My ex has completely blocked me from everything. What would cause her to do that?

[somedude81]

Right, and after spending 3 years with a guy, then jumping immediately in to something with you, she decided she wanted out for whatever reasons. She wants to be single, she wants casual dating, whatever. She's 21. She's most likely NOT looking to settle down for the rest of her life with you or anyone for that matter for a long time.

 

I completely agree with you. That's what I've been trying to say from the very beginning.

 

During the break up talk she kept repeating that the timing wasn't right.

 

She simply was not ready nor apparently did she even want to get into another serious relationship so soon after getting out of one.

 

She also probably felt that because of my age, I would want to settle down in the near future. Which actually wasn't that far off from the truth. No I didn't want kids any time soon, but I would have liked to have married her in the near future. Though I would have waited till she was out of school.

 

She also mentioned that she feels that she has to be single for a long time.

 

In the end, that's why I feel the break up wasn't about me. It was all about her.

 

It's also why I feel that we can get together again and make it work she she feels ready for a real relationship.

Edited May 30, 2014 by somedude81

[MidwestUSA]

 

My major is Business Administration with a concentration in Information Systems. It would not take me ten years to get established in my career as an IT professional. I'd pay off all my debt in two years tops. Hell, I'm getting job offers right now for once I graduate.

 

 

If you're getting job offers now, then why no internship this summer, or last, for that matter?

[organizedchaos]

I completely agree with you. That's what I've been trying to say from the very beginning.

 

During the break up talk she kept repeating that the timing wasn't right.

 

She simply was not ready nor apparently did she even want to get into another serious relationship so soon after getting out of one.

 

She also probably felt that because of my age, I would want to settle down in the near future. Which actually wasn't that far off from the truth. No I didn't want kids any time soon, but I would have liked to have married her in the near future. Though I would have waited till she was out of school.

 

She also mentioned that she feels that she has to be single for a long time.

 

In the end, that's why I feel the break up wasn't about me. It was all about her.

 

It's also why I feel that we can get together again and make it work she she feels ready for a real relationship.

 

Whatever you do, do NOT hold on to hope for this to happen or try to find ways to make it happen. As far as you're concerned, esp after the block, it is over and done with for good. Take this as a learning experience for the next one. She is gone and not coming back. Don't wait for her to become ready because when she is, it will not be with you. You guys only had a 6 month relationship, not some long drawn out love affair spanning years.

[AnyaNova]

Trying to figure out if I'm invisible or actual suggestions that might give you something else to focus on is not what you want.

 

The essential problem I see is that despite your opening post, you seem to ignore posts with actual questions about what you could actually do and seem instead to just want a chance to talk more about her and focus more on her.

 

I understand. With the genders reversed I'm right there a lot of the time.

 

I suspect my posts are not actually invisible.

[somedude81]

Trying to figure out if I'm invisible or actual suggestions that might give you something else to focus on is not what you want.

 

The essential problem I see is that despite your opening post, you seem to ignore posts with actual questions about what you could actually do and seem instead to just want a chance to talk more about her and focus more on her.

 

I understand. With the genders reversed I'm right there a lot of the time.

 

I suspect my posts are not actually invisible.

 

Anya, please don't be offended.

 

I don't even know what I want right now. I'm reading every post but my thoughts are everywhere.

[Anela]

Trying to figure out if I'm invisible or actual suggestions that might give you something else to focus on is not what you want.

 

The essential problem I see is that despite your opening post, you seem to ignore posts with actual questions about what you could actually do and seem instead to just want a chance to talk more about her and focus more on her.

 

I understand. With the genders reversed I'm right there a lot of the time.

 

I suspect my posts are not actually invisible.

 

My posts are ignored, as well. You aren't invisible.

[clia]

I also completely disagree that the two of us weren't meant to be together. I've repeatedly written that we were very compatible and never fought. Our relationship did not have any issues at all.

 

If I were to talk about my relationship and use present tense words, everybody I talk to would think that it's a great relationship.

 

While there are no hard and fast rules for the pacing of relationships and every one is different, in my opinion, based on what you have posted, your relationship was not moving forward in the manner I would have expected. In other words, if you were talking to me about your relationship using present tense words, I would not think that it sounds like a great relationship.

 

Why?

 

-- At six months into the relationship, neither of you had said "I love you."

-- At six months into the relationship, you had not met her friends.

 

I think the two above are huge red flags.

 

Less important:

 

-- You made a comment in some other thread (I can't remember which one) that you didn't know what she did on the evenings when you two weren't together. I find it strange that you wouldn't know what your girlfriend did when she wasn't with you.

 

-- At six months into the relationship, you hadn't gone away for a night or weekend together.

 

-- The time you spent together was decreasing, not increasing. (I know it was partially due to her work schedule, but regardless it is not a good sign.)

 

-- At six months into the relationship, you weren't tagging each other on Facebook or posting pictures of yourselves together (and you weren't even reading her Facebook page -- I'm basing this on your opening post, that you hadn't even been to her page since you two had started dating.) I know, I know -- who cares about Facebook? Well...Facebook and not being "out" and "open" can be indicative of other issues. Was she an avid Facebook user?

 

 

 

Since you haven't been in a relationship before, I understand you would have had no way of knowing what things are "normal" to happen in a relationship. Compatible doesn't completely get the job done; there has to be more than that. And based on the above, there were pretty clear signs that your relationship just was not moving forward, for whatever reason.

[KaliLove]

I completely agree with you. That's what I've been trying to say from the very beginning.

 

During the break up talk she kept repeating that the timing wasn't right.

 

She simply was not ready nor apparently did she even want to get into another serious relationship so soon after getting out of one.

 

She also probably felt that because of my age, I would want to settle down in the near future. Which actually wasn't that far off from the truth. No I didn't want kids any time soon, but I would have liked to have married her in the near future. Though I would have waited till she was out of school.

 

She also mentioned that she feels that she has to be single for a long time.

 

In the end, that's why I feel the break up wasn't about me. It was all about her.

 

It's also why I feel that we can get together again and make it work she she feels ready for a real relationship.

 

Frankly, you probably ruined any chance of ever making it work with her again by badgering her after the break up.

 

Regarding the bolded, no, it wasn't all about her. It was about both of you. If she felt strongly enough about you, nothing else would have mattered. She didn't.

 

Enough SD. Seriously. It's been 6 months. It's time to stop posting about this. It doesn't matter why, it only matters that she doesn't want to be with you and it's unlikely that she ever will. You desperately need to move on.

[AnyaNova]

Anya, please don't be offended.

 

I don't even know what I want right now. I'm reading every post but my thoughts are everywhere.

 

Your thoughts are where they shouldn't be, on your ex. :-)

 

What can we do to help get you back in your own head and back in your own life?

[somedude81]

While there are no hard and fast rules for the pacing of relationships and every one is different, in my opinion, based on what you have posted, your relationship was not moving forward in the manner I would have expected. In other words, if you were talking to me about your relationship using present tense words, I would not think that it sounds like a great relationship.

 

Why?

 

-- At six months into the relationship, neither of you had said "I love you."

I was waiting for her to say it first.

 

I was afraid that if I said it first, she would have felt that I was too needy or smothering......

-- At six months into the relationship, you had not met her friends.

I actually had one opportunity to meet a friend of hers, though their plans for the day shifted. We were originally going to meet up for lunch but their activity ran long and they skipped lunch. I still had the chance to join them for something I didn't for whatever reason.

 

 

I think the two above are huge red flags.

 

Less important:

 

-- You made a comment in some other thread (I can't remember which one) that you didn't know what she did on the evenings when you two weren't together. I find it strange that you wouldn't know what your girlfriend did when she wasn't with you.

Did I say that?

 

When she wasn't with me she was ether, working, or at her home watching TV/movies or playing The Sims. She never went out at night.

 

-- At six months into the relationship, you hadn't gone away for a night or weekend together.

Honestly, life got in the way.

 

We had moving plans to go to Catalina Island together and at least stay the night but things just happened. She had actually purchased ferry tickets that were good for several months. I was going to cover the hotel and food. In the end we just never went.

 

 

-- The time you spent together was decreasing, not increasing. (I know it was partially due to her work schedule, but regardless it is not a good sign.)

Again life happened.

 

I also screwed up by not making the drive to her more often.

 

-- At six months into the relationship, you weren't tagging each other on Facebook or posting pictures of yourselves together (and you weren't even reading her Facebook page -- I'm basing this on your opening post, that you hadn't even been to her page since you two had started dating.) I know, I know -- who cares about Facebook? Well...Facebook and not being "out" and "open" can be indicative of other issues. Was she an avid Facebook user?

Neither of us are active Facebookers. She used it a bit more than I did.

 

Frankly, the only reason I use for Facebook is to friend girls, and see if they're single. Then I might message them a few times. She barely used it, but she did put some pictures of us together on her page. You've seen some of those pictures.

 

BTW, I was reading her page once in a blue moon, but I never messaged her using Facebook.

[AnyaNova]

I was waiting for her to say it first.

 

I was afraid that if I said it first, she would have felt that I was too needy or smothering......

 

I actually had one opportunity to meet a friend of hers, though their plans for the day shifted. We were originally going to meet up for lunch but their activity ran long and they skipped lunch. I still had the chance to join them for something I didn't for whatever reason.

 

 

 

Did I say that?

 

When she wasn't with me she was ether, working, or at her home watching TV/movies or playing The Sims. She never went out at night.

 

 

Honestly, life got in the way.

 

We had moving plans to go to Catalina Island together and at least stay the night but things just happened. She had actually purchased ferry tickets that were good for several months. I was going to cover the hotel and food. In the end we just never went.

 

 

Again life happened.

 

I also screwed up by not making the drive to her more often.

 

 

Neither of us are active Facebookers. She used it a bit more than I did.

 

Frankly, the only reason I use for Facebook is to friend girls, and see if they're single. Then I might message them a few times. She barely used it, but she did put some pictures of us together on her page. You've seen some of those pictures.

 

BTW, I was reading her page once in a blue moon, but I never messaged her using Facebook.

 

Reiterating what can we do to help you stop thinking right now about your ex?

[Survivor12]

To me, it's irrelevant that I was behind my peers. She wasn't dating my peers. She normally does not date older guys. Also, when we were dating, I had believed that I would be graduating in May of this year, while she would be entering two years of nursing school. She has no idea what's going on with my school situation and may actually believe that I graduated already.

 

I do want to point out that if I was caught up with my peers, we never would have gotten together.

 

My biggest issue is why many women stay in bad relationships and I get dumped when the relationship was nowhere close to bad.

 

What was it about me that she realized I wouldn't have been a good long term match for her? I realize that, that is a question that she may not even be able to answer.

 

It's simple, really...she realized that she just wasn't as into you as you wanted to believe. Think about it this way...there are a lot of women in the world--why don't you just go out with someone else?...Let me guess--because you aren't attracted to ANYONE ELSE like you are to your ex. It doesn't matter how nice they are, how pretty they are or anything else--you can't force yourself to feel what you don't feel, right?

 

Well, that's it! Neither can your EX! She simply doesn't feel strongly enough about you to want to be with you. There may be no "reason" except that it's just the way it is--she doesn't FEEL IT.

 

It doesn't mean that you did something wrong or that there is anything to "fix". You can't make someone else have feelings for you any more than you can make yourself have feelings for anyone else. You feel what you feel--and so does she.

 

Let it go.

[bulldogz]

So the girl was 21? And how old was the OP?

[johan]

I had already known that she blocked my phone number, as that's pretty much standard procedure. For a brief time we communicated through email, then she told me in one email that it would be the last thing she would respond. I tried to send her a couple emails after that but she didn't respond. Most likely she marked me as spam. The last time I tried to contact her was at the start of April.

 

Today I was feeling nostalgic and wanted to look at her Facebook, which honestly, seeing how she's doing would just torture me but whatever. Yet I couldn't access her page. Then I did a thing to find out if I was blocked from her Facebook and, yup I was. I haven't sent her a Facebook message in about a year, since before we became a couple, and I never posted on her page, but I guess at one point she thought I would try to contact her that way. I was actually the one to unfriend her. So she had to go out of her way to block me.

 

Finding out I was blocked from her Facebook made me feel a little sick. How could she hate me so much? I did not cheat on her, I was never abusive to her, physically, verbally, or emotionally to her. I never lied to her or disrespected her, or stole from her. The only thing I did to her, was annoy her by trying to get closure, and trying to get her to explain why she dumped me. Was that enough to garner the same response as if I'd cheated on her with three women?

 

Have you considered going to see her and ask her these questions directly? It's not likely anyone here is going to know why she did it. I wouldn't recommend showing up where she works, but you could always follow her home one day after she's left the office and asking her at home where she would feel more at ease.

[somedude81]

Have you considered going to see her and ask her these questions directly? It's not likely anyone here is going to know why she did it. I wouldn't recommend showing up where she works, but you could always follow her home one day after she's left the office and asking her at home where she would feel more at ease.

 

That's a great idea, though I don't have to fallow her home because I know where she lives.

 

If she's not home then I'll wait outside with a dozen roses, and a giant teddy bear. That's sure to win her over.

 

After that we'll make passionate love in her room. Her parents won't mind because they know me already.

[AnyaNova]

That's a great idea, though I don't have to fallow her home because I know where she lives.

 

If she's not home then I'll wait outside with a dozen roses, and a giant teddy bear. That's sure to win her over.

 

After that we'll make passionate love in her room. Her parents won't mind because they know me already.

 

Nice sarcasm.

 

What kid of things could you go and do NOW to get your mind off of your ex?

[somedude81]

Nice sarcasm.

Thanks

 

What kid of things could you go and do NOW to get your mind off of your ex?

 

Right now?

 

I need to work on my homework.

 

I also just got back from the mall picking up some clothes that I had purchased online and had free store pick up.

[Imajerk17]

Somedude, its Friday night where you are. Why don't you go out and enjoy yourself. Or take your work to a local coffee shop and do your studying there.

 

The last thing you need to be doing is reading more perspectives on your situation/analysis-paralysis. Get out there instead.

[somedude81]

As far as I'm concerned I've got more than enough perspective and analysis on this situation.

 

I was already out for a couple of hours. There are things I need to start to work on at home.

[AnyaNova]

As far as I'm concerned I've got more than enough perspective and analysis on this situation.

 

I was already out for a couple of hours. There are things I need to start to work on at home.

 

Good for you!!!

[Eclypse]

I think you should have told her you loved her. Me and my gf say it many times each day and we began saying it like 2 weeks in! Although we've known each other for a long time and had crazy chemistry. I don't agree that it would have been smothering. I love hearing her say how much she loves me and how she doesn't want us to ever break up.

 

Honestly, I think she was a bit weird. She seems like she doesn't know what she wants. I hope your next gf is a bit better.

 

I dumped my ex of 4 years because I fell in love with my current gf. It was really difficult and there was a lot of crying. I gave her the chance to ask anything. I think the dumpee has the right to know why they're being dumped. She chose not to take it though and deleted me off facebook. It stung a bit, but I accepted it. I've lost all rights to be with her and keep up with her life, same as you.

[Glinda.Good]

Have you considered going to see her and ask her these questions directly? It's not likely anyone here is going to know why she did it. I wouldn't recommend showing up where she works, but you could always follow her home one day after she's left the office and asking her at home where she would feel more at ease.

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:eek:

[Simon Phoenix]

Have you considered going to see her and ask her these questions directly? It's not likely anyone here is going to know why she did it. I wouldn't recommend showing up where she works, but you could always follow her home one day after she's left the office and asking her at home where she would feel more at ease.

 

Hoping this is in jest.

[somedude81]

I think you should have told her you loved her. Me and my gf say it many times each day and we began saying it like 2 weeks in! Although we've known each other for a long time and had crazy chemistry. I don't agree that it would have been smothering. I love hearing her say how much she loves me and how she doesn't want us to ever break up.

 

Honestly, I think she was a bit weird. She seems like she doesn't know what she wants. I hope your next gf is a bit better.

 

I dumped my ex of 4 years because I fell in love with my current gf. It was really difficult and there was a lot of crying. I gave her the chance to ask anything. I think the dumpee has the right to know why they're being dumped. She chose not to take it though and deleted me off facebook. It stung a bit, but I accepted it. I've lost all rights to be with her and keep up with her life, same as you.

Thank you Eclypse. I agree with everything you said.

 

Both my ex and I made mistakes. But now that's all in the past.

 

Hopefully next time with a new girl will be better.

[somedude81]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:eek:

 

Hoping this is in jest.

 

That's Johan.

 

I already gave him an appropriate reply.