Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 (edited) And I don't want to push him further away. He means a lot to me even though he hurt me. I know the connection was there. He even told me it was. So I don't get it. I'm a doc too and get hit on a lot but my self esteem is shot right now because of the past and now present :-( Edited April 15, 2014 by girlygirl8 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Also capricorns don't rush relationships. One of my good friends is a cap and she said that this guy sounds like her. Even if she's crazy about a guy she doesn't make things official til at least 6 months of knowing him well. She knows this about other caps too. He does make daily contact with me until I told HIM one week ago I'm moving on. And another time he got mad because I got emotional. Those are the only two times we didn't talk. I am a Capricorn. I am fine alone, my parents moved overseas when I was child. I don't need to see my best friends more than once a month or two. That's just me. I STILL do anything to see a man I am really into. I want to see him every week. And this is coming from a Capricorn who doesn't even need the regular contact from those who I love the most. ...... Look, this guy could meet a girl who is plain looking and isn't that interesting to talk to. Yet the chemistry could be there and he could feel TOTALLY into her. He will want to be with this plain Jane girl well within 6 months. He'll WANT a relationship with a girl he is truly into. It has nothing to do with her being " better " then you. Being crazy about a person is not always about looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 You need to stop being on panic mode. A man can say all sorts of things. Look at his ACTIONS. If he was so excited to hug you and see you, why wasn't he making plans to be with you. Actions tell you everything. Not words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 He said because I put pressure on him and I don't understand him when he says he's dealing with a lot. He said he hates pressure. I even said I don't believe you're dealing with a lot and he said he's honest and he hates when I don't believe him. He even told me he has issues with girls whatever that means and he is surprised I put up with him Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 And I don't want to push him further away. He means a lot to me even though he hurt me. I know the connection was there. He even told me it was. So I don't get it. I'm a doc too and get hit on a lot but my self esteem is shot right now because of the past and now present :-( I know it suck. My ex cheated on me and did basically no nice things for me. Then he met a girl he gave up drinking for and who he totally changed for. Buying her gifts, taking her to Europe with him... 3 last year told me how awesome I was; two of them literally repeated over and over how amazing I was and how I was out of their league. Two guys disappeared on me. One changed his mind about me. It happens. Guys come on really strong and then change their minds about us. Or some men lie and pretend to bbe into us to get sex. Sometimes we THINK they are into us when really, it is all I our heads. Dating can be hard and you need to work on your self esteem and realise that a guy not being crazy about you doesn't mean it's because you aren't hot enough or good enough. Sometimes men just don't feel it with us. And they may fall hard for a girl we feel is less attractive than us. Happens all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 I told him last month in a text that I love him and he put a smiley face. He continued to talk to me. I fall in love fast. But whatever. I'll try to move on but I really hope he does realize I am worth a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 He's not wanting the same things you do OP. When a guy is into you, he doesn't feel pressured. He feels elated and he wants the same things you do. If he feels you're going too fast, he communicates with you to slow the pace. He doesn't step out of the relationship, he stays in, communicates and you both work at slowly moving it forward. When a guy says he's pressured, he's wanting to keep you at a distance. And if he's so hurt and affected from his past, he shouldn't be dating. In other words, he's emotionally unavailable and not healthy for you. Either way, it doesn't give you what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 (edited) Ok. I'm sorry those things happened to you. As I said before the only time he stopped talking to me for a little while was one night when he snapped about what I said about meeting someone who wants a relationship and I became emotional because he ignored me and then last week when I told him I'm moving on. Edited April 15, 2014 by girlygirl8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 I even told him that if you really liked me you would want a relationship now and he said he doesn't work like that. He hates pressure from anyone and he said I don't understand how important work is to him and relationships can distract him from his work project this year that he needs to do a good job with Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 And I don't want to push him further away. He means a lot to me even though he hurt me. I know the connection was there. He even told me it was. So I don't get it. I'm a doc too and get hit on a lot but my self esteem is shot right now because of the past and now present :-( First of all, If you're a doc then I'll date you. I'm not actually single or lesbian or even bi, but health insurance is a nightmare right now and I'd be open to dating a doctor. Anyway, connection or not this guy never actually gave you what you were really looking for. It isn't half the loss you think it is because some guy who wouldn't give you what you're looking for, didn't. You're over here on this board making excuses for and transparently puppying this guy and for what? Somewhere out there is someone who would love to "make it official" and will make time for you without having to beg for it. Just because this guy doesn't appreciate you does not mean someone else will not. When you find the guy who does, you will realize how much better it is when you're with someone who just inherently adores and cherishes you vs. trying to squeeze love out of a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 I even told him that if you really liked me you would want a relationship now and he said he doesn't work like that. He hates pressure from anyone and he said I don't understand how important work is to him and relationships can distract him from his work project this year that he needs to do a good job with. He said he'd be with me if I didn't mention it all the time Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 My ex and the other guy that disappeared on me both contacted me every day. Daily contact doesn't mean a guy is super into you. My ex wasn't very attracted to me and liked to sleep with hotter girls to feel satisfied. Yet he still contacted me daily. You will have a hard time dating if you expect a guy to suddenly see how worthy you are...... For instance, I had an amazing guy who was VERY into me. He was amazing. Sadly, I just didn't feel "it" for him. No amount of time away from this guy could make me fall for him in a romantic way. I know we he WAS worthy. He WAS good enough. I just didn't have those strong feelings for him. YOU are the one that needs to feel worthy. You cannot rely on a guy to see it, YOU have to believe it. I am not the prettiest girl in the room but I love how unique I am and I truly believe there are guys who will LOVE the way I am and who will fall madly in love with me. I also acknowledge that many guys won't EVER be into me, even if I entered into medical school and became a doctor, spent all my spare time volunteering for worthy causes and lost loads of weight. I could be totally amazing on paper yet many guys wouldn't be into me. Sometimes a guy just doesn't fall head over heels for you EVEN if you are fantastic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah. I know. Everyone thinks I can do better but the night before I met him I prayed God would find my soulmate soon. I told him that a few weeks after meeting him and he said that he thinks my prayer worked. Even though he did hurt me I believe in my heart that we are meant to be just not right now. Maybe I'm naive. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 OP, you keep trying to push the trajectory of the relationship. If you keep hounding him with "If you love me, you'll...", you'll drive him away. Just sit back and let him be the guy. He's not a dog. He's won't come when you call. He's a person, which means he decides that he's in when HE decides. You told him over and over again that he needed to step up and be in a relationship. No wonder he felt pressured. Tell him once. Then leave him to it. He'll make his own decision. Don't badger him over and over again. All he's learned is that you'll nag him, but ultimately are too scared to walk away. And that when he says "Jump", you'll say "How high?" How does that encourage respect? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah. I know. Everyone thinks I can do better but the night before I met him I prayed God would find my soulmate soon. I told him that a few weeks after meeting him and he said that he thinks my prayer worked. Even though he did hurt me I believe in my heart that we are meant to be just not right now. Maybe I'm naive. Maybe you are right. You will only find out if you back off and let him be the one to declare whether or not he does want a relationship with you. In the mmean while, try to focus on other things and act as though you have lost him. Don't live your day to day life in the hope that he'll suddenly change his mind. don't count too much on him waking up tomorrow or in a week or a month and suddenly realizing that he's crazy about you. Treat it like he has declined a relationship with you and you are a woman with enough self respect to walk away from a man that cannot meet your needs (in this case you need a relationship after 6 months and he won't give that to you). If he has an epiphany that you're the love of his life and he wants to be in a relationship with you, he will come back and beg you for another chance. If you are sitting around waiting for him to come back, you will give out the impression that you are desperate and he will be repelled. If you move on and he suddenly emails or calls you saying "losing you was the biggest mistake I have ever allowed to have happened, I was crazy to not want a relationship with you" THEN you will be ready to forgive him and take him back IF you haven't already moved on There is coping section under the break up section that has various tools that can help you if you do tell him that you have to let him go. I strongly urge you to treat this like a loss and let him go and begin the process of mourning his loss. Men can smell it a mile away of you are pining for them and praying that they would just see how worthwhile you are! Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Where is ninja when you need him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Thanks everyone. Who is ninja? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Thanks everyone. Who is ninja? Someone that gives good advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Yeah. I know. Everyone thinks I can do better but the night before I met him I prayed God would find my soulmate soon. I told him that a few weeks after meeting him and he said that he thinks my prayer worked. Even though he did hurt me I believe in my heart that we are meant to be just not right now. Maybe I'm naive. OH PLEASE, stop acting and thinking like a little school girl !!You're a woman now so get a feel of that spine already! Life is not like a Disney movie! My last ex I met him on my way out of church. He ended up being abusive verbally, physically, and a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 i understand life is not disney but i'm staying positive still Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 i understand life is not disney but i'm staying positive still Stay positive all you want but stay NC and start moving forward. You're hopeful and that is why you feel positive and in time that will change. Just no more contact and try to start focusing in other areas of your life. You sound like a teenager/young adult. How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 29. didn't start dating til i was 19. my dad was strict. how do you know being hopeful will change? you don't know that Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 29. didn't start dating til i was 19. my dad was strict. how do you know being hopeful will change? you don't know that Well, that hopefulness you have now stems from this being fresh in your mind and heart. It will change as time and distance separates the two of you and you start to fill your life with other things. At some point you will have to start moving forward and this need to play the lovesick-dependent-weak woman will need to come to a stop. You cannot live your life this way because when you do, you do nothing but stay the perpetual helpless victim and that does nothing for your confidence and your self-worth. The thing is you keep saying he has to see your worth but sadly, YOU don't even see your worth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 it is hard for me to see my worth right now. i will try to move forward. i don't like how some of you think that he won't ask to see me again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 if I do NC is there any chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts