replace them?)

[Always Pondering]

She told me about the one conversation we had about me possibly cheating on a math test, and then somehow it meant I could cheat on her.

 

That was it. Aside from avoiding any conversations with word cheat in them, there really isn't anything I can work with. And that makes me so mad because I waited so long to finally get a girlfriend and she just disappears without me being able to fight for her, and I'm very scared that she was my only chance at having a woman in my life.

 

Wow that's really silly. Honestly, this relationship you have is just done. I promise you that you have the capability of having more than just one partner in your entire lifetime. When you feel you are fully healed from this situation (not thinking of your ex, not believing that there is a second chance, not revolving your happiness around her, etc.) and you are ready to date again, then put yourself in situations where you meet people.

 

Some of your questions you may find answers to, but more than likely you will never have an answer for everything and there will always be more questions until you move on.

[organizedchaos]

Cruel or not, I would at least have been able to understand her reasons. Being vague certainly did not make me feel any better.

 

How was I supposed to fix what I did wrong, when I have no idea what I did wrong?

 

It wasn't until after that I started to pester her to give me some reasons, did I start to get an idea of what happened.

 

I know it's far too late now, but I really wish I had a been given a chance to fix what she didn't like about me. I would have done anything to keep her with me.

 

None of it matters. She was young and unable to commit to a serious relationship with you or talk about it in more detail. This is what happens when you go after 21 year olds and it was only a 6 month relationship.

 

You didn't get a chance to fix things because she didn't want it to be fixed. Unfortunately, you don't get a say in these things once her mind is made up.

[Simon Phoenix]

Cruel or not, I would at least have been able to understand her reasons. Being vague certainly did not make me feel any better.

 

How was I supposed to fix what I did wrong, when I have no idea what I did wrong?

 

It wasn't until after that I started to pester her to give me some reasons, did I start to get an idea of what happened.

 

I know it's far too late now, but I really wish I had a been given a chance to fix what she didn't like about me. I would have done anything to keep her with me.

 

Because what you did "wrong" was that you weren't the one for her, and there is no "fixing" that. Sometimes when something breaks, you just throw it out. That's what happened here. Continuing to ruminate about it and approaching it like its an advanced calculus formula will only hold you back. No "answers" have changed from when you discussed this last month, two months ago, three months ago, etc.

 

At this point, continuing to break everything down is detrimental. Paralysis through analysis.

[Imajerk17]

There was nothing that I was able to understand.

 

Of the few things she listed as a reason, the one that stuck out the most to me was that she felt I liked her more than she liked me and that made her feel guilty. I've racked my brain so much trying to figure out how to avoid doing that again, so I wouldn't get dumped by the next girl because I "liked her too much". The last text conversation we had was about the liking too much thing and I started to get short with her because I couldn't understand what the signs of liking too much where, or how I could show that I liked a woman less.

 

She told me about the one conversation we had about me possibly cheating on a math test, and then somehow it meant I could cheat on her.

 

That was it. Aside from avoiding any conversations with word cheat in them, there really isn't anything I can work with. And that makes me so mad because I waited so long to finally get a girlfriend and she just disappears without me being able to fight for her, and I'm very scared that she was my only chance at having a woman in my life.

 

1. She basically meant that she had other things in her life besides you that she was excited about, while you did not--i.e., you had only her. You fix this next time by getting a life. You can't fake it, as you've been insisting you can do.

 

2. The conversation RE your math test: You've been saying all along that your lack of effort towards your career/studies wasn't a big deal to her (because it wasn't a big deal to you?). Well, we all believed it was and this is evidence. She likely saw the way you approached your studies as the way you'd be approaching the rest of your life should she stay with you long-term.

 

3. Sounds to me that she actually tried to be nice to you after the breakup, at first. You kept badgering her for more and more of an explanation that would satisfy you (where there was none that really would) all the while she knew you were going to your family, and so on. That was wrong of you. It's not her job to help you through the breakup. Your obsession with her, your badgering her for more of an explanation, and so on, probably actually scared her. And so she blocked you.

 

4. No point in fighting for her as you couldn't have fixed it. As she got to know you she got that sense that you had only her, and that you and she weren't meant to be together. You fix this *for the next one* by having a life and not being so desperate for a girlfriend. (See 1. and the countless posts written on your threads to this regard.)

 

As for why she didn't tell you this earlier on, again it's not her job to coach you. No matter how long you've waited for a girlfriend and how much this might have meant to you.

 

5. You likely will have several more chances with women if you put yourself out there. ALMOST EVERYONE breaks up with their first love. HOWEVER you need to learn to "see" other people and have interest in them besides being a potential girlfriend.

Edited May 30, 2014 by Imajerk17

[xxoo]

Cruel or not, I would at least have been able to understand her reasons. Being vague certainly did not make me feel any better.

 

How was I supposed to fix what I did wrong, when I have no idea what I did wrong?

 

It wasn't until after that I started to pester her to give me some reasons, did I start to get an idea of what happened.

 

I know it's far too late now, but I really wish I had a been given a chance to fix what she didn't like about me. I would have done anything to keep her with me.

 

Nothing would have been enough explanation for you to understand her point of view. Your insistence on having a chance to "fix it" is evidence of your inability to listen and understand her point of view. It wasn't a matter of a bad relationship needing fixing. It was the matter of being in a decent relationship with the wrong person (from her point of view). A nice person, but not someone she wants to build a future with.

 

If you want to prevent that in the future, work on all the things we've been pushing you to address here. Get caught up with your age peers regarding your career, finances, motivation, and social circle. Get AHEAD of your peers if you expect to attract and keep a woman in her early 20s.

[somedude81]

1. She basically meant that she had other things in her life besides you that she was excited about, while you did not--i.e., you had only her. You fix this next time by getting a life. You can't fake it, as you've been insisting you can do.

 

No, I don't agree with that at all.

 

She did not have more things in her life going on or that she was excited about than I did. And I also disagree when you keep saying that the only thing I had in my life was her.

2. The conversation RE your math test: You've been saying all along that your lack of effort towards your career/studies wasn't a big deal to her (because it wasn't a big deal to you?). Well, we all believed it was and this is evidence. She likely saw the way you approached your studies as the way you'd be approaching the rest of your life should she stay with you long-term.

 

Again no. She knew I was putting in lots of effort towards my studies. While I was dating her, almost all of my time was spent in the tutoring center working on my stats class. I'm talking 10 to 7, M-F I was at school.

 

I have no idea how you can even relate my feelings about my studies to my life long-term. That makes no sense at all.

 

3. Sounds to me that she actually tried to be nice to you after the breakup, at first. You kept badgering her for more and more of an explanation that would satisfy you (where there was none that really would) all the while she knew you were going to your family, and so on. That was wrong of you. It's not her job to help you through the breakup. Your obsession with her, your badgering her for more of an explanation, and so on, probably actually scared her. And so she blocked you.

 

She was never scared of me. Yes I did annoy her. I posted the last email she sent me. It's a few pages back.

 

No, she was not nice to me after the breakup. She absolutely refused to see or talk to me about it. I could only get her to respond and answer my questions after I provoked her.

 

Why the hell was it wrong for me to ask her why she dumped me? Who else would know why?

 

4. No point in fighting for her as you couldn't have fixed it. As she got to know you she got that sense that you had only her, and that you and she weren't meant to be together. You fix this *for the next one* by having a life and not being so desperate for a girlfriend. (See 1. and the countless posts written on your threads to this regard.)

 

Again, I disagree that she felt that she was the only thing in my life.

 

I also completely disagree that the two of us weren't meant to be together. I've repeatedly written that we were very compatible and never fought. Our relationship did not have any issues at all.

 

If I were to talk about my relationship and use present tense words, everybody I talk to would think that it's a great relationship.

 

I have a very strong feeling that with the next girl, I'd be doing pretty much the same exact things with her that I did with my ex. Only the TV shows we watch would be different.

 

 

5. You likely will have several more chances with women if you put yourself out there. ALMOST EVERYONE breaks up with their first love. HOWEVER you need to learn to "see" other people and have interest in them besides being a potential girlfriend.

Leaning to see other women and not have interest in dating them isn't an issue. I've had several female friends that I initially had no interest in dating. I saw them as other people for months or even a year. Yes eventually I developed feelings for them, but that doesn't mean I only saw them as somebody I wanted to date, especially not at the start.

[rester]

You two make a good point.

 

No I have no idea how much she understood about me, and how she read into my actions and words. I don't think she knew the complete picture, but she may have had a good idea.

 

Even if she felt that I needed her too much, I never tried to push her to live with me, or to see each other more often. Hell, we only saw each other three days a week. I'm absolutely certain that almost all couples see each other more often than that at six months, so why was my neediness so suffocating to her?

 

No, she did not think she was the only person I was talking to about the break up. I was basically talking about her to my entire family and of course I was posting on this forum like crazy. She just didn't want to talk to me about the break up at all. And that made no sense to me because she's the only person who knows why she dumped me. But she just did not want to talk to me about it. I'm thinking it's because she just felt extremely guilty for what she did.

 

Many, if not most, people in their early 20s are focusing on things other than relationships and don't like to put much work into them. They like to have fun. She's focusing on school and friends and work AND it sounds like she had to drive an hour each way, three times a week to see you? That's a lot for a 20 year old college student. I NEVER would have even considered that when I was in school. She could probably sense that you wanted more and she didn't want to do the work. It's smothering when the person you are with wants more and you don't. You feel as though you can never make them happy and the more you give the more they will take.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. She's 20 years old and that's where people are when they are that young. She has other priorities in life besides having a boyfriend.

[somedude81]

Nothing would have been enough explanation for you to understand her point of view. Your insistence on having a chance to "fix it" is evidence of your inability to listen and understand her point of view.

 

Though isn't that the general problem with male and female communication? The woman just wants to talk and the man wants to fix the problem?

 

It wasn't a matter of a bad relationship needing fixing. It was the matter of being in a decent relationship with the wrong person (from her point of view). A nice person, but not someone she wants to build a future with.

 

What I'm having so much trouble understanding was why I suddenly became the wrong person. How can things go from being great, to over when nothing is wrong? We would have had a great life and relationship if she didn't bail on me.

 

I have seen and heard many examples of horrible relationships that women put up with. Hell, she was in a bad relationship with before she met me for three years. She and her ex always fought and there was so many issues going on and she stuck it out. Then here I am, doing things so much better than her ex, and I get dumped after six months?! And yes, she would frequently complain about her ex and say that I was better than him.

 

If you want to prevent that in the future, work on all the things we've been pushing you to address here. Get caught up with your age peers regarding your career, finances, motivation, and social circle. Get AHEAD of your peers if you expect to attract and keep a woman in her early 20s.

 

Those are all things I'm working on, but I don't want to put dating on hold till I graduate. I've been single for six months. I cannot stand being single another six months.