My Boyfriend Has a Disability

April 18, 2014

I cannot let this one go by lol.

Leigh: I am 48 and look 38. I don't need botox, why in the world would you need it at 30? lol

The secret to looking young and fresh is no smoking, no alcohol, no laying under the son, water and plenty of sleep.

Yea, don't do that!

April 18, 2014

Haha my English will get better with all this help

April 18, 2014

If my bf earns minimum wage he will pay for his own food and needs and he will simply not travel with me.

I don't think his minimum wage will hinder me traveling overseas or rescuing dogs....

So you intend on traveling on your own while he stays home with his minimum wage income and paying for his own food?

uh...

Is he suppose to be like: "oh ok, I didn't wanna travel anyways. I guess I'll stay home and take care of those stray dogs and cats you rescued..." and be fine with it? Then when you get back, I guess he'd be waiting for you at home just as smitten with you as he is today.

You don't think after a few years he'll start building resentment you're always gone for XX a year? (XX = days you intend on traveling the world a year without him). "Why am I home taking care of these dogs and cats she wanted to rescue, while she's traveling the world?"

This idea you have doesn't sound very "together". You seem to want to do things whether its with or without him...

I would never want to take a trip anywhere without my (future) wife to share it with. I don't care if it's to some magical once in a lifetime opportunity, if both of us can't go, I would rather not.

April 18, 2014

The more you post about your relationship, the more I question whether you love him as a person, or as an attention farm.

April 18, 2014

I know that.

I DO volunteer work.

I am in year one of my degree and I already do relevant volunteer work.

I plan on volunteering throughout my entire degree. I am very aware of what it takes to get a post grad job.

I am doing a diploma in youth work AT THE SAME TIME as my full time social work degree.

I am already volunteering. I am due to start a 10 week life line course; social work employers look favorably upon that course.

I also plan to continue volunteering for life line for my entire degree.

I think I will stand a good chance at getting employment when I finish degree since I am taking the initiative in my FIRST YEAR of college to gain voluntary experience.

I would be wary of talking too much anymore about the fact that you're doing a social work course. I mean this with the best of intentions. The people who run these programmes are absolutely scrupulous about the professional image of the course and the profession. You can get in serious hot water for discussing anything unsavoury online, even on a personal facebook account, and linking it to stating that you're on a social work programme. I don't know which city you live in either but it wouldn't be difficult for somebody to see that, if you've ever mentioned it, call up your university in the city, tell them that a woman called Leigh is on an internet message board (complete with personal photographs of herself) talking about her degree course and career plans in one post and discussing her labiaplasty and relationship woes in another.

Maybe that might seem a little risk averse of me but seriously, the slightest thing can get you ejected from these courses. You cannot afford to discredit yourself or the profession in any way. And I'm pretty sure that social work departments do google stuff to try and scope things out. Just something to think about.

April 18, 2014

I am doing a youth work diploma that requires me to do volunteer work with disadvantaged Australians.

I have only just started my honors degree. Already I am taking the initiative to get as much volunteer work as possible.

By the end of my degree, I plan to have done volunteer work from year one of my degree.

I think that amassing a lot of volunteer work in working with disadvantaged people will help me get a job faster than if I DID NOT start doing voluntary work from year1 of my degree.

You do realise that due to the nature of most people who want to enter social work, many, many graduates will have been volunteering not just from the start of their degree but from the moment they were of legal age to do so?

Companies can usually tell which voluntary work is CV padding, and which is something someone has done from the heart for a very long time, before they even entered the programme.

I'm 26 and I've been volunteering since I was 14, most recently for the past seven years at one specific place weekly, and during that time for six months intensively two days a week in a very demanding high security prison while I worked the other five to pay my rent. I didn't do any of that in order to further my career prospects, I did it because helping people to help themselves is what I feel I was born to do. And I'm far from alone.

Can I ask, have you done any voluntary work before you started your social work course?

April 18, 2014

I don't have to worry about bulls so frankly I have a good chance of doing well where as most students need to work full or part time and worry about where their next meal is coming from.

Oh man... based on every employer I've ever spoken to, every social work practice educator etc. they look far more favourably when it comes to recruitment on people who have had to pay their way through college than they do on people who have been financially assisted by somebody else.

If someone has had to work their behind off waiting tables for thirty hours per week on top of their forty hour placement, that shows a hell of a lot about their strength of character and their desire to complete the programme. That kind of work experience is hard evidence of somebody's desire and drive to succeed and it can more than stand up against somebody who has top grades but didn't have to work during college because they were being financially supported elsewhere. I know you work part time on weekends but any employer is going to see that and realise instantly that you were being financially buoyed elsewhere. I'm talking about proper, rent and bill paying work.

April 19, 2014

accrosstheuniverise.

Get of your high horse. I am a very strong person in spite of the fact I have a lot of material things I didn't have to work for.

Really awful things happened to me in my past. My father has been ill for years, my parents left to work overseas at age 10 (I was left with family friends) and I was mercilessly bullied all through school; I was an ugly child.

I was abused by a family member.

I nearly died because I smoked too much pot and just stopped eating one day. I had to drop out of school as I was too ill and near death.

I never knew what it was like to be happy until age 24 ish.

I know there are people worse off than me who pay their bills, but I also have low range autism, so on top of going back to school and getting my high school diploma AND above 90% college entrance score mind you, I was not able to just go and wait tables; you get 20 an hour in Australia and a lot of people want to wait tables, with low rang autism it is hard to get work when you are a big different. I honestly tried for years and only JUST got a job recently.

People within the social work sector seem to respond well to me because I am a truly nice person and they can tell; my lecturers tell me I am in with a good chance at gaining employment because they can "sense" the empathy within me.

I HAVE worked since age 16. I worked at Mc donalds like everyone else.

I have worked on and off since a teen and I still work weekend event work serving drinks for hours on end on my feet so I do know what it is like to study full time and work a little AND volunteer.

I started to volunteer due to my degree but it also means a lot to me to help disadvantaged kids, since I was never disadvantaged in the same sense they were, financially....

I am not volunteering solely due to my degree kicking off, it is something that, now healthy and quiet happy in life after years of therapy and HARD WORK, I would have done anyway. ANYONE who knows me knows what a kind person I am.

I have always given to charity and with people I barely know I volunteer my time in helping them.

I was sort of dying for a few years of not eating much in the way of any food, it sent me delusional and my cognitive abilities suffered; I couldn't just go and read a page of a textbook or go to a simple cashier job and not make mistakes. I really was screwed for a few years.

I had to look after myself and get professional help before volunteering.

April 19, 2014

Oh man... based on every employer I've ever spoken to, every social work practice educator etc. they look far more favourably when it comes to recruitment on people who have had to pay their way through college than they do on people who have been financially assisted by somebody else.

If someone has had to work their behind off waiting tables for thirty hours per week on top of their forty hour placement, that shows a hell of a lot about their strength of character and their desire to complete the programme. That kind of work experience is hard evidence of somebody's desire and drive to succeed and it can more than stand up against somebody who has top grades but didn't have to work during college because they were being financially supported elsewhere. I know you work part time on weekends but any employer is going to see that and realise instantly that you were being financially buoyed elsewhere. I'm talking about proper, rent and bill paying work.

My parents took me overseas when I was very young. I saw slums of third world countries. I grew a lot of empathy at a very young age and always KNEW I would want to help others less fortunate.

I have lived overseas and saw armless/legless beggars on a daily basis.

I have worked since I was age 16, and I am sure that volunteering for 3 or 4 years prior to my degree finishing will at least make a difference when employers picked me.

In Australia they don't ASK you if you paid your way through college. It is none of their damn business frankly.

If I study my ass off, get good grades and do YEARS of voluntary work for the disadvantaged, I AM SURE that, in addition to having the diploma in youth work, will stand me in good steed.

I do not present myself in real life as a person who is lazy.

In Australia MOST STUDENTS DO NOT pay their OWN WAY through college.

News flash; the government pays for our food and travel expenses! MOST STUDENTS live at home or with flat mates, they have a part time job but by no means NEED it just to survive.

April 19, 2014

Sheesh, I don't see why getting good grades, volunteering fr 3 - 4 years before my degree is obtained and having a youth work diploma is not a good thing?

Not to mention I am going to try to secure full time work out of my youth work diploma, once I have voluntary work under my belt. More on that later.

I am going to volunteer and while doing so, I will look for work every day; bare in mind I already work weekends, so I am aiming for full time work, even 30 hours a week plus weekend work will serve me fell though college. I can save for my future and start paying rent where I live. For starters.

I honestly think I am doing the best in my circumstances.

I am very loving to my boyfriend I tell him daily how lucky I am to have him. I would absolutely take him travelling with me some of the time too. He has worked for over ten years and is entitled to long service leave PLUS he has long holidays in which he could travel with me in.....

I just may not afford to take him every overseas trip I take, HYPOTHETICALLY, in the future. He is very laid back and isn't one to be offended at that.....

Anywho, he GETS why I am starting my life LATER in life, he is in the same boat as me, he had a stroke and s a result he is set back in life... Well I faced a few issues too and I am also set back in life professionally speaking, and now I am doing my BEST to get my life going in the right direction.

Yes I have expensive clothes and a huge bag collection and overseas travel under my belt. Doesn't mean I lack empathy or understanding or I am not a hard worker.

Do you what? I haven't mentioned this however; the main reason I am doing my youth work diploma is so I can get full time or at LEAST 30 - 40 hours a week work IN ADDITION TO MY EVENT WORK I currently do on weekends.

That is right; I AM striving top secure full time work during college! I AM trying my best!

Remember, I cannot help where I am right now, all I can do is do my degree, do this ADDITIONAL FULL TIME diploma, and try my ass off to get good grades AND secure full time work working with disadvantaged folks well before my degree finishes.

April 19, 2014

I agree that if you've found a guy who's crazy about you, and you're crazy about him, that's something to treasure, because from what I've experienced it is rare.

I've only experienced it once - but we had a strong point of conflict (his interfering family), which is what eventually drove me away.

Who knows if this will endure? Enjoy it as long as it lasts.

Well this is the first time for me too, Ruby. I have had guys crazy about me who I wasn't crazy about, guys with full time jobs who were well off. One guy was rolling in cash and tried to buy me things ALL THE TIME... HE DID NOT want kids also...

But yeah, I would rather my lower income boyfriend who I AM crazy about and who is crazy about me, than some guy who adores me, earns a lot of money yet who I just do not feel the spark/passion for.....

I was grossly unhappy during a lot of my life in spite of having a lot of material things so I know there is more to a partner than his money.

I am a big girl and I can go out and get the professional career and income of my own, and he can already support himself financially and has 30 plus K saved for a house deposit so it is not like I am with a destitute who cannot support himself.

So yeah, I have a few strong desires such as overseas travel. And being able to rescue animals in my yard, namely dogs.

I don't think my bfs disability will stop me from achieving these things, since he can already support himself financially albeit he doesn't have money left over to do things besides eat and general living....

I got scared and had to start this thread to vent. It saddens me that this stroke happened to such a wonderful guy. It is hard to deal with at times, as I truly love him and it hurts me that he feels bad about not having the job HE wants.

April 19, 2014

My boyfriend had a huge setback recently.

He was due to start a business. His good friend makes a bucketload driving a garbage truck, and he told my boyfriend if he was the "runner", him and my boyfriend could earn a lot of money.

My boyfriend attended meetings for a year, spend hours reading the manual, and had his business planned out.

Then the guy fcked off to Canada to live there instead. So now my boyfriends only hope of earning a good income has gone.

He is highly functional and he would be good at running a café or restaurant, his dad talked about helping him out in starting it.

But yeah, besides the café/pizza joint gig (where my bf is a chef and could cook) he has no prospect of a normal income.

This bothers him more than it does me. He is quiet devastated, I am happy to support him if he remains on a lowish income.

He is a chef but they get paid lowly in Australia unless you are one of the better ones. My bfs memory is not good enough to allow him to be at the top of his game, but he is good enough to have kept his job for 10 years and to cook if he opened a pizza joint.

So I am supporting him right now in dealing with this current set back. I am really pissed that his friend would get his hopes up only to move overseas. Real nice of him.

He has a supportive family and I love him like crazy so I am sure he will get he help and support that he needs, he is VERY determined to get a decently paid job, this is something HE raves about not me by the way, I wouldn't care if he remained on his current income for life.

My cousin is also an occupational therapist and likes my bf a lot and I am sure she will help him as best she can....

I have come to this conclusion; I don't care about his income at all. I just don't want kids with him. Or any guy for that matter.

April 19, 2014

Could you have a " go with the flow " approach to it? Is just being with him and enjoying what you have now something you could try , or is the future your top priority?

I wonder if it would be more.enjoyable without thinking so much about way far ahead in the future, but if its important to you, I understand.

April 19, 2014

Could you have a " go with the flow " approach to it? Is just being with him and enjoying what you have now something you could try , or is the future your top priority?

I wonder if it would be more.enjoyable without thinking so much about way far ahead in the future, but if its important to you, I understand.

I hope you saw the part where I stated that I want to work full time during college badly ^^^^^ and am doing an additional diploma, full time, as well as a full time degree, just to make the full time work happen?

I don't think people realised this fact about me and assumed I enjoy living at my parents expense.

And I made the thread to vent really. After the initial high wore off, of meeting a partner you were super excited about, the reality of his disability set in. I honestly didn't consider it before I started this thread, it all came to a head.

After talking about it and having people question my love for him, I have come to the conclusion that the only issue I have is not wanting kids, when he would rather have them than not.

Good suggestion to live in the moment more, my friends tell me to so this too. I was doing that until something in me snapped and I realised there are long term implications due to his disability. I needed to explore that.

I will live in the moment sure, as I once was, yet I still need to broach the topic of kids with him at least once a year; he needs to know I will never want kids and ... to have that choice to find someone who does want kids.

He is 30 so I do not want to waste too much of his time if having kids is that important to him.

Aside from the kids things we are great.

April 19, 2014

Yea, don't do that!

I don't mind aging but I would like to do it as gracefully as possible.

It can be cheap too. I wear hats EVERYWHERE (I have cute hats from overseas I love wearing, caps and some super cute hats)

I wear sunscreen every day and do not go outside without it lathered on my face. Sunscreen is cheap.

I am going to get back into eating better and better. Etc.

Botox is a once a year thing that I only ever want in my forehead, I don't want it all over my face, just exclusively on the lines in my forehead that are starting to show albeit not much at all.

People guess I am early 20's at times, more people guess I am younger than older.

I mean I had a fling with a 19 year old late last year who thought I was early 20's. LOL.

Basically, botox at age 30 just takes away all the lines in your forehead, I still want the other natural lines on my face as they are, too much of the stuff makes you look like a freak.

Botox is affordable if you skimp on other things in my opinion. I only want 400 $ worth of it per year once I hit 30.

My bf tells me I am absolutely beautiful as I am but I am not doing this for him lol.

April 19, 2014

I just wanted to ask this: Are you and he getting any emotional support for the psychological implications of his disability?

I mean, this has thrown your life goals into complete turmoil (and I just wanted to take this moment to congratulate on having such solid ambitions and life goals! Seems rare these days, especially among attractive women - at least those I know).

It seems necessary that you both, (either individually or as a couple) undertake some counselling or therapy to help you both through this.

[ETA] Re: The Botox 'Thing' - It is a shame that the fact that you want botox has gotten more feedback than your very honorable life goals. You seem to have been judged viciously because you want botox to the extent that your incredible desire to dedicate your life to human and animal welfare has been cast aside to judge you for "superficiality". Smh.

Edited April 19, 2014 by Lixxy

April 19, 2014

I just wanted to ask this: Are you and he getting any emotional support for the psychological implications of his disability?

I mean, this has thrown your life goals into complete turmoil (and I just wanted to take this moment to congratulate on having such solid ambitions and life goals! Seems rare these days, especially among attractive women - at least those I know).

It seems necessary that you both, (either individually or as a couple) undertake some counselling or therapy to help you both through this.

[ETA] Re: The Botox 'Thing' - It is a shame that the fact that you want botox has gotten more feedback than your very honorable life goals. You seem to have been judged viciously because you want botox to the extent that your incredible desire to dedicate your life to human and animal welfare has been cast aside to judge you for "superficiality". Smh.

Yes I have a psychologist I have not seen her since ... a few weeks after I met him though.

But yes I will of course tell her. About this whole situation. She could see I was very taken/thrilled by him though. So far she thinks the relationship is a good influence on me, as it causes me to develop more patience when he asked me "where the salt is" for the 100th time:lmao:

Regarding botox. It's whatever lol. I know who I am and the people in my life know the sort of loving and generous person that I am. Don't care if people think I am less nice because I want botox.

April 19, 2014

I see a therapist in spite of my relationship because of my own life and the set of challenges I have had to overcome.

My boyfriend having a disability seems like enough of a cause for concern and I will be mentioning I to my therapist.

April 19, 2014

I don't see a major issue with botox, but, it's really just assessing one's priorities. If getting regular botox would bring OP happiness whereas her boyfriend wouldn't, I can see why she may be upset. But I don't see why she couldn't figure out a way to have the best of both worlds if that's what she so vehemently desired.

I'm on a streak of getting blatantly ignored when I try to give advice on certain things. I must not be very good, hm. Nevermind.

Then again, I read posts like "You Lose" and wonder what they're even commenting on..

OP, in the chance that you may respond to me, have you spoken with your partner about the incompatibility in regards to wanting children? That may be a major issue. Not having kids would make it much easier on you both financially and it could still be possible to be with him and still have more of the life you'd like.

April 19, 2014

I don't see a major issue with botox, but, it's really just assessing one's priorities. If getting regular botox would bring OP happiness whereas her boyfriend wouldn't, I can see why she may be upset. But I don't see why she couldn't figure out a way to have the best of both worlds if that's what she so vehemently desired.

I'm on a streak of getting blatantly ignored when I try to give advice on certain things. I must not be very good, hm. Nevermind.

Then again, I read posts like "You Lose" and wonder what they're even commenting on..

OP, in the chance that you may respond to me, have you spoken with your partner about the incompatibility in regards to wanting children? That may be a major issue. Not having kids would make it much easier on you both financially and it could still be possible to be with him and still have more of the life you'd like.

He undecided inregards To Kids.

He knows it's a deal breaker.

April 19, 2014

My next GF (assuming she doesn't make money as me) will be called "low income cupcake" or "low income baby" or "low income honey-bunny" or "low income gorgeous".

Its endearing and really gets across to her how I view / think of her and what she means to me.

If I wasn't married, I'd be your low income sweetie .

April 19, 2014

you're really young, it would be wise to break up.

April 19, 2014

Ugh this thread is giving me a headache.

The best advise here is to break things off, it's obvious the two of you will not be a good match together, what you each want in life are very different, don't string this guy along any longer.

April 19, 2014

Why don't you just stop assuming you know what the future is going to be like, and stop trying to pre-control it? Yes, do things to prepare for the future, but realize that not everything goes the way you think or hope it will.

You're making a lot of assumptions, especially about how much money you'll be making. It always cracks me up when people who are still in school or who don't have actual careers think they know so much about what's going to happen and how much they're going to make. Seriously, for your own sake, don't assume.

Work hard on your education, have fun with this guy, and just see where things go.

April 19, 2014

Why don't you just stop assuming you know what the future is going to be like, and stop trying to pre-control it? Yes, do things to prepare for the future, but realize that not everything goes the way you think or hope it will.

You're making a lot of assumptions, especially about how much money you'll be making. It always cracks me up when people who are still in school or who don't have actual careers think they know so much about what's going to happen and how much they're going to make. Seriously, for your own sake, don't assume.

Work hard on your education, have fun with this guy, and just see where things go.

That's what I want to do.

But I feel guilt knowing he wants kids when I DEFINITELY do not.....

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