I am perplexed

[Leigh 87]

So more like 4 months because of his business trip and then us not talking. Yeah most guys know but some don't right away til it's too late. I've seen it before. This guy has done a 180 on me in a day. I'm not saying it will happen but it has before. I don't want to talk anymore about this.

 

 

 

Good luck. Sorry you are upset.

 

 

If you really liked yourself you would not want a guy who realises what he has got until it is too late.

 

 

 

You would pick yourself up, cut this guy out, and find a guy who knows he is nuts about you from the start.

 

 

 

 

It is sad that you are even open to a guy changing his mind about you after 6 months, you should DEMAND that a guy is super into you from day one, and continues this trend......

 

 

 

 

 

Gook luck you are going to need it, I cannot believe a doctor has such low self esteem:(

[girlygirl8]

He told me he got butterflies. My other exes and I were official after the second date and that never worked. So you see they were soo into me to make things official early but it didn't work! The first one was controlling. The second ex whose family I met at the second date cheated on me after 2 years and cheated on the girls after me (they told me on Facebook) This guy and I haven't slept with each other because I didn't want to til we were official. It came close though and he told me he doesn't rush things because he got hurt and usually doesn't become official with someone til at least 6 months or more because he wants to build a friendship first. I want to build a friendship first too after what happened with rushing with my exes. He's religious and goes to church every Sunday. You can't generalize. I was going to break things off with him after month three but I was scared because I really like him. I have low self esteem because of my dad and because of my ex cheating on me after two years

Edited April 16, 2014 by girlygirl8

[girlygirl8]

Thanks for the good luck wishes. Good luck to you too

[FitChick]

I bet the guy is gay and still in the closet because of his religious background. Or still a virgin.

[girlygirl8]

I don't think he's gay or a virgin. Just think he lost interest or never wanted something serious with me but I'm just letting God do the work now. Whatever is meant to be will be. I'm trying not to be sad right now but it's difficult.

[Conners]

Why did you even bother asking for advice here?

 

You argue against every single reply despite them all making the exact same point that he's just not into you.

 

I'm not going to bother saying the same thing but if you think you are right, get off this site and go see if things work out with this guy. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak and no one here wants to say "I told you so".

 

All the best.

[Leigh 87]

I don't think he's gay or a virgin. Just think he lost interest or never wanted something serious with me but I'm just letting God do the work now. Whatever is meant to be will be. I'm trying not to be sad right now but it's difficult.

 

 

 

Do you think men lose interest of change their mind about girls they are head over heels, crazy about?

 

 

It would have to be a pretty huge thing that stopped a man who was realllllly into a girl and crazy about her, to NOT be with her....

[girlygirl8]

He texted me about an hour ago saying hi how was your day? I didn't respond. I'm going to ignore him for awhile to see how he likes it. I TOLD you he'd contact again!

[ExpatInItaly]

He texted me about an hour ago saying hi how was your day? I didn't respond. I'm going to ignore him for awhile to see how he likes it. I TOLD you he'd contact again!

 

So? Be careful OP. If he were really crazy about you, you wouldn't need to wonder where you stand with him and wait days to hear from him. I wouldn't waste more time with a guy like him. He's giving you crumbs to keep you hooked. And it's working, apparently. Guys like him are a dime and a dozen, and so are the women who totally fall for it.

[Leigh 87]

Sigh.

 

We have warned her.

 

She believes there is a chance that she is the love of his life and that he is, in fact, crazy about her.

 

Let her choose to hold onto this hope. It may work out. Who knows?

 

I wouldn't stick around, but the OP girlygirl seems to think it is worth holding onto hope, she felt signs and signals that makes HER want to hold on to some extent.

 

People are all different. OUR relationship experiences have all told us that a guy acts a certain way when he is super into a girl. The OP knows men who have not wanted a relationship for months, left women cold only to realise they made a mistake.

I personally don't know of any men who were nuts about a girl, yet who made the remark that " he has too much going on" to be in a relationship with her.

 

It is all relative. The OP, based on how she has lived her life thus far, doesn't feel the way about men that we do.

 

Nothing we say can change her mind.

[girlygirl8]

You did change my mind. I do believe it is just crumbs he is throwing and it hurts. It makes me feel like I'm not worth anything. I'll try hard to go out and meet others. I'm just tired of being hurt.

[Zahara]

He texted me about an hour ago saying hi how was your day? I didn't respond. I'm going to ignore him for awhile to see how he likes it. I TOLD you he'd contact again!

 

We never said he wouldn't contact you. We said he isn't that into you.

 

Two different things. Pay attention.

 

Just because someone contacts you it doesn't mean they are over the moon about you. My god it's sad to see a woman jump for joy just because a man sends one text after blatantly ignoring her. It's a crumb.

[girlygirl8]

We never said he wouldn't contact you. We said he isn't that into you.

 

Two different things. Pay attention.

 

Just because someone contacts you it doesn't mean they are over the moon about you. My god it's sad to see a woman jump for joy just because a man sends one text after blatantly ignoring her. It's a crumb.

 

I never said I was excited.Pay attention. If I was excited I would respond. Ive seen guys like this play games with other girls because they are not THAT excited about anyone, Many guys can be scared of commitment no matter how much they like a girl. Some guys care more about themselves and their jobs to care about anyone else no matter how awesome and great she is and as soon as you stand up for yourself (like I did when I said I'm moving on) they ignore you for days. This isn't the first time this has happened when I said I'm moving on.

Edited April 18, 2014 by girlygirl8

[Zahara]

I never said I was excited. i've seen guys like this with other girls not excited about anyone, many guys can be scared of commitment no matter how much they like a girl. some guys care more about themselves to care about anyone else

 

By the way you caps your I TOLD you he'd contact again! -- it seemed like you were waiting to prove us wrong and that you finally got what you were so waiting for -- some sort of validation from this man.

 

It doesn't matter what type of guy he is. Pay attention to how HE has treated YOU and stay away from him. He is only sniffing around because he's probably bored, he's curious as to what you're doing, he wants attention, he wants companionship -- crumbs.

[girlygirl8]

My ex was sooo into me I met his parents on the second date and we were official the second date then he cheated after 2 years. The girls he cheated on after me told me he cheated on them too through facebook. So no matter how much a guy is into a girl even when he rushes a relationship with her, some men just care more about themselves and can never commit. No girl will ever be good enough for them because THEY have fears about commitment with anyone even if a girl knocks their socks off.

[Gaeta]

My ex was sooo into me I met his parents on the second date and we were official the second date then he cheated after 2 years. The girls he cheated on after me told me he cheated on them too through facebook. So no matter how much a guy is into a girl even when he rushes a relationship with her, some men just care more about themselves and can never commit. No girl will ever be good enough for them because THEY have fears about commitment with anyone even if a girl knocks their socks off.

I am not sure I follow you, so your conclusion is a man that is not into you has potential for a lasting relationship?

[Zahara]

My ex was sooo into me I met his parents on the second date and we were official the second date then he cheated after 2 years. The girls he cheated on after me told me he cheated on them too through facebook. So no matter how much a guy is into a girl even when he rushes a relationship with her, some men just care more about themselves and can never commit. No girl will ever be good enough for them because THEY have fears about commitment with anyone even if a girl knocks their socks off.

 

Rushing a relationship is a red flag. Just because a guy rushes into a relationship it doesn't mean anything but two people rushing on a honeymoon high.

 

And stop trying to analyze men or this guy. You need to analyze yourself and work on your self-esteem. This isn't about your ex or why guys do this and do that -- the focus is on you. Not them. Until you work on your self-esteem and having and seeing more value in yourself, you'll always be in involved with men that give you the run around.

[ExpatInItaly]

Rushing a relationship is a red flag. Just because a guy rushes into a relationship it doesn't mean anything but two people rushing on a honeymoon high.

 

And stop trying to analyze men or this guy. You need to analyze yourself and work on your self-esteem. This isn't about your ex or why guys do this and do that -- the focus is on you. Not them. Until you work on your self-esteem and having and seeing more value in yourself, you'll always be in involved with men that give you the run around.

 

OP, I do hope you take these thoughts into consideration. It is very sound advice. You can learn from this experience and know what to look for next time. Nobody else will notice your self-worth unless and until you do.

[Leigh 87]

Say he is super into you and he simply cares more about his work and his own life than he ever will about any woman.

 

Man, is that a guy you WANT?

 

Are you going to act like a love sick puppy and JUMP when he tells you to? HE didn't give you commitment when YOU wanted it. Don't lie to yourself and say you "were cool" with a non committal guy. Why should YOU be at his beck and call when HE wouldn't commit to you when you needed it?

 

You are a doctor. I am sure you are cute; plenty of guys to think you're just lovely.

 

It is not hard to find guys who adore you and who want a relationship with you. IF you have been around the block with dating and you know the signs and symptoms; the no brainers when dating.

Dating is challenging enough when you take the best precautions; such as avoiding men who don't have time for you. Crap STILL goes awry even when the guy IS super into you and acts accordingly.

Why start off with a guy who shows so many red flags? When even the most loving, wonderful men can fall out of love, even with a girl they WERE initially crazy about?

Starting off on the wrong foot just puts you even more at risk of things going wrong.

 

We are not trying to rip you to pieces and make out like you're not good enough for this guy.

You ARE good enough. I have stated many times that guys like him CAN sometimes change when they meet an average girl who simply .. knocks their socks off. It is about the "it" factor two people have MUTUALLY.

Then again he may just be a selfish douche who is incapable of truly loving a woman. Which is sad and you should avoid such a man.

 

Look even if this guy is head over heels for you, which I frankly have my doubts about but I COULD be wrong.... He has acted in a way that is NOT ACCAPTABLE to the women who VALUE THEMSELVES.

Dating should be about striving to set good standards for yourself!

Enough can go wrong even when two people have the best of intentions, WHY even BOTHER starting anything with a man who gives you the run around for 6 months.

 

Not committing after 6 months and yet still throwing you enough lines to make you feel he could be very into you, IS giving you the run around.

 

Are YOU going to ALLOW yourself to be "that woman" who lets guys string you along for 6 months without committing?

Edited April 18, 2014 by Leigh 87

[girlygirl8]

Gaeta, I never said that. I am just saying sometimes it's not about whether or not he's into you. He can be into you but not want to commit because he cares more about himself. Anyways Leigh, I don't want to be that girl. it's just hard right now because I wish he could give me what I deserve. I was going to stop talking to him in December, but everytime I ignored him he kept texting me and calling me apologizing. Then the cycle started over again. I should have just been strong then and ended it.

[Leigh 87]

girlygirl8, we have all done it, most of us have allowed guys into our lives when they didn't give us what we deserved.

 

They wouldn't commit. They come back, they always end up calling you and you know they will always be back. They ask us to jump and we ask "how high". After they refused to commit. We still allow them to have us. SO not cool.

 

I didn't leave my ex even though he cheated. He DID show me a low of signs that he was into me and he loved me so that was enough. I should have had better standards and stuck to them no matter how much he claimed to love me.

 

It is black and white. There are no grey areas; have standards and stick to them no matter what. If you don't you will let guys in who aren't deserving of you.

The way he has acted is not acceptable to women with high self esteem.

 

It doesn't matter if he suddenly realises he lost the love of his life (you). He blew it. End of story.

[Leigh 87]

Let me ask you this.

 

If you had a daughter, or say a best friend/sister.

 

If they had a guy around them who wouldn't commit after half a year, would you tell them it was good to wait around for them? Do you not think they are worth more than waiting on some guy to figure out when he wants to commit, when they can get guys who DO want to commit?

 

How would you feel if someone you really cared about let a guy in who deprived them of the love and commitment they deserved?

 

Would you tell them to cut the guy out and tell him to get lost? Or would you say "but he may realise you are the love of his life and want to commit to you after months of having known you"

 

Should an amazing girl wait on a guy? When many guys can figure out well before 6 months that they want to commit?

[girlygirl8]

You're right. I just keep thinking there's something wrong with me that he won't commit that's all. I keep thinking it's my fault and I'm not good enough. I know I shouldn't think like that but I do.

[KatZee]

Welcome to reality.

 

Not every man you meet that you find amazing, is going to think you're amazing back. That's not the way the world works.

 

You don't get some sort of prize for being attractive, nice, caring, supportive or successful in your career.

 

I am all of these things and perpetually single. I'm not going to sit around and "boo hoo" myself to death and whine about how I'm not worth a pot to piss in.

 

He doesn't like you right now, get over it. It's pointless to have the mentality of "what if" or "in the future." The future may never come. Focus on today and the here and now. There's a lot of work you need to do NOW without being so obsessive over what may or may not happen in any forseeable future.

 

Pull your head out of your a.ss, stop with the pity party, and move on from it. If he decides down the line that he wants to attempt something, let him reach out to you. Until then, go about your merry way.

 

He's more likely to come back if you just GO AWAY. And I don't mean go NC to get him back, that's manipulation. I mean honestly, LET HIM GO. Delete his number, and resume the life you had before you met him. Wipe your hands, chalk it up to bad timing or lack of connection and just move on.

 

I had this exact situation happen months ago. This guy dated me for a bit and then pulled a slow fade. I didn't send ridiculous text messages of my face in sunglasses, or act passive aggressive, or manipulative, or immature. I sent one message. It said: "I guess something happened where you lost interest. I just want to give this the proper closing it deserves. Thanks for everything and I wish you all the best."

 

That was it. Done. I deleted his number and resumed dating. I didn't come off like a psycho I just let him know I'd be going on my way. Guys are 100% more likely to come back around and sniff out the cool chick who didn't act like a needy, crazy girl.

 

And yes. Guess who just crawled out of the woodwork calling me two days ago? Yep. He did. Saying he missed me, and my laugh. Yeah OK, whatever. We spoke on the phone for about an hour and you know what I thought after that conversation was over? "Yeah, I wouldn't date him seriously."

 

Meanwhile, this was the guy I was crying over months ago, wondering why he didn't feel the things I did, or why he wanted to walk away. When he left, he left. I didn't wallow in self-pity, or let it effect my life the way you're letting this guy effect yours. You seem to think that this guy, or men in general determine your value and worth. No. YOU DO. And clearly you have none. No guy is going to think you have worth, if you yourself think you're worthless. That's just not the way things work.

 

I met a new guy shortly after this guy pulled the fade and I've been talking to him for a couple months, but he is showing me that he's not all that interested in something serious, so you know what I did? I let him know where I stood, how I felt, and that was that. I'm bouncing out. Balls in his court. If he so decides that he wants to give it a shot, he can reach out to me.

 

Until then? I have a date tonight.

Edited April 18, 2014 by KatZee

[Damaged217]

Welcome to reality.

 

Not every man you meet that you find amazing, is going to think you're amazing back. That's not the way the world works.

 

You don't get some sort of prize for being attractive, nice, caring, supportive or successful in your career.

 

I am all of these things and perpetually single. I'm not going to sit around and "boo hoo" myself to death and whine about how I'm not worth a pot to piss in.

 

He doesn't like you right now, get over it. It's pointless to have the mentality of "what if" or "in the future." The future may never come. Focus on today and the here and now. There's a lot of work you need to do NOW without being so obsessive over what may or may not happen in any forseeable future.

 

Pull your head out of your a.ss, stop with the pity party, and move on from it. If he decides down the line that he wants to attempt something, let him reach out to you. Until then, go about your merry way.

 

 

Listen to this woman! She knows what she's talking about.