My ex has completely blocked me from everything. What would cause her to do that?

[d0nnivain]

Some dude

 

 

I think you should throw away the stuff she bought you.

 

 

The other things that you use the other day sound expensive to replace. If you can afford to replace them & if doing so will represent a fresh start, that's fine but I suspect buying a new bed won't be cheap . . . new sheets would be a good idea, perhaps getting a duvet cover for the comforter rather than a new comforter.

 

 

I think you will benefit from the fresh start.

[Haydn]

But i do know the pain you are feeling. Being dumped myself. Why, why, there is no closure. So you are not alone in feeling rejection and sadness. You will pick yourself up at some point.

 

 

Sounds like me.

[BC1980]

Blocking on Facebook is really just a concrete removal of you even though you were already removed emotionally from her life. Even if you weren't blocked on Facebook, it's not like she was a part of your life. I think she blocked you because you didn't leave her alone, but it doesn't matter. First breakups are rough, and of course it hurts. You're human.

[organizedchaos]

Are men the same way? Once the disconnect with a woman she becomes dead and it's as if she never existed?

 

I've never been in a situation where I wanted to disconnect from a woman.

 

One of the hardest things to adjust to after the end of the relationship is going from lovers to strangers.

[Untouched]

I hope you don't need to throw away everything you bought while you were with her, that you like and use every day. It's your stuff.

[somedude81]

Sorry to hear your story somedude81. If they make you think of her for hours on end or while you're using them and you do not think you'll be able to overcome that then maybe it's time for new curtains and pillows. I have several items from the last woman I was involved with that I use occasionally but because it doesn't bother me in the slightest bit. I mean, for example a set of bowls with my name engraved onto them makes me think "Oh hey, I remember she got me this" but that's about it.

 

The items that she specifically bought for me, really tore me up when ever I used, or even looked at them, so they were put in storage. But I've lived without them for long enough to comfortably get rid of them. Honestly I only kept them in case she came back.

 

The other things, sometimes make me think of her briefly like, "she was with me when I bought the shoe rack." But nothing more than that.

Some dude

 

 

I think you should throw away the stuff she bought you.

Yeah, everything she bought me, or belonged to her and she left behind was just thrown out a few hours ago.

 

 

The other things that you use the other day sound expensive to replace. If you can afford to replace them & if doing so will represent a fresh start, that's fine but I suspect buying a new bed won't be cheap . . . new sheets would be a good idea, perhaps getting a duvet cover for the comforter rather than a new comforter.

 

 

I think you will benefit from the fresh start.

Hah yeah, she was also with me when I bought my sheets. She pointed out the color to me knowing I would like it, and she suggested a minimum thread count. She may have actually just picked out the sheets herself and I paid for them.

 

Yes, it would be expensive to replace everything that she had a hand in. It also means I would most likely end up buying the same exact thing again as a replacement.

 

I do like the way my apartment looks now. She definitely helped in making it look nicer.

 

Really though, the only way I could get a true fresh start, is to move out of my apartment and only keep the things I had before she was here. And probably get rid of my car as well since she was in it so often. Hell, I still find a random hair of hers in the car.

 

It's amazing to me how much I have associated her with the things I have.

[Untouched]

I hope you don't need to throw away everything you bought while you were with her, that you like and use every day. It's your stuff.

[Hoosfoos]

Well that gave me the motivation to finally throw away the huge bag of stuff filled with everything she bought me, that I had kept in a closet for six months.

 

Now I'm deciding if I should throw away the things that I bought when she was with me. These are things that I like and use every day. Though seeing them makes me think of her. Stuff like my curtains, a couch slipcover, my comforter and pillows, the plant in my living room. Hell she was even with me when I bought a new bed because my old one was falling apart.

 

You might regret getting rid of it completely, especially if it's valuable. But it helps to not have this stuff around all the time, they're just very sad reminders. My ex gave me a whole bunch of great things at Christmas and on birthdays, but I could not handle having it around, constantly reminding me. The stuff is all now in a big storage bin, at my parents place. I will reclaim it as my own when I am ready. It really helps not having reminders around.

[somedude81]

You might regret getting rid of it completely, especially if it's valuable. But it helps to not have this stuff around all the time, they're just very sad reminders. My ex gave me a whole bunch of great things at Christmas and on birthdays, but I could not handle having it around, constantly reminding me. The stuff is all now in a big storage bin, at my parents place. I will reclaim it as my own when I am ready. It really helps not having reminders around.

 

Oddly enough, the only things she bought me were stuff for the kitchen. Cutting boards, different sizes of mixing bowels, measuring spoons, ice cream dishes, and a really nice grill pan. It's probably only $100 worth of stuff. Most of the stuff she bought was actually for her to use when she cooked. Aside from the grill pan and ice cream dishes I never used any of the stuff so I was fine moving them to storage first, then finally getting rid of them.

 

I do agree with you about being sad reminders. Every single time I saw one of those things I thought, "Sophia loves me. Wait, no she doesn't." Then I'd get a headache and my emotions would go wild.

 

I put them in storage first, with the intention that I would reclaim them when I'm ready, but at this point I don't even want to know that they exist anymore.

 

I was also helping to meet a new girl, and then I'd be fine using those things again, but I don't see that happening in the near future.

[d0nnivain]

For heaven's sake you can't get a new car everytime you end a relationship. That's not going to happen.

 

Don't move either. Just rearrange your furniture, get some new throw pillows or covers for the ones you have.

[Lani]

Dude... you really need to try and move on from this.

It's consuming you and to be honest, it's really kind of ugly and boring.

 

I get that it hurts, I do, trust me. But moping around and being all nostalgic about her and the material things is a waste of time and energy. Just *try* turning them around into positives. That you were lucky to have experienced those things with her, and to have loved someone who loved you back. It's a pretty special thing that doesn't deserve to be spoiled by your current attitude.

Would you prefer to remember this time and who you are now, or look back fondly on a nice time in your life that simply had to end (as all things must at some stage)?

 

 

And, for the record, she hasn't taken a 'permanent solution to a temporary problem'.. You forced her hand here to take some temporary action.. it can always be undone later, but really, would talking to her change anything? I can almost guarantee you it will not.

[somedude81]

Dude... you really need to try and move on from this.

It's consuming you and to be honest, it's really kind of ugly and boring.

I'm sorry Lani that my life and sorrows are ugly and boring to you. I'll try harder next time to be more interesting to you. OK?

 

I get that it hurts, I do, trust me.

 

Thank you.

 

But moping around and being all nostalgic about her and the material things is a waste of time and energy.

 

It's just how I feel right now. I am trying to get over her but she keeps coming back to my mind. There is nothing in the world that I want more right now than to have her back in my life. I don't want to lose that connection with her. Of course it's already gone, which is even more evident with her blocking me.

 

 

Just *try* turning them around into positives. That you were lucky to have experienced those things with her, and to have loved someone who loved you back. It's a pretty special thing that doesn't deserve to be spoiled by your current attitude.

Would you prefer to remember this time and who you are now, or look back fondly on a nice time in your life that simply had to end (as all things must at some stage)?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful that I got to have her in my life. Being with her was so wonderful, and everything I had ever wanted. I have repeatedly said that those six months with her were my heaven.

 

But the problem with heaven, is that it really sucks if you have to go back to Earth.

 

I have not enjoyed a single day of my life since she left on December 4th. Every single night that I go to bed, I wish that I wouldn't wake up in the morning.

 

That's how I feel.

 

And, for the record, she hasn't taken a 'permanent solution to a temporary problem'.. You forced her hand here to take some temporary action.. it can always be undone later, but really, would talking to her change anything? I can almost guarantee you it will not.

It's permanent until she goes out of her way to undo it. And she has no reason to undo it unless she randomly thinks of me.

 

Temporary would have been blocking me, and having the block remove itself after a month.

 

With the way things are now, I will never be able to contact her unless she removes the block.

 

Would talking to her change things? Yes, I think they would now that so much time has passed. I desperately want to try again with her, but there is nothing I can do short of showing up at her front door. Which of course I know is a horrible thing to do.

[Imajerk17]

I went through something like this twice in my life--although both cases were a long time ago WELL before facebook and even before texting.

 

1. My first relationship, which ended with her saying how I was into her far far more than she was into me (meaning she wasn't into me enough). I kept calling and calling anyway. She never blocked me per se, but she was really rude and cold to me our last call.

 

2. I tried to stay "friends" with a girlfriend of 2 years (10 years ago). We chatted on the phone, until she started ducking my phone calls completely and then asked me never to contact her again. I heard that she was getting married to someone else. I suspect that she stepped out on me the last month of our relationship with the guy that she was getting married to, but who cares.

 

Anyway SD, we told you over and over to leave your ex alone knowing that this was likely to happen, but you didn't listen. It is what it is. In a way it might be a good thing in that now you have no choice to move on. The two of you probably would not have stayed friends anyway.

 

The best "revenge" you can get over her is to live your life well.

Edited May 30, 2014 by Imajerk17

[Lani]

I'm sorry Lani that my life and sorrows are ugly and boring to you. I'll try harder next time to be more interesting to you. OK?

 

Thank you.

 

It's just how I feel right now. I am trying to get over her but she keeps coming back to my mind. There is nothing in the world that I want more right now than to have her back in my life. I don't want to lose that connection with her. Of course it's already gone, which is even more evident with her blocking me.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful that I got to have her in my life. Being with her was so wonderful, and everything I had ever wanted. I have repeatedly said that those six months with her were my heaven.

 

But the problem with heaven, is that it really sucks if you have to go back to Earth.

 

I have not enjoyed a single day of my life since she left on December 4th. Every single night that I go to bed, I wish that I wouldn't wake up in the morning.

 

That's how I feel.

 

 

It's permanent until she goes out of her way to undo it. And she has no reason to undo it unless she randomly thinks of me.

 

Temporary would have been blocking me, and having the block remove itself after a month.

 

With the way things are now, I will never be able to contact her unless she removes the block.

 

Would talking to her change things? Yes, I think they would now that so much time has passed. I desperately want to try again with her, but there is nothing I can do short of showing up at her front door. Which of course I know is a horrible thing to do.

 

It's not me you need to apologise to.. It's yourself.

 

I understand that you love her, and that life is hard now that she's gone.

But she cannot be everything. She never could be. Don't you see that the way you're acting now, as though life cannot go on without her, was probably evident to her during your relationship? And is potentially what scared her away?

If you believe in gender roles as much as you appear to, should you not be more of a man about this? About relationships? About your life?

Dust yourself off and accomplish something that doesn't revolve around you getting a girlfriend. For you.

[xxoo]

Considering that you are thinking that contacting her would change things, she made the right decision to block you. She rightly doesn't trust you to respect her request for nc, so she took control of the issue on her end. Consider it a reminder of her wishes.

[Imajerk17]

Considering that you are thinking that contacting her would change things, she made the right decision to block you. She rightly doesn't trust you to respect her request for nc, so she took control of the issue on her end. Consider it a reminder of her wishes.

 

Yep, exactly. A lesson in boundaries.

[BC1980]

Somedude, I know it's hard. My ex devastated me when he left me last year. I was a wreck for months. For about a month, I would curse the sun in the morning. I had never felt so low. My ex was cruel to me, and I beat myself up for loving someone who treated me so poorly. I understand how you feel, and I promise that so many on LS do.

 

At some point, you have got to get up and live again. The only other choice is to lie down and die. It's f@cking hard, and I get that. It's taken me over a year to feel like I can even breath again. I've done so many things that I never did while with my ex, and I've learned to live again. I really want to see you get better, and I have great sympathy for you. You have got to stop seeing this woman as the center piece for your life. I want you to invest in yourself.

[somedude81]

It's not me you need to apologise to.. It's yourself.

 

I understand that you love her, and that life is hard now that she's gone.

But she cannot be everything. She never could be. Don't you see that the way you're acting now, as though life cannot go on without her, was probably evident to her during your relationship? And is potentially what scared her away?

No. She had no idea at all how important to me she was.

 

I never told her I loved her, I never talked about the future with her, I never talked about I would feel if she left me, or that I was worried that she would leave me etc. She didn't know anything about my depression or how lonely I was before I met her.

 

She just didn't know.

 

If you believe in gender roles as much as you appear to, should you not be more of a man about this? About relationships? About your life?

Dust yourself off and accomplish something that doesn't revolve around you getting a girlfriend. For you.

Huh? Gender rolls? When have I ever talked about them?

 

I am working on the other things in my life, though I'm not going to deny what is most important to me.

[Anela]

No. She had no idea at all how important to me she was.

 

I never told her I loved her, I never talked about the future with her, I never talked about I would feel if she left me, or that I was worried that she would leave me etc. She didn't know anything about my depression or how lonely I was before I met her.

 

She just didn't know.

 

 

She isn't open to this anymore. If she wanted to know this, then you wouldn't be blocked.

[somedude81]

I went through something like this twice in my life--although both cases were a long time ago WELL before facebook and even before texting.

 

1. My first relationship, which ended with her saying how I was into her far far more than she was into me (meaning she wasn't into me enough). I kept calling and calling anyway. She never blocked me per se, but she was really rude and cold to me our last call.

 

2. I tried to stay "friends" with a girlfriend of 2 years (10 years ago). We chatted on the phone, until she started ducking my phone calls completely and then asked me never to contact her again. I heard that she was getting married to someone else. I suspect that she stepped out on me the last month of our relationship with the guy that she was getting married to, but who cares.

Your first situation sounds similar to what I'm going through.

 

While I didn't try to text her that often, usually once every two weeks, she was getting more cold towards me. Of course I know now that it was because I was was annoying her.

 

Though I also thing a major factor after the break up was that we only communicated through text and email. That was a mistake for a variety of reasons and I do think it let her be more cold than she really would be in person or over the phone. Trying as hard as I can to remember, I don't think I've ever heard her talk to me in an annoyed tone.

 

One thing I'm subconsciously doing in my head is separating her into two different people. The woman I dated who was always sweet and caring, even on the day she dumped me, and the cold woman I only communicated with through text.

Anyway SD, we told you over and over to leave your ex alone knowing that this was likely to happen, but you didn't listen. It is what it is. In a way it might be a good thing in that now you have no choice to move on. The two of you probably would not have stayed friends anyway.

I know, I know that I should have left her alone. Hell, I even knew back then that I should have. But I just wasn't able to. It was my first break up. I'm allowed this screw up.

 

As for being friends, I never had the thought of being friends. I wanted to try and reconcile. All or nothing.

 

The best "revenge" you can get over her is to live your life well.

I have no desire for revenge. I know she did nothing to try and hurt me.

[Lani]

No. She had no idea at all how important to me she was.

 

I never told her I loved her, I never talked about the future with her, I never talked about I would feel if she left me, or that I was worried that she would leave me etc. She didn't know anything about my depression or how lonely I was before I met her.

 

She just didn't know.

 

 

Huh? Gender rolls? When have I ever talked about them?

 

I am working on the other things in my life, though I'm not going to deny what is most important to me.

 

But she probably did know.. Whether you told her or not, she would have known.

 

As for other things in your life, don't you think maybe it's time to change your priorities? How do you expect anyone to be happy with who you are if you're not? Accomplish something. Finish your studies. Get a job. These things matter.

 

You cannot live on love.

[xxoo]

No. She had no idea at all how important to me she was.

 

I never told her I loved her, I never talked about the future with her, I never talked about I would feel if she left me, or that I was worried that she would leave me etc. She didn't know anything about my depression or how lonely I was before I met her.

 

She just didn't know.

 

 

Huh? Gender rolls? When have I ever talked about them?

 

I am working on the other things in my life, though I'm not going to deny what is most important to me.

 

We've been over this, but you have know idea how much she understood about you, simply through spending time with you for six months. You don't have to say things directly for people to draw conclusions based on observatikns.

 

Her reasons for leaving, and blocking, all point to her feeling you need her too much, and she didn't want that role in your life. She even said she can't bè the person you talk to about the break up. She understood that she was the ONLY person you have. That's suffocating.

[somedude81]

Considering that you are thinking that contacting her would change things, she made the right decision to block you. She rightly doesn't trust you to respect her request for nc, so she took control of the issue on her end. Consider it a reminder of her wishes.

 

No, I wasn't going to respect a forever request for no contact.

 

Though I would have been able to respect for me to leave her alone for a month or two.

 

As I said before, I don't believe I did anything to warrant her telling me to never talk to her again. I would never do something like that to a woman unless she seriously wronged me.

 

I don't understand why she never gave me a second chance.

[somedude81]

Somedude, I know it's hard. My ex devastated me when he left me last year. I was a wreck for months. For about a month, I would curse the sun in the morning. I had never felt so low. My ex was cruel to me, and I beat myself up for loving someone who treated me so poorly. I understand how you feel, and I promise that so many on LS do.

 

At some point, you have got to get up and live again. The only other choice is to lie down and die. It's f@cking hard, and I get that. It's taken me over a year to feel like I can even breath again. I've done so many things that I never did while with my ex, and I've learned to live again. I really want to see you get better, and I have great sympathy for you. You have got to stop seeing this woman as the center piece for your life. I want you to invest in yourself.

Thank you BC1980.

 

Yes, I know exactly what you mean about being a wreck and trying to learn how to live again. I definitely curse the sun, and hate that I have to get out of bed.

 

Though I don't understand how you could love someone so much if they were cruel and treated your poorly.

 

My ex was always sweet, kind and loving to me. She was never mean or disrespectful to me. The complaints I had about her are so minor, I'm almost embarrassed to mention them. She treated me great to the very end. Then I was literally in shock when she suddenly ended it. The sweet girl that I thought loved me, who I never fought with, was breaking up with me. Things just didn't make sense and to this day I'm still struggling with her reasons why.

 

I did so many things with her, that I've never done by myself. She was the first for me in so much. Honestly, I'm having a lot of trouble doing things without her. Nothing at all excites me, because I know they would be so much more fun if she was with me.

 

Yes, I know that not doing anything by myself is not helping me heal. And I do try to go out and do something fun every now and then.

 

Right now I feel stuck, confused, tired and lonely.

[xxoo]

You are insisting that never talking again = did something horrible.

 

For her, never talking again may simply = avoiding unnecessary awkwardness and annoyance. There is no reason for you to talk. She's not interested in a second chance, and she's making that QUITE clear.

 

And her action of blocking you shows she knows a good deal about your nature, even if you never told her it directly.