Leigh 87 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Yeah. I know. He also said his friends call him cheap and he doesn't spend a lot on himself. He said he doesn't go overboard with girls because he did in the past and has gotten hurt. He did pay for most of the dates though. We went on about 20 dates in 4 months Stop trying to convince yourself and us that " he DID really like you, he was just busy and casual about women" If he met a girl that knocked his socks off he WOULD NOT hesitate to go overboard. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Any girl would be emotional if a guy wasn't treating her right and the only time I was clingy was when he ignored me. I'm not clingy anymore If someone is going through a hard time, you make it known that you are there for them, and then you have to let them decide if they want to include you in their struggles. It is a hard road to walk. It can be hard to have faith that a person will include you in their life, but a brute force attack won't work. You just have to give them space and continue on with life, and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) He did send me messages all the time even when he was busy. He just didn't make plans when he came back from his business trip. Anytime I would complain that he's not putting in enough effort he said that I didn't understand how stressful his job is and he puts work first no matter how much he likes a girl he puts himself and work first. I told him that I would put him before work and he said I don't understand him. He always said he was thinking of me and asked how i was etc. He always said he liked me just can't give me the time i deserve right now because he has alot going on. I was the one that didn't want to wait. I did give him space and he started talking to me again but never made plans so that's why i told him i'm moving on eventhough it's hard. As I said before it was hard for me to move on so I tried contacting him this week saying sorry I snapped but I was upset with him. I also have told him in the past that I'm always here for him. I have been very patient with him and last weekend I just couldn't take it anymore because I was so sad and hurt. But now I'm just sad and all I wish is he realizes that I am worth spending time with. I miss him. Edited April 13, 2014 by girlygirl8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 I know he probably won't change and if he does talk to me again he probably won't ask to meet and just want to text again. But how do I show him I'm worth his time again? Just living my own life and working on me? Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) He did send me messages all the time even when he was busy. He just didn't make plans when he came back from his business trip. Anytime I would complain that he's not putting in enough effort he said that I didn't understand how stressful his job is and he puts work first no matter how much he likes a girl he puts himself and work first. I told him that I would put him before work and he said I don't understand him. He always said he was thinking of me and asked how i was etc. He always said he liked me just can't give me the time i deserve right now because he has alot going on. I was the one that didn't want to wait. I did give him space and he started talking to me again but never made plans so that's why i told him i'm moving on eventhough it's hard. As I said before it was hard for me to move on so I tried contacting him this week saying sorry I snapped but I was upset with him. I also have told him in the past that I'm always here for him. I have been very patient with him and last weekend I just couldn't take it anymore because I was so sad and hurt. But now I'm just sad and all I wish is he realizes that I am worth spending time with. I miss him. You don't. He's made it abundantly clear - you both have different ways that you see the world, and the importance of relationships. Take what he said on board. He's communicated it pretty clearly. Work is more important than you. You are less of a priority. If you want to be more of a priority, you need to date a man with the same ideas about what is important that you do. Simple. Let him know that you're looking for something more committed, and wish him well. And FYI...love will always work itself out. The dream job though? Not so much - it takes dedication and sacrifice on a level that a relationship doesn't. Personally, I get where he's coming from. If he loves his work, you can't ask him to put it on the backburner for something so intangible as "happily ever after". FYI No. 2: don't complain. Clearly express your frustrations once, listen to their response, and gauge your next move from there. You shouldn't need to complain repeatedly. If they're not interested in hearing your needs and understanding them, and working to a solution you're both happy with (and vice versa), they're not the one for you. Next. Edited April 13, 2014 by pickflicker Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) I know. He said what I stated above before his trip. I just wish he'd realize though that I'm worth his time. He told me while he was gone that when he came back from his trip he'd put me near the top of his priorities. I asked and he said he would. I'm so hurt he lied to me. He knows I'm looking for something more committed. I'm not going to contact him to tell him that or anything. Edited April 13, 2014 by girlygirl8 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I know. He said what I stated above before his trip. I just wish he'd realize though that I'm worth his time. He told me while he was gone that when he came back from his trip he'd put me near the top of his priorities. I asked and he said he would. I'm so hurt he lied to me. He knows I'm looking for something more committed. I'm not going to contact him to tell him that or anything. You can't make him appreciate you, he has to do that all on his own. Don't take it as a reflection on you, take it as a reflection on him. Just leave it. If he wants to see you, he'll make the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Vyliss Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I think what turned him off was the fact that you complained he wasn't asking you out. You also got into fights... Come on you weren't even exclusive. He's not your boyfriend. He doesn't owe you anything. You didn't even sleep together. A guy only does sweet nice things to women they're in a relationship with, he had no obligation to ask you out or stay in regular contact. Why should he? Also, ever thought maybe you could have asked HIM out? Sounds to me like you just liked to complain and that's when he decided it wasn't even worth staying text buddies with you anymore. Next time think about it from the guys point of view and don't expect girlfriend treatment if you're not his gf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 I've asked him out a few times. He got mad that I wanted him to take initiative and I said I like when the guy takes initiative. I know we weren't official but we were going on dates and talking every day so I expected things to progress and I made it clear that we need to see each other more. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I've asked him out a few times. He got mad that I wanted him to take initiative and I said I like when the guy takes initiative. I know we weren't official but we were going on dates and talking every day so I expected things to progress and I made it clear that we need to see each other more. If you've made it clear, and he's not coming to the party, you no longer make it clear. You ask once, you dial back the intensity, and you wait to see if me makes a move. If he doesn't you move on. Look, you need to let a guy set the pace. Us women, sometimes we can be a bit wanting to push things at warp speed. And sometimes, men feed off that, by coming out strong, and then pulling back. The best thing you can do, is mirror his behaviour. You can't TELL him you want him to take the initiative, you just let him, and if he doesn't, you move on. Don't give him all the answers. Let him figure it out for himself. He's smart. Don't push. Just leave it, if he texts you, leave it for a few days and then get back to him, light and non-committal. Mirror. See what happens. You've got to have patience. Just go softly, softly. You can't make all these demands on him and attempt to drive the trajectory. Just go out, do your thing, see your friends, live your life, and trade a few messages with him if you feel like it. Or don't, just move on. But don't try to push him, you'll get nowhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) Ok. Thanks! Sometimes I wouldn't say anything when he wasn't taking initiative and he'd ask why I'm quiet or what's wrong. Whenever I told him he said he thinks I should take initiative and he has gotten hurt in the past when he has taken initiative or he has a lot going on in his life but that he really does like me Edited April 13, 2014 by girlygirl8 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 This isn't going to go anywhere. He doesn't want to see you he just wants you not to see anyone else. Some men like to do this for some reason. They keep in contact just to keep them on your mind. I believe it's an ego thing. He has also said you are crazy so he may just be fascinated by your behaviour wondering what is gonna happen next. That could be why he stills texts you. You're better off not responding to him or just blocking his number. You are not dating nor in a relationship with this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 Ok. He apologized for saying that to me though and he said he felt bad and he didn't mean it Link to post Share on other sites
Vyliss Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 He sounds kind of immature. As for wanting to go slow and allowing the man to set the pace, that's a rather passive approach once again. You don't just wait for a man to do everything or initiate everything. If you want to be seen as a valuable life partner, you have to show you deserve that title by not handing all power over to him. If you want to go faster, ask him out, make more moves, ask for commitment. If he isn't sure and want to go slow, THEN you back off. After you back off, you have to stop investing in him since he has just made himself clear he doesn't want commitment. Everyone progresses through dating at a different speed, why do you have to comply to a man's speed of choice? You don't. That doesn't mean you have to cut him off, it just means you stop investing in him as strongly as before. You have to set your own rules if you want to win. Right now, he's forcing you to play by his rules. His rules benefit him only, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 I know. I have made moves and he goes out when I ask but when I brought up commitment he said I'm going too fast and he said when I bring it up it pushes him away. And ever since I told him I'm moving on he hasn't responded to me. I even told him I was sorry that I just was upset he didn't ask to spend more time with me. He has been ignoring me all week so I'm focusing on me. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 You're wasting your time, OP. Six months and no exclusivity? He isn't making time for you because he doesn't want to. He doesn't make plans because he's not interested in seeing you. Yes, I know it's blunt, but this is ridiculous. You've told him what you want. He's told you what he wants. It's crystal clear you don't want the same things There's no future here, in my opinion. You can't make someone see your worth. You need to accept that and start detaching from him. It's the best thing for you. And please..no more silly pics with passive-aggressive captions. I inwardly cringed when I read that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) He told me he wants a commitment just not right now and he said everytime I bring up a relationship or hanging out it puts pressure on him and makes him take a step back. Out of those six months he knew his work project would take up almost 2 months of him being out of town. He told me a week agk he still likes me just needs time to deal with things and if I don't push him he'll ask. But I'm not sitting around waiting til if/when he decides to see me I'm moving on. Edited April 13, 2014 by girlygirl8 Link to post Share on other sites
Vyliss Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 He wants a commitment, just not with you. Yea, stop waiting around for him. Personally I would be moving on already in my head. Stop expecting messages from him or thinking of what you'll say to him or even thinking about him. He's not worth all the emotional energy you're investing on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) Two weeks ago he said he isn't interested in anyone else only me. I know right now he's upset with me Edited April 13, 2014 by girlygirl8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Ever since he stopped talking to me I've been really sad and I miss him. I want to try contacting him again but I'm scared it will just push him away more. if there is any hope of him talking to me again is the best thing to just do no contact? That's what I did last time and it worked. But this time I'm not ok with just him texting me. I actually want a serious relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 He Is Just NOT into you. He is so not into you. He WILL commit if a girl comes along who knocks his socks off. Wake up to yourself. Stop being delusional. A guy who is nuts about a girl DOES NOT Take 6 months to be exclusive! You seriously have no idea about men. You seem to think that it's normal for a guy to take 6 months to decide if he wants to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Ever since he stopped talking to me I've been really sad and I miss him. I want to try contacting him again but I'm scared it will just push him away more. if there is any hope of him talking to me again is the best thing to just do no contact? That's what I did last time and it worked. But this time I'm not ok with just him texting me. I actually want a serious relationship. Did you tell him that? That you wanted a serious relationship? If you did, and he's not interested, there's nothing more that you can do. It's perfectly acceptable to voice your needs. If the other person isn't interested, then that's fine, that's their choice. But you don't make allowances or excuses for them. You walk away. It sounds like he's not interested. And he's perfectly free to make that choice, and it's not a bad thing. But now you have to make a choice. Do you sit around and pine, or do you pick up and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 He's not like most men. Most men don't travel for six weeks on a work project. I know he was into me or else he wouldn't talk to me for this long Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlygirl8 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 He knew he was traveling so he didn't want to make things official before the work trip. I told him a few weeks ago I want a relationship and he said he does too with me but doesn't want to rush and he's dealing with a lot. I'm the one who said last weekend I'm moving on because I was upset he didn't make plans with me and then he just started ignoring me Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 He knew he was traveling so he didn't want to make things official before the work trip. I told him a few weeks ago I want a relationship and he said he does too with me but doesn't want to rush and he's dealing with a lot. I'm the one who said last weekend I'm moving on because I was upset he didn't make plans with me and then he just started ignoring me He's not into you you OP. A man that is into you wants to see you. And a man that uses the "dealing with a lot" does that as a stall tactic to commit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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